Turning Point

I just did something I thought I wouldn't do. A lot of people I know are getting into it so I thought I'll give it a try. Just a try. Nothing more.

It started out of curiosity. I stepped into this dark room not knowing what to expect. It would be my first experience and I wanted it to be special, extra special. We took it nice and slow but I had no plans of going all the way. Eventually, things started to get a little out of control. My heart started to thump and my hands got cold and sweaty. I thought I was strong enough to resist it. I thought my ideals would keep me grounded. I thought... But I fell for all his sweet words and golden promises!

I just accepted the job offer at Tsukiden as Design Engineer Trainee.

Why?! What were you thinking?! *snicker*

Well, my friends made me realize that I'll be stupid to let this opportunity pass and that it wouldn't hurt if I give it a shot. However, it doesn't follow that I am placing my dreams at the backseat. I just wanna be crystal on that. Everything I said in my previous posts still holds true. I believe that this opportunity will play an important role in preparing me to become what I really want to be. And for now, I'll keep it at that.

So there. My training will start on February 16. That's two weeks from now. Meaning, I only have two weeks left to enjoy my life as a bum! Yikes.

~o0o~

Bought my first ever Neil Gaiman book - Neverwhere. ^_^

Thirst Day

I'm as tired as a horse that ran around the world in 80 days!

Had my panel interview at Tsukiden this morning. I was scheduled at 10:15 and I arrived just a minute earlier. There were some VIP guests so I wasn't interviewed immediately. Which is actually a good thing coz they gave me about an hour to cool down. Ehe.

The interview went fairly well, I guess. Save for the technical questions that caught me off guard. Very simple questions that I should've known the answers to. Grr. My memory has failed me once again. Bleh.

After the interview, I met this guy named Zaldy. He told me how nice it is to work at Tsukiden, the structure of the company, his trips to Japan, etc. I think he's been with the company for 5(?!) years now. After we ate our lunch, I stayed at Powerbooks to kill some time. They were on sale again! Saw a copy of The Sandman Vol. 2 : The Doll's House by Neil Gaiman for 99 pesos! I was about to pay for it when I noticed that some of the pages were torn. Nyeh.

I then headed to Makati for my exam at Accenture. I'm not that familiar with Legazpi Village so I asked my dad for directions. When I got off at Paseo de Roxas, I met this girl named Nenita (or Teresita). She's from Leyte (or Cavite). Hehe! Basta some place far from Manila! She, too, was headed to Libran House and had no idea where it was. "At least if we get lost, we get lost together!" Ehe.

After asking around and walking a couple of blocks, we finally reached the building. We arrived 30 minutes before the scheduled exam. I filled-out an application form and had some small talk with Nenita/Teresita about her current employer.

Nweiz, the exam ran for 2.5 hours. There was a glitch with the system so we took a pen-and-paper exam instead of a computer-based exam. I really dunno how I faired though and I'd rather not get my hopes up.

When I got out of the building, 'twas already dark and a light drizzle was falling. I wasn't able to bring my umbrella with me so I guess... ACHOO! *sniff* There. I have sniffles again. Ugh.

Oh well. My name's written all over my bed now. Goodnight!

Feed Me Right

I thought I had it all figured out. But these people made me think otherwise.

Just arrived from Adam's baptism. Quite a typical name, eh? Wait till I give you his full name. Aceyork Amsterdam "Adam" S. Mendoza! Ehe. Nweiz, Adam is Ate Shirley's first born. He's really really cute and oh soo adorable! so I'll post his picture here soon! ^_^

During the reception, my aunts and uncles talked to me about looking for a company with high-starting salaries, that I should take advantage of the "bling-bling", that opportunities will knock and that I shouldn't settle for less.

Their expectations are so high, it's frightening.

Am I wrong in saying this?
Am I missing out on something far more important?

Well, maybe they were right. Maybe I had it all wrong. That it's not just about doing what I like to do. That work entails sacrifice and it doesn't have to be fun. That I should be practical. That I failed to consider other factors like job security and financial stability.

Then again, maybe they were the ones who failed to consider the most important of all - ME.

Wishful Thinking

"Oh no there you go
Looked away and missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive?"
--- Wishful Thinking, Duncan Sheik

Gone For Gold

Mico: "Ate Kringle, mei nag-text sayo! Parang di totoo! Bagong scam ata!"

"Elo po. Congrats! Gold medalist k po. Twag k daw po s regstrar nxt wik (tue-wed) para s invitation ng parents mo sa bacc mass. Ok? Reply pg nrcv mo. -fac, gc pres."

Yippee!!! Hahaha!!! I'm so soo sooo super happy!!! My face hurts coz I couldn't stop smiling!!! My parents will be proud as hell!!! Hehe!!!

Now I realize that taking a leave wasn't a bad move! Not at all! Coz everything has a purpose! God has a purpose! And now I see the goodness in this and this!

Thank God!!!

Designed to Design

I called off my interview at Antico Manila this morning. Had a change of heart because of the YM conversation I had with Mike last night. But I still pushed through with my interview at Tsukiden. Ms. Melody told me to prepare for the panel interview any time next week coz they might ask me some technical questions.

Ugh. The more I take these technical exams and interviews in programming, the more I realize that I'm really not cut out for it.

No, I don't see myself as a hardcore programmer 5 years from now. No, I don't want to lead a group of design engineer trainees in the future. And there's nothing, NOTHING, to love about programming.

Sure, I can program. But it's not what I wanna do. It's not what I wanna be. I don't wanna get a job just for the sake of having a job, of earning some moolah. I don't wanna dread waking up on a Monday morning. I don't wanna drag myself to work everyday. I may sound too idealistic, and unrealistic, and impractical, and naive. Maybe it's because I am.

I want a job that I love!!!

Whatever happened to this??? And this???

I already know which way to go. I already know what my dream is. I already know where my passion is. But why the hell am I not pursuing it?!

Fucking shoot me!

Welcome To The Jungle

After a month of bumming around and taking a much needed rest, I moved my bakasyonista butt off and started looking for a job.

I took an exam at Antico Manila this morning. I wasn't expecting anything, really, coz I left a couple of questions blank (blame it on the hexadecimals!) and I wasn't able to finish the problem solving part. Actually, I really had a hard time with that part of the exam.

*Q: If you bought 5 apples, 3 oranges, and 8 bananas for $5.99, and then bought 3 apples, 4 oranges, and 2 bananas for $3.99, how much does 1 apple, 1 orange, and 1 banana cost?

A: Uhm, I dunno. And frankly, I don't care.

Hehe! Of course that wasn't the answer I wrote. I just left some of those items blank. Well, not exactly blank blank. Just blank with nothing useful on it. I just copied the given and wrote an equation that led to nothing. Nyaha.

Mom: "Kamusta exam?"
Me: "Ok lang."
Mom: "Anong 'ok lang'?"
Me: "Di ko alam e..."
Mom: "Tumawag dito, pumasa ka na daw."
Me: "Di nga?!"
Mom: "Oo nga."
Me: "Weh??"
Mom: "Ayaw maniwala..."

As Ralph Wiggum would say, "That's unpossible!" Ehe, so I truly passed the exam. Ms. Lara scheduled me for an interview tomorrow at 10am. But I also have an exam with Tsukiden at 8:30am so I asked her if it's possible to reset it on Thursday. And Thursday it is.

*not the actual question

Everything Wrestling

I've been feeling incredibly off lately but I couldn't quite put a finger on why. So when my brother asked me to do a couple of ads, without thinking twice, I sat in front of my PC hoping that it would somehow clear my mind from all the stress and drama that took place days ago. After an hour or so...

...done. And now I'm back in the ring, wrestling with myself again.

A Hero's Fall

Little girls look up to their fathers like heroes. They treat them with utmost love and respect. Some even vow to marry men resembling their fathers.

I used to be that little girl.

Now I look at my dad and I come to realize that my childhood hero has fallen, defeated by his own self. I look at him and I find myself praying that I wouldn't end up with someone like him. I still love and respect him, though. But I'm afraid that it's starting to wither. Slowly. Like a dying rose, one petal at a time.

My mom is hurting so bad because of what my dad had done and is still doing. Many, many little things that may seem insignificant when taken individually but when summed up, can suggest that something's not quite right.

"I don't just think it. I know it coz I feel it.", she said.

And I believe her.

I wanted to hug her and tell her that I love her. That no matter what my dad says and does, she'll always have us, her kids. That if she wants to take some time away from him, I will understand. That I might even go with her. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her but the only words that came out of my mouth were: "Hayaan mo sha."

I'm sorry, mom. I wanna take away your pain but I dunno how.

Take Trust

----_-----: hello
spit_shine20: halo! :D
----_-----: ummh.. wat gawa mo?
spit_shine20: check lng ng mail..
----_-----: honestly... d ako si ******* gf niya ako gamit ko lng ym nya
----_-----: ummh...
spit_shine20: ahh.. hello!
----_-----: hi..............
----_-----: wala kc me magawa gamit ko ym niya.................
spit_shine20: hehe..
----_-----: wat name mo?
spit_shine20: kringle
----_-----: ah ok....
----_-----: gurl k b?
spit_shine20: yep
----_-----: skul mo??
spit_shine20: sa mapua.. pero grad na ko..
----_-----: ohhh.. pano m sya nakilala??..
spit_shine20: ka-org ko xa e..
----_-----: oic.. gtg n po ako
----_-----: tnx sa tym po..:)
spit_shine20: ok cge.. :D
----_-----: take care..
spit_shine20: take trust. ;)

I don't think she was able to read the last line, though. She logged off before I could hit the enter key. Grabe ha. For a second, I felt like a criminal under interrogation. What the hell was she doing with her boyfriend's YM account?! Tsktsk. Trust your boo, girl.

When God Speaks

These past few days, I was in a bit of a quandary. I had an awful lot of questions that needed answers. I felt lost and confused that I needed someone or something to guide me in the right direction. But it wasn't fate that showed me the way, like I thought it would. My faith did.

God spoke to me at church today through our Pastor's preaching.

"What is your dream?"

"What is it that you're passionate about?"

"What is it that God placed in your heart?"

"What is that one thing that you're willing to do even if you're not gonna be paid? That might give you a clue."

It sure did, God. It sure did.

Praise You.

2006 Kicks In

Good thing that most of our neighbors have grown wiser in ushering 2006. Instead of firing firecrackers that could cost them their fingers or eyes, noisy paper trumpets and loud music filled the air. And there's a lot less of that nauseating gunpowder smell. Thank God.

2006 is a year of change for me. This year, I'm about to enter the jungle that is the corporate world. I'm about to embark into a journey where everything is possible yet nothing is certain. I'm now standing on the brink of my future, preparing to take a leap from my comfort zone into a world of the unknown...

Welcome, 2006!

Honestly, I'm not ready for you. Are you ready for me?

Riverbanks Concert

Watched Kitchie Nadal and Cue*eherm*shé at Riverbanks. Kitchie's performance was super boring. Hated the way she sang Eraserhead's "Ligaya". But I still love her for the song "Same Ground" nonetheless.

I admit liking Cueshé when I first heard their song "Stay" on the radio. Now I think Cueshé is nothing but a bunch of clichés. Getting more and more jologs by the minute. Bleh.

"If all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fails
Would you be brave to see right through me?"
--- Same Ground, Kitchie Nadal

Maktub: It Is Written

I've been in school for sixteen years. Sixteen years of acquiring knowledge and studying my ass off to get good grades. Sixteen long years of teachers, classmates, books, projects, and homeworks. When you stop going to school, where do you go?

It got me thinking about what I really want to do, what I want to accomplish, and what I want to be.

What does the world hold for me? Where is the right path? How will I decide?

Questions, questions, and more questions. For now, I don't have any answers. Or maybe, I'm not asking the right questions.

~o0o~

I've just finished reading The Alchemist and how I wish I could understand the language of the world and recognize the omens, if there's really such a thing. How I wish I know how to listen to my heart's voice and realize its dreams. I have this belief that I am in control of my life, that I am the only person sitting behind the wheel, steering it in the direction I want to go in. But I also want to believe that the world is working to move me in the direction of my personal legend. I need all the guidance that I could get coz I'm sure as hell that this is not going to be a smooth drive. I want to believe that the universe conspires with the dreamer, that fate will show me the way and that one day, I will become... my dream.

~o0o~

Already got my graduation pictures on CD. Wow. Graduate na pala talaga ako...

Viva La Bum

Been sleeping a lot lately. And I mean, A LOT. I hit the sack at around 11pm, wake up at 7am to surf for free, get back to sleep at 8:30, wake up at 12 just to eat my lunch, take a bath, read a book till I fall asleep, get up for dinner, watch some TV, surf a little, read a little, then I'm dead again. Nyaha.

~o0o~

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

I'm done reading The Catcher in the Rye. It's a classic book and all but boy was it crazy as hell. Funny coz after reading it, I can't help but adopt Holden Caulfield's voice in my writing. Now ain't that grand? Grand. God, I hate that word. Grand. It's the phoniest word ever. I could puke everytime I hear it. Hehe. ;)

Next stop: The Alchemist

YEHEY! Xmas Party

Just came home from YEHEY!'s Christmas party. I'm still feeling a little tipsy from all the booze I drank and words seem scarce so I'll just let these photos talk.

For the kris kringle, I would like to thank Yel for being my sponsor for tonight. Hehe. I wasn't able to receive my first choice on my wishlist, which is an electric-guitar-shaped sling bag, but I understand my "mommy" coz I dunno where I could buy one either. What I got is this book called "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" by Mark Haddon, which is second on my wishlist. Yay! ^_^

On our way home, I realized that I'm gonna miss a lotta things din pala.

I'm gonna miss saying, "Sa Podium lng po..." to the FX driver.
I'm gonna miss the pretty Christmas trees at Discovery's lobby.
I'm gonna miss the waterfalls on the wall.
I'm gonna miss riding the elevator up to the 38th floor.
I'm gonna miss arriving at 10am when I should've arrived an hour earlier.
I'm gonna miss signing the log sheet and writing 9:30 anyway.
I'm gonna miss Ate Nerie's pangungulit.
I'm gonna miss the uber fast internet access.
I'm gonna miss updating the movie guide on Wednesdays and Fridays.
I'm gonna miss populating the Gadgets channel.
I'm gonna miss designing frontdoor images for YEHEY!eCards.
I'm gonna miss encoding the internet cafe information sheets.
I'm gonna miss wrapping gifts and tying ribbons.
I'm gonna miss Manang, or Buchoy, or Buchok, or "Justin" or whatever his name is.
I'm gonna miss the YEHEY! people.

Yeah, the people. Those who've been super nice right from the start and even those who HAD to be nice just because. *Sigh* Am sure gonna miss this whole OJT thing as hell. Ugh. What a sap I am. Oh well. Time to hit the sack!

Oh, I almost forgot. I saw something that I shouldn't have seen. My parents were... well, uhm... you know what I mean. I'm out. -_- ZZzzzzz...

Over And Done With

My blogging took a back seat for a month because I was super busy with my OJT, schoolwork, and all. I always arrive tired and sleepy. And I didn't feel like I had much to blog about anyway. But now that I'm done with my OJT and school's over, I'm back. At long last, I'm back.

Today's our last day at YEHEY! and as a sign of our gratitude, we bought 'em a bilao of pancit palabok from Red Ribbon and puto from Goldilock's. Ms. Elaine gave us a YEHEY! tumbler, which reminds me of the gift wrapping sessions we had as factory workers, este... interns (think boxes and boxes and boxes of pens, thumbdrives and tumblers.. >_<), and a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory VCD and notebook! Jinky Vidal's there having this chat event but we weren't able to meet her, let alone see her, coz we were in a rush to submit our final drafts to Ma'am Roda. Besides, I've already seen her perform during her Freestyle days and I'm not into her music as a solo artist anyway.

We reached school at around 5pm. They weren't able to submit their paper coz there was this Christmas party at the library. Thank God I printed mine at home. I just had to talk my way out of the screenshot pages that I lacked. Other than that, everything's cool. Hai salamat. I can finally kick back and stock up on all the zzz's that I missed!

It's Been 3 Years...

Yeah, someday.

God, I miss him sooo much. T_T

I Blog Therefore I Am

Attended a Focus Group Discussion for YEHEY! held at the Equitable PCI Bank tower in Ortigas. Too bad Yel and Ruiza weren't able to come. I also invited Roxie and Ogie but they had other matters to attend to. And I just realized that we won't fall under the same category anyway. "Young Professionals" na sila e. Naks! ;) Sayang. Nweiz, 'twas nice meeting new people and discussing the Internet with them. When asked what would make me visit YEHEY! more often, I said something about offering its users something new. "Like what?" I really had no idea. But now I do. Basta it's something blog-related.

Ha?! Blog na naman?! Mukha ka na talagang blog!

*Sigh* I told myself before that I would never go with what's uso. That I would always swim against the flow no matter how strong the current is. Well, that explains why I never signed up for a Friendster account. Call me abnormal, call me anti-social, call me whatever you want. Basta. But I stalk. I stalk a lot. ^_^

Then there's blogging. This part of the Web used to be so quiet when I entered. Now more and more people are taking a part of their privacy and are allowing the public to take a bite. And the evil spambots, who used to be confined inside my mailbox, have invaded Blogger too! It really must be the "in" thing now. But instead of swimming against the flow, like I normally do, this time I simply stayed afloat. I worked with the current and I allowed myself to become one with it. There were times that I thought of leaving the blogging community but when something "bloggable" happens, I always end up in front of my PC with thoughts darting from one experience to another in sheer delight. Nyaha. Looks like there's no letting go of my personal catharsis.

Nweiz, what I'm trying to say is that a lot of people are into blogging nowadays. A lot of people are making their private lives part of the public domain. And a lot of people, human nature as it is, enjoy delving into other people's private lives as well. So why not strike whilst the iron is hot?!

Speaking of which, YEHEY! gave out freebies for the FGD participants. I got myself a YEHEY! shirt, stickers, Php500 worth of Little Asia GC, Before Sunset postcards, and Orange and Lemons' "Strike Whilst The Iron Is Hot" CD! Coolness. ^_^

Empty [V] Debut

Cigarette Burns

It's times like these that I find myself wishing I never met you. That I never became friends with you. That I never became more.

We started out as friends, really good friends. We had each other to lighten our burdens. We carry half of each other's load. Your problem becomes my problem and vice versa.

Me: "Sayo ung numbers 1-10, akin ung 11-20."

Hehe! Well, that's not exactly what I meant, though it did happen once or twice. ;) Actually, 'twas more of uhm, sharing problems regarding our families, our friends, and our lives at large. There's no denying that what we had was something special. But you were with someone then so we both decided to just keep the friendship. I didn't know that you were arguing with her a lot because of it, because of us. Not until I received an email from her.

" ... TANGINA MO! MAAYOS NA KME E! BKT MO B KME GINUGULO? ... PLS. LANG TIGILAN MO NA KME! TANGINA MO TALAGA! ..."

After that incident, with just a snap of a finger, we stopped communicating. Just like that. Then we saw each other at Gateway three years after. 'Twas one of those awkward meetings that we felt like there's a lot to talk about but we both didn't know where to begin. You were with her pa.

Girl: "WAW!!! Kringle!!! Ang saya ko nakita ka namin!!!"

Her words were burning with sarcasm. She wanted me away. And it doesn't take a Promil kid to figure that one out.

Me: "Hocge, una na ko. Mei hinahabol pa kc ako e."

But the world seemed so small for the three of us. We saw each other again at LRT Santolan station. But this time, I ignored you on purpose. Not because I was mad but because I felt that 'twas the right thing to do. I really didn't want to but I had to. We walked past each other like we're not even friends. I felt happy for a moment thinking that I did the right thing. But you know what? Deep down inside, I ached.

Back To Square One

After almost 5 years of use, my PC just gave up on me. That's 800+ MP3 files, 12 music videos, 600+ fonts, 500+ Eminem photos, down the drain. ARGH!!! How I wish I could call a plumber on this one. :(

It's A Yehey! Birthday

Actually, not quite.

I started the day reading birthday greetings from my friends, cousins, and a couple of unexpected persons. Then my parents woke up and greeted me as well.

Papa: "O, bakit matamlay ang celebrant?!"
Me: "First day ko kaya sa OJT ngayon."
Papa: "E di wag ka muna pumasok!"
Me: "Ngak! Di pwede noh. Nakakahiya."

The thought of being surrounded with people who have no idea that I'm celebrating a special day today is just sad. But I don't wanna miss my first day of OJT with the company so I found myself dragging my feet out of the house a quarter before 8. Contrary to what I expected, Junction wasn't that congested and I was able to ride an FX right away.

And I thought I was lucky.

Wrong!

Coz an MMDA officer suddenly appeared out of nowhere!

FX driver: "Naku boss, paxenxa na. Hindi ko talaga alam e. 8 months na kc ako di buma-biyahe e. Paxenxa na talaga."
MMDA: "Hindi kc pdeng ganon e. Hindi alam, hindi nakita, laging mei rason. Paxenxa na lang din kau."

After 15 minutes, the MMDA officer finally allowed us to go.

And I thought it was over.

Wrong again!

We were about to enter Ortigas Center when the engine died. The driver would crank up the engine, have it running again but it would only last for 7 seconds! I swear! I counted! Grabe. It took me forever to reach Podium! And it rained pa! *Sigh* The Gods really ganged up on me this day. Happy birthday talaga sakin! >_< Peach: "Carlo Aquino, willing magpakita ng pwet?!"
John: "What?!?! Parang sinabi mo na ring magb-bold ang Going Bulilit!!!"

WAHAHAHAHA!!!!

When I got home, dinner was set and they were just waiting for me. My mom cooked spaghetti, chicken, waknatoy, rellenong bangus, and baked tahong. For dessert, I had a strawberry cheesecake topped with vanilla ice cream topped with chunks of Snickers topped with chocolate syrup! Now it feels like my stomach is starting to crawl its way up my gullet!

Grabe. I'm now 20 years old! That's two decades of living and of taking up space in this overpopulated world! I really am no longer a teen! Oh well. My eyes are closing on me now. Must go to sleep. -_-

Centennial Rock

Just got home from St. Scho-Manila's "Centennial Rock" - a rockin' celebration of St. Scholastica's 100 years! There were eight bands lined-up to play for the event. First on stage was a band composed of koolasas, followed by a band named Protein Shake. After their Dance club set the stage on fire, Hiraya took the stage to cool it off a little. Ala's a lot prettier and skinnier in person but she seemed kinda shy onstage, which is unlikely of her with all the fame that she has being an ex-VJ-slash-commercial-model. She could've at least started their set with "Happy 100 years St. Scho!!!" or something like that to connect with her audience. No wonder the crowd wasn't that into their performance. They have great songs though and Ala has a nice singing voice so I'm still gonna vote for them in NU's Rock Awards for "In the Raw".

As the night wore on, Nerveline played just before the crowd-favorite, pogi-rock-band (no pun intended), Sponge Cola rocked the stage. The moment Yael took hold of the mic, the crowd went wild! Think hundreds of crazy fan girls screaming their heads off, going nuts over the guys, singing "KLSP", "Gemini" and "Jeepney" word for word like it's a friggin' videoke session and consequently drowning Yael's voice. In one word: GRABE. But I must say, he is really one helluva hot guy!


Next on stage was Imago. I really REALLY enjoyed watching Aia perform. Especially when they did "Anino". Ang likot-likot-likot niya sa stage! And I just discovered that she's a koolasa! "Happy 100 years sa atin!!!" Astig. When she started singing "Taning", I couldn't help but notice these koolasa lovebirds in front of me who were hugging each other a little tighter. Why? "Tama bang aminin na nating may taning itong pag-ibig natin? Dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit sa bulag na pag-ibig..." That's why. ^_^

6cyclemind began their set with "You and Me" by Lifehouse. If not for Ney's voice, I would think that the band had a new vocalist on board coz he sure had lost a lot of weight. Well, that is compared to the last time I've seen him, which was uhm... two years ago? Nweiz, they also performed two of their original songs - "Biglaan" and "Sige". I'm not a big fan of the band but I must say that most of their songs, especially "Biglaan", hit close to home. Coz when you... ugh. Never mind. I'm gonna spare you the drama.

Last to hit the stage was Dicta License. Since I'm only familiar with the song "Ang Ating Araw", I didn't really enjoy their set. Actually, I felt like I was the only one who didn't enjoy their set coz everyone else seemed so hyped up. I dunno. Perhaps I was just too exhausted to appreciate their music, let alone Poch's high-pitched voice.

As I was preparing myself to go home, I saw my Reading teacher in 3rd grade, Ms. Aquino. I was a little hesitant at first but when I was reminded of my last visit at St. Scho, when I wanted to see my former teachers but didn't, I immediately dropped every bit of hesitance and decided to strike up a conversation.

Me: "Ma'am, dito na po pala kau nagtuturo. Naging student nio po ko dati sa Marikina..."
Ms. Aquino: "Kaya pala you look familiar! Buti naman naalala mo pa ko."
Me: "Ehe, xempre naman po."
Ms. Aquino: "What year kita naging student?"
Me: "Super tagal na.. grade 3 or 4 pa ata ako. Super tagal na talaga."
Ms. Aquino: "Honga, those were my first years in teaching pa! Tanda ko na!"
Me: "Ehe, di nga po kau nagbago e!"
Ms. Aquino: "Wow, thank you! Sige nga, anong subject ang tinuro ko non?"
Me: "Uhm..."
Ms. Aquino: "Naku, nakalimutan na!"
Me: "E bsta English subject xa.."
Ms. Aquino: "Ayun.. Reading and Language!"
Me: "Tama, yun nga yun!"
Ms. Aquino: "So san ka na ngayon?"

Except for some visible strands of white hair, she looked exactly the same as before. As if 10 years haven't made that big of a difference on her. I wonder what her secret is. Uhm, stay single? Oh well. 'Twas such a nice way to end a kick ass night! \m/

"Nauubos din ang luha
Natutuyo at nawawala
Naglalaho rin pala"
--- KLSP, Sponge Cola

OJT Hunt Over

We were scheduled for an interview this morning at YEHEY! Corporation for our OJT applications. Actually, 'twas more of an orientation than it is an interview. Ms. Elaine and Ms. Kankan were the ones who did most of the talking. According to them, we're gonna work on the new YEHEY! channel called Gadgets (which is yet to be launched), update the movie guide, and do flash banners. They have various events lined up for October and November so we're also gonna do some field work. No allowance for us, though. Except if we're on field. Bleh. >_<

Nweiz, with or without an allowance, what's important is that we now have a company for our OJT and we could start accomplishing the requirements needed for the course.

And I say "Yehey!" to that! ^_^

Ohana Means Family

I think it's funny how cartoons can stick a knife in my gut without me realizing that I'm bleeding all over the place.

Lilo: "Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind. But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves."

Today is the third time that I've watched Lilo and Stitch but this painfully beautiful line delivered by Lilo while Stitch is walking away from her has never failed to put an ugly lump in my throat. And I need not say why.

Old Photographs

I was helping my brother out on his autobiography presentation when we started looking through stacks and stacks of old photographs. Picked out some of my favorite shots and made a collage out of it. Lookie!

OJT Hunt II

Yel and Ruiza submitted our résumés at Citibank and People Support in Makati. I'm supposed to meet them at Megamall by 10am to continue our OJT hunt in Ortigas. But before heading to Megamall, I had to drop by Landbank to deposit my payment for Sophie's World. I thought I'll be done in 15 minutes but my estimation turned out to be a little far-fetched. I made them wait for more than an hour. Shame on me. >_<

Nweiz, we submitted our résumés at Yehey.com, IWBCorp, and iGen Portal. And just a couple of hours later, we received a text message from iGen Portal asking us to drop by their office tomorrow at 10am for an interview. Yel called the company and found out that they don't provide trainees with allowance. Argh! I think we should start considering other companies regardless of whether they give out some moolah or not. Coz this whole search for an allowance-providing company is getting us nowhere. But then again, when I start thinking about Christmas...

Jumpstart Thy Morning

I hate it when my mom nags about nothing but our problems. And in the morning to boot! It's such an awful way to jumpstart our morning. It makes us all so depressed and cheesed off.

I understand that we should face the problem. But what I don't understand is why we have to be enslaved by it. Why we have to worry about it every waking moment of our lives. Why can't we just smile and recognize the value of what we have? Like hey, we're all together and complete and thank God we're all in good health. I mean, isn't that more important? For once, I wanna spend a day with my parents without hearing any complaints coz it's really getting on my nerves and it does zilch for us anyway. Just once. Please. It's not running away. Just asking for a break. That's all. A break.

Bugoy King

You may have enjoyed playing king or queen over this creepy chicken.

DANCE!!!	CARTWHEELS!!!
PLAY DEAD!!!	STRIP OFF!!!

Now challenge Lord Vader as he reads your mind with his Sith sense.

"This is a battle of wits, and clearly you are unarmed."

Lucky Me

Got a call from MTV asking me to drop by their office on Friday to claim my Gwen Stefani "Love Angel Music Baby" CD. Hmm, I think I'mma push my luck a little further and hand them my résumé as well.

OJT Hunt

Ramnel and I went to GXS and Megaworld to submit our résumés for our OJT application. Then, he accompanied me at Level-Up where I had my first interview right after I've submitted my résumé.

I'm really crossing my fingers for an OJT with GXS mainly because they provide trainees with Php200 daily allowance and because it is located inside the classiness of the RCBC Building.

I'm having second thoughts with Level-Up because of the arrangement that Ma'am Christine told me. According to her, OJT slots for the IT Department are already filled up but she can put me in the Accounting Department or the Logistics Department and the certification would still indicate that I was with the IT Department. Not bad for Php100 but not really ok since it would defeat the purpose of having an OJT.

Though I'm not sure if I'll earn some moolah with Megaworld, the good thing about the company aside from its SVP being my dad's friend and the certification-even-without-attendance offer, which I am likely to decline, is that it's just a stone's throw away from school. As Ramnel puts it, "Konting unat lang nasa Mapúa ka na."

Oh well. For now, I just have to wait for the first company that will give me a ring.

Third World War

My parents told me not to mention anything about it to my uncle. I really tried not to. But I failed.

Tito Arnel: "Not that I'm eavesdropping or something. Na-overhear ko yung conversation niyo e. I want you to be straight with me."

Did I have a choice? He said he already heard everything so what's left to hide? Damn. With the look on his face, I bet I've just driven him around the bend. This is, undoubtedly, the beginning of the third world war. So deadly that it would wipe out half of the islands in the Pacific, plus a forth of the planet uninhabitable. And here I am, caught in the middle.

I think I should pack my bags and move to Timbuktu.

Waves Of Nostalgia

I accompanied my mom at St. Scho this morning to submit her proposal letter. Waves of nostalgia washed over me as I walked through the halls of my old school, the same halls that saw me grow up for 8 years. Long forgotten incidents resurfaced and phantoms of youthful escapades leaped out from behind every shrub on campus. I caught a glimpse of the playground and recalled the afternoons spent at the swing with my servicemates waiting for our service to arrive. When I turned to my left, I saw the grass area where I got myself injured for kicking the ball a little too hard. Then, there's the chapel where I said my morning prayers with Jong. The clinic that nursed me and gave me an awful lot of ammonia when I fainted. Then I saw my classroom when I was in my senior year and I felt my insides tighten a little for it produced a lot of powerful memories. Oh well. Too bad I wasn't able to see any of my former teachers. I was planning to say my thank you's sana.

Did I mention that I was in and out of the campus in less than 5 minutes? Just imagine what could've happened if I stayed a little longer.

Books 4 Less

Thanks to Ebay I now have the following titles on my shelf:

• Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt
• The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
• The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
• The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
• The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason
• Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding

'P' Is For...

Went to myMapúa to view my grade in our thesis. Instead of seeing a number, I saw this instead: 'P'. Since 'twas my first encounter with the "P grade", I had no idea of its real meaning. One possible meaning is that we 'PASSED' our thesis subject. Or it could also mean that our grade is still 'PENDING' since 'twas only this morning that we submitted all the requirements. I checked on my curriculum and found out that the status of my CSTHES213 subject is "Not Taken". HOLY COW. I immediately asked Ramnel to call or text me his username and password to see if it's the same for him. Not hearing from Ramnel, I called Roxie and asked her if she knows his log-in info. Failing both attempts to access his account, I went online and asked Eli his grade. He said that his is 'C', which means 'COMPLETION'. Then, he told me that the others who already passed also received a grade of 'P'. Hai salamat. I thought we 'PAILED'.

Pity Me? Pity You.

So. I heard you feel sorry for me. And why is that?
Coz I'm living a miserable life?
Am I?
Coz the only person I loved left me for another?
Is that it?
Coz you think that I am such a loser?
Do you really think so?

For your information, I'M DOING JUST FINE. Never better, actually. No thanks to your "honest-to-goodness" act of sympathy. Yes, I WAS sad and I WAS in pain. But I was NEVER miserable. Afterall, my world doesn't revolve on his ass or any other man's ass. I myself am complete. I don't need another person to fill me in. I don't throw myself to other people just to gain "admirers". And if you think that I AM the loser, think again.

Tsktsk. Go on. Feed your hungry ego until it consumes you.

And don't pity me. Pity yourself.

So Long And Goodnight

Just because I've been seeing and hearing a lot of Helena lately...

"And what's the worst you take
From every heart you break
And like the blade you stain
Well I've been holding on tonight"
--- Helena, My Chemical Romance

Life After Death

Last Wednesday, Tita Roan and her husband went to the bank to withdraw some cash. Their daughter Erika was with them. Not far from the bank, four armed men in motorcycles got in their way and announced a stickup. They gave them the money for hopes that they would spare them the bullets. But these men were indeed heartless. After they got hold of the money, a barrage of bullets soared through the air. Tita's Roan's husband was shot in the legs. Their 2-year-old daughter, in the head.

I dunno what exactly is my relationship with Erika. All I know is that she is a distant relative. But still. The pain and the loss was felt. *Sigh* She was just too young to die.

But as they say, when people die, new people are born to take their place.

Yesterday, a new life was born. My cousin, Ate Shirley, gave birth to a bouncing baby boy! Heard that the doctors and nurses are still scrambling around trying to catch him. Congratulations! ^_^

---

This candle, I light for Erika. May God bless and grant eternal repose to her soul.

Thesis The Moment

Before heading to school, I dropped by Robinson's and bought solo pizzas for our panelists and adviser. 'Twas raining really hard so commuting with 5 boxes of pizza, 5 bottles of C2, 4 framed certificates, and a poster, while in business attire, was a real pickle. Too bad my dad wasn't around to drive me to school. Bleh.

We had our defense scheduled at 1:30 and I arrived at exactly 1:13pm. There were still a couple of groups before us so we had to wait for our turn until 3 o'clock. My dream team of panelists got disbanded. Ma'am Barral was nowhere to be found and Sir Jayson had a defense scheduled for his class. Sir Joel told us that he'll take the place of Ma'am Barral and we just have to look for one more panelist. We went to the faculty room but the only faculty member there was Ma'am Abisado. After what she did last term?! HELL NO. Sir Isip told Ramnel to talk to Ma'am Angel instead. And being the angel that she is, sans the halo and the wings, she willingly gave us an hour of her time.

So here's the new line-up:
1. Sir Niño Virtusio (forward)
2. Sir Joel de Goma (guard)
3. Ma'am Angel Montales (center)

Still a dream team, eh? Well, to cut the long story short, our defense went just fine. After a little questioning, they just gave us some minor additions, and that's it. No need for oil and onions! ^_^

One Bad Trip

After I spent too much moolah in printing our thesis document and leaflets in an internet cafe, our printer is now working just fine.

Not funny at all.

Losing Ink

I had my cartridge refilled this afternoon yesterday. And it's just now that I realized that there's something wrong with it. NOW that I'm gonna print the document needed for tomorrow. Err, later.

ARGH!!! I feel so fuckin' stupid! Why didn't I check it earlier?! Why didn't I check it the moment I arrived home?! WHY JUST NOW?! Now that it's past 1 in the morning?! ARGH!!!

*Sigh* It appears that 10 chip contacts are missing in the cartridge that's why the printer couldn't recognize it. Now I have no choice but to have it printed in an internet cafe and have it photocopied first thing in the morning. I bet it'll cost me an arm and a leg. *Sigh*

Problem is, I won't be able to see Ma'am Balilo at 9. I better tell Ramnel about it.

Big Fat Liar

I thought classes are gonna be suspended today so I just slept the entire morning and got up just in time for lunch. While I was stuffing myself with food, I received a text message from Ma'am Balilo.

"Please gve mr. De goma and all ur panelists a copy of ur final paper TODAY. See me tom 9am at d faculty room."

I almost choked on a mouthful of Sisig.

"Ma'am d po kme mkkpsok ngyn dhl s transport stryk. Dpt po tlga pu2nta kme skul kso po wla po tlga mskyan. Bka po pde 2m mrning n lng po..."

To some extent, true. There was really a transport strike, we were really planning to go to school and Ramnel was really stranded. But I wasn't. Truth is, I haven't printed everything yet coz I haven't refilled my colored cartridge and we still have to consult our technical adviser. No, I wasn't lazy. ^_^

Her reply: "OK"

So shoot me.

Same Script, Different Cast

I understand that I'm not in the right position to question your actions coz I know a little about what's happening. But based on what I know, I can say that you're at it again. Please. Whatever it is that you're doing, drop it. Be content with what you have. Don't deprive others of their happiness. Don't kill the love in their hearts. For once, learn how to be happy for others.

~o0o~

God, I pray for my friend. Please be nice to her. Don't let anyone stand between them. I pray that hearts won't be broken and tears won't be shed. I don't want love to fail on her. Like it did with me.

To Err Is Human

My lola is in my room now, bitching about the mistakes and the crooked beliefs of my parents, particularly my dad. Mostly regarding things that happened in the past. Though I've heard it countless times, I still force myself to listen. Simply because I respect her and I don't want her to feel ignored. But it gets irritating at times. And hurtful. Coz these are my parents we are talking about here. I hope she realizes that every cut that her words inflict in them, she unconsciously inflicts in me. And I just don't see the point in raking over the ashes. For me, whatever occurred in the past must stay in the past. We can't change it anyway. So what's the use? My dad may have screwed up, but isn't it normal? What's important is that he learned from his mistakes and he strived to become a better man. I just hate how she magnifies my dad's shortcomings and ignores the good things that he did for them. Hai. But don't get me wrong. Coz I still love my lola. As much as I love my parents.

Lola: "Puro yabang lang kasi ang daddy mo. Hindi porket matalino sha..."
Me: *shrug*

Lola: "Positive thinking? Di naman ako naniniwala..."
Me: *shrug*

Lola: "Ewan ko ba sa mommy nio! Andaming nanligaw sa kanyang iba..."
Me: *shrug*

That's all I can do. Shrug things off.

Time Wars

Me: "What time is it?"
Computer: "The time is 11:17pm."
Wall clock#1: "Wrong! It's already 11:46pm!"
Wall clock#2: "Nuh-uh! You're both wrong! It's 11:30!"
Hype: "Eleven. No more, no less."
Wall clock#3: "Duh. No wonder you're always late. It's 11:57!"
Watch: "Would you guys just shut up? It's 11:55 for Pete's sake!"
Cellphone: "No, you shut up! It's 11:34! And who's Pete anyway?"
RPN 9: "I really hate to argue but believe me when I tell you this. It's 11:26pm."

I wonder who's telling the truth.

Crank It Up!

Today, I decided to crank up my Photoshop so I spent the entire day working on the poster and leaflet needed for our defense.

Hmm, guess I'm not very rusty afterall! ^_^

Scratching The Itch

Woke up at around 7am. Shook off the cobwebs of sleep for 15 minutes more before I finally got up. I was supposed to accomplish the forms needed for our thesis defense but since it's a holiday, I'm gonna shelve it for tomorrow. I just started working on our document but there are still three chapters that I wasn't able to finalize. Not without the PHP files and the database. I texted Ramnel three times to email me the files as soon as possible but not even once did he reply.

I started scratching the itch, that is reading Five People, right after I took my lunch. Stopping just to check my mailbox for hopes of receiving an email from him. Six hours later and I'm done with the book. But still no email. I wonder why.

Nweiz, after finishing the book, it got me thinking about this concept of heaven where you meet five people who have affected your life or whose life you've affected, in one way or another. They bring you back to the moment your paths crossed, reliving not just the environment but as well as the emotions that came with it. They answer your questions about life - why you lived and what you lived for. For a while, they become your teachers. The catch is, you can't choose who your five people would be. He may be an enemy, an old flame, a friend, a stranger. Anyone.

If this is what heaven is, I wonder who my five people would be.

Skewed Priorities

"This is a story about a man named Eddie and it begins at the end, with Eddie dying in the sun. It might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time."

Finally got my hands on Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I was planning to delay my purchase for next week coz I set my priorities a bit skewed. But Good Lord, Powerbooks was on sale! Now that's something I just can't resist.

Because I still have a thesis document to work on, I'm currently restraining myself from scratching the itch to leaf through its pages. Well, not until I'm done with everything.

Must. Tie. Hands. On keyboard.
Must. Set. Priorities. Straight.

Body Bumping

I got an overdose of body bumping tonight. No, not THAT kind of body bumping, you sick pervert! What I mean is that I bumped into a couple of people I know and hell, I even watched a movie involving a lot of bumping bodies! For a game of football, that is.

Well, The Longest Yard was a typical Adam Sandler movie. Enjoyable for what it is. But I could've gotten my money's worth if I watched Valiant instead. I dunno. Maybe I just failed to go where the movie wanted to take me. Or maybe a monotonous and semi-serious Adam Sandler no longer works for me. God, am I really getting old?

On my way home, I bumped into my highschool kabarkada, Jonah. She introduced me to her friend. Naturally, I forgot her name 5 seconds later. Yes, that's how much I suck at remembering names. I also bumped into Tito Bert and some koolasas who were former ODESCI members, I think.

Still unsatisfied with all the body bumpings that took place, I went to Eureka and rode a bump car! For real? Nah. I just made that one up, of course. ;)

Reality Check

As a kid, I wanted to become a doctor. When asked why, I answer with "Because I want to cure the sick." *snicker* I know. It's very Little Miss Philippines.

When I entered highschool, I got glued to the boob tube watching Ally McBeal. And just like any other Ally McBeal fan, I wanted to become just like her - a lawyer.

During my sophomore year, I started writing. From prose to poetry, eulogies to character sketches. Mostly creative than technical. I received a couple of flattering remarks from people. So, I wanted to become a writer.

Come 4th year highschool, I was rushed to come to a decision. College entrance exams were getting us all hyped up. So I started to think. Really think.

Taking up Medicine would mean 5 long years of studying. Though I knew those years would pay off since my earnings would be grand, having someone's life in my hands was too much of a responsibility for me to handle.

So much for becoming a doctor.

Taking up Law, on the other hand, sounded suicidal to me. Though I would love to be Ally McBeal, I know I couldn't be her. Not even close. I mean, how on earth can I defend my client when I can't even win my own arguments?!

So much for becoming a lawyer.

Taking up Journalism was way off my parents' expectations. I think it was too mediocre for them. 'Twas like, "Hey, I can write!" "Yeah, so can everybody else." Or maybe because writing does not pay. I dunno. As a result, my love for words was consumed by my lack of confidence in my writing.

So much for becoming a writer.

I dunno how but I ended up taking Computer Science. I tried to understand how computers work and learn different computer languages. Since I'm also into computers, it wasn't too difficult for me. I got good grades but somewhere along the way, I felt like it's not what I wanna do for a living. But I didn't have the courage to take the U-turn. Hell, in less than 4 months, I'm done with this course. Who knows where I'll be then?

Mico: "Computer Scientist ka! Hindi ka writer!"

To hell with that! I am a writer! I write... programs.

My Anti-Drug

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¨¨°º©o¿,,¿o©º°¨¨°º© Silent Scream ©º°¨¨°º©o¿,,¿o©º°¨¨

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A Taste Of Heaven

Toni Rose Gayda gave her testimony at church today. She talked about her once shitty relationship with her husband, her son's multiple scoliosis, how she fucked up on booze and drugs, how she found God and how she recovered from all the shit she's been in. I always find it uplifting to hear such testimonies. They remind me of the things I take for granted. They remind me to count my blessings and be thankful. And most importantly, they remind me that there is a God.

Talking about dope addicts, I bought this red spiral notebook otherwise known as the Kurt Cobain Journals. That would be 286 pages filled with his sketches, poetry, rants, video concepts, song lyrics and letters on draft, and other pieces of writing. Funny how the journal opens with "Don't read my diary when I'm gone." Well, so much for that request.

Peek into his thoughts...

I thought I would let the world know how much I love them people. I thought I would make art try to create something that I would personally like to listen to. Because a very large portion of the this worlds art sucks beyond description. ... I guess in a way anyone with enough ambition to create and not take away is someone who deserves respect. ... On second thought I thought I would maybe I just tried to let the world know how much I love myself. Like a hypocritte in a hippie crypt. I hate myself and I want to die. Leave me alone.

His feelings...

Courtney, when I say I love you I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever ever come close to intimidating persuading, etc me into thinking otherwise. I wear you on my sleeve. I spread you out wide open with the wing span of a peacock. Yet all too often with the attention span of a bullet to the head. ... you've taught me it's ok to be a man and in the classic mans world I parade you around proudly like the ring on my finger which also holds no other mineral. Love, Kurt.

His addiction...

Ive been taking a lot of drugs lately. It might be time for the Betty Ford Clinic or the Richard Nixon Library to save me from abusing my enemic, rodent-like body any longer. I cant wait to be back at home (wherever that is) in bed, neurotic and malnourished and complaining how the "weather sucks". And its the whole reason for my misery. I miss you, Bikini Kill.

And his disease...

I decided to use heroine in a daily basis because of an ongoing stomach ailment that I had been suffering from the past five years had literally taken me to the point of wanting to kill myself. For five years every single day of my life. Everytime I swallowed a piece of food I would experience an excruciating burning nauseaus pain in the upper part of my stomach lining. ... We had to cancel a few shows because the pain left me immobile doubled up on the bathroom floor vomiting water and blood. ... I instantly regained that familiar burning nausea and decided to either kill myself or to stop the pain. I bought a gun but chose drugs instead.

Behind the lousy handwriting, the missing punctuations, and the misspelled words lies the heart of a true rock star.

Kurt Cobain
1967-1994

"I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good"
--- You Know You're Right, Nirvana

Go Bloggy, It's Your Birthday!

...we gonna party like it's your birthday!

Yippee! My blog is officially one year old! I now have a year where I could look back at my experiences, some of which caused me to shed a tear or two, and some caused me to have hysterics. A year of my adventures and misadventures with friends. A year of my sporadic ranting and rambling about things. All that and more, in black and white.

Today, I took time and dug deep into my archives to find the laughters, the tears, the valor, the fears, the strengths, the weaknesses, and everything else stuck in between. I saw how I've gone rough around the edges, how I've carried on, and how I've grown into who I am now.

In retrospect, with the help of my blog, I've learned more about myself. I realized that I remember a lotta things in detail. I realized that there is a "Slim Shady" in me and it finds its way out through my entries. I realized that I'm such a coward, that I tend to blur my vision on what's in front of me no matter how obvious it is. Lastly, I realized that I, well, uhm... realize a lot. ^_^

Oh well. Happy Birthday, Blog!

...we gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday!

Random Thought

I was just reminded of our guidance counselor back when I was a highschool sophomore. I remember her wearing an orange blouse, which was so bright you'll mistake her as a road caution. She also had this thick shoulder pads that made her look like a football player. I can't quite put a finger on why I was reminded of her, though. Hmm... Maybe because I was thinking of something to rant blog about and she happens to be the helpless victim. Tsk-tsk. My bad.

Popcorns, Please?

Supposedly, I was to accompany Yel at NBS-Cubao and buy the Kurt Cobain Journals but we called it off since he had to run some errands first and 'twas raining buckets already. So, I watched D' Anothers with my mom and my brother instead.

Well, the movie was entertaining. It wasn't side-splitting but Vhong Navarro's comical antics and the Feng Shui spoofs gave me quite a few laughs. I just think they overdid the fight scene between Vhong and Jhong. And what's with the lengthy dance showdown?! And the "may inuwi si nanay sa bahay" dance remix?!

Nweiz, there was this group of teenagers seated behind us and they were spewing snide remarks about the movie. I don't mind hearing a few but it's irritating when people do it incessantly. I really wanted to throw some popcorns at them! Too bad I don't have any popcorns. Sayang naman kung yung Wiggles ang ibabato ko.

Sadistic Intervention

Just when I thought I was in, You pushed me back out.

Why allow my right foot in only to pull the rug out and kick my sorry ass back to its murky hell? That is just sadistic. :(

Quatro Fantastico

My brother and I once again entered Marvel universe to catch Fantastic Four. 'Twas quite different from other superhero flicks. There were no secret identities, no hidden alter egos, no changing in phone booths, no underground caves and whatnot. The characters have shown more human reactions upon discovery of their powers. Take Johnny Storm, for instance. When he discovered his ability to control fire, instead of hiding his face behind a mask of anonymity, he goes out in public and savors every minute of his newfound fame. And I bet most of us would do the same thing. Oh well. All in all, it was a fun movie with lots of eye candy. Eye candy = visual effects + Chris Evans. ;) And thank God The Thing ain't CGI.

The Human Torch, Chris Evans, is HOT. Sizzling hot! ^_^

~oo0oo~

Just when I thought I was out, You pulled me back in. Thank You.

First Day Punk'd

First day of classes and I'm still stuck here, unsure of whether I'll be able to attend my classes or not. *Sigh* My dad told me to pray for his transactions to materialize and it kinda pissed me off. Coz I've said an awful lot of prayers already and honestly, I'm starting to lose it.

God, am I faithless? Why do I falter?

"Ask and it will be given to you;
Seek and you will find;
Knock and the door will be opened to you"
-Matthew 7:7

*Sigh* I guess I just have to knock some more.

Mojofly Now

Got a taste of Lougee Basabas, Ricci Gurango, and Ali Alejandro, collectively known as Mojofly, during their mall tour at Robinson's Metro East. I once thought that Mojofly without Kitchie Nadal would mean the death of the Mojo. They can try to revive it, breathe life into it, but their efforts would be futile. I was wrong. The trio was able to bring the Mojo back to life! Astig nila. Plus Angelo Alihaj D. Alejandro is really cute beyond words! ^_^

"Wag ng paikutin ang isa’t isa
Lahat ng bagay ay malinaw na
Di na rin kailangan pagpilitan pa
Di mo na kinakailangan pang magsalita"
--- Mata, Mojofly

I Wonder

One day, it will all end.
This will all end.
It has to.
For my sake, it has to.

When that day comes,
will you feel the loss?
When that day comes,
will you understand?
When that day comes,
will you forgive me?

The Power of God

During the last few weeks of classes, a series of unfortunate events occured that I felt like my chances of passing two of my major subjects are getting slimmer by the minute. First, I wasn't able to attend our Mult343 defense due to sickness. Then, we weren't able to submit our final thesis proposal paper to Sir Umoso on time due to our panelists. Our paper was delayed for like almost two weeks. I already told my parents that they should not expect me to pass all of my subjects and that my decision of waiving three subjects was a big mistake. Instead of giving me a rap on the knuckles, they simply told me that I should just lift it up to Him and allow Him to work things out for me. So I did. And guess what? I found out just tonight that I passed all of my subjects! And not only did I pass, I also earned myself a half-scholar status! Yay for me! ^_^

Such is life! Such is the power of God!

OTI Amazing Race 2

Last night, we had our own version of the Amazing Race that served as an induction for our applicants. Being one of the team leaders made me all excited weeks before the race itself. The thought of running from one place to another and causing bystanders to turn their heads toward us was thrilling enough. Hehe! KSP talaga. >_<

Ed: "Sabi sa clue isang tataktripper na naka-white cap."
Rafael: "E di maghanap tayo ng naka-white cap."
Ed: "Ayun! Si Jollibee!"

Hehehe! Nah, Jollibee wasn't hiding the clue in between his legs and neither are we at the right building. After a couple of wrong turns, we finally reached Paseo Center and got hold of the third clue.

Inside the MRT...
Ed: "Pantasya ng bayan ang inyong puntahan."
Rafael: "Sino ba yon? Si Joyce Jimenez o si Aubrey Miles?"
Ed: "Pantasya ng bayan e... so fantasy. Ano nga yung bagong show sa GMA?"
Rafael: "Ano? Yung Encantadia?"
Ed: "Oo tama. Yun nga sigurong Encantadia. Kasi fantasy e."

Waaaahhh! I wanted to tell them that IT IS Joyce Jimenez and not some fantasy show aired in GMA! We roamed around Farmers for what it seemed like eternity looking for God-knows-what. After a security guard knocked some sense in them, we immediately ran to Private Joyce where they acquired their fourth clue. We then headed to Riverbanks Center in Marikina City for the fifth clue. Took some pictures and ran some more before I gave them their sixth clue and grilled a Tilapia for the last clue. Then, off to the pitstop (Gazebo) where they had their oath-taking and where they received their certificates of membership.

Congratulations to our 14 newly inducted members! Y'all deserve to be!

Red-Haired Albino

I hate it when men twice my size knock me over in their rush to get on the MRT. I hate it when they look out of the window or pretend to be asleep just so they won't have to give up their seats. Well, not necessarily for me coz I don't mind standing from Cubao to Buendia but rather for someone in need of it more than they do.

I remember one time when a pregnant woman stood beside me, everyone seated in front of us suddenly became tired and fell asleep! As in everyone! Grabe. Was her tummy not big enough for them to notice?! *Sigh* Some people really need to buy their manners. If you're one of them, help yourself and try this link.

Gentlemen nowadays are indeed as rare as albinos. Lucky me I was able to bump into one on my way to school. A red-hair clad in washed shirt and torn jeans offered me his seat!

Astig nya talaga. ^_^

Judge Not, Lest You Be Judged

You have no right to judge me. You don't know me anymore. You don't know what's been happening. You don't see the whole picture. Stop acting like you know it all coz you fuckin' don't.

Sure, you can say whatever you want to say. But just because you can, doesn't mean that you should. Did it ever occur to you that maybe those were the last words that I would want to hear from you? How can you be so callous? ARRGGHH!!!

Can I ask you a favor? If you still have something to say, just raise your hand and place it over your mouth. FUCK OFF!

Brain Drain

Stayed at Jerome's house last Friday with Clint, Cris, and Master Edzel for our Mult343 project. I came home Saturday night. Then yesterday, I stayed at Yel's house with Ruiza for our theses and IT234P project. Ramnel dropped by to help me out and Ogie simply dropped by. Ehe! :) Yay! Nakapag-overnight din! At last, I feel kinda productive. I wasn't able to clock in some sleep though that I literally forced myself to fight off gravity during my Ethics class! >_<

Conversation between two sleppyheads:
Andrew: "Ano nga yung tinatanong ko sayo?"
Me: "Ha? Mei tinatanong ka ba sken?"
Andrew: "Alam ko meron e."
Me: "Nasagot ko na ba?"
Andrew: "Ewan ko din."
Me: "..."
Andrew: "Tulog na lang tayo."

Emotions In Motion

I've been carrying this excess baggage for quite some time now that my shoulders are starting to hurt. It has caused me to standstill at the very same spot where he left me. Without even trying to take a single step forward for fear of losing my balance and falling flat on my face. Then I realized, this is not fair. They seem to be enjoying their lives while I'm stuck here carrying this heavy load. I also want to move forward. I also want to enjoy life. And if I really want to, I have to drop whatever excess baggage there is that burdens me.

I told her that I'm fine now. That all is forgiven. It's the only real thing I can offer her anyway. I didn't want it to happen and I guess they didn't want it to happen either but it did. The harm has been done and it killed me in many ways I never thought possible. But that's just the way it is. I've learned to accept what I found out with little resistance. I've learned to embrace its thorns. Wow. Could that be a sign of maturity? Of sacrifice and great love? Hell, I dunno. I'm sure of one thing though. Acceptance and forgiveness can be very liberating.

Nweiz, I better start walking.

Thesis It

Defended our thesis proposal this afternoon in front of Ma'am Ramones and Sir Banlag Bumanlag. As expected, there were a lot revisions. We need to redo the survey, the conceptual framework, include the ERD, normalized tables, search algorithm, and some additional features. I stared at Sir Neo while he recapped the changes hoping that my evil stare would burn a hole in him. But it didn't. *Sigh* God, please give me enough brainpower to last the week. I'll need it.

Jacko Wacko

The verdict is out. Michael Jackson is not guilty. Meaning it's ok to sleep with little boys, give them a little booze, and have some gay porn lying around the bed. Ha! Well according to one of the jurors, they came up with such a decision because the prosecutors weren't able to present a strong evidence against Jacko though most of them think that he's not an innocent man. Fine, so he got away with it. I still believe though that he has some serious issues to deal with and that he needs some serious help. I really hope he finds it. But for now, stay away from the kids!

Katakot. If I were a kid, I wouldn't go within a hundred yards near this person. His surgeon should have his license revoked! Seriously.

Conversation between me and my youngest brother:
Me: "Ay, ang corny. Na-abswelto si Michael Jackson.."
Mico: "Oo nga."
Me: "Aysus, alam mo ba kung anong kaso niya?!"
Mico: "Yung child... yung child... di ko alam yung buo e."
Me: "Child molestation!"
Mico: "Ayun tama! Nakalimutan ko yung tawag e."
Me: "Alam mo ba ibig sabihin non?!"
Mico: "Yung parang ihuhulog niya yung baby..."
Me: "Hehe! Hindi yun yon!"
Mico: "Hindi ba? E ano?"
Me: "Basta. Mahirap i-explain."
Mico: "E ano nga? Gawin mo nga sakin."
Me: "WAHAHAHA!!!"

Make Poverty History

The ONE Campaign ad on MTV has caught my attention a couple of months ago and it's just now that I'm able to take action. For the benefit of those who are not aware of this campaign, it aims to convince the American government to set aside an additional 1% of their budget, that is $25 billion, to fight AIDS, starvation, and extreme poverty around the world.

---

One by one
They step forward
A nurse
A teacher
A homemaker
And lives are saved

But the problem is enormous
Every three seconds
One person dies
Another three seconds
One more

The situation is so desperate
In parts of Africa
Asia
Even America
That aid groups
Just as they did for the Tsunami
Are uniting
As one
Acting
As one

We can beat extreme poverty
Starvation
AIDS
But we need your help

One more person
Letter
Voice
Will mean the difference
Between life and death
For millions of people

Please join us by working together
Americans have an unprecedented opportunity
We can make history
We can start to make poverty history
One
By one
By one

We're not asking for your money
We're asking for your voice

---

What are you waiting for? Take ONE minute today and sign the declaration.

So Help Me God

I'm beginning to look at the things that happened last night in a different perspective. I think I'm gonna take all that as a sign from the Big Guy up there. Maybe He showed me the crying girl and the dead guy because He wanted me to realize that life is too short and I shouldn't waste it crying over things that I have no control over. Hmm, looks like He wants me to be happy. And I do want to. I wanna be happy. Genuinely happy. And at peace. I know I'm harboring a certain amount of bitterness inside and I want to let go of that. I also want to forgive the persons who have caused me to feel this way. If only I could find it in my heart to forgive. So help me God.

Between Life And Death

Tonight has been an emotional override for me. My heart feels so heavy that I feel like I'm gonna explode. I witnessed two incidents that affected me in such a distressing manner and drove my tear ducts at work.

Incident#1:
I saw this girl inside the MRT. She looked like she's gonna burst out into tears any minute. There's an awful lot of pain in her eyes, I can almost feel it. I wanted to console her and hug her and even cry with her. I dunno why I feel so much for this girl when I don't even know her. Is it because I've been there and I've done that? Perhaps. I've held back my tears a million times and I know how hard and painful it is. When all you can do is cry but you can't even cry properly. When the tears remain trapped within and they're beginning to choke you to death but still you choose to hold it back and keep your eyes dry. Yes, I've been there and I've done that. But you should see me now. My eyes are no longer dry.

Incident#2:
I saw a dead guy lying in the street. I've no idea why I felt a tinge of pain upon seeing his dead body. I mean, I've seen a lot of corpses before and for me, it's just that, a corpse. But tonight, I had this sudden feeling of helplessness. What if he was someone I know? What if he was someone I love? What if it was me? When and HOW will death take its toll on me and my loved ones? When? Ten years from now? Twenty? How? Through an accident? Illness? Old age? My finite knowledge is not enough to come up with answers to these questions. My finite power is not enough to cheat death. I've long accepted the fact that it is something inevitable. But what really bothers me is the uncertainty that comes with it. And with that, I feel so helpless.

*Sigh* I'd give my right arm for even a small dosage of good vibes.

~oo0oo~

Well not that I'm being morbid but it got me thinking about the day that I will take Death's boney hand in mine. To whoever's reading this, if I die, make sure that the things written here are carefully followed. Or else... hehe! Hmm, I'll start off with the casket. I want a black casket with gold accents and petals of red roses scattered on top. When it comes to my make-up, no red lipstick, no dark eyeshadow and no blob of red blush that will make me look like a whore. Make it as natural as possible. Ala Sleeping Beauty. ;) Lastly, I want a good lineup of songs. I don't want someone with an awful taste in music choose some random songs for me. So here goes the anthem of my dying day:

-Play Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" every night of my wake.
-Come my burial day, play Gary Valenciano's "Warrior Is A Child" after the Holy Mass. If you get someone to perform it live, then better. (Ngak! Reminds me of Rico Yan. >_<)
-On our way to the memorial park, play Color It Red's "Paglisan" over and over until we reach my "spot".
-While my casket is being buried six feet beneath the rich brown earth, play Shawn Colvin's "Never Saw Blue Like That".

Well, that's about it for my last shebang on planet earth.

People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears"
--- Warrior Is A Child, Gary Valenciano

Guilt Trip

I wasn't able to attend all my classes today. Woke up feeling incredibly sore. So there goes TWO exams and my aim for a perfect attendance. Well I won't blame it on the weather neither am I gonna blame it on schoolwork. Actually, I won't blame it on anything or anyone else but YEL. He's been spreading his virus since Monday and my immune system had gone kaput. And because he's in a guilt trip, he'll be printing our thesis document from the title page down to the appendix. Hmm, fair enough.

Killing Time

Since I had some time to kill, I decided to stop by Fully Booked at Gateway and get myself high. With books, of course. :) Yep. Being surrounded with books gives me a natural high. Rest assured I'll never be caught dead in bookstores. Nweiz, saw this book entitled "Beautified" authored by Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's grooming guru himself, Kyan Douglas. Leafed through its pages and drooled over his "macho" pictures. ^_^

*Sigh* How can someone this gorgeous be so GAY?!

In other news, LRT Line 2 is now facing some safety issues about the stability of their foundations. It appears that the LRT-A management reduced costs by reducing the metal buried beneath the earth that supports the railway bridge. Instead of digging deep down into the bedrock, they only reached the clay area. Thus, compromising the safety of its passengers! Yikes. I'm one dead meat. I could imagine the bridge collapsing and the train crashing into Marikina River. Very reminiscent of Spiderman 2! Hmm, at least I'll be part of history. Yun nga lang, I'll be history as well.

U Got Game ?ro

I'm finally home from the UGG Pro event. Just like before, we were assigned at the ticket booth, selling entrance tickets for 50 pesos. Actually, almost everything's "just like before" - the organizers, the sponsors, even some of the cosplayers were familiar. It seems like the only thing that changed really was the venue. Compared to last year's PTTC, Greenbelt's Expo Exchange is much smaller and less accessible. We were able to collect Php 26,000+ from ticket sales. Not even half of last year's sales. Oh well. What do I care about the sales? We still received our allowances plus some goodies from Level-Up. That's all that matters. ^_^

More On Being A Moron

MOCK defense. That's what it is.

First of all, the word "mock" is pronounced as mok and not mak. There's no such thing as a Pinoy pronunciation of English words. You don't say ijot for idiot or kulchur for culture. Apparently, I'm a bit persnickety when it comes to the proper pronunciation of words. Thanks to Teacher Weng. :)

Another thing, lack of sleep gravely affects a person's physical and mental ability. When you have a nasty headache and this huge desire to just drop, you won't be able to do well and nonetheless, think well.

Now that I've presented my arguments, I think it's safe to say that my mistake for typing "McDefense" instead of "Mock Defense" can be blamed on:

(1) Sir Umoso's mispronunciation of "mock defense" as "mak defense"
(2) Sleep deprivation

Reasonable enough? Hehe! ^_^

Yel: "Anong McDefense?! Ano yun bagong meal sa McDo?! Uhm, pabili po ng value meal number 3... yung McDefense. HAHAHAHA!!!!"

Haaay, I should've just written it as "pre-defense". Hmp! >_<

More-On Me

Did some research with Yel at UP and Ateneo. At first I was unsure of what I had to look for. I was still torn between two thesis topics. But after considering the pros and cons of each, I finally came down with a decision.

"Stick with your first topic, you moron! You gotta submit chapters 1 to 3 tomorrow!"

Ethnic Jab

Got an email from her. It's no surprise, really. But I have no plans of hitting the reply button. Not today, at least. It's just that I don't wanna cloud my mind with unpleasant thoughts especially now that I'm working my ass off for our thesis.

Though I believe that it's better to settle everything face to face, our tight schedules won't allow us to. Neither of us is willing to MAKE time, I guess. Oh well. I'll just hit her back the moment I finish chapter 3.

Nothing's What It Seems

Checked my mailbox awhile ago and read this email from a friend. There are just a few things swimming in my head right now so I might as well catch it.

First off, mabait ako kung sa mabait. I know I have a great deal of tolerance but I am no saint. So stop dipping your toes to see how much more I can take. Coz God knows I can only take so much.

Second, "Don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you". It's as simple as that. And when you think of it, it pretty much applies to everything. So try to live by the golden rule. Be reminded that there is a thing called karma. And it'll come around and bite you on the ass just when you thought you've managed to avoid it.

Lastly, I don't give a toss on whoever reads my blog. Never will I edit my thoughts just because I'm now aware that certain souls frequent this site. Coz I maintain this not for anyone else but myself. So grab yourself a drink and read on for all I care.

Kick Ass, Dude!

As a new member of the South Park community, I solemnly pledge to:
-Stop Kenny's habit of dying by killing him for good.
-Teach Stan how to swallow his puke.
-Soap Cartman's filthy mouth.
-Leave Kyle, the petulant Jewish kid, alone.

But that would take away all the fun, wouldn't it?! ^_^

Nweiz, here's my version of Anakin Skywalker and Capt. Jack Sparrow...

South Park yourself here.

Of Hearts And Minds

Argh! I still can't come up with a decent abstract for my thesis proposals. Been sitting here in front of my PC for 5 hours now and I'm so tired and irritated! I'm not sure why I'm irritated, though. Well, maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's this homework. Or maybe I'm just annoyed at myself. I've been trying to shut out thoughts and emotions from what happened last night but I am miserably failing. Shit. I need to focus!!! The world won't stop for me even for a fraction of a second.

In my mind, I'm struggling.
In my heart, I'm struggling more.

Point Blank

Received a very unexpected phone call from the Disappearing Man himself. FINALLY. After more than a year of waiting, he finally had enough guts to talk to me about what REALLY happened, to tell me everything. As in EVERYfuckinTHING.

Throughout the conversation, jungle men beating their drums were inside my chest. I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear the entire truth from him. I wasn't sure if I WANTED to hear the truth from him at all. Well, not that I dunno what the truth is but hearing it directly from him, knowing his side of the story, diving into the details and all, is a different muscle all together. It's much…painful, to say the least. Every word that came out of his mouth had a fang that pierced my heart. And because I was bitter, I wanted him to feel the same pain. Maybe even twice or thrice as much. But I was afraid that though I might wound him, in the end, I'd be the one hurting more.

I realized that though I've long waited for this day, no amount of preparation would really prepare me for it coz when it finally happens, when words are finally spoken, it just hits me…where it hurts most. Point blank.

I dunno how these words managed to roll out of my tongue but I did wish him luck in pursuing his newfound love. Not sure if I meant it, though. Coz I can't deny the fact that I am envious. Right. Envious is the word. And I'm not afraid or even ashamed to admit it. Ugh. Then I shouldn't have said those words! Open mouth, insert foot.

~oo0oo~

I'm reminded of my favorite lines from the movie Closer...

Dan: "I fell in love with her, Alice."
Alice: "Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, 'I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it', and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet there was one."

Dan: "I love you."
Alice: "When? Show me! Where's the love? I can't see it. I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words but I can't do anything with your easy words. Whatever you say, it's too late. It's done. Now please, go."

Dan: "You think love is simple. You think the heart is like a diagram."
Larry: "You've ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood!"

Mr. Marber, you're a genius. Hands down.

"Di makapaniwalang matatapos na
Parang kay tagal nating nagdusa
Pusong di mapalagay
Parang habambuhay kitang hinintay"
--- Patlang, Cambio

The Disappearing Man

Here's an excerpt from the book entitled "He's Just Not That Into You" by Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt:

"He disappeared. He just stopped. Out of the blue. You felt that whatever you had together warranted even the tiniest explanation. But instead, there's silence. No explanation, no goodbye. Just a vanishing. There's nothing worse. Nothing worse than that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when it looks like the guy you were getting to know has decided to bail on you instead of talking to you about it. NOTHING WORSE."

And there's nothing I can do about it but to get closure all by myself. *Sigh* I always get so mushy whenever I talk to Jonna. But surprisingly, this time, I felt no pain. Not even a bit. Astig talaga si God.

This piece of advice goes out to YOU:
Never assume that things are ok.
Never ASSUME.
Never make an ASS of U and ME.

Solo Dios Basta

Just arrived home from YFC's 12th International Leader's Conference entitled Solo Dios Basta held at Subic Remy Field. Three days filled with beautiful testimonies, singing, dancing, and a whole lotta praising under the scorching heat of the sun. Heck, anything for His greater glory.

The things I've learned:
-I used to be liberal when it comes to homosexuality. I grew up in an environment where g2g relationships are abundant and accepted up to a certain extent. But one of the speakers changed my view regarding this issue. God created every person in His own image and likeness. He has carefully planned everything out from the day we were born down to our dying day. So there is no such thing as a woman trapped in a man's body or a man trapped in a woman's body because part of His perfect plan is our sexuality. Though I am against this kind of lifestyle, I fully understand that I am not in the position to judge those who are "in-between" for He alone will judge them as He will judge me and everyone else in this world.

-Every person has his or her own valley of shadows. There's this shadow of temptation, shadow of fear, shadow of insecurities, and the shadow of poverty. And the first step to get rid of these shadows is to acknowledge their existence. Then, ask for God's help as you struggle to defeat them before they get the better of you and eat you alive. I personally have my own shadows to speak of. Much to my embarrassment, I've been lurking in my own valley of shadows for years. Half of me has died already and I'm sure more of me will die soon if I don't take action. So with God's grace and guidance I decided that it's about time for me to get the hell out of this dark valley and allow His light to shine on my life.

-I dare to be 100% pure. No need for worldly things, no need to do drugs, no need to smoke, no need to drink, no need for pornography, no need to engage in premarital sex, no need to do all that to feed my hungry ego for God alone is enough. MORE than enough.

After the ILC, we stayed at the Subic Bay Yacht Club then we headed off to the beach by noon. Though I'm aware that the afternoon sun will never do wonders to my skin, I still opted to bask under it. For one reason: I wanna come home with darker looking skin. Think I succeeded? Think again.

"But everything means nothing
If I ain't got You"
--- If I Ain't Got You, Alicia Keys

iRock

BeGone Began

I downloaded and ran Spyware BeGone v.7 and found 203 spyware/adware infections and 11 spy cookies! A whole lot of dangerous junk, eh? Deleted them all and cleaned up my hard drive from unused applications hoping that my turtle of a computer would appreciate the effort and stop being so slow.

Early Mourning

I texted Opalyn earlier this morning to wish them a safe trip. But we ended up texting about him. I never thought my eyes could be that expressive. Coz no matter how much I try to erase every iota of pain from my system, it lingers still. Oh well. I was never an expert in picking up the right kind of mask and I guess I'll never be.

Our conversation scratched an open wound that still hasn't healed after all these years. And just when I thought I'm done crying...

Hey, get a hold of yourself. To dwell in the past is to die in the present.

How many times do I have to remind myself that?!

"I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works its way inside"
--- Duality, Slipknot