This is the last time that I'm going to write about this. I know it would involve me swallowing a lot of very bitter-tasting pride. I know I might be putting someone in a bad light. I know that some things might change. What's even worse is that I dunno the eyes who would be reading this. (Though I would really appreciate a line or two from you nameless lurkers who show up in my traffic log.) But fuck it, here goes.
First off, why the need, you may ask. One, I hate the thought of someone believing that he or she is holding all the aces in the deck. I don't want someone having that kind of power over me. So I am getting off the leash.
Two, after reading the article entitled "A Rescue From Hell By Jesus Christ", I realized how much I wanted to experience Heaven. I would never, ever do myself in, of course. But the thought of dying and being with these angels, these magnificent beings, going back to the Source, being one with the Source, feeling His Love so unconditional and pure and all that... I dunno. Suddenly, I just wanted to take Death's boney hand in mine. Or to be ready, at least. This, being the first step.
Lastly, I wanna be worthy of people's trust. I, for one, find it difficult to trust other people. I am a cynic, most of the time. Maybe that's why I value promises so much. Coz somehow, it gives me the assurance that I need. The same is true when I make my promises. But what I want now is for these people to trust my word. With or without the promises.
Ok, enough with the introduction. These are my confessions... (Nyaha. Parang kanta lang.)
1. We were never a couple. Friends thought that we were, my family thought that we were, we made them think that we were. But if truth be told, there was never an "us". It was such a pathetic lie, I know. And what makes it heinous is that I actually believed it. We almost had each other. But almost is far from reality. Almost is incomplete, unclear and revocable. Almost just doesn't count.
2. I wasn't on the rocks with my ex. I never did the "tumikim ng ibang ulam" or anything in that context. In the first place, I have no ex and no ulam to speak of. Though I'd like to believe that it was help given in good conscience, it was my mistake for allowing another person to put words into my mouth. I had a hundred and one reasons to turn you down but all you got was a pack of fabricated lies. I was given more than one chance to rectify that but I never took it. Instead, I dragged on, played along and added more lies in order to justify the story. Because I was afraid. Because I was a wimp. And a pathetic one at that.
Well, that's it. I dunno if I could get by with a simple apology but it's the only thing left for me to say. I'm sorry. And I'm saying it in the truest sense of the word.
This is where I end. This is where I begin.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
The Opposite of Love Is Not Hate
The opposite of Love is not Hate. Hate is Love pulled inside out. Hate is Love gone bad. Hate, just like Love, is a passionate emotion. So why bother hating when you no longer love? Well then, if the opposite of Love is not Hate, then what is?
The mere sight of your name used to stir a roller coaster of emotions inside me. Feelings of happiness, of doubt, of fear, of sadness, of anger, and of pain - just to mention a few, have gained hold of me everyfuckintime. But for the first time in a very long time, I saw your name again and I felt nothing. Your name now is no more than just a bunch of letters put together. Your name now means nothing.
I have loved you. And I am done hating you. Now, I don't give a shit.
The opposite of Love is not Hate. It's indifference.
The mere sight of your name used to stir a roller coaster of emotions inside me. Feelings of happiness, of doubt, of fear, of sadness, of anger, and of pain - just to mention a few, have gained hold of me everyfuckintime. But for the first time in a very long time, I saw your name again and I felt nothing. Your name now is no more than just a bunch of letters put together. Your name now means nothing.
I have loved you. And I am done hating you. Now, I don't give a shit.
The opposite of Love is not Hate. It's indifference.
Saturday, December 15, 2007
Ye Shiver Me Timbers!
Last night, we had our pirate-slash-cowboy-slash-indian-themed Christmas party at the penthouse of Tektite East Tower. I really had no plans to dress up for the party until Roney suggested that I wear something black with a big X mark on it and be the treasure in a map. Hehehe. While looking for a black top, I saw this pirate-inspired shirt from Lee. As soon as it fitted, without thinking twice, I made my way towards the counter and bought it. Then, I found myself looking for accessories to match the attire. Hahaha. Talk about last minute preparations!
Just like last year, we had to do a presentation for the inter-department competition. The concept was finalized last Wednesday, I think. And the rehearsals began last Thursday. In spite of an obvious lack of practice, we still came in second! Woohoo! ^_^
And just because Mr. Watanabe's baby daughter is really really very cute, I'm posting her photos here too! Hehehe.
Merry Christmas, asses of the world! ^_^
Just like last year, we had to do a presentation for the inter-department competition. The concept was finalized last Wednesday, I think. And the rehearsals began last Thursday. In spite of an obvious lack of practice, we still came in second! Woohoo! ^_^
And just because Mr. Watanabe's baby daughter is really really very cute, I'm posting her photos here too! Hehehe.
Merry Christmas, asses of the world! ^_^
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Christmas Corner
Honestly, I really don't feel much of the Christmas spirit in the office. Sure, a Christmas tree was put up at the main entrance, albeit a little late. Sure, we're doing the whole Kris Kringle thing. Sure, we'll be having our Christmas party on Friday. Hell, I've even been playing Jimmy Eat World's version of "Last Christmas" on loop. Yeah, I know. It's very cheesy for the Holidays. But I only have two Christmas-y songs in my playlist and I chose it over "Pasko Na Sinta Ko", which is even cheesier. Nyaha. Oh well. Despite all these, I feel like there's still something amiss in the air. I dunno. Christmas blues be gone! Ugh.
Nweiz, during one of those days when our office was devoid of the red, gold, and green trimmings of Christmas, we decided to put up our own Christmas corner. Lookie!
I kinda adjusted the photos' colors and applied a filter or two to give it a Lomographic feel. Hehehe. Who needs a Lomo cam when you have Photoshop?! ^_^
Nweiz, during one of those days when our office was devoid of the red, gold, and green trimmings of Christmas, we decided to put up our own Christmas corner. Lookie!
I kinda adjusted the photos' colors and applied a filter or two to give it a Lomographic feel. Hehehe. Who needs a Lomo cam when you have Photoshop?! ^_^
Sunday, December 02, 2007
JLPT Wa Totemo Taihen Desu Yo!
Because I had to meet Roxie early at Rosario, I woke up at around *ehem* 5am. Hehe. Last night, I was very doubtful that I could do it, so I borrowed my brother's phone and lifted the cordless phone off its rack. With three phones alarming in synchrony, no wonder I was wide awake in a matter of seconds. Hahaha.
Met up with Roxie and April at 7-11. Usually, I am the last to arrive. But not today! For the first time, April arrived late. But according to her, she wouldn't be late had she ridden a different jeepney. But still. Hehe.
A car was parked right in front of 7-11. April thought 'twas our ride so she attempted to open its door. Good thing the door was locked and there were no activated car-theft alarms. Ehe, say hello to the newest member of the Bukas-Kotse Gang. Hehehe. Peace! ;)
When we arrived at La Salle, we first stayed at a nearby McDonald's. Not wanting to fall in a very long line, we asked EJ, who was a few persons away from the cashier, to take our orders as well. Thank you! ^_^
Eventually, the others arrived. Yel and Aucie were also there to take the JLPT. Angaling. Hehe. Got a text message from Kathy saying that we should start falling in line to enter the campus. Not wanting to fall in a very long line, we asked... Ok, we had no one to ask for a favor so we really had no choice but to fall in line. Nyahaha.
Contrary to what I thought, we had no problems locating our room. We simply followed the flow of people and it helped that Roxie already had an idea as to where it could be found. After a few minutes of waiting, the exams began.
Just like in the mock exams, I went through the Kanji/Vocabulary (Moji-Goi) part like a breeze. This is really my favorite part of the exam. As long as I am not required to write Kanji characters, of course. Ehe.
After a short break, the Listening (Chokai) part followed. The sound was checked and rechecked a number of times. It was very bassy to the point that it was hard to listen to. Mhor asked the proctor to adjust the bass. I think she would've accomodated our request if only Mhor appeared more serious about it. Nyaha. Nweiz, there's no chance in hell that I would pass this part of the exam. 'Twas even the important bits that I missed! Did it really say poketonai? Did it really say sankai? Di nga?! Waaahhh!!! Nosebleed! Nyahaha.
After a few minutes of expressing our dismay over the questions, the Grammar/Reading (Dokai-Bunpou) part began. The shortest 50 minutes of my life. Hehehe. I also had a hard time choosing the correct particles. I was hoping to find more of the i-ku-ve and na-ni-ve patterns coz it appeared often in the mock exams. But it didn't appear much this year. Also, in the reading comprehension part of the exam, the story I pictured in mind was different from what was actually written. Hahaha. Oh well. If I didn't pass this year, then I'll try again next year. Or maybe, in another lifetime. Ehe.
To forget how bloody the exam went, we pushed through with our plans to watch Beowulf in IMAX 3D. Since the next showtime was at 3:30pm, we first had our lunch at Tokyo Café. I couldn't contain my laughter everytime the waiters would yell "Konnichiwa!" or "Arigatou gozaimasu!". I dunno. There was something in their intonation that made it sound so funny, at least for me. Hahaha.
Nweiz, Tokyo Café no tabemono wa oishikatta desu. Hehehe. We had Tokyo Boneless Chicken, Chicken Ala Pobre, Chicken Cheese Roll, and Burger and Shrimp platters. We're not chicken lovers, are we? Nyaha. For dessert, we ordered a variety of crêpes: Peaches and Cream, Choco Strawberry, and Apple Caramel.
Mouthwatering, aren't they? Hmmm!!!
We then proceeded to the IMAX theater lobby. While waiting for the movie, we happily played with the Coca-Cola bottles sitting quietly in the corner. We were a bunch of kids on the loose! Nyaha.
As we walked in the theater, we were handed our 3D glasses. Naturally, we goofed around even more and took more pictures wearing them.
Nweiz, the movie was good. Gaiman's humor was apparent. Actually, I thought it was a movie with real actors and not CGI. Because Angelina Jolie looked amazingly real and beautiful.
The IMAX 3D experience was good too. I got a bit dizzy at some parts, though. But I believe that's because we weren't seated in good seats. Oh well.
Met up with Roxie and April at 7-11. Usually, I am the last to arrive. But not today! For the first time, April arrived late. But according to her, she wouldn't be late had she ridden a different jeepney. But still. Hehe.
A car was parked right in front of 7-11. April thought 'twas our ride so she attempted to open its door. Good thing the door was locked and there were no activated car-theft alarms. Ehe, say hello to the newest member of the Bukas-Kotse Gang. Hehehe. Peace! ;)
When we arrived at La Salle, we first stayed at a nearby McDonald's. Not wanting to fall in a very long line, we asked EJ, who was a few persons away from the cashier, to take our orders as well. Thank you! ^_^
Eventually, the others arrived. Yel and Aucie were also there to take the JLPT. Angaling. Hehe. Got a text message from Kathy saying that we should start falling in line to enter the campus. Not wanting to fall in a very long line, we asked... Ok, we had no one to ask for a favor so we really had no choice but to fall in line. Nyahaha.
Contrary to what I thought, we had no problems locating our room. We simply followed the flow of people and it helped that Roxie already had an idea as to where it could be found. After a few minutes of waiting, the exams began.
Just like in the mock exams, I went through the Kanji/Vocabulary (Moji-Goi) part like a breeze. This is really my favorite part of the exam. As long as I am not required to write Kanji characters, of course. Ehe.
After a short break, the Listening (Chokai) part followed. The sound was checked and rechecked a number of times. It was very bassy to the point that it was hard to listen to. Mhor asked the proctor to adjust the bass. I think she would've accomodated our request if only Mhor appeared more serious about it. Nyaha. Nweiz, there's no chance in hell that I would pass this part of the exam. 'Twas even the important bits that I missed! Did it really say poketonai? Did it really say sankai? Di nga?! Waaahhh!!! Nosebleed! Nyahaha.
After a few minutes of expressing our dismay over the questions, the Grammar/Reading (Dokai-Bunpou) part began. The shortest 50 minutes of my life. Hehehe. I also had a hard time choosing the correct particles. I was hoping to find more of the i-ku-ve and na-ni-ve patterns coz it appeared often in the mock exams. But it didn't appear much this year. Also, in the reading comprehension part of the exam, the story I pictured in mind was different from what was actually written. Hahaha. Oh well. If I didn't pass this year, then I'll try again next year. Or maybe, in another lifetime. Ehe.
To forget how bloody the exam went, we pushed through with our plans to watch Beowulf in IMAX 3D. Since the next showtime was at 3:30pm, we first had our lunch at Tokyo Café. I couldn't contain my laughter everytime the waiters would yell "Konnichiwa!" or "Arigatou gozaimasu!". I dunno. There was something in their intonation that made it sound so funny, at least for me. Hahaha.
Nweiz, Tokyo Café no tabemono wa oishikatta desu. Hehehe. We had Tokyo Boneless Chicken, Chicken Ala Pobre, Chicken Cheese Roll, and Burger and Shrimp platters. We're not chicken lovers, are we? Nyaha. For dessert, we ordered a variety of crêpes: Peaches and Cream, Choco Strawberry, and Apple Caramel.
Mouthwatering, aren't they? Hmmm!!!
We then proceeded to the IMAX theater lobby. While waiting for the movie, we happily played with the Coca-Cola bottles sitting quietly in the corner. We were a bunch of kids on the loose! Nyaha.
As we walked in the theater, we were handed our 3D glasses. Naturally, we goofed around even more and took more pictures wearing them.
Nweiz, the movie was good. Gaiman's humor was apparent. Actually, I thought it was a movie with real actors and not CGI. Because Angelina Jolie looked amazingly real and beautiful.
The IMAX 3D experience was good too. I got a bit dizzy at some parts, though. But I believe that's because we weren't seated in good seats. Oh well.
"I am the Ripper! The Tearer! The Slasher!
I am the Teeth in the Darkness! The Talons in the Night!
My name is Strength! And Lust! And Power!
I am Beowulf!"
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