Point Blank

Received a very unexpected phone call from the Disappearing Man himself. FINALLY. After more than a year of waiting, he finally had enough guts to talk to me about what REALLY happened, to tell me everything. As in EVERYfuckinTHING.

Throughout the conversation, jungle men beating their drums were inside my chest. I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear the entire truth from him. I wasn't sure if I WANTED to hear the truth from him at all. Well, not that I dunno what the truth is but hearing it directly from him, knowing his side of the story, diving into the details and all, is a different muscle all together. It's much…painful, to say the least. Every word that came out of his mouth had a fang that pierced my heart. And because I was bitter, I wanted him to feel the same pain. Maybe even twice or thrice as much. But I was afraid that though I might wound him, in the end, I'd be the one hurting more.

I realized that though I've long waited for this day, no amount of preparation would really prepare me for it coz when it finally happens, when words are finally spoken, it just hits me…where it hurts most. Point blank.

I dunno how these words managed to roll out of my tongue but I did wish him luck in pursuing his newfound love. Not sure if I meant it, though. Coz I can't deny the fact that I am envious. Right. Envious is the word. And I'm not afraid or even ashamed to admit it. Ugh. Then I shouldn't have said those words! Open mouth, insert foot.

~oo0oo~

I'm reminded of my favorite lines from the movie Closer...

Dan: "I fell in love with her, Alice."
Alice: "Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, 'I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it', and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet there was one."

Dan: "I love you."
Alice: "When? Show me! Where's the love? I can't see it. I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words but I can't do anything with your easy words. Whatever you say, it's too late. It's done. Now please, go."

Dan: "You think love is simple. You think the heart is like a diagram."
Larry: "You've ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood!"

Mr. Marber, you're a genius. Hands down.

"Di makapaniwalang matatapos na
Parang kay tagal nating nagdusa
Pusong di mapalagay
Parang habambuhay kitang hinintay"
--- Patlang, Cambio