Stuck In Reverse

We had a meeting a while ago, which I thought was just about our tasks and our much anticipated Baguio trip. Sure, we had those things settled but little did I know that neither was the meat of the meeting.

Not a week has passed since Ate Lotis left for Singapore. Now, Ate Rochelle announced that she would be tendering her resignation either tomorrow or on Monday. I was utterly taken aback by the onrush of events. Sure, I knew that this day would eventually come. But I really didn't expect it to be this soon. To say that the news made me sad is to put it mildly. Coz if truth be told, I am waaay beyond sad. Ugh! I dunno. First it was Tin and then Ate Lotis and now it's Ate Rochelle. Who's next? T_T

*Sigh* I will surely miss their company, the shared laughters, the kulitans, the playful arguments, the stories, the friday night gimmicks... I'll miss all of it. I'll miss all of them.

But just like what Ate Rochelle said, the friendship will not end the moment she steps out of the office (for good). Since she will not be leaving for another country, we could still carry on with the weekly nights of dining out. That is if our work schedules would allow it. Either way, I do hope that the ties that we've built as a team will not be made loose by the miles and miles of space between us. And I hope that I'm not just hoping against hope.

I just realized that for me, Tsukiden has become the wonderful workplace that it is not so much because of the work that I do, but mostly because of the wonderful people whom I work with, the people whom I spend 8 hours or more of my day with. And now that these people are slowly thinning out, I'm no longer quite sure if it's still worth staying. Scary thought.

On To Greener Pastures

In a short span of less than a month, four of my project mates have left the company for a better deal - a better life, even. Two of them came from our team.

:: Tin Concha. Even before Tin became a VGS member, I already had the chance to work with her back in our NGN days. We were even teammates then. But not for long coz I was transferred to VGS a month later. Needless to say, we didn't become good friends at that time. Not until she was transferred to our project and became my seatmate. Since then, she became a friend and a confidante to me. She's one of the few persons in the office whom I can openly talk to about anything without fear of prodding a raised eyebrow or a leering smile. She helped me come out of my whirlpool of negative and twisted thoughts, which pulls me down from time to time. She bore with me even at times when I'm being complacently foolish. Or at least she tried to. Hehe. She trusted me with her stories. And so did I.

:: Lotis Lira. They say that first impression lasts. But with Ate Lotis, I beg to disagree. When I first joined VGS, I really thought that she was the snobbish and cranky type of person. Uhm... Well... Ok, she can get a bit cranky at times but it's not something that I can't put up with. Funny thing is that she also thought that I was snobbish and cranky. When in fact I was just being my *ehem* usual shy self. Hehe. She was my immediate superior then and I really found it difficult, if not impossible, to approach her. I kinda felt like there was this unspoken tension between us. I dunno. Nweiz, whatever it was, I'm just sooo glad it died down and was eventually replaced not just with barrels of laughter and good times, but with friendship.

An awful lot of people have resigned before them. I've heard a lot of them say their goodbyes and I've seen them walk out the doors of Tsukiden. But when Tin and Ate Lotis left, not only did I see them leave, but I also felt them leave. Maybe because I got used to having them around and I got myself attached in a way. Too attached, actually. Haiii, nakakamiss. T_T

Franz: "Di ka kasi dapat maging attached sa mga ka-team mo..."

Point taken. Oh well. As Ate Rochelle put it, "It happens". We all got left and we're all gonna leave this company at one time or another. And someday, it'll be my turn...

The Great Wall

Boss Chris: "Averse personality yan si Kringle e..."

Well I put up a wall for a myriad of reasons. Mainly for protection - from other people, from my weaknesses and vulnerabilities, and from the cruelties of this world. But what they fail to realize is that the wall is not always there to keep people out. Sometimes, I just wanna know who cares enough to knock it down.

Under My Skin

I thought 'twas going to be a kick-ass night. Well, it was. Coz you kicked my ass. Even my face.

Being such a tease myself, I know how to take a sarcastic jab, let alone an effin' joke. They don't get to permeate my skin that easily. I don't allow them to. But it gets hard once personal issues come into play.

Franz: "Wag mo na lang pansinin yun..."

That's easy for you to say. But I can't. Try as I might, I can't. Her words were packed with a great deal of meaning and were indefatigably thrown at me like daggers. If words could kill, I would've been killed, buried, dug-up, and then killed again.

I cried not because I was hurt. I was, though, but seldom do I shed tears of pain. I cried because I was pissed off. And mind you, it was the last thing I wanted to feel. Especially now. I could've lashed out. I could've fought back. But I didn't. I didn't want to. So I cried... because there's no other way to let it out.