NGN Then, VGS Now

We had a meeting with Boss Fojet a while ago. He told us that the VGS project requested for additional manpower and that the five of us, including Ma'am Mitos, were selected to transfer. I must admit that I'm having mixed emotions about this whole re-shuffling thing, for several different reasons.

I am sad coz I don't wanna be separated from my friends, from people who I already know. Yet a gentle smile remains pasted in my face coz it's not that bad, really. I mean, it's not that I'll be transferred to a different Business Unit naman e.

I am a bit apprehensive coz I know zilch about VGS. Well, aside from the fact that it stands for VoIP Gateway Simulator. Yet I am excited as well at the prospect of learning something new, a new language for that matter.

Now what really bothers me is that I am not an overtime person. I always wanna have enough time to rest, to relax and to unwind after all the hustles and bustles of work. I don't wanna stay late at night sitting in front of a computer, working my butt off when I should be doing something far more... essential. Like dozing off, for example. Hehe. Some of my colleagues are telling me that I should get used to going home (very) late at night or worse, (very) early in the morning. Ugh, I cringe at the very thought of it. Sure, the upside is that I'd receive a heftier paycheck. But still.

However, as I stood infront of our boss, I had to suppress other misgivings and do my very best to adapt to the idea that THIS can be fun. Right? Rrrriiiight.

Silver Toes

While some people are born with silver spoons in their mouths, there are also some who are born with silver toes on their feet. I use the term "silver toes" in the same context with that in the song by Parokya Ni Edgar. Meaning someone with an exceedingly high self esteem. Someone who is conceited, and self-absorbed, and egocentric, and vain, and insensitive, and Shift+F7 the rest. Someone like... YOU.

Yeah, you. You are obsessed with yourself. You overrate your importance in the grand scheme of things. You think all men are drooling over you. You treat people like shit. You drop words like bombs, not caring about who gets hurt in the explosion. You think the whole world revolves around you. Well, I'm so sorry coz it doesn't. You, fuck.

What's nice about egotists like you though is that you don't talk about other people. You don't spread rumors about other people. Coz you only talk about yourself. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. But one can only listen to a broken record so many times. Sooner or later, your friends will get tired of hearing the same old tune and you'll be left with no audience to speak of. Don't say I didn't warn you.

You gotta get over yourself and realize that out there, there are people. People who are breathing with emotions and feelings. People who also have a piece they wanna share. But with you talking big and loud all the time, I doubt if you even notice that. Why not try to turn your voice down a little? Listen. Hear the voices around you. Hear me.

Kill Bill-Bill

April and I were on our way to Megamall to do our groceries. I was talking to her inside the elevator when this man butts in.

WAHAHA!!! Take that you filthy-mouthed, fat-ass bastard!!! Take that!!!

Hehe. Of course the last frame didn't happen coz I didn't have a bazooka on hand. Well, not that I would really kill him had I packed one. Uhhh.. wait. How do I pack a bazooka?? Oh well.

Actually, I really don't mind when friends tell me that I'm gaining weight and that my arms are getting "bouncy" coz I know naman that I really am now a bunch of flabs. It's just that I didn't expect it coming from a complete stranger. That's super rude, right? What an ass.

Shuffled Like

Directions:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag people to play this game too.

How are you feeling today?
I'm Only Sleeping (The Vines)

Will you get far in life?
Megalomaniac (Incubus)

How do your friends see you?
You Wouldn't Believe (311)

Will you get married?
Be Alone No More (Another Level)

What is your best friend's theme song?
Remember Me (Hoobastank)

What is the story of your life?
Basket Case (Greenday)

What was high school like?
High (Parokya Ni Edgar)

How can you get ahead in life?
Cathedral Of Space (Wolfgang)

What is the best thing about your friends?
Prayer (Disturbed)

What is today going to be like?
Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)

What is in store for you this weekend?
The One (Foo Fighters)

What song Describes you?
Don't Know Why (Norah Jones)

To describe your grandparents?
Kung OK Lang Sayo (Truefaith)

How is your life going?
Don't Say Goodbye, Say Goodnight (Binocular)

What song will they play at your funeral?
Bitch Please 2 (Eminem)

How does the world see you?
Globes And Maps (Something Corporate)

Will you have a happy life?
As The Music Plays The Band (Bamboo)

What do your friends really think of you?
Lost In You (Ash)

Do people secretly lust after you?
Underneath It All (No Doubt)

How can I make myself happy?
Easily (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

What should you do with your life?
Truly Madly Deeply (Savage Garden)

Will you ever have children?
This Is The Last Time (Keane)

NGN Kick-Off Party

Excerpt taken from PLDT's annual report entitled Broadbanding the Future:
"Telecommunications is full of perplexing acronyms - PSTN, CMTS, GSM, EWSD, WCDMA, TCP/IP to mention a few. Now, here comes another one - NGN, short for Next Generation Network. A formal definition of NGN goes something like this: a cluster of emerging computer network architectures and technologies that encompass voice, data and video through which all information is efficiently transmitted via digital packets of data just like over the Internet."

We just had our NGN kick-off party at Dad's Restaurant in Megamall. 'Twas an eat-all-you-can buffet so we all stuffed ourselves silly. I wasn't really able to enjoy the main dishes coz I so wanted to dig into the desserts kagad. Puffs and cakes and salads... all were pieces of heaven on my tongue! Yum! If only I could bring some home... Eheü

After dinner, there was a short program where we had to introduce ourselves one by one, stating our name, our school, and our talents. Most of us said that we have no talent just to cut the introduction short. But an extremely unpredictable person did an extremely unpredictable stunt. Grabe talaga. I dunno what to say. "Ratatatatatat!!!!"

At around 9pm, we rolled ourselves out of Dad's, full and tired and twenty pounds heavier. ;-)

Super Bowl-ing

We had work today in lieu of our day off on December 21(?!). Oddly enough, I enjoyed working on a Saturday! No need to fall in line, no rush hour traffic, no unruly commuters to deal with, and I arrived at the office in 15 minutes! Haha! Can't we just work on Saturdays instead of Mondays??

Come 6pm, we all took a break from work and participated in a bowling tournament hosted by the Admin. 'Twas held at StarMall so we decided to just walk the distance. Needless to say, we arrived at the venue all tired, and sweaty, and thirsty, and hungry. All set to bowl, eh?

Though I've played duckpin bowling before, back in the days when my dad was still a Rotarian, tonight was my first shot at ten-pin bowling. During the practice, I tried playing with a 9 pound ball but Boss Che thought that I'm not Superwoman enough and later gave me a lighter one. But still, the ball got heavier and heavier as the game went on! TIRED. That's what I was. Playing without taking a bite will leave you just that. But I had fun, really! Loads of it.

Nweiz, the game ended with me throwing two gutterballs and one strike. I wasn't that bad, I think. At least I didn't come out last in the ranking and I wasn't crowned Gutterball Queen. But I promise myself that I'm gonna improve on my personal best of 70 points next time! ;)

Don't Judge A Book...

Watched The Da Vinci Code with my officemates. After 16 months of anticipation and several weeks of media hype and controversy!

Well, I won't say I was disappointed; that's too strong a word. I did enjoy some parts of it anyway. It's always fun to watch scenes you've once created in your mind come to life. But the movie just left me... BLAH. Yep, that's the word. When the credits rolled, I was like "That was it?". Coz a lot of details were missed. I understand that the movie couldn't dwell into all the Da Vinci paintings, symbols, and stuff discussed in the book coz it would probably take more than 5 hours to include all that. (To think that 2.5 hours is ass-numbing enough especially when you're seated awkwardly on the floor.) And though I don't see the point of changing the scene wherein Robert Langdon saw the photo of the dead curator (In the book: Langdon was at the Hotel Ritz Paris, he was awakened by a phone call, Lt. Collet giving the photo to Langdon. In the movie: Langdon was at a book signing, Lt. Collet approached and handed him the photo). That I really don't mind. But why omit the detail about the guy in the Rosslyn Chapel who is actually Sophie's brother??

Hai. Do not judge a book by its movie talaga.

Shattered Glass

The straw that will break the camel's back has finally been drawn. A light plastic straw that will bring this house made of glass shattering at our feet.

Honestly, I felt nothing upon hearing the news. No shock, no sadness, no anger, no nothing. It became such a vicious cycle that I was left tired and numb. I had to think about my reaction coz it didn't come naturally. Should I react like an adult and just accept the fact that what's broken is broken? Or should I let myself feel the pain that a kid in my position would feel?

I am an adult, I thought. So I chose to act like one.

But as I crawled under the sheets, locked within the four corners of my room, the pieces of glass slowly cut through my heart. And I felt each jagged edge as it did. I felt the pain. Suffice it to say, I'm still a kid afterall.

Au Revoir

If there's one person who had taught me a lot ever since my first day at Tsukiden, it's Boss Rhom. Before we got deployed, he was the one who conducted the C Refresher Training. And man, did he train us well! Because of him, I no longer fear working with data structures. Doubly linked list, you say? Just bring it on! Well, as long as you don't mind memory leaks. Nyaha.

To Boss Rhom, I'm super grateful that I had the pleasure to work with you and learn from you. I wish you all the luck and may this new path fly you to France! Hehe! ;)

"... Tsukiden and all of you are my family.. kaya it was really hard for me to make this decision... pero priorities change and I have to make this career move."

Under Pressure

The past few days have been, for lack of a better word, fucking insane. We're having a burst of activity at work, doing a crash course on C++ and coding up our machine problems. Two weeks from now, we'll start yet another crash course tutorial on Advance Unix Programming. Everything in less than a month! Waaahh!!! Mind, please don't crash on me. Please?

~o0o~

I bought myself some drugs. Uhh..vitamins, I mean. One pack will prevent me from looking twice my age. And the other will make me... complete. Hehe. Now, in between jagged chunks of pressure and stress, I'll have twice the energy of an ordinary superhero! ^_^

El Despedida

Had a dinner at Congo Grille for Sir Jong's farewell gathering of sorts. Everything's on him so we ordered our hearts out - sinigang na hipon, chicken sisig, chicken and fries, tuna belly, and... crispy pata! Hehe! I know it's not exactly the healthiest thing in the world, but it sure does taste good, right? And who cares about cholesterol, anyway?!

At one point, Sir Jong told us that he may be leaving for greener pastures, but his heart will remain at Tsukiden. *Awww* You can't get any cheesier than that. ^_^

Shouldn't Couldn't Wouldn't

You know what they say about the eyes being the window to one's soul? How looking into them can reveal so much about a person? Well, have you ever tried looking into someone's eyes? Have you ever tried looking deep into them, as if they were the ocean and you were trying to see the bottom? Have you ever tried looking into YOUR eyes?

I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw someone whose eyes were brimming with emptiness. Like I was standing in front of a stranger whose stare I couldn't quite make out. If she was trying to tell me something, I wasn't really sure. And they say nobody knows you like yourself. So I thought I had to schedule an acquaintance party with me.

Which explains why I've been my anti-social self lately. It became difficult for me to look at other people in the eye coz I was afraid that they would see the emptiness that I saw. I wanted to detach myself from people, from the world. I wanted to get to know me again. But in the process of searching for myself, I created a gap between me and the people around me. And the lesser I interacted with them, the further the gap became.

I dunno what got into me that made me think or feel this way. I'm still trying to figure out what my brain is pushing me to think or what my heart is trying to make me feel. But one thing I know, and of this I am sure, is that I shouldn't allow this gap to get so far that it would be impossible for me to cross it.

I shouldn't.

I wouldn't.

Bad, Bad News

Lola Soly was supposed to be discharged from the hospital today. But while Tito Arnel was fixing their things, lola's speech became slurred. The nurses suspected a stroke so they immediately gave her a dose of citicoline. But the stroke ran its course. Her speech was impaired and her right arm and leg were paralyzed. According to the doctor, she had a thrombotic infarct in her left brain that was a bit bigger than her first. Right now, all her medications and food are given through a tube in her nose that goes straight into her stomach.

I got home from work expecting to see my lola home and well. But instead, I was welcomed with the bad news. I felt weak and depressed when I heard it from my mom. To think that lola had gained a lot of ground by way of recovery since her last stroke last 2004. And now we're back to square one. Back to the slow process of recovery and healing. :(

I pray for the returned health and healing of Lola Soly. And may God grant us the faith and strength to persevere in this struggle.

Nursing 101

Last March 25, Lola Soly was confined in the hospital for throwing up everytime she eats. After running a series of tests, she was diagnosed of having both ulcer and diabetes.

Whenever I can, I help my uncle and my mom in nursing lola. Like today, I stayed at the hospital from 8am to 8pm. My uncle had a meeting then so I was left to nurse alone. Good thing there was a TV set, which kept me from getting bored. One thing I've learned though is to never watch Wag Kukurap alone especially when you're in a hospital. Coz when I saw lola lift her hand, like she's reaching out for something unseen (at least for me), I immediately texted my mom to come over. Yes, what a wimp I am.

Though she still can't eat right because of the pain in her stomach, I think she's doing pretty well now. In fact, the doctor told us that she can already be discharged tomorrow. Thank Heavens. ^_^

Constant Is Change

We live in a world where nothing is constant but change.
It may be as natural as the change of weather.
Something necessary like the shedding of an outgrown snakeskin.
Something we expect like the rising and setting of the sun.
Or something that's quite the opposite,
Like the sudden change of font style in this line, for example.

Everything around us changes.

Seasons change.
Tides change.
Winds change.
We change.

We change the way we walk,
the way we talk,
the way we brush our teeth.
We change our looks,
our moods,
our attitudes,
our priorities.
We keep changing our minds.
Sometimes, even our hearts.
We grow up.
We grow old.
And whether we like it or not,
we grow apart.

Things change.
And so do people.

~o0o~

"But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same"
--- Everybody's Changing, Keane

Google Thinks I Am...

kringle is more fragile
kringle is a gift of art
kringle is special
kringle is a charming little rascal
kringle is also known as steve morse
kringle is without a doubt their crowning achievement
kringle is sincere and completely touching in every respect
kringle is the true santa claus and gives happy dreams to everybody
kringle is the only element that gives the original a run for its money
kringle is ready to celebrate christmas or anything else you can think of
kringle is a drunk sketch in yellow marker from my french workbook
kringle is not yet old enough to grow a beard

What a silly silly way to kill time. Go on! Try it yourself! Ta-ra!

A Week In Words

:: Monday ::
Last Friday, PGMA declared a state of emergency in response to yet another supposed coup attempt. Because of this, we were allowed to go home early and the deadline for our assessment exercise was extended up to 5pm today. I finished it before lunch but decided not to submit it yet. At 1:30, we had our lecture with Boss Joseph about the IT Outsourcing Industry. I thought it would last for 2 hours at most but it took us about 4 hours to go through all 70+ slides. The lecture itself was very, very informative. It gave me a deeper understanding of the kind of industry that I am in and how this type of business really works. But because of the length of the discussion, I wasn't able to submit my assessment exercise on time. Grrr.

:: Tuesday ::
Had a code review of the assessment exercise with Sir Rhom. 'Twas like a defense without the document and the panelists. So no need to kiss ass by preparing food and drinks. Nweiz, the code review went just fine. There was one possible combination though that I had overlooked. Sir Rhom left me for 5 minutes and asked me to debug the program. 5 minutes? Nyaha. Robot ba ako??

Then at 3pm, we had our lecture with Sir Zaldy about C Programming. I was very sleepy so most of the things he said just went in one ear and out the other without making any contact with my brain. >_<

:: Wednesday ::
I almost got myself killed on my way to work. I was crossing a one-way street nonchalantly, when a speeding FX counter-flowed and passed right in front of my face! I stood an inch away from death! And I mean that quite literally! I was really this close--->[_________________] from getting hit!!! Grabe. Had I made that single step a few centimeters farther, I'm one dead meat. Thank God I didn't.

Nweiz, I didn't do much at the office. Just had a brief lecture with Sir Rhom about the Fundamentals of C Programming and a not so brief lecture with Boss Joseph about CMMI. After that, I tried to familiarize myself with some Hiragana characters until it's time to go home.

Before heading home, I checked my bank account and learned that I already received my first pay! Since we'll be having our company outing on Saturday, I planned to keep it a secret first so that my parents won't cut my allowance until Friday. When I got home, my mom asked me if I already received my salary and I told her that I haven't received my payslip yet so I still don't know. Which was, of course, a la-la-la-lie!!! I know, my bad.

:: Thursday ::
Sir Rhom gave us our first hands-on exercise. 'Twas just a mere application of the control structures so we finished it in less than an hour. We also had our pictures taken for the company ID and for our batch picture.

:: Friday ::
At around 9 in the morning, something got into my eye that caused it to hurt so much. I applied several drops of Eye-mo and tried to wash it out with water a coupla times but nothing worked. Sir Ranzie asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital coz it looked bad already but I told him that there's no need. I had to close my left eye the ENTIRE day to help lessen the pain and do things half-blindedly. And though it did lessen the pain, I suffered a teary, red eye, a blurred vision and a terrible headache in return. The moment I got home, I applied Eye-mo again but this time, it was suuuper painful. Think papercut on your tongue. Yeah, THAT kind of pain. And that's when I broke down. My dad brought me to the EENT and the doctor took that fuckin' speck of dust out of my eye. Finally! After 10 hours! He examined my eye and saw scratches and a swelling inside my eyelid. He advised me to rest it for the swelling to subside and to just stay at home for it'll be more sensitive to sunlight, or any lightsource for that matter. Karma was served, indeed. :(

:: Saturday ::
Probably, as I type this entry, they are now swimming or fishing or racing with their kayaks or go karts or just enjoying the beautiful scenery at Clearwater. It's just sad that I don't get to join them and to think that among my batchmates, I was the one who was really excited about the outing and it was I who asked them to come coz they were undecided at first! ARGH!!!

Lesson relearned: "No, no, no baby, no, no, no, no don't lie..." >_<

2 Much 2 Soon

Last Thursday was my first day at work. Contrary to what I was expecting, I'm the only Mapúan in our batch. Two of my co-trainees are from Ateneo and one is from Adamson. Not that it's a big deal but of course it's much better to be in the training with someone from the same school, someone with the same background as I do. Coz unlike them, I know zilch about Unix or Java and sofware engineering wasn't part of our curriculum. The Ateneans, Piwi and Jessa, can speak Nihongo. Kathy is 2 years older than me and has an experience in working. Given that, I can't help but feel inferior. Very. :(

Nweiz, we spent most of the day in the conference room where Ms. Melody discussed the company policies and then she toured us around the office - both in the 32nd and 23rd floors. When I got home, I immediately went online to check my mail and chat with Aucie. After an hour or so, I logged off, washed my face, and went straight to bed. Yep, I was too tired to even eat dinner. >_<

Yesterday, we had this post-Valentine ek-ek and we were required to wear something red and be at the office before 8 o'clock. Sir Rhom and Sir Ranzie presented us the coverage of the training and how we will be evaluated. Then, we went to BPI to open our bank accounts. We stayed there for almost 2 hours. No, we didn't do it intentionally. Or did we? Ehe. We returned at the office 30 minutes before lunch break. I had my first lunch out with some of the design engineers. After lunch, our team was awarded first place for coming to work in red before 8! Yay, pizzas! Ehe. Sir Zaldy discussed the Unix platform, and being the Unix-ignoramus that I am, I didn't have the faintest idea of what he was talking about. Huhu. From work, I went to Makati to meet my mom. The plan was to eat dinner and do some shopping afterwards. But after stuffing ourselves with food, we both felt sleepy and decided to just go home and do the shopping on Sunday.

I guess in the next few weeks or months, there would be less of the blogging. Though I'll still try to post something like this during the weekends. So till next week!

UltraElectroTragicPop

A tragic incident happened today at Ultra, where more than 70 people, most of them elderly women, died of stampede while lining up for a chance to escape poverty. As expected, the people involved are pinning the blame to everyone else but themselves.

The event organizers are the ones who ate the biggest slice of the blame. They have foreseen how the crowd will respond and have seen it multiply as the BIG day approached yet no action was taken to control the ever-growing crowd. As if there was no plan whatsoever at all. Or maybe THIS was their only plan. To gather the huge crowd, fly the sky-patrol, show an endless sea of fanatics, and prove how popular their show really is, without thinking of the inconveniences that these people had to suffer.

ABS-CBN said that they were just trying to help the poor by giving away some cash prizes. Well that's just bullshit. Coz if they really want to reach out to the needy, there are far more better ways to do so. They shouldn't have taken advantage of the people's vulnerability and lured them with money just to win the ratings war. Apparently, they weren't helping the poor. They were BUYING them.

Then there's the local government of Pasig City. Just one question: Why grant permission to hold a big event with 30,000+ expected attendees when there is an obvious lack of perimeter space?!

Heck, even the mob itself is not without blame. The person who made that first fatal push that triggered the stampede, the greedy men who bullied their way in, unwary of those trampled on. God, if they only knew what it meant to fall in line.

...Or am I being insensitive here?

Coz I wasn't there. I wasn't one of those who stayed under the heat of the sun and endured several days of hunger. That these people had become so restless and desperate, they were no longer thinking straight. That they were hopelessly dependent on Wowowee to uplift their lives because they had no other choice. And losing the opportunity to receive the raffle ticket meant losing the only hope they've got left.

Either way, someone should be held liable coz this is not a freakin' accident. The death of these people could've been avoided if not for the negligence and irresponsibility of the persons involved. I'm sure that the network will extend their financial assistance to the bereaved families. Well they should! But how much does a life cost?

~o0o~

Here's a sad picture of our poor country...

...painted with the blood of our poor countrymen.

"Ito ay para sa mga masa
Sa lahat ng nawalan ng pag-asa"
--- Para Sa Masa, Eraserheads

ConGRADulations!

Today, our school officially sent our proud asses flying out of Mapúa! Here's to a new beginning! ^_^

Turning Point

I just did something I thought I wouldn't do. A lot of people I know are getting into it so I thought I'll give it a try. Just a try. Nothing more.

It started out of curiosity. I stepped into this dark room not knowing what to expect. It would be my first experience and I wanted it to be special, extra special. We took it nice and slow but I had no plans of going all the way. Eventually, things started to get a little out of control. My heart started to thump and my hands got cold and sweaty. I thought I was strong enough to resist it. I thought my ideals would keep me grounded. I thought... But I fell for all his sweet words and golden promises!

I just accepted the job offer at Tsukiden as Design Engineer Trainee.

Why?! What were you thinking?! *snicker*

Well, my friends made me realize that I'll be stupid to let this opportunity pass and that it wouldn't hurt if I give it a shot. However, it doesn't follow that I am placing my dreams at the backseat. I just wanna be crystal on that. Everything I said in my previous posts still holds true. I believe that this opportunity will play an important role in preparing me to become what I really want to be. And for now, I'll keep it at that.

So there. My training will start on February 16. That's two weeks from now. Meaning, I only have two weeks left to enjoy my life as a bum! Yikes.

~o0o~

Bought my first ever Neil Gaiman book - Neverwhere. ^_^

Thirst Day

I'm as tired as a horse that ran around the world in 80 days!

Had my panel interview at Tsukiden this morning. I was scheduled at 10:15 and I arrived just a minute earlier. There were some VIP guests so I wasn't interviewed immediately. Which is actually a good thing coz they gave me about an hour to cool down. Ehe.

The interview went fairly well, I guess. Save for the technical questions that caught me off guard. Very simple questions that I should've known the answers to. Grr. My memory has failed me once again. Bleh.

After the interview, I met this guy named Zaldy. He told me how nice it is to work at Tsukiden, the structure of the company, his trips to Japan, etc. I think he's been with the company for 5(?!) years now. After we ate our lunch, I stayed at Powerbooks to kill some time. They were on sale again! Saw a copy of The Sandman Vol. 2 : The Doll's House by Neil Gaiman for 99 pesos! I was about to pay for it when I noticed that some of the pages were torn. Nyeh.

I then headed to Makati for my exam at Accenture. I'm not that familiar with Legazpi Village so I asked my dad for directions. When I got off at Paseo de Roxas, I met this girl named Nenita (or Teresita). She's from Leyte (or Cavite). Hehe! Basta some place far from Manila! She, too, was headed to Libran House and had no idea where it was. "At least if we get lost, we get lost together!" Ehe.

After asking around and walking a couple of blocks, we finally reached the building. We arrived 30 minutes before the scheduled exam. I filled-out an application form and had some small talk with Nenita/Teresita about her current employer.

Nweiz, the exam ran for 2.5 hours. There was a glitch with the system so we took a pen-and-paper exam instead of a computer-based exam. I really dunno how I faired though and I'd rather not get my hopes up.

When I got out of the building, 'twas already dark and a light drizzle was falling. I wasn't able to bring my umbrella with me so I guess... ACHOO! *sniff* There. I have sniffles again. Ugh.

Oh well. My name's written all over my bed now. Goodnight!

Feed Me Right

I thought I had it all figured out. But these people made me think otherwise.

Just arrived from Adam's baptism. Quite a typical name, eh? Wait till I give you his full name. Aceyork Amsterdam "Adam" S. Mendoza! Ehe. Nweiz, Adam is Ate Shirley's first born. He's really really cute and oh soo adorable! so I'll post his picture here soon! ^_^

During the reception, my aunts and uncles talked to me about looking for a company with high-starting salaries, that I should take advantage of the "bling-bling", that opportunities will knock and that I shouldn't settle for less.

Their expectations are so high, it's frightening.

Am I wrong in saying this?
Am I missing out on something far more important?

Well, maybe they were right. Maybe I had it all wrong. That it's not just about doing what I like to do. That work entails sacrifice and it doesn't have to be fun. That I should be practical. That I failed to consider other factors like job security and financial stability.

Then again, maybe they were the ones who failed to consider the most important of all - ME.

Wishful Thinking

"Oh no there you go
Looked away and missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive?"
--- Wishful Thinking, Duncan Sheik

Gone For Gold

Mico: "Ate Kringle, mei nag-text sayo! Parang di totoo! Bagong scam ata!"

"Elo po. Congrats! Gold medalist k po. Twag k daw po s regstrar nxt wik (tue-wed) para s invitation ng parents mo sa bacc mass. Ok? Reply pg nrcv mo. -fac, gc pres."

Yippee!!! Hahaha!!! I'm so soo sooo super happy!!! My face hurts coz I couldn't stop smiling!!! My parents will be proud as hell!!! Hehe!!!

Now I realize that taking a leave wasn't a bad move! Not at all! Coz everything has a purpose! God has a purpose! And now I see the goodness in this and this!

Thank God!!!

Designed to Design

I called off my interview at Antico Manila this morning. Had a change of heart because of the YM conversation I had with Mike last night. But I still pushed through with my interview at Tsukiden. Ms. Melody told me to prepare for the panel interview any time next week coz they might ask me some technical questions.

Ugh. The more I take these technical exams and interviews in programming, the more I realize that I'm really not cut out for it.

No, I don't see myself as a hardcore programmer 5 years from now. No, I don't want to lead a group of design engineer trainees in the future. And there's nothing, NOTHING, to love about programming.

Sure, I can program. But it's not what I wanna do. It's not what I wanna be. I don't wanna get a job just for the sake of having a job, of earning some moolah. I don't wanna dread waking up on a Monday morning. I don't wanna drag myself to work everyday. I may sound too idealistic, and unrealistic, and impractical, and naive. Maybe it's because I am.

I want a job that I love!!!

Whatever happened to this??? And this???

I already know which way to go. I already know what my dream is. I already know where my passion is. But why the hell am I not pursuing it?!

Fucking shoot me!

Welcome To The Jungle

After a month of bumming around and taking a much needed rest, I moved my bakasyonista butt off and started looking for a job.

I took an exam at Antico Manila this morning. I wasn't expecting anything, really, coz I left a couple of questions blank (blame it on the hexadecimals!) and I wasn't able to finish the problem solving part. Actually, I really had a hard time with that part of the exam.

*Q: If you bought 5 apples, 3 oranges, and 8 bananas for $5.99, and then bought 3 apples, 4 oranges, and 2 bananas for $3.99, how much does 1 apple, 1 orange, and 1 banana cost?

A: Uhm, I dunno. And frankly, I don't care.

Hehe! Of course that wasn't the answer I wrote. I just left some of those items blank. Well, not exactly blank blank. Just blank with nothing useful on it. I just copied the given and wrote an equation that led to nothing. Nyaha.

Mom: "Kamusta exam?"
Me: "Ok lang."
Mom: "Anong 'ok lang'?"
Me: "Di ko alam e..."
Mom: "Tumawag dito, pumasa ka na daw."
Me: "Di nga?!"
Mom: "Oo nga."
Me: "Weh??"
Mom: "Ayaw maniwala..."

As Ralph Wiggum would say, "That's unpossible!" Ehe, so I truly passed the exam. Ms. Lara scheduled me for an interview tomorrow at 10am. But I also have an exam with Tsukiden at 8:30am so I asked her if it's possible to reset it on Thursday. And Thursday it is.

*not the actual question

Everything Wrestling

I've been feeling incredibly off lately but I couldn't quite put a finger on why. So when my brother asked me to do a couple of ads, without thinking twice, I sat in front of my PC hoping that it would somehow clear my mind from all the stress and drama that took place days ago. After an hour or so...

...done. And now I'm back in the ring, wrestling with myself again.

A Hero's Fall

Little girls look up to their fathers like heroes. They treat them with utmost love and respect. Some even vow to marry men resembling their fathers.

I used to be that little girl.

Now I look at my dad and I come to realize that my childhood hero has fallen, defeated by his own self. I look at him and I find myself praying that I wouldn't end up with someone like him. I still love and respect him, though. But I'm afraid that it's starting to wither. Slowly. Like a dying rose, one petal at a time.

My mom is hurting so bad because of what my dad had done and is still doing. Many, many little things that may seem insignificant when taken individually but when summed up, can suggest that something's not quite right.

"I don't just think it. I know it coz I feel it.", she said.

And I believe her.

I wanted to hug her and tell her that I love her. That no matter what my dad says and does, she'll always have us, her kids. That if she wants to take some time away from him, I will understand. That I might even go with her. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her but the only words that came out of my mouth were: "Hayaan mo sha."

I'm sorry, mom. I wanna take away your pain but I dunno how.

Take Trust

----_-----: hello
spit_shine20: halo! :D
----_-----: ummh.. wat gawa mo?
spit_shine20: check lng ng mail..
----_-----: honestly... d ako si ******* gf niya ako gamit ko lng ym nya
----_-----: ummh...
spit_shine20: ahh.. hello!
----_-----: hi..............
----_-----: wala kc me magawa gamit ko ym niya.................
spit_shine20: hehe..
----_-----: wat name mo?
spit_shine20: kringle
----_-----: ah ok....
----_-----: gurl k b?
spit_shine20: yep
----_-----: skul mo??
spit_shine20: sa mapua.. pero grad na ko..
----_-----: ohhh.. pano m sya nakilala??..
spit_shine20: ka-org ko xa e..
----_-----: oic.. gtg n po ako
----_-----: tnx sa tym po..:)
spit_shine20: ok cge.. :D
----_-----: take care..
spit_shine20: take trust. ;)

I don't think she was able to read the last line, though. She logged off before I could hit the enter key. Grabe ha. For a second, I felt like a criminal under interrogation. What the hell was she doing with her boyfriend's YM account?! Tsktsk. Trust your boo, girl.

When God Speaks

These past few days, I was in a bit of a quandary. I had an awful lot of questions that needed answers. I felt lost and confused that I needed someone or something to guide me in the right direction. But it wasn't fate that showed me the way, like I thought it would. My faith did.

God spoke to me at church today through our Pastor's preaching.

"What is your dream?"

"What is it that you're passionate about?"

"What is it that God placed in your heart?"

"What is that one thing that you're willing to do even if you're not gonna be paid? That might give you a clue."

It sure did, God. It sure did.

Praise You.

2006 Kicks In

Good thing that most of our neighbors have grown wiser in ushering 2006. Instead of firing firecrackers that could cost them their fingers or eyes, noisy paper trumpets and loud music filled the air. And there's a lot less of that nauseating gunpowder smell. Thank God.

2006 is a year of change for me. This year, I'm about to enter the jungle that is the corporate world. I'm about to embark into a journey where everything is possible yet nothing is certain. I'm now standing on the brink of my future, preparing to take a leap from my comfort zone into a world of the unknown...

Welcome, 2006!

Honestly, I'm not ready for you. Are you ready for me?

Riverbanks Concert

Watched Kitchie Nadal and Cue*eherm*shé at Riverbanks. Kitchie's performance was super boring. Hated the way she sang Eraserhead's "Ligaya". But I still love her for the song "Same Ground" nonetheless.

I admit liking Cueshé when I first heard their song "Stay" on the radio. Now I think Cueshé is nothing but a bunch of clichés. Getting more and more jologs by the minute. Bleh.

"If all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fails
Would you be brave to see right through me?"
--- Same Ground, Kitchie Nadal

Maktub: It Is Written

I've been in school for sixteen years. Sixteen years of acquiring knowledge and studying my ass off to get good grades. Sixteen long years of teachers, classmates, books, projects, and homeworks. When you stop going to school, where do you go?

It got me thinking about what I really want to do, what I want to accomplish, and what I want to be.

What does the world hold for me? Where is the right path? How will I decide?

Questions, questions, and more questions. For now, I don't have any answers. Or maybe, I'm not asking the right questions.

~o0o~

I've just finished reading The Alchemist and how I wish I could understand the language of the world and recognize the omens, if there's really such a thing. How I wish I know how to listen to my heart's voice and realize its dreams. I have this belief that I am in control of my life, that I am the only person sitting behind the wheel, steering it in the direction I want to go in. But I also want to believe that the world is working to move me in the direction of my personal legend. I need all the guidance that I could get coz I'm sure as hell that this is not going to be a smooth drive. I want to believe that the universe conspires with the dreamer, that fate will show me the way and that one day, I will become... my dream.

~o0o~

Already got my graduation pictures on CD. Wow. Graduate na pala talaga ako...

Viva La Bum

Been sleeping a lot lately. And I mean, A LOT. I hit the sack at around 11pm, wake up at 7am to surf for free, get back to sleep at 8:30, wake up at 12 just to eat my lunch, take a bath, read a book till I fall asleep, get up for dinner, watch some TV, surf a little, read a little, then I'm dead again. Nyaha.

~o0o~

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

I'm done reading The Catcher in the Rye. It's a classic book and all but boy was it crazy as hell. Funny coz after reading it, I can't help but adopt Holden Caulfield's voice in my writing. Now ain't that grand? Grand. God, I hate that word. Grand. It's the phoniest word ever. I could puke everytime I hear it. Hehe. ;)

Next stop: The Alchemist

YEHEY! Xmas Party

Just came home from YEHEY!'s Christmas party. I'm still feeling a little tipsy from all the booze I drank and words seem scarce so I'll just let these photos talk.

For the kris kringle, I would like to thank Yel for being my sponsor for tonight. Hehe. I wasn't able to receive my first choice on my wishlist, which is an electric-guitar-shaped sling bag, but I understand my "mommy" coz I dunno where I could buy one either. What I got is this book called "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" by Mark Haddon, which is second on my wishlist. Yay! ^_^

On our way home, I realized that I'm gonna miss a lotta things din pala.

I'm gonna miss saying, "Sa Podium lng po..." to the FX driver.
I'm gonna miss the pretty Christmas trees at Discovery's lobby.
I'm gonna miss the waterfalls on the wall.
I'm gonna miss riding the elevator up to the 38th floor.
I'm gonna miss arriving at 10am when I should've arrived an hour earlier.
I'm gonna miss signing the log sheet and writing 9:30 anyway.
I'm gonna miss Ate Nerie's pangungulit.
I'm gonna miss the uber fast internet access.
I'm gonna miss updating the movie guide on Wednesdays and Fridays.
I'm gonna miss populating the Gadgets channel.
I'm gonna miss designing frontdoor images for YEHEY!eCards.
I'm gonna miss encoding the internet cafe information sheets.
I'm gonna miss wrapping gifts and tying ribbons.
I'm gonna miss Manang, or Buchoy, or Buchok, or "Justin" or whatever his name is.
I'm gonna miss the YEHEY! people.

Yeah, the people. Those who've been super nice right from the start and even those who HAD to be nice just because. *Sigh* Am sure gonna miss this whole OJT thing as hell. Ugh. What a sap I am. Oh well. Time to hit the sack!

Oh, I almost forgot. I saw something that I shouldn't have seen. My parents were... well, uhm... you know what I mean. I'm out. -_- ZZzzzzz...

Over And Done With

My blogging took a back seat for a month because I was super busy with my OJT, schoolwork, and all. I always arrive tired and sleepy. And I didn't feel like I had much to blog about anyway. But now that I'm done with my OJT and school's over, I'm back. At long last, I'm back.

Today's our last day at YEHEY! and as a sign of our gratitude, we bought 'em a bilao of pancit palabok from Red Ribbon and puto from Goldilock's. Ms. Elaine gave us a YEHEY! tumbler, which reminds me of the gift wrapping sessions we had as factory workers, este... interns (think boxes and boxes and boxes of pens, thumbdrives and tumblers.. >_<), and a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory VCD and notebook! Jinky Vidal's there having this chat event but we weren't able to meet her, let alone see her, coz we were in a rush to submit our final drafts to Ma'am Roda. Besides, I've already seen her perform during her Freestyle days and I'm not into her music as a solo artist anyway.

We reached school at around 5pm. They weren't able to submit their paper coz there was this Christmas party at the library. Thank God I printed mine at home. I just had to talk my way out of the screenshot pages that I lacked. Other than that, everything's cool. Hai salamat. I can finally kick back and stock up on all the zzz's that I missed!

It's Been 3 Years...

Yeah, someday.

God, I miss him sooo much. T_T

I Blog Therefore I Am

Attended a Focus Group Discussion for YEHEY! held at the Equitable PCI Bank tower in Ortigas. Too bad Yel and Ruiza weren't able to come. I also invited Roxie and Ogie but they had other matters to attend to. And I just realized that we won't fall under the same category anyway. "Young Professionals" na sila e. Naks! ;) Sayang. Nweiz, 'twas nice meeting new people and discussing the Internet with them. When asked what would make me visit YEHEY! more often, I said something about offering its users something new. "Like what?" I really had no idea. But now I do. Basta it's something blog-related.

Ha?! Blog na naman?! Mukha ka na talagang blog!

*Sigh* I told myself before that I would never go with what's uso. That I would always swim against the flow no matter how strong the current is. Well, that explains why I never signed up for a Friendster account. Call me abnormal, call me anti-social, call me whatever you want. Basta. But I stalk. I stalk a lot. ^_^

Then there's blogging. This part of the Web used to be so quiet when I entered. Now more and more people are taking a part of their privacy and are allowing the public to take a bite. And the evil spambots, who used to be confined inside my mailbox, have invaded Blogger too! It really must be the "in" thing now. But instead of swimming against the flow, like I normally do, this time I simply stayed afloat. I worked with the current and I allowed myself to become one with it. There were times that I thought of leaving the blogging community but when something "bloggable" happens, I always end up in front of my PC with thoughts darting from one experience to another in sheer delight. Nyaha. Looks like there's no letting go of my personal catharsis.

Nweiz, what I'm trying to say is that a lot of people are into blogging nowadays. A lot of people are making their private lives part of the public domain. And a lot of people, human nature as it is, enjoy delving into other people's private lives as well. So why not strike whilst the iron is hot?!

Speaking of which, YEHEY! gave out freebies for the FGD participants. I got myself a YEHEY! shirt, stickers, Php500 worth of Little Asia GC, Before Sunset postcards, and Orange and Lemons' "Strike Whilst The Iron Is Hot" CD! Coolness. ^_^

Empty [V] Debut

Cigarette Burns

It's times like these that I find myself wishing I never met you. That I never became friends with you. That I never became more.

We started out as friends, really good friends. We had each other to lighten our burdens. We carry half of each other's load. Your problem becomes my problem and vice versa.

Me: "Sayo ung numbers 1-10, akin ung 11-20."

Hehe! Well, that's not exactly what I meant, though it did happen once or twice. ;) Actually, 'twas more of uhm, sharing problems regarding our families, our friends, and our lives at large. There's no denying that what we had was something special. But you were with someone then so we both decided to just keep the friendship. I didn't know that you were arguing with her a lot because of it, because of us. Not until I received an email from her.

" ... TANGINA MO! MAAYOS NA KME E! BKT MO B KME GINUGULO? ... PLS. LANG TIGILAN MO NA KME! TANGINA MO TALAGA! ..."

After that incident, with just a snap of a finger, we stopped communicating. Just like that. Then we saw each other at Gateway three years after. 'Twas one of those awkward meetings that we felt like there's a lot to talk about but we both didn't know where to begin. You were with her pa.

Girl: "WAW!!! Kringle!!! Ang saya ko nakita ka namin!!!"

Her words were burning with sarcasm. She wanted me away. And it doesn't take a Promil kid to figure that one out.

Me: "Hocge, una na ko. Mei hinahabol pa kc ako e."

But the world seemed so small for the three of us. We saw each other again at LRT Santolan station. But this time, I ignored you on purpose. Not because I was mad but because I felt that 'twas the right thing to do. I really didn't want to but I had to. We walked past each other like we're not even friends. I felt happy for a moment thinking that I did the right thing. But you know what? Deep down inside, I ached.

Back To Square One

After almost 5 years of use, my PC just gave up on me. That's 800+ MP3 files, 12 music videos, 600+ fonts, 500+ Eminem photos, down the drain. ARGH!!! How I wish I could call a plumber on this one. :(

It's A Yehey! Birthday

Actually, not quite.

I started the day reading birthday greetings from my friends, cousins, and a couple of unexpected persons. Then my parents woke up and greeted me as well.

Papa: "O, bakit matamlay ang celebrant?!"
Me: "First day ko kaya sa OJT ngayon."
Papa: "E di wag ka muna pumasok!"
Me: "Ngak! Di pwede noh. Nakakahiya."

The thought of being surrounded with people who have no idea that I'm celebrating a special day today is just sad. But I don't wanna miss my first day of OJT with the company so I found myself dragging my feet out of the house a quarter before 8. Contrary to what I expected, Junction wasn't that congested and I was able to ride an FX right away.

And I thought I was lucky.

Wrong!

Coz an MMDA officer suddenly appeared out of nowhere!

FX driver: "Naku boss, paxenxa na. Hindi ko talaga alam e. 8 months na kc ako di buma-biyahe e. Paxenxa na talaga."
MMDA: "Hindi kc pdeng ganon e. Hindi alam, hindi nakita, laging mei rason. Paxenxa na lang din kau."

After 15 minutes, the MMDA officer finally allowed us to go.

And I thought it was over.

Wrong again!

We were about to enter Ortigas Center when the engine died. The driver would crank up the engine, have it running again but it would only last for 7 seconds! I swear! I counted! Grabe. It took me forever to reach Podium! And it rained pa! *Sigh* The Gods really ganged up on me this day. Happy birthday talaga sakin! >_< Peach: "Carlo Aquino, willing magpakita ng pwet?!"
John: "What?!?! Parang sinabi mo na ring magb-bold ang Going Bulilit!!!"

WAHAHAHAHA!!!!

When I got home, dinner was set and they were just waiting for me. My mom cooked spaghetti, chicken, waknatoy, rellenong bangus, and baked tahong. For dessert, I had a strawberry cheesecake topped with vanilla ice cream topped with chunks of Snickers topped with chocolate syrup! Now it feels like my stomach is starting to crawl its way up my gullet!

Grabe. I'm now 20 years old! That's two decades of living and of taking up space in this overpopulated world! I really am no longer a teen! Oh well. My eyes are closing on me now. Must go to sleep. -_-

Centennial Rock

Just got home from St. Scho-Manila's "Centennial Rock" - a rockin' celebration of St. Scholastica's 100 years! There were eight bands lined-up to play for the event. First on stage was a band composed of koolasas, followed by a band named Protein Shake. After their Dance club set the stage on fire, Hiraya took the stage to cool it off a little. Ala's a lot prettier and skinnier in person but she seemed kinda shy onstage, which is unlikely of her with all the fame that she has being an ex-VJ-slash-commercial-model. She could've at least started their set with "Happy 100 years St. Scho!!!" or something like that to connect with her audience. No wonder the crowd wasn't that into their performance. They have great songs though and Ala has a nice singing voice so I'm still gonna vote for them in NU's Rock Awards for "In the Raw".

As the night wore on, Nerveline played just before the crowd-favorite, pogi-rock-band (no pun intended), Sponge Cola rocked the stage. The moment Yael took hold of the mic, the crowd went wild! Think hundreds of crazy fan girls screaming their heads off, going nuts over the guys, singing "KLSP", "Gemini" and "Jeepney" word for word like it's a friggin' videoke session and consequently drowning Yael's voice. In one word: GRABE. But I must say, he is really one helluva hot guy!


Next on stage was Imago. I really REALLY enjoyed watching Aia perform. Especially when they did "Anino". Ang likot-likot-likot niya sa stage! And I just discovered that she's a koolasa! "Happy 100 years sa atin!!!" Astig. When she started singing "Taning", I couldn't help but notice these koolasa lovebirds in front of me who were hugging each other a little tighter. Why? "Tama bang aminin na nating may taning itong pag-ibig natin? Dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit sa bulag na pag-ibig..." That's why. ^_^

6cyclemind began their set with "You and Me" by Lifehouse. If not for Ney's voice, I would think that the band had a new vocalist on board coz he sure had lost a lot of weight. Well, that is compared to the last time I've seen him, which was uhm... two years ago? Nweiz, they also performed two of their original songs - "Biglaan" and "Sige". I'm not a big fan of the band but I must say that most of their songs, especially "Biglaan", hit close to home. Coz when you... ugh. Never mind. I'm gonna spare you the drama.

Last to hit the stage was Dicta License. Since I'm only familiar with the song "Ang Ating Araw", I didn't really enjoy their set. Actually, I felt like I was the only one who didn't enjoy their set coz everyone else seemed so hyped up. I dunno. Perhaps I was just too exhausted to appreciate their music, let alone Poch's high-pitched voice.

As I was preparing myself to go home, I saw my Reading teacher in 3rd grade, Ms. Aquino. I was a little hesitant at first but when I was reminded of my last visit at St. Scho, when I wanted to see my former teachers but didn't, I immediately dropped every bit of hesitance and decided to strike up a conversation.

Me: "Ma'am, dito na po pala kau nagtuturo. Naging student nio po ko dati sa Marikina..."
Ms. Aquino: "Kaya pala you look familiar! Buti naman naalala mo pa ko."
Me: "Ehe, xempre naman po."
Ms. Aquino: "What year kita naging student?"
Me: "Super tagal na.. grade 3 or 4 pa ata ako. Super tagal na talaga."
Ms. Aquino: "Honga, those were my first years in teaching pa! Tanda ko na!"
Me: "Ehe, di nga po kau nagbago e!"
Ms. Aquino: "Wow, thank you! Sige nga, anong subject ang tinuro ko non?"
Me: "Uhm..."
Ms. Aquino: "Naku, nakalimutan na!"
Me: "E bsta English subject xa.."
Ms. Aquino: "Ayun.. Reading and Language!"
Me: "Tama, yun nga yun!"
Ms. Aquino: "So san ka na ngayon?"

Except for some visible strands of white hair, she looked exactly the same as before. As if 10 years haven't made that big of a difference on her. I wonder what her secret is. Uhm, stay single? Oh well. 'Twas such a nice way to end a kick ass night! \m/

"Nauubos din ang luha
Natutuyo at nawawala
Naglalaho rin pala"
--- KLSP, Sponge Cola

OJT Hunt Over

We were scheduled for an interview this morning at YEHEY! Corporation for our OJT applications. Actually, 'twas more of an orientation than it is an interview. Ms. Elaine and Ms. Kankan were the ones who did most of the talking. According to them, we're gonna work on the new YEHEY! channel called Gadgets (which is yet to be launched), update the movie guide, and do flash banners. They have various events lined up for October and November so we're also gonna do some field work. No allowance for us, though. Except if we're on field. Bleh. >_<

Nweiz, with or without an allowance, what's important is that we now have a company for our OJT and we could start accomplishing the requirements needed for the course.

And I say "Yehey!" to that! ^_^

Ohana Means Family

I think it's funny how cartoons can stick a knife in my gut without me realizing that I'm bleeding all over the place.

Lilo: "Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind. But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves."

Today is the third time that I've watched Lilo and Stitch but this painfully beautiful line delivered by Lilo while Stitch is walking away from her has never failed to put an ugly lump in my throat. And I need not say why.

Old Photographs

I was helping my brother out on his autobiography presentation when we started looking through stacks and stacks of old photographs. Picked out some of my favorite shots and made a collage out of it. Lookie!

OJT Hunt II

Yel and Ruiza submitted our résumés at Citibank and People Support in Makati. I'm supposed to meet them at Megamall by 10am to continue our OJT hunt in Ortigas. But before heading to Megamall, I had to drop by Landbank to deposit my payment for Sophie's World. I thought I'll be done in 15 minutes but my estimation turned out to be a little far-fetched. I made them wait for more than an hour. Shame on me. >_<

Nweiz, we submitted our résumés at Yehey.com, IWBCorp, and iGen Portal. And just a couple of hours later, we received a text message from iGen Portal asking us to drop by their office tomorrow at 10am for an interview. Yel called the company and found out that they don't provide trainees with allowance. Argh! I think we should start considering other companies regardless of whether they give out some moolah or not. Coz this whole search for an allowance-providing company is getting us nowhere. But then again, when I start thinking about Christmas...

Jumpstart Thy Morning

I hate it when my mom nags about nothing but our problems. And in the morning to boot! It's such an awful way to jumpstart our morning. It makes us all so depressed and cheesed off.

I understand that we should face the problem. But what I don't understand is why we have to be enslaved by it. Why we have to worry about it every waking moment of our lives. Why can't we just smile and recognize the value of what we have? Like hey, we're all together and complete and thank God we're all in good health. I mean, isn't that more important? For once, I wanna spend a day with my parents without hearing any complaints coz it's really getting on my nerves and it does zilch for us anyway. Just once. Please. It's not running away. Just asking for a break. That's all. A break.

Bugoy King

You may have enjoyed playing king or queen over this creepy chicken.

DANCE!!!	CARTWHEELS!!!
PLAY DEAD!!!	STRIP OFF!!!

Now challenge Lord Vader as he reads your mind with his Sith sense.

"This is a battle of wits, and clearly you are unarmed."

Lucky Me

Got a call from MTV asking me to drop by their office on Friday to claim my Gwen Stefani "Love Angel Music Baby" CD. Hmm, I think I'mma push my luck a little further and hand them my résumé as well.

OJT Hunt

Ramnel and I went to GXS and Megaworld to submit our résumés for our OJT application. Then, he accompanied me at Level-Up where I had my first interview right after I've submitted my résumé.

I'm really crossing my fingers for an OJT with GXS mainly because they provide trainees with Php200 daily allowance and because it is located inside the classiness of the RCBC Building.

I'm having second thoughts with Level-Up because of the arrangement that Ma'am Christine told me. According to her, OJT slots for the IT Department are already filled up but she can put me in the Accounting Department or the Logistics Department and the certification would still indicate that I was with the IT Department. Not bad for Php100 but not really ok since it would defeat the purpose of having an OJT.

Though I'm not sure if I'll earn some moolah with Megaworld, the good thing about the company aside from its SVP being my dad's friend and the certification-even-without-attendance offer, which I am likely to decline, is that it's just a stone's throw away from school. As Ramnel puts it, "Konting unat lang nasa Mapúa ka na."

Oh well. For now, I just have to wait for the first company that will give me a ring.

Third World War

My parents told me not to mention anything about it to my uncle. I really tried not to. But I failed.

Tito Arnel: "Not that I'm eavesdropping or something. Na-overhear ko yung conversation niyo e. I want you to be straight with me."

Did I have a choice? He said he already heard everything so what's left to hide? Damn. With the look on his face, I bet I've just driven him around the bend. This is, undoubtedly, the beginning of the third world war. So deadly that it would wipe out half of the islands in the Pacific, plus a forth of the planet uninhabitable. And here I am, caught in the middle.

I think I should pack my bags and move to Timbuktu.

Waves Of Nostalgia

I accompanied my mom at St. Scho this morning to submit her proposal letter. Waves of nostalgia washed over me as I walked through the halls of my old school, the same halls that saw me grow up for 8 years. Long forgotten incidents resurfaced and phantoms of youthful escapades leaped out from behind every shrub on campus. I caught a glimpse of the playground and recalled the afternoons spent at the swing with my servicemates waiting for our service to arrive. When I turned to my left, I saw the grass area where I got myself injured for kicking the ball a little too hard. Then, there's the chapel where I said my morning prayers with Jong. The clinic that nursed me and gave me an awful lot of ammonia when I fainted. Then I saw my classroom when I was in my senior year and I felt my insides tighten a little for it produced a lot of powerful memories. Oh well. Too bad I wasn't able to see any of my former teachers. I was planning to say my thank you's sana.

Did I mention that I was in and out of the campus in less than 5 minutes? Just imagine what could've happened if I stayed a little longer.

Books 4 Less

Thanks to Ebay I now have the following titles on my shelf:

• Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt
• The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
• The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
• The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
• The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason
• Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding

'P' Is For...

Went to myMapúa to view my grade in our thesis. Instead of seeing a number, I saw this instead: 'P'. Since 'twas my first encounter with the "P grade", I had no idea of its real meaning. One possible meaning is that we 'PASSED' our thesis subject. Or it could also mean that our grade is still 'PENDING' since 'twas only this morning that we submitted all the requirements. I checked on my curriculum and found out that the status of my CSTHES213 subject is "Not Taken". HOLY COW. I immediately asked Ramnel to call or text me his username and password to see if it's the same for him. Not hearing from Ramnel, I called Roxie and asked her if she knows his log-in info. Failing both attempts to access his account, I went online and asked Eli his grade. He said that his is 'C', which means 'COMPLETION'. Then, he told me that the others who already passed also received a grade of 'P'. Hai salamat. I thought we 'PAILED'.

Pity Me? Pity You.

So. I heard you feel sorry for me. And why is that?
Coz I'm living a miserable life?
Am I?
Coz the only person I loved left me for another?
Is that it?
Coz you think that I am such a loser?
Do you really think so?

For your information, I'M DOING JUST FINE. Never better, actually. No thanks to your "honest-to-goodness" act of sympathy. Yes, I WAS sad and I WAS in pain. But I was NEVER miserable. Afterall, my world doesn't revolve on his ass or any other man's ass. I myself am complete. I don't need another person to fill me in. I don't throw myself to other people just to gain "admirers". And if you think that I AM the loser, think again.

Tsktsk. Go on. Feed your hungry ego until it consumes you.

And don't pity me. Pity yourself.

So Long And Goodnight

Just because I've been seeing and hearing a lot of Helena lately...

"And what's the worst you take
From every heart you break
And like the blade you stain
Well I've been holding on tonight"
--- Helena, My Chemical Romance

Life After Death

Last Wednesday, Tita Roan and her husband went to the bank to withdraw some cash. Their daughter Erika was with them. Not far from the bank, four armed men in motorcycles got in their way and announced a stickup. They gave them the money for hopes that they would spare them the bullets. But these men were indeed heartless. After they got hold of the money, a barrage of bullets soared through the air. Tita's Roan's husband was shot in the legs. Their 2-year-old daughter, in the head.

I dunno what exactly is my relationship with Erika. All I know is that she is a distant relative. But still. The pain and the loss was felt. *Sigh* She was just too young to die.

But as they say, when people die, new people are born to take their place.

Yesterday, a new life was born. My cousin, Ate Shirley, gave birth to a bouncing baby boy! Heard that the doctors and nurses are still scrambling around trying to catch him. Congratulations! ^_^

---

This candle, I light for Erika. May God bless and grant eternal repose to her soul.

Thesis The Moment

Before heading to school, I dropped by Robinson's and bought solo pizzas for our panelists and adviser. 'Twas raining really hard so commuting with 5 boxes of pizza, 5 bottles of C2, 4 framed certificates, and a poster, while in business attire, was a real pickle. Too bad my dad wasn't around to drive me to school. Bleh.

We had our defense scheduled at 1:30 and I arrived at exactly 1:13pm. There were still a couple of groups before us so we had to wait for our turn until 3 o'clock. My dream team of panelists got disbanded. Ma'am Barral was nowhere to be found and Sir Jayson had a defense scheduled for his class. Sir Joel told us that he'll take the place of Ma'am Barral and we just have to look for one more panelist. We went to the faculty room but the only faculty member there was Ma'am Abisado. After what she did last term?! HELL NO. Sir Isip told Ramnel to talk to Ma'am Angel instead. And being the angel that she is, sans the halo and the wings, she willingly gave us an hour of her time.

So here's the new line-up:
1. Sir Niño Virtusio (forward)
2. Sir Joel de Goma (guard)
3. Ma'am Angel Montales (center)

Still a dream team, eh? Well, to cut the long story short, our defense went just fine. After a little questioning, they just gave us some minor additions, and that's it. No need for oil and onions! ^_^

One Bad Trip

After I spent too much moolah in printing our thesis document and leaflets in an internet cafe, our printer is now working just fine.

Not funny at all.

Losing Ink

I had my cartridge refilled this afternoon yesterday. And it's just now that I realized that there's something wrong with it. NOW that I'm gonna print the document needed for tomorrow. Err, later.

ARGH!!! I feel so fuckin' stupid! Why didn't I check it earlier?! Why didn't I check it the moment I arrived home?! WHY JUST NOW?! Now that it's past 1 in the morning?! ARGH!!!

*Sigh* It appears that 10 chip contacts are missing in the cartridge that's why the printer couldn't recognize it. Now I have no choice but to have it printed in an internet cafe and have it photocopied first thing in the morning. I bet it'll cost me an arm and a leg. *Sigh*

Problem is, I won't be able to see Ma'am Balilo at 9. I better tell Ramnel about it.

Big Fat Liar

I thought classes are gonna be suspended today so I just slept the entire morning and got up just in time for lunch. While I was stuffing myself with food, I received a text message from Ma'am Balilo.

"Please gve mr. De goma and all ur panelists a copy of ur final paper TODAY. See me tom 9am at d faculty room."

I almost choked on a mouthful of Sisig.

"Ma'am d po kme mkkpsok ngyn dhl s transport stryk. Dpt po tlga pu2nta kme skul kso po wla po tlga mskyan. Bka po pde 2m mrning n lng po..."

To some extent, true. There was really a transport strike, we were really planning to go to school and Ramnel was really stranded. But I wasn't. Truth is, I haven't printed everything yet coz I haven't refilled my colored cartridge and we still have to consult our technical adviser. No, I wasn't lazy. ^_^

Her reply: "OK"

So shoot me.

Same Script, Different Cast

I understand that I'm not in the right position to question your actions coz I know a little about what's happening. But based on what I know, I can say that you're at it again. Please. Whatever it is that you're doing, drop it. Be content with what you have. Don't deprive others of their happiness. Don't kill the love in their hearts. For once, learn how to be happy for others.

~o0o~

God, I pray for my friend. Please be nice to her. Don't let anyone stand between them. I pray that hearts won't be broken and tears won't be shed. I don't want love to fail on her. Like it did with me.

To Err Is Human

My lola is in my room now, bitching about the mistakes and the crooked beliefs of my parents, particularly my dad. Mostly regarding things that happened in the past. Though I've heard it countless times, I still force myself to listen. Simply because I respect her and I don't want her to feel ignored. But it gets irritating at times. And hurtful. Coz these are my parents we are talking about here. I hope she realizes that every cut that her words inflict in them, she unconsciously inflicts in me. And I just don't see the point in raking over the ashes. For me, whatever occurred in the past must stay in the past. We can't change it anyway. So what's the use? My dad may have screwed up, but isn't it normal? What's important is that he learned from his mistakes and he strived to become a better man. I just hate how she magnifies my dad's shortcomings and ignores the good things that he did for them. Hai. But don't get me wrong. Coz I still love my lola. As much as I love my parents.

Lola: "Puro yabang lang kasi ang daddy mo. Hindi porket matalino sha..."
Me: *shrug*

Lola: "Positive thinking? Di naman ako naniniwala..."
Me: *shrug*

Lola: "Ewan ko ba sa mommy nio! Andaming nanligaw sa kanyang iba..."
Me: *shrug*

That's all I can do. Shrug things off.

Time Wars

Me: "What time is it?"
Computer: "The time is 11:17pm."
Wall clock#1: "Wrong! It's already 11:46pm!"
Wall clock#2: "Nuh-uh! You're both wrong! It's 11:30!"
Hype: "Eleven. No more, no less."
Wall clock#3: "Duh. No wonder you're always late. It's 11:57!"
Watch: "Would you guys just shut up? It's 11:55 for Pete's sake!"
Cellphone: "No, you shut up! It's 11:34! And who's Pete anyway?"
RPN 9: "I really hate to argue but believe me when I tell you this. It's 11:26pm."

I wonder who's telling the truth.

Crank It Up!

Today, I decided to crank up my Photoshop so I spent the entire day working on the poster and leaflet needed for our defense.

Hmm, guess I'm not very rusty afterall! ^_^

Scratching The Itch

Woke up at around 7am. Shook off the cobwebs of sleep for 15 minutes more before I finally got up. I was supposed to accomplish the forms needed for our thesis defense but since it's a holiday, I'm gonna shelve it for tomorrow. I just started working on our document but there are still three chapters that I wasn't able to finalize. Not without the PHP files and the database. I texted Ramnel three times to email me the files as soon as possible but not even once did he reply.

I started scratching the itch, that is reading Five People, right after I took my lunch. Stopping just to check my mailbox for hopes of receiving an email from him. Six hours later and I'm done with the book. But still no email. I wonder why.

Nweiz, after finishing the book, it got me thinking about this concept of heaven where you meet five people who have affected your life or whose life you've affected, in one way or another. They bring you back to the moment your paths crossed, reliving not just the environment but as well as the emotions that came with it. They answer your questions about life - why you lived and what you lived for. For a while, they become your teachers. The catch is, you can't choose who your five people would be. He may be an enemy, an old flame, a friend, a stranger. Anyone.

If this is what heaven is, I wonder who my five people would be.

Skewed Priorities

"This is a story about a man named Eddie and it begins at the end, with Eddie dying in the sun. It might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time."

Finally got my hands on Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I was planning to delay my purchase for next week coz I set my priorities a bit skewed. But Good Lord, Powerbooks was on sale! Now that's something I just can't resist.

Because I still have a thesis document to work on, I'm currently restraining myself from scratching the itch to leaf through its pages. Well, not until I'm done with everything.

Must. Tie. Hands. On keyboard.
Must. Set. Priorities. Straight.

Body Bumping

I got an overdose of body bumping tonight. No, not THAT kind of body bumping, you sick pervert! What I mean is that I bumped into a couple of people I know and hell, I even watched a movie involving a lot of bumping bodies! For a game of football, that is.

Well, The Longest Yard was a typical Adam Sandler movie. Enjoyable for what it is. But I could've gotten my money's worth if I watched Valiant instead. I dunno. Maybe I just failed to go where the movie wanted to take me. Or maybe a monotonous and semi-serious Adam Sandler no longer works for me. God, am I really getting old?

On my way home, I bumped into my highschool kabarkada, Jonah. She introduced me to her friend. Naturally, I forgot her name 5 seconds later. Yes, that's how much I suck at remembering names. I also bumped into Tito Bert and some koolasas who were former ODESCI members, I think.

Still unsatisfied with all the body bumpings that took place, I went to Eureka and rode a bump car! For real? Nah. I just made that one up, of course. ;)

Reality Check

As a kid, I wanted to become a doctor. When asked why, I answer with "Because I want to cure the sick." *snicker* I know. It's very Little Miss Philippines.

When I entered highschool, I got glued to the boob tube watching Ally McBeal. And just like any other Ally McBeal fan, I wanted to become just like her - a lawyer.

During my sophomore year, I started writing. From prose to poetry, eulogies to character sketches. Mostly creative than technical. I received a couple of flattering remarks from people. So, I wanted to become a writer.

Come 4th year highschool, I was rushed to come to a decision. College entrance exams were getting us all hyped up. So I started to think. Really think.

Taking up Medicine would mean 5 long years of studying. Though I knew those years would pay off since my earnings would be grand, having someone's life in my hands was too much of a responsibility for me to handle.

So much for becoming a doctor.

Taking up Law, on the other hand, sounded suicidal to me. Though I would love to be Ally McBeal, I know I couldn't be her. Not even close. I mean, how on earth can I defend my client when I can't even win my own arguments?!

So much for becoming a lawyer.

Taking up Journalism was way off my parents' expectations. I think it was too mediocre for them. 'Twas like, "Hey, I can write!" "Yeah, so can everybody else." Or maybe because writing does not pay. I dunno. As a result, my love for words was consumed by my lack of confidence in my writing.

So much for becoming a writer.

I dunno how but I ended up taking Computer Science. I tried to understand how computers work and learn different computer languages. Since I'm also into computers, it wasn't too difficult for me. I got good grades but somewhere along the way, I felt like it's not what I wanna do for a living. But I didn't have the courage to take the U-turn. Hell, in less than 4 months, I'm done with this course. Who knows where I'll be then?

Mico: "Computer Scientist ka! Hindi ka writer!"

To hell with that! I am a writer! I write... programs.

My Anti-Drug

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A Taste Of Heaven

Toni Rose Gayda gave her testimony at church today. She talked about her once shitty relationship with her husband, her son's multiple scoliosis, how she fucked up on booze and drugs, how she found God and how she recovered from all the shit she's been in. I always find it uplifting to hear such testimonies. They remind me of the things I take for granted. They remind me to count my blessings and be thankful. And most importantly, they remind me that there is a God.

Talking about dope addicts, I bought this red spiral notebook otherwise known as the Kurt Cobain Journals. That would be 286 pages filled with his sketches, poetry, rants, video concepts, song lyrics and letters on draft, and other pieces of writing. Funny how the journal opens with "Don't read my diary when I'm gone." Well, so much for that request.

Peek into his thoughts...

I thought I would let the world know how much I love them people. I thought I would make art try to create something that I would personally like to listen to. Because a very large portion of the this worlds art sucks beyond description. ... I guess in a way anyone with enough ambition to create and not take away is someone who deserves respect. ... On second thought I thought I would maybe I just tried to let the world know how much I love myself. Like a hypocritte in a hippie crypt. I hate myself and I want to die. Leave me alone.

His feelings...

Courtney, when I say I love you I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever ever come close to intimidating persuading, etc me into thinking otherwise. I wear you on my sleeve. I spread you out wide open with the wing span of a peacock. Yet all too often with the attention span of a bullet to the head. ... you've taught me it's ok to be a man and in the classic mans world I parade you around proudly like the ring on my finger which also holds no other mineral. Love, Kurt.

His addiction...

Ive been taking a lot of drugs lately. It might be time for the Betty Ford Clinic or the Richard Nixon Library to save me from abusing my enemic, rodent-like body any longer. I cant wait to be back at home (wherever that is) in bed, neurotic and malnourished and complaining how the "weather sucks". And its the whole reason for my misery. I miss you, Bikini Kill.

And his disease...

I decided to use heroine in a daily basis because of an ongoing stomach ailment that I had been suffering from the past five years had literally taken me to the point of wanting to kill myself. For five years every single day of my life. Everytime I swallowed a piece of food I would experience an excruciating burning nauseaus pain in the upper part of my stomach lining. ... We had to cancel a few shows because the pain left me immobile doubled up on the bathroom floor vomiting water and blood. ... I instantly regained that familiar burning nausea and decided to either kill myself or to stop the pain. I bought a gun but chose drugs instead.

Behind the lousy handwriting, the missing punctuations, and the misspelled words lies the heart of a true rock star.

Kurt Cobain
1967-1994

"I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good"
--- You Know You're Right, Nirvana

Go Bloggy, It's Your Birthday!

...we gonna party like it's your birthday!

Yippee! My blog is officially one year old! I now have a year where I could look back at my experiences, some of which caused me to shed a tear or two, and some caused me to have hysterics. A year of my adventures and misadventures with friends. A year of my sporadic ranting and rambling about things. All that and more, in black and white.

Today, I took time and dug deep into my archives to find the laughters, the tears, the valor, the fears, the strengths, the weaknesses, and everything else stuck in between. I saw how I've gone rough around the edges, how I've carried on, and how I've grown into who I am now.

In retrospect, with the help of my blog, I've learned more about myself. I realized that I remember a lotta things in detail. I realized that there is a "Slim Shady" in me and it finds its way out through my entries. I realized that I'm such a coward, that I tend to blur my vision on what's in front of me no matter how obvious it is. Lastly, I realized that I, well, uhm... realize a lot. ^_^

Oh well. Happy Birthday, Blog!

...we gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday!

Random Thought

I was just reminded of our guidance counselor back when I was a highschool sophomore. I remember her wearing an orange blouse, which was so bright you'll mistake her as a road caution. She also had this thick shoulder pads that made her look like a football player. I can't quite put a finger on why I was reminded of her, though. Hmm... Maybe because I was thinking of something to rant blog about and she happens to be the helpless victim. Tsk-tsk. My bad.

Popcorns, Please?

Supposedly, I was to accompany Yel at NBS-Cubao and buy the Kurt Cobain Journals but we called it off since he had to run some errands first and 'twas raining buckets already. So, I watched D' Anothers with my mom and my brother instead.

Well, the movie was entertaining. It wasn't side-splitting but Vhong Navarro's comical antics and the Feng Shui spoofs gave me quite a few laughs. I just think they overdid the fight scene between Vhong and Jhong. And what's with the lengthy dance showdown?! And the "may inuwi si nanay sa bahay" dance remix?!

Nweiz, there was this group of teenagers seated behind us and they were spewing snide remarks about the movie. I don't mind hearing a few but it's irritating when people do it incessantly. I really wanted to throw some popcorns at them! Too bad I don't have any popcorns. Sayang naman kung yung Wiggles ang ibabato ko.

Sadistic Intervention

Just when I thought I was in, You pushed me back out.

Why allow my right foot in only to pull the rug out and kick my sorry ass back to its murky hell? That is just sadistic. :(

Quatro Fantastico

My brother and I once again entered Marvel universe to catch Fantastic Four. 'Twas quite different from other superhero flicks. There were no secret identities, no hidden alter egos, no changing in phone booths, no underground caves and whatnot. The characters have shown more human reactions upon discovery of their powers. Take Johnny Storm, for instance. When he discovered his ability to control fire, instead of hiding his face behind a mask of anonymity, he goes out in public and savors every minute of his newfound fame. And I bet most of us would do the same thing. Oh well. All in all, it was a fun movie with lots of eye candy. Eye candy = visual effects + Chris Evans. ;) And thank God The Thing ain't CGI.

The Human Torch, Chris Evans, is HOT. Sizzling hot! ^_^

~oo0oo~

Just when I thought I was out, You pulled me back in. Thank You.

First Day Punk'd

First day of classes and I'm still stuck here, unsure of whether I'll be able to attend my classes or not. *Sigh* My dad told me to pray for his transactions to materialize and it kinda pissed me off. Coz I've said an awful lot of prayers already and honestly, I'm starting to lose it.

God, am I faithless? Why do I falter?

"Ask and it will be given to you;
Seek and you will find;
Knock and the door will be opened to you"
-Matthew 7:7

*Sigh* I guess I just have to knock some more.