Hello Diabetes!

After work, we drove all the way to the City Center (now known as Bonifacio High Street) at The Fort just to taste the sugary sweet goodness of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. We ordered two dozens of this obesity-inducing pastry - one box goes to Roxie's family and the other box is for us to devour.



Deciding on what flavor to dig into first was no easy feat. Each variety looked mighty tempting! Especially the one topped off with colorful candy sprinkles! YUM!



Three doughnuts after, April and I already felt uncomfortably full...



...while Roxie felt like she wasn't able to eat her fair share! Hehe. ^_^

We walked out of the doughnut factory deliriously happy...



...and insanely high on sugar!!!

Tsukiden Christmas Party '06

We had our company Christmas party at Saisaki in Megamall. With the theme being The 80's, we had to dress up in 80's style clothes and become a bunch of walking fashion disasters for a night. Having attended an 80's themed party in the past, I knew exactly how to do away with neon-colored tops, leg warmers, and shoulder pads. I jumped into a red shirt, a jumper, and a pair of Chuck Taylor's; Then I sported a cap with an (M) printed on it. Voila! I'm Super Mario, the Koopa-smashing plumber of the 80's! ^_^



Part of the program is the battle between Business Units including the Admin. Each group was given 10 minutes to present anything 80's and Christmas-y. Our Business Unit, CSBU, did a three-part presentation:

Thriller!!! Thriller Nights!!!


At isang kilong pulang asukal!!!


C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-C-CSBU!!!

With barely a week of preparation, we still managed to land second place. If it's because of biases in judgment or just sheer talent, you decide. Hehe. ;)

After the party, we stayed at Starbucks where we pumped ourselves up with caffeine...

...as we played several games of Pekwa! Merry Christmas y'all! ^_^

Bang! Boom! Splash!

The 4th phase of the VGS project is finally over. Well, for me at least since I really don't have any modules to maintain. And after several weeks of planning, preparation, and debate, our Milestone celebration pushed through at last.

First stop: Gotcha! paintball war games in Antipolo.



The jungle-like terrain was extremely rough, especially if the team is on offense. We had to climb hills laid with dried leaves, branches, rocks, and whatnot, just to get to the opponent's territory. 'Twas a blast pointing a gun, pulling the trigger, ducking, crawling, running like hell, and inflicting pain! Ehe. Out of the 3 games, though, our team never won. Huhu. Nweiz, the war ended with me having two massive bruises.

Hopefully, when I get better, I'd get battered less.

While the others headed to Boss Jay's place for lunch and to get some rest, Isah and I went to our respective homes and did some preparation for our second stop. Thankfully, I managed to squeeze in a few hours of sleep before I freshened up and prepared my things.

We then headed to Solemar del Pansol Subdivision at Pansol, Laguna. We left Boss Jay's place later than planned plus the traffic along Manggahan was terrible. Needless to say, we arrived at the place late, around 11pm, I guess.



The night (or should I say, morning?) was spent with a whole lotta drinking and singing...



Just a thought. Why is it that videoke songs are all boobs and butt parades? You'll always see a video of a girl wearing a skimpy bikini outfit, frolicking at the beach, even if you choose to sing a song like "Lead Me Lord", for example! Very distracting, to say the least.

The following day, we kinda felt the storm's rage for it rained most of the time. But of course, it won't stop us from diving into the hot spring waters.

The night wore on, and 'twas time for us to leave. We packed our things, we took more pictures, we bought some pasalubongs, and we headed back to Manila...

Borat Buraot

I didn't want to do it, but I did it anyway. Why? Coz I had to. Coz I did it for a reason. And it angers me to think that there are people who are powerful enough to take that reason away from me, putting all my efforts to waste and making all my sacrifices senseless.

Tangina. Nakakaburaot.

~o0o~

Watched Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan. How's that for a movie title? Hehe.

'Twas a mockumentary about a Kazakh journalist named Borat Sagdiyev who travels to the US to learn about American culture for the benefit of his great and glorious nation, Kazakhstan. He interviewed real people, flummoxed them with stupid questions and offensive remarks, and got real reactions caught on tape. I dunno how much of it was staged, though.

Nweiz, the movie was soo hilarious, soo insane, soo fucked up, and soo politically incorrect. 'Twas one of those movies that will leave you scratching your head, thinking "He didn't just say that, did he?", laughing hysterically every time, and wanting more!

There was one scene that was so horrifying, it left a mental scar that would stay with me for the rest of my life! Think gay porn that is too awful for words! Yikes! The horror. >_<

But a beautiful satire, it is. Watch it! ^_^

Bloody Dream

'Twas only through Kathy that I heard the news about Bayani Fernando lifting all traffic rules in Metro Manila. It is "to give motorists a chance to reflect on what compels them to obey traffic rules". A day where there would be no MMDA officials drawing their truncheons and blowing their whistles to unruly motorists. "Huli Holiday", as it is aptly called.

Now join me as I step back into my dream world...

I was watching the news with my Dad. 'Twas showing footages of cars and motorcycles beating the red light, counterflowing, and speeding off like maniacs. Then there's this motorcycle ridden by a woman. As the camera zoomed in, it showed Vina Morales clad in this tight-fitting black plastic trousers, kinda like what Trinity wore in The Matrix. Out of nowhere, hundreds of traffic enforcers appeared holding fire hoses aimed directly at the motorcyclists. Its powerful force sent bodies flying off their rides, crashing into the pavement like rag dolls thrown about by a disgruntled child. Vina laid motionless on her back, half-naked, all wounded and bloody. A man came to her rescue but as he carried her away to safety, a fountain of blood came gushing out of her right breast. Vina screamed out in pain and lost her consciousness. The end.

This isn't actually the first time that I dreamt of blood and gore and neither it is the first time that it had a celebrity guest appearance. I remember Mylene Dizon, Romnick Sarmienta, Patrick Garcia, Desiree del Valle, and Pen Medina (just to name a few) stepping into my dreams. Nyahaha! This is the first time though that I remembered a dream in vivid detail.

Hmm.. I think I should stop watching Happy Tree Friends.

Say Cheeeese!

Our itinerary: meet at Megamall, proceed to Fine Light, have our grad pictures reproduced, then accompany April as she gets her new 'do.

Roxie and I arrived at Megamall an hour late. April was a little pissed off, I think. Well, who wouldn't be? But blame the traffic, really. Not me. Hehehe. ^_^

We then headed to Fine Light. Since the studio charges way too much for just a few wallet size copies (Read: 300 pesos for 8 copies!), April and Roxie asked if they could just get hold of the soft copies. Unfortunately, they've deleted the files taken a year ago and they had to look for it uh.. somewhere.

Nweiz, we left the studio empty-handed and decided to grab a bite to eat at Chef d' Angelo in Galleria. To satisfy our big appetites, we ordered two platters of pasta and a pan of pizza. But the cashier must've failed to take our orders accurately coz the waiter arrived with a single platter of pasta instead of two. Actually, with their generous serving of food, 'twas enough to quell our hungers. But we just wanted to make a pig out of ourselves. ... Or was it an I? Nyaha.

April: "Penge po ng cheese."
*Waiter arrives with a bottle of chili.*
April: "Cheese po."
*Waiter arrives with a handful of tissue.*
April: "Cheese po.. CHEEEEESE!"

Hehehe! That really cracked us up! Either he's got a hearing problem or April... well, she has a ngold. Cold, I mean. Hehe. ^_^

After dinner, we walked around the mall. Found some toys stuffed with polyfoam beads, which were too cute not to buy. While April was having a hair spa, Roxie and I bought her some Christmas gifts. Yep, you read that one right. We gave Christmas gifts even though we're yet to celebrate Halloween! Hehe. Well, I guess it's never too early to spread the Christmas cheer!

Merry Christmas, April! Really, it was the traffic. ^_^

21 Candles

---

By the President of the Philippines

Proclamation No. 1155

Declaring Tuesday, October 24, 2006 as a regular holiday throughout the country in observance of Eid'l Fitr (Feast of Ramadhan) Kringle's Birthday.

---

Hehe. Today's my birthday and having it declared as a holiday is more than enough reason to celebrate! I need not to go to work; I got to sleep as long as I wanted to; and I was footloose and stress free for an entire weekday! Just what I needed after working overtime yesterday. Haha!

The day was filled with too much surprises (unexpected visitors, gifts, phone calls, and all that.) Too much actually that I still have my jaw dropped on the floor. O_O ......... God, I really dunno what to say. Thank you so so so much. Nyaha.

Well, now that the 21st candle is added to the cake that is my life, I now stand at the bottom of the adult ladder. I know that ascending it wouldn't be as easy as ABC, but with knees shaking and feet hobbling, I'mma climb the first rung.

To everyone who wished me a happy birthday, thank you! It was. ^_^

CSBU Team Building

We just had our Team Building Workshop at Estancia Resort in Tagaytay. 'Twas a nice break for me after all the toil in the last few months. And a nice opportunity to mingle with my colleagues outside the office doing all those transactional activities (whatever that means).

For the first activity, we had to create a laptop out of Judge chewing gums, a box of matches, and a folder. The catch is, we can't use the gums without chewing them first. So aside from the challenge of creating a laptop with the given materials, the greater challenge is that we had to mold other people's chewed chewing gums with our bare hands. Nyaha. Not only did this activity require us to keep our creative juices flowing but our mouth juices as well.

For the second activity, we were grouped in pairs and I was paired with Pansai. One had to be blind-folded so with a game of bato-bato-pick, 'twas decided that he would be blind-folded and I would be his guide. One of the instructions given to us as guides is that we are not allowed to talk. And with the help of this activity, I realized how much of a cheater I am. Haha.

The third activity drained the energy out of us all. The goal is to find these three items: a spoon or a fork, a flag, and a letter. Simple? Not really. We were tied closely as a group. Some were blind-folded and were allowed to talk and to touch, while some were not blind-folded but weren't allowed to touch. Our leader was the only person untied but wasn't allowed to talk. There were lots of stairs that we had to climb up and down for N times. And did I mention that we had this activity after lunch, when the sun was shining full blast?!

For the last activity, we had to build a tower out of barbecue sticks, newspaper, and strips of masking tape. But these materials don't come for free. We had to purchase them using our clothes, our accessories, and our slippers. Apparently, they don't come cheap either. The fun part was when each group was given a chance to test the strength sabotage the other towers. Hehe. So much for building ties huh! Nweiz, here goes a photo of everyone who went.

Believe it or not, "WE CARE."

Paranoia At Its Finest

Today has been such a drag. There's this big-deal-issue that's been bothering me for quite some time now. I've tried my hardest to remain unaffected and to not fall into a pit of depression. But the weeklong chain of events have kept on dodging me that I fear I'm about to lose my balance and fall. :(

Shit happens. And when it does, isn't it a lot healthier to talk about it than to shoot words without aim? Why can't they just tell the truth upfront? Why don't they just pinpoint the problem once and for all? Why do we all have to fuckin' guess?!

Learn It. Live It. Love It.

As I write this entry, I'm still here at the office. Yes, it's Sunday and it's past 12 in the morning and I haven't slept a wink yet. I've alternately been busy working and busy not working. Unit testing and waiting for a module to unit test, that is.

I never thought I would actually say this, but I'm starting to enjoy working overtime. Well, enjoy is not quite the word for it but... Basta. Working for more than 8 hours a day and spending the weekends at work makes me cringe no more. A good night sleep is something I've been deprived of for the past few days. I look and act like I came straight out from the Night of the Living Dead. But surprisingly so, I have no complaints. I guess I've learned to accept that this is an inevitable part of my job and that I have to live with it. And perhaps I really am enjoying working overtime. Nyehe. >_<

While I've been very *eherm* committed to my job, I do recognize that I also have to take care of myself. I lost some pounds, some 5 pounds to be exact. I now have panda eyes and a pimple plantation on my face. I need to pop more vitamins. I need my eye gel mask. I need a higher percentage of PanOxyl. But for now, I think all I need is a gallon of coffee.

The Tao Of Pooh

[Excerpt taken from The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff]
Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly.
Ask me a riddle and I reply:
"Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie."

Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
A fish can't whistle and neither can I.
Ask me a riddle and I reply:
"Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie."

Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie,
Why does a chicken, I don't know why.
Ask me a riddle and I reply:
"Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie."

A fly can't bird, but a bird can fly. Everything has its own place and function. That applies to people, although many don't seem to realize it, stuck as they are in the wrong job, the wrong marriage, or the wrong house. When you know and respect your own Inner Nature, you know where you belong. You also know where you don't belong.

A fish can't whistle and neither can I. I have certain limitations, and I know what they are. There's nothing wrong with not being able to whistle, especially if you're a fish. But there can be lots of things wrong with blindly trying to do what you aren't designed for.

Why does a chicken, I don't know why. There are things that we don't really need to know. We don't need to imitate Nearsighted Science, which peers at the world through an electron microscope, looking for answers it will never find and coming up with more questions instead. We don't need to play Abstract Philosopher, asking unnecessary questions and coming up with meaningless answers. What we need to do is recognize Inner Nature and work with Things As They Are.

Ask me a riddle and I reply:
"Cottleston, Cottleston, Cottleston Pie."

Bruised Almighty

Yesterday, we had our company sportsfest at the Ultra. It rained so most of the outdoor events were cancelled. Actually, all except for the tug-o-war (Which we've won. Hehe. I just had to say that.) Oh well. At least, all indoor games pushed through. I got to play the deadliest basketball game ever. With all the shoving, and poking, and jabbing. I really consider myself lucky to emerge out of the basketball court alive. And I'm not even exaggerating here. Hehe. I had no idea that 'twas a basketball-slash-rugby-slash-wrestling event that I signed up for. Thank God the championship games didn't push through coz we're all physically drained and battered and bruised. x_x The pictures below, obviously, are all taken before the "deadly" event so we all still look "alive". Hehe.

Two Years And Counting

Two years na pala kami! ...ng blog ko! Hehe. ^_^

Happy 2nd year anniversary! I can't believe it's been 2 years since we started this beautiful relationship and I'd like to think that in those years, I've matured in more ways than one. You've challenged me to articulate my thoughts into words, to express myself without fear of judgement, to keep things real and just be me. And I thank you for that. Thank you for giving me this chance to do what I love doing, a chance to share a bit of my personal world where people can either cry with me, laugh with me, or even laugh at me. Honestly, there were times when I wanted out of this relationship, when I felt like you remind me of things I'd rather forget. But then I ask myself, "Do I really want to forget?" Two years and 174 entries later, guess what? We're still together. And I promise that I'll hold on to this relationship, as long as I'm able.

Welcome Party 2006

It has become a company tradition to welcome the newly hires with a party they would never forget. Ever. What makes it so unforgettable? Try performing in front of a hundred watchful eyes, waiting for you to do something stupid, so they can all have a good laugh at your sorry expense. That's what. But it's all in good fun, of course.



Out of the 5 groups that performed, we landed third. Not bad for barely a week of preparation, eh? I really dunno how we bagged the third place coz I thought we just made a mess out of ourselves. Oh well. That's 2,500 pesos worth of crap, baby! Ano, ha?! Ehe. Kudos to us! ^_^

My First Cup of Java

Having gone through the VGS orientation, more or less, I now have an idea of what the project is all about. I don't think the orientation is enough to pull me through this project unscathed, though. Unlike the numerous lectures and trainings we had when we were with NGN that somehow geared us up for the project, there's no assurance that we'll have the same kind of preparation with VGS. Their schedule is so tight that there isn't much time to squeeze in an in depth discussion of the project. Which is quite scary, actually. I dunno if I could survive diving headfirst into this whole VGS thing without any kind of training to begin with. I dunno if I could soak everything up in a matter of days. I dunno if I could easily cope with such a sudden change. I dunno exactly how I, a Java ignoramus, could be of help. Hai...

So this is my first cup. Cheers!

NGN Then, VGS Now

We had a meeting with Boss Fojet a while ago. He told us that the VGS project requested for additional manpower and that the five of us, including Ma'am Mitos, were selected to transfer. I must admit that I'm having mixed emotions about this whole re-shuffling thing, for several different reasons.

I am sad coz I don't wanna be separated from my friends, from people who I already know. Yet a gentle smile remains pasted in my face coz it's not that bad, really. I mean, it's not that I'll be transferred to a different Business Unit naman e.

I am a bit apprehensive coz I know zilch about VGS. Well, aside from the fact that it stands for VoIP Gateway Simulator. Yet I am excited as well at the prospect of learning something new, a new language for that matter.

Now what really bothers me is that I am not an overtime person. I always wanna have enough time to rest, to relax and to unwind after all the hustles and bustles of work. I don't wanna stay late at night sitting in front of a computer, working my butt off when I should be doing something far more... essential. Like dozing off, for example. Hehe. Some of my colleagues are telling me that I should get used to going home (very) late at night or worse, (very) early in the morning. Ugh, I cringe at the very thought of it. Sure, the upside is that I'd receive a heftier paycheck. But still.

However, as I stood infront of our boss, I had to suppress other misgivings and do my very best to adapt to the idea that THIS can be fun. Right? Rrrriiiight.

Silver Toes

While some people are born with silver spoons in their mouths, there are also some who are born with silver toes on their feet. I use the term "silver toes" in the same context with that in the song by Parokya Ni Edgar. Meaning someone with an exceedingly high self esteem. Someone who is conceited, and self-absorbed, and egocentric, and vain, and insensitive, and Shift+F7 the rest. Someone like... YOU.

Yeah, you. You are obsessed with yourself. You overrate your importance in the grand scheme of things. You think all men are drooling over you. You treat people like shit. You drop words like bombs, not caring about who gets hurt in the explosion. You think the whole world revolves around you. Well, I'm so sorry coz it doesn't. You, fuck.

What's nice about egotists like you though is that you don't talk about other people. You don't spread rumors about other people. Coz you only talk about yourself. Nothing more, nothing less, nothing else. But one can only listen to a broken record so many times. Sooner or later, your friends will get tired of hearing the same old tune and you'll be left with no audience to speak of. Don't say I didn't warn you.

You gotta get over yourself and realize that out there, there are people. People who are breathing with emotions and feelings. People who also have a piece they wanna share. But with you talking big and loud all the time, I doubt if you even notice that. Why not try to turn your voice down a little? Listen. Hear the voices around you. Hear me.

Kill Bill-Bill

April and I were on our way to Megamall to do our groceries. I was talking to her inside the elevator when this man butts in.

WAHAHA!!! Take that you filthy-mouthed, fat-ass bastard!!! Take that!!!

Hehe. Of course the last frame didn't happen coz I didn't have a bazooka on hand. Well, not that I would really kill him had I packed one. Uhhh.. wait. How do I pack a bazooka?? Oh well.

Actually, I really don't mind when friends tell me that I'm gaining weight and that my arms are getting "bouncy" coz I know naman that I really am now a bunch of flabs. It's just that I didn't expect it coming from a complete stranger. That's super rude, right? What an ass.

Shuffled Like

Directions:
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Tag people to play this game too.

How are you feeling today?
I'm Only Sleeping (The Vines)

Will you get far in life?
Megalomaniac (Incubus)

How do your friends see you?
You Wouldn't Believe (311)

Will you get married?
Be Alone No More (Another Level)

What is your best friend's theme song?
Remember Me (Hoobastank)

What is the story of your life?
Basket Case (Greenday)

What was high school like?
High (Parokya Ni Edgar)

How can you get ahead in life?
Cathedral Of Space (Wolfgang)

What is the best thing about your friends?
Prayer (Disturbed)

What is today going to be like?
Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen)

What is in store for you this weekend?
The One (Foo Fighters)

What song Describes you?
Don't Know Why (Norah Jones)

To describe your grandparents?
Kung OK Lang Sayo (Truefaith)

How is your life going?
Don't Say Goodbye, Say Goodnight (Binocular)

What song will they play at your funeral?
Bitch Please 2 (Eminem)

How does the world see you?
Globes And Maps (Something Corporate)

Will you have a happy life?
As The Music Plays The Band (Bamboo)

What do your friends really think of you?
Lost In You (Ash)

Do people secretly lust after you?
Underneath It All (No Doubt)

How can I make myself happy?
Easily (Red Hot Chili Peppers)

What should you do with your life?
Truly Madly Deeply (Savage Garden)

Will you ever have children?
This Is The Last Time (Keane)

NGN Kick-Off Party

Excerpt taken from PLDT's annual report entitled Broadbanding the Future:
"Telecommunications is full of perplexing acronyms - PSTN, CMTS, GSM, EWSD, WCDMA, TCP/IP to mention a few. Now, here comes another one - NGN, short for Next Generation Network. A formal definition of NGN goes something like this: a cluster of emerging computer network architectures and technologies that encompass voice, data and video through which all information is efficiently transmitted via digital packets of data just like over the Internet."

We just had our NGN kick-off party at Dad's Restaurant in Megamall. 'Twas an eat-all-you-can buffet so we all stuffed ourselves silly. I wasn't really able to enjoy the main dishes coz I so wanted to dig into the desserts kagad. Puffs and cakes and salads... all were pieces of heaven on my tongue! Yum! If only I could bring some home... Eheü

After dinner, there was a short program where we had to introduce ourselves one by one, stating our name, our school, and our talents. Most of us said that we have no talent just to cut the introduction short. But an extremely unpredictable person did an extremely unpredictable stunt. Grabe talaga. I dunno what to say. "Ratatatatatat!!!!"

At around 9pm, we rolled ourselves out of Dad's, full and tired and twenty pounds heavier. ;-)

Super Bowl-ing

We had work today in lieu of our day off on December 21(?!). Oddly enough, I enjoyed working on a Saturday! No need to fall in line, no rush hour traffic, no unruly commuters to deal with, and I arrived at the office in 15 minutes! Haha! Can't we just work on Saturdays instead of Mondays??

Come 6pm, we all took a break from work and participated in a bowling tournament hosted by the Admin. 'Twas held at StarMall so we decided to just walk the distance. Needless to say, we arrived at the venue all tired, and sweaty, and thirsty, and hungry. All set to bowl, eh?

Though I've played duckpin bowling before, back in the days when my dad was still a Rotarian, tonight was my first shot at ten-pin bowling. During the practice, I tried playing with a 9 pound ball but Boss Che thought that I'm not Superwoman enough and later gave me a lighter one. But still, the ball got heavier and heavier as the game went on! TIRED. That's what I was. Playing without taking a bite will leave you just that. But I had fun, really! Loads of it.

Nweiz, the game ended with me throwing two gutterballs and one strike. I wasn't that bad, I think. At least I didn't come out last in the ranking and I wasn't crowned Gutterball Queen. But I promise myself that I'm gonna improve on my personal best of 70 points next time! ;)

Don't Judge A Book...

Watched The Da Vinci Code with my officemates. After 16 months of anticipation and several weeks of media hype and controversy!

Well, I won't say I was disappointed; that's too strong a word. I did enjoy some parts of it anyway. It's always fun to watch scenes you've once created in your mind come to life. But the movie just left me... BLAH. Yep, that's the word. When the credits rolled, I was like "That was it?". Coz a lot of details were missed. I understand that the movie couldn't dwell into all the Da Vinci paintings, symbols, and stuff discussed in the book coz it would probably take more than 5 hours to include all that. (To think that 2.5 hours is ass-numbing enough especially when you're seated awkwardly on the floor.) And though I don't see the point of changing the scene wherein Robert Langdon saw the photo of the dead curator (In the book: Langdon was at the Hotel Ritz Paris, he was awakened by a phone call, Lt. Collet giving the photo to Langdon. In the movie: Langdon was at a book signing, Lt. Collet approached and handed him the photo). That I really don't mind. But why omit the detail about the guy in the Rosslyn Chapel who is actually Sophie's brother??

Hai. Do not judge a book by its movie talaga.

Shattered Glass

The straw that will break the camel's back has finally been drawn. A light plastic straw that will bring this house made of glass shattering at our feet.

Honestly, I felt nothing upon hearing the news. No shock, no sadness, no anger, no nothing. It became such a vicious cycle that I was left tired and numb. I had to think about my reaction coz it didn't come naturally. Should I react like an adult and just accept the fact that what's broken is broken? Or should I let myself feel the pain that a kid in my position would feel?

I am an adult, I thought. So I chose to act like one.

But as I crawled under the sheets, locked within the four corners of my room, the pieces of glass slowly cut through my heart. And I felt each jagged edge as it did. I felt the pain. Suffice it to say, I'm still a kid afterall.

Au Revoir

If there's one person who had taught me a lot ever since my first day at Tsukiden, it's Boss Rhom. Before we got deployed, he was the one who conducted the C Refresher Training. And man, did he train us well! Because of him, I no longer fear working with data structures. Doubly linked list, you say? Just bring it on! Well, as long as you don't mind memory leaks. Nyaha.

To Boss Rhom, I'm super grateful that I had the pleasure to work with you and learn from you. I wish you all the luck and may this new path fly you to France! Hehe! ;)

"... Tsukiden and all of you are my family.. kaya it was really hard for me to make this decision... pero priorities change and I have to make this career move."

Under Pressure

The past few days have been, for lack of a better word, fucking insane. We're having a burst of activity at work, doing a crash course on C++ and coding up our machine problems. Two weeks from now, we'll start yet another crash course tutorial on Advance Unix Programming. Everything in less than a month! Waaahh!!! Mind, please don't crash on me. Please?

~o0o~

I bought myself some drugs. Uhh..vitamins, I mean. One pack will prevent me from looking twice my age. And the other will make me... complete. Hehe. Now, in between jagged chunks of pressure and stress, I'll have twice the energy of an ordinary superhero! ^_^

El Despedida

Had a dinner at Congo Grille for Sir Jong's farewell gathering of sorts. Everything's on him so we ordered our hearts out - sinigang na hipon, chicken sisig, chicken and fries, tuna belly, and... crispy pata! Hehe! I know it's not exactly the healthiest thing in the world, but it sure does taste good, right? And who cares about cholesterol, anyway?!

At one point, Sir Jong told us that he may be leaving for greener pastures, but his heart will remain at Tsukiden. *Awww* You can't get any cheesier than that. ^_^

Shouldn't Couldn't Wouldn't

You know what they say about the eyes being the window to one's soul? How looking into them can reveal so much about a person? Well, have you ever tried looking into someone's eyes? Have you ever tried looking deep into them, as if they were the ocean and you were trying to see the bottom? Have you ever tried looking into YOUR eyes?

I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw someone whose eyes were brimming with emptiness. Like I was standing in front of a stranger whose stare I couldn't quite make out. If she was trying to tell me something, I wasn't really sure. And they say nobody knows you like yourself. So I thought I had to schedule an acquaintance party with me.

Which explains why I've been my anti-social self lately. It became difficult for me to look at other people in the eye coz I was afraid that they would see the emptiness that I saw. I wanted to detach myself from people, from the world. I wanted to get to know me again. But in the process of searching for myself, I created a gap between me and the people around me. And the lesser I interacted with them, the further the gap became.

I dunno what got into me that made me think or feel this way. I'm still trying to figure out what my brain is pushing me to think or what my heart is trying to make me feel. But one thing I know, and of this I am sure, is that I shouldn't allow this gap to get so far that it would be impossible for me to cross it.

I shouldn't.

I wouldn't.

Bad, Bad News

Lola Soly was supposed to be discharged from the hospital today. But while Tito Arnel was fixing their things, lola's speech became slurred. The nurses suspected a stroke so they immediately gave her a dose of citicoline. But the stroke ran its course. Her speech was impaired and her right arm and leg were paralyzed. According to the doctor, she had a thrombotic infarct in her left brain that was a bit bigger than her first. Right now, all her medications and food are given through a tube in her nose that goes straight into her stomach.

I got home from work expecting to see my lola home and well. But instead, I was welcomed with the bad news. I felt weak and depressed when I heard it from my mom. To think that lola had gained a lot of ground by way of recovery since her last stroke last 2004. And now we're back to square one. Back to the slow process of recovery and healing. :(

I pray for the returned health and healing of Lola Soly. And may God grant us the faith and strength to persevere in this struggle.

Nursing 101

Last March 25, Lola Soly was confined in the hospital for throwing up everytime she eats. After running a series of tests, she was diagnosed of having both ulcer and diabetes.

Whenever I can, I help my uncle and my mom in nursing lola. Like today, I stayed at the hospital from 8am to 8pm. My uncle had a meeting then so I was left to nurse alone. Good thing there was a TV set, which kept me from getting bored. One thing I've learned though is to never watch Wag Kukurap alone especially when you're in a hospital. Coz when I saw lola lift her hand, like she's reaching out for something unseen (at least for me), I immediately texted my mom to come over. Yes, what a wimp I am.

Though she still can't eat right because of the pain in her stomach, I think she's doing pretty well now. In fact, the doctor told us that she can already be discharged tomorrow. Thank Heavens. ^_^

Constant Is Change

We live in a world where nothing is constant but change.
It may be as natural as the change of weather.
Something necessary like the shedding of an outgrown snakeskin.
Something we expect like the rising and setting of the sun.
Or something that's quite the opposite,
Like the sudden change of font style in this line, for example.

Everything around us changes.

Seasons change.
Tides change.
Winds change.
We change.

We change the way we walk,
the way we talk,
the way we brush our teeth.
We change our looks,
our moods,
our attitudes,
our priorities.
We keep changing our minds.
Sometimes, even our hearts.
We grow up.
We grow old.
And whether we like it or not,
we grow apart.

Things change.
And so do people.

~o0o~

"But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same"
--- Everybody's Changing, Keane

Google Thinks I Am...

kringle is more fragile
kringle is a gift of art
kringle is special
kringle is a charming little rascal
kringle is also known as steve morse
kringle is without a doubt their crowning achievement
kringle is sincere and completely touching in every respect
kringle is the true santa claus and gives happy dreams to everybody
kringle is the only element that gives the original a run for its money
kringle is ready to celebrate christmas or anything else you can think of
kringle is a drunk sketch in yellow marker from my french workbook
kringle is not yet old enough to grow a beard

What a silly silly way to kill time. Go on! Try it yourself! Ta-ra!

A Week In Words

:: Monday ::
Last Friday, PGMA declared a state of emergency in response to yet another supposed coup attempt. Because of this, we were allowed to go home early and the deadline for our assessment exercise was extended up to 5pm today. I finished it before lunch but decided not to submit it yet. At 1:30, we had our lecture with Boss Joseph about the IT Outsourcing Industry. I thought it would last for 2 hours at most but it took us about 4 hours to go through all 70+ slides. The lecture itself was very, very informative. It gave me a deeper understanding of the kind of industry that I am in and how this type of business really works. But because of the length of the discussion, I wasn't able to submit my assessment exercise on time. Grrr.

:: Tuesday ::
Had a code review of the assessment exercise with Sir Rhom. 'Twas like a defense without the document and the panelists. So no need to kiss ass by preparing food and drinks. Nweiz, the code review went just fine. There was one possible combination though that I had overlooked. Sir Rhom left me for 5 minutes and asked me to debug the program. 5 minutes? Nyaha. Robot ba ako??

Then at 3pm, we had our lecture with Sir Zaldy about C Programming. I was very sleepy so most of the things he said just went in one ear and out the other without making any contact with my brain. >_<

:: Wednesday ::
I almost got myself killed on my way to work. I was crossing a one-way street nonchalantly, when a speeding FX counter-flowed and passed right in front of my face! I stood an inch away from death! And I mean that quite literally! I was really this close--->[_________________] from getting hit!!! Grabe. Had I made that single step a few centimeters farther, I'm one dead meat. Thank God I didn't.

Nweiz, I didn't do much at the office. Just had a brief lecture with Sir Rhom about the Fundamentals of C Programming and a not so brief lecture with Boss Joseph about CMMI. After that, I tried to familiarize myself with some Hiragana characters until it's time to go home.

Before heading home, I checked my bank account and learned that I already received my first pay! Since we'll be having our company outing on Saturday, I planned to keep it a secret first so that my parents won't cut my allowance until Friday. When I got home, my mom asked me if I already received my salary and I told her that I haven't received my payslip yet so I still don't know. Which was, of course, a la-la-la-lie!!! I know, my bad.

:: Thursday ::
Sir Rhom gave us our first hands-on exercise. 'Twas just a mere application of the control structures so we finished it in less than an hour. We also had our pictures taken for the company ID and for our batch picture.

:: Friday ::
At around 9 in the morning, something got into my eye that caused it to hurt so much. I applied several drops of Eye-mo and tried to wash it out with water a coupla times but nothing worked. Sir Ranzie asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital coz it looked bad already but I told him that there's no need. I had to close my left eye the ENTIRE day to help lessen the pain and do things half-blindedly. And though it did lessen the pain, I suffered a teary, red eye, a blurred vision and a terrible headache in return. The moment I got home, I applied Eye-mo again but this time, it was suuuper painful. Think papercut on your tongue. Yeah, THAT kind of pain. And that's when I broke down. My dad brought me to the EENT and the doctor took that fuckin' speck of dust out of my eye. Finally! After 10 hours! He examined my eye and saw scratches and a swelling inside my eyelid. He advised me to rest it for the swelling to subside and to just stay at home for it'll be more sensitive to sunlight, or any lightsource for that matter. Karma was served, indeed. :(

:: Saturday ::
Probably, as I type this entry, they are now swimming or fishing or racing with their kayaks or go karts or just enjoying the beautiful scenery at Clearwater. It's just sad that I don't get to join them and to think that among my batchmates, I was the one who was really excited about the outing and it was I who asked them to come coz they were undecided at first! ARGH!!!

Lesson relearned: "No, no, no baby, no, no, no, no don't lie..." >_<

2 Much 2 Soon

Last Thursday was my first day at work. Contrary to what I was expecting, I'm the only Mapúan in our batch. Two of my co-trainees are from Ateneo and one is from Adamson. Not that it's a big deal but of course it's much better to be in the training with someone from the same school, someone with the same background as I do. Coz unlike them, I know zilch about Unix or Java and sofware engineering wasn't part of our curriculum. The Ateneans, Piwi and Jessa, can speak Nihongo. Kathy is 2 years older than me and has an experience in working. Given that, I can't help but feel inferior. Very. :(

Nweiz, we spent most of the day in the conference room where Ms. Melody discussed the company policies and then she toured us around the office - both in the 32nd and 23rd floors. When I got home, I immediately went online to check my mail and chat with Aucie. After an hour or so, I logged off, washed my face, and went straight to bed. Yep, I was too tired to even eat dinner. >_<

Yesterday, we had this post-Valentine ek-ek and we were required to wear something red and be at the office before 8 o'clock. Sir Rhom and Sir Ranzie presented us the coverage of the training and how we will be evaluated. Then, we went to BPI to open our bank accounts. We stayed there for almost 2 hours. No, we didn't do it intentionally. Or did we? Ehe. We returned at the office 30 minutes before lunch break. I had my first lunch out with some of the design engineers. After lunch, our team was awarded first place for coming to work in red before 8! Yay, pizzas! Ehe. Sir Zaldy discussed the Unix platform, and being the Unix-ignoramus that I am, I didn't have the faintest idea of what he was talking about. Huhu. From work, I went to Makati to meet my mom. The plan was to eat dinner and do some shopping afterwards. But after stuffing ourselves with food, we both felt sleepy and decided to just go home and do the shopping on Sunday.

I guess in the next few weeks or months, there would be less of the blogging. Though I'll still try to post something like this during the weekends. So till next week!

UltraElectroTragicPop

A tragic incident happened today at Ultra, where more than 70 people, most of them elderly women, died of stampede while lining up for a chance to escape poverty. As expected, the people involved are pinning the blame to everyone else but themselves.

The event organizers are the ones who ate the biggest slice of the blame. They have foreseen how the crowd will respond and have seen it multiply as the BIG day approached yet no action was taken to control the ever-growing crowd. As if there was no plan whatsoever at all. Or maybe THIS was their only plan. To gather the huge crowd, fly the sky-patrol, show an endless sea of fanatics, and prove how popular their show really is, without thinking of the inconveniences that these people had to suffer.

ABS-CBN said that they were just trying to help the poor by giving away some cash prizes. Well that's just bullshit. Coz if they really want to reach out to the needy, there are far more better ways to do so. They shouldn't have taken advantage of the people's vulnerability and lured them with money just to win the ratings war. Apparently, they weren't helping the poor. They were BUYING them.

Then there's the local government of Pasig City. Just one question: Why grant permission to hold a big event with 30,000+ expected attendees when there is an obvious lack of perimeter space?!

Heck, even the mob itself is not without blame. The person who made that first fatal push that triggered the stampede, the greedy men who bullied their way in, unwary of those trampled on. God, if they only knew what it meant to fall in line.

...Or am I being insensitive here?

Coz I wasn't there. I wasn't one of those who stayed under the heat of the sun and endured several days of hunger. That these people had become so restless and desperate, they were no longer thinking straight. That they were hopelessly dependent on Wowowee to uplift their lives because they had no other choice. And losing the opportunity to receive the raffle ticket meant losing the only hope they've got left.

Either way, someone should be held liable coz this is not a freakin' accident. The death of these people could've been avoided if not for the negligence and irresponsibility of the persons involved. I'm sure that the network will extend their financial assistance to the bereaved families. Well they should! But how much does a life cost?

~o0o~

Here's a sad picture of our poor country...

...painted with the blood of our poor countrymen.

"Ito ay para sa mga masa
Sa lahat ng nawalan ng pag-asa"
--- Para Sa Masa, Eraserheads

ConGRADulations!

Today, our school officially sent our proud asses flying out of Mapúa! Here's to a new beginning! ^_^

Turning Point

I just did something I thought I wouldn't do. A lot of people I know are getting into it so I thought I'll give it a try. Just a try. Nothing more.

It started out of curiosity. I stepped into this dark room not knowing what to expect. It would be my first experience and I wanted it to be special, extra special. We took it nice and slow but I had no plans of going all the way. Eventually, things started to get a little out of control. My heart started to thump and my hands got cold and sweaty. I thought I was strong enough to resist it. I thought my ideals would keep me grounded. I thought... But I fell for all his sweet words and golden promises!

I just accepted the job offer at Tsukiden as Design Engineer Trainee.

Why?! What were you thinking?! *snicker*

Well, my friends made me realize that I'll be stupid to let this opportunity pass and that it wouldn't hurt if I give it a shot. However, it doesn't follow that I am placing my dreams at the backseat. I just wanna be crystal on that. Everything I said in my previous posts still holds true. I believe that this opportunity will play an important role in preparing me to become what I really want to be. And for now, I'll keep it at that.

So there. My training will start on February 16. That's two weeks from now. Meaning, I only have two weeks left to enjoy my life as a bum! Yikes.

~o0o~

Bought my first ever Neil Gaiman book - Neverwhere. ^_^

Thirst Day

I'm as tired as a horse that ran around the world in 80 days!

Had my panel interview at Tsukiden this morning. I was scheduled at 10:15 and I arrived just a minute earlier. There were some VIP guests so I wasn't interviewed immediately. Which is actually a good thing coz they gave me about an hour to cool down. Ehe.

The interview went fairly well, I guess. Save for the technical questions that caught me off guard. Very simple questions that I should've known the answers to. Grr. My memory has failed me once again. Bleh.

After the interview, I met this guy named Zaldy. He told me how nice it is to work at Tsukiden, the structure of the company, his trips to Japan, etc. I think he's been with the company for 5(?!) years now. After we ate our lunch, I stayed at Powerbooks to kill some time. They were on sale again! Saw a copy of The Sandman Vol. 2 : The Doll's House by Neil Gaiman for 99 pesos! I was about to pay for it when I noticed that some of the pages were torn. Nyeh.

I then headed to Makati for my exam at Accenture. I'm not that familiar with Legazpi Village so I asked my dad for directions. When I got off at Paseo de Roxas, I met this girl named Nenita (or Teresita). She's from Leyte (or Cavite). Hehe! Basta some place far from Manila! She, too, was headed to Libran House and had no idea where it was. "At least if we get lost, we get lost together!" Ehe.

After asking around and walking a couple of blocks, we finally reached the building. We arrived 30 minutes before the scheduled exam. I filled-out an application form and had some small talk with Nenita/Teresita about her current employer.

Nweiz, the exam ran for 2.5 hours. There was a glitch with the system so we took a pen-and-paper exam instead of a computer-based exam. I really dunno how I faired though and I'd rather not get my hopes up.

When I got out of the building, 'twas already dark and a light drizzle was falling. I wasn't able to bring my umbrella with me so I guess... ACHOO! *sniff* There. I have sniffles again. Ugh.

Oh well. My name's written all over my bed now. Goodnight!

Feed Me Right

I thought I had it all figured out. But these people made me think otherwise.

Just arrived from Adam's baptism. Quite a typical name, eh? Wait till I give you his full name. Aceyork Amsterdam "Adam" S. Mendoza! Ehe. Nweiz, Adam is Ate Shirley's first born. He's really really cute and oh soo adorable! so I'll post his picture here soon! ^_^

During the reception, my aunts and uncles talked to me about looking for a company with high-starting salaries, that I should take advantage of the "bling-bling", that opportunities will knock and that I shouldn't settle for less.

Their expectations are so high, it's frightening.

Am I wrong in saying this?
Am I missing out on something far more important?

Well, maybe they were right. Maybe I had it all wrong. That it's not just about doing what I like to do. That work entails sacrifice and it doesn't have to be fun. That I should be practical. That I failed to consider other factors like job security and financial stability.

Then again, maybe they were the ones who failed to consider the most important of all - ME.

Wishful Thinking

"Oh no there you go
Looked away and missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive?"
--- Wishful Thinking, Duncan Sheik

Gone For Gold

Mico: "Ate Kringle, mei nag-text sayo! Parang di totoo! Bagong scam ata!"

"Elo po. Congrats! Gold medalist k po. Twag k daw po s regstrar nxt wik (tue-wed) para s invitation ng parents mo sa bacc mass. Ok? Reply pg nrcv mo. -fac, gc pres."

Yippee!!! Hahaha!!! I'm so soo sooo super happy!!! My face hurts coz I couldn't stop smiling!!! My parents will be proud as hell!!! Hehe!!!

Now I realize that taking a leave wasn't a bad move! Not at all! Coz everything has a purpose! God has a purpose! And now I see the goodness in this and this!

Thank God!!!

Designed to Design

I called off my interview at Antico Manila this morning. Had a change of heart because of the YM conversation I had with Mike last night. But I still pushed through with my interview at Tsukiden. Ms. Melody told me to prepare for the panel interview any time next week coz they might ask me some technical questions.

Ugh. The more I take these technical exams and interviews in programming, the more I realize that I'm really not cut out for it.

No, I don't see myself as a hardcore programmer 5 years from now. No, I don't want to lead a group of design engineer trainees in the future. And there's nothing, NOTHING, to love about programming.

Sure, I can program. But it's not what I wanna do. It's not what I wanna be. I don't wanna get a job just for the sake of having a job, of earning some moolah. I don't wanna dread waking up on a Monday morning. I don't wanna drag myself to work everyday. I may sound too idealistic, and unrealistic, and impractical, and naive. Maybe it's because I am.

I want a job that I love!!!

Whatever happened to this??? And this???

I already know which way to go. I already know what my dream is. I already know where my passion is. But why the hell am I not pursuing it?!

Fucking shoot me!

Welcome To The Jungle

After a month of bumming around and taking a much needed rest, I moved my bakasyonista butt off and started looking for a job.

I took an exam at Antico Manila this morning. I wasn't expecting anything, really, coz I left a couple of questions blank (blame it on the hexadecimals!) and I wasn't able to finish the problem solving part. Actually, I really had a hard time with that part of the exam.

*Q: If you bought 5 apples, 3 oranges, and 8 bananas for $5.99, and then bought 3 apples, 4 oranges, and 2 bananas for $3.99, how much does 1 apple, 1 orange, and 1 banana cost?

A: Uhm, I dunno. And frankly, I don't care.

Hehe! Of course that wasn't the answer I wrote. I just left some of those items blank. Well, not exactly blank blank. Just blank with nothing useful on it. I just copied the given and wrote an equation that led to nothing. Nyaha.

Mom: "Kamusta exam?"
Me: "Ok lang."
Mom: "Anong 'ok lang'?"
Me: "Di ko alam e..."
Mom: "Tumawag dito, pumasa ka na daw."
Me: "Di nga?!"
Mom: "Oo nga."
Me: "Weh??"
Mom: "Ayaw maniwala..."

As Ralph Wiggum would say, "That's unpossible!" Ehe, so I truly passed the exam. Ms. Lara scheduled me for an interview tomorrow at 10am. But I also have an exam with Tsukiden at 8:30am so I asked her if it's possible to reset it on Thursday. And Thursday it is.

*not the actual question

Everything Wrestling

I've been feeling incredibly off lately but I couldn't quite put a finger on why. So when my brother asked me to do a couple of ads, without thinking twice, I sat in front of my PC hoping that it would somehow clear my mind from all the stress and drama that took place days ago. After an hour or so...

...done. And now I'm back in the ring, wrestling with myself again.

A Hero's Fall

Little girls look up to their fathers like heroes. They treat them with utmost love and respect. Some even vow to marry men resembling their fathers.

I used to be that little girl.

Now I look at my dad and I come to realize that my childhood hero has fallen, defeated by his own self. I look at him and I find myself praying that I wouldn't end up with someone like him. I still love and respect him, though. But I'm afraid that it's starting to wither. Slowly. Like a dying rose, one petal at a time.

My mom is hurting so bad because of what my dad had done and is still doing. Many, many little things that may seem insignificant when taken individually but when summed up, can suggest that something's not quite right.

"I don't just think it. I know it coz I feel it.", she said.

And I believe her.

I wanted to hug her and tell her that I love her. That no matter what my dad says and does, she'll always have us, her kids. That if she wants to take some time away from him, I will understand. That I might even go with her. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her but the only words that came out of my mouth were: "Hayaan mo sha."

I'm sorry, mom. I wanna take away your pain but I dunno how.

Take Trust

----_-----: hello
spit_shine20: halo! :D
----_-----: ummh.. wat gawa mo?
spit_shine20: check lng ng mail..
----_-----: honestly... d ako si ******* gf niya ako gamit ko lng ym nya
----_-----: ummh...
spit_shine20: ahh.. hello!
----_-----: hi..............
----_-----: wala kc me magawa gamit ko ym niya.................
spit_shine20: hehe..
----_-----: wat name mo?
spit_shine20: kringle
----_-----: ah ok....
----_-----: gurl k b?
spit_shine20: yep
----_-----: skul mo??
spit_shine20: sa mapua.. pero grad na ko..
----_-----: ohhh.. pano m sya nakilala??..
spit_shine20: ka-org ko xa e..
----_-----: oic.. gtg n po ako
----_-----: tnx sa tym po..:)
spit_shine20: ok cge.. :D
----_-----: take care..
spit_shine20: take trust. ;)

I don't think she was able to read the last line, though. She logged off before I could hit the enter key. Grabe ha. For a second, I felt like a criminal under interrogation. What the hell was she doing with her boyfriend's YM account?! Tsktsk. Trust your boo, girl.

When God Speaks

These past few days, I was in a bit of a quandary. I had an awful lot of questions that needed answers. I felt lost and confused that I needed someone or something to guide me in the right direction. But it wasn't fate that showed me the way, like I thought it would. My faith did.

God spoke to me at church today through our Pastor's preaching.

"What is your dream?"

"What is it that you're passionate about?"

"What is it that God placed in your heart?"

"What is that one thing that you're willing to do even if you're not gonna be paid? That might give you a clue."

It sure did, God. It sure did.

Praise You.

2006 Kicks In

Good thing that most of our neighbors have grown wiser in ushering 2006. Instead of firing firecrackers that could cost them their fingers or eyes, noisy paper trumpets and loud music filled the air. And there's a lot less of that nauseating gunpowder smell. Thank God.

2006 is a year of change for me. This year, I'm about to enter the jungle that is the corporate world. I'm about to embark into a journey where everything is possible yet nothing is certain. I'm now standing on the brink of my future, preparing to take a leap from my comfort zone into a world of the unknown...

Welcome, 2006!

Honestly, I'm not ready for you. Are you ready for me?

Riverbanks Concert

Watched Kitchie Nadal and Cue*eherm*shé at Riverbanks. Kitchie's performance was super boring. Hated the way she sang Eraserhead's "Ligaya". But I still love her for the song "Same Ground" nonetheless.

I admit liking Cueshé when I first heard their song "Stay" on the radio. Now I think Cueshé is nothing but a bunch of clichés. Getting more and more jologs by the minute. Bleh.

"If all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fails
Would you be brave to see right through me?"
--- Same Ground, Kitchie Nadal

Maktub: It Is Written

I've been in school for sixteen years. Sixteen years of acquiring knowledge and studying my ass off to get good grades. Sixteen long years of teachers, classmates, books, projects, and homeworks. When you stop going to school, where do you go?

It got me thinking about what I really want to do, what I want to accomplish, and what I want to be.

What does the world hold for me? Where is the right path? How will I decide?

Questions, questions, and more questions. For now, I don't have any answers. Or maybe, I'm not asking the right questions.

~o0o~

I've just finished reading The Alchemist and how I wish I could understand the language of the world and recognize the omens, if there's really such a thing. How I wish I know how to listen to my heart's voice and realize its dreams. I have this belief that I am in control of my life, that I am the only person sitting behind the wheel, steering it in the direction I want to go in. But I also want to believe that the world is working to move me in the direction of my personal legend. I need all the guidance that I could get coz I'm sure as hell that this is not going to be a smooth drive. I want to believe that the universe conspires with the dreamer, that fate will show me the way and that one day, I will become... my dream.

~o0o~

Already got my graduation pictures on CD. Wow. Graduate na pala talaga ako...

Viva La Bum

Been sleeping a lot lately. And I mean, A LOT. I hit the sack at around 11pm, wake up at 7am to surf for free, get back to sleep at 8:30, wake up at 12 just to eat my lunch, take a bath, read a book till I fall asleep, get up for dinner, watch some TV, surf a little, read a little, then I'm dead again. Nyaha.

~o0o~

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

I'm done reading The Catcher in the Rye. It's a classic book and all but boy was it crazy as hell. Funny coz after reading it, I can't help but adopt Holden Caulfield's voice in my writing. Now ain't that grand? Grand. God, I hate that word. Grand. It's the phoniest word ever. I could puke everytime I hear it. Hehe. ;)

Next stop: The Alchemist

YEHEY! Xmas Party

Just came home from YEHEY!'s Christmas party. I'm still feeling a little tipsy from all the booze I drank and words seem scarce so I'll just let these photos talk.

For the kris kringle, I would like to thank Yel for being my sponsor for tonight. Hehe. I wasn't able to receive my first choice on my wishlist, which is an electric-guitar-shaped sling bag, but I understand my "mommy" coz I dunno where I could buy one either. What I got is this book called "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" by Mark Haddon, which is second on my wishlist. Yay! ^_^

On our way home, I realized that I'm gonna miss a lotta things din pala.

I'm gonna miss saying, "Sa Podium lng po..." to the FX driver.
I'm gonna miss the pretty Christmas trees at Discovery's lobby.
I'm gonna miss the waterfalls on the wall.
I'm gonna miss riding the elevator up to the 38th floor.
I'm gonna miss arriving at 10am when I should've arrived an hour earlier.
I'm gonna miss signing the log sheet and writing 9:30 anyway.
I'm gonna miss Ate Nerie's pangungulit.
I'm gonna miss the uber fast internet access.
I'm gonna miss updating the movie guide on Wednesdays and Fridays.
I'm gonna miss populating the Gadgets channel.
I'm gonna miss designing frontdoor images for YEHEY!eCards.
I'm gonna miss encoding the internet cafe information sheets.
I'm gonna miss wrapping gifts and tying ribbons.
I'm gonna miss Manang, or Buchoy, or Buchok, or "Justin" or whatever his name is.
I'm gonna miss the YEHEY! people.

Yeah, the people. Those who've been super nice right from the start and even those who HAD to be nice just because. *Sigh* Am sure gonna miss this whole OJT thing as hell. Ugh. What a sap I am. Oh well. Time to hit the sack!

Oh, I almost forgot. I saw something that I shouldn't have seen. My parents were... well, uhm... you know what I mean. I'm out. -_- ZZzzzzz...

Over And Done With

My blogging took a back seat for a month because I was super busy with my OJT, schoolwork, and all. I always arrive tired and sleepy. And I didn't feel like I had much to blog about anyway. But now that I'm done with my OJT and school's over, I'm back. At long last, I'm back.

Today's our last day at YEHEY! and as a sign of our gratitude, we bought 'em a bilao of pancit palabok from Red Ribbon and puto from Goldilock's. Ms. Elaine gave us a YEHEY! tumbler, which reminds me of the gift wrapping sessions we had as factory workers, este... interns (think boxes and boxes and boxes of pens, thumbdrives and tumblers.. >_<), and a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory VCD and notebook! Jinky Vidal's there having this chat event but we weren't able to meet her, let alone see her, coz we were in a rush to submit our final drafts to Ma'am Roda. Besides, I've already seen her perform during her Freestyle days and I'm not into her music as a solo artist anyway.

We reached school at around 5pm. They weren't able to submit their paper coz there was this Christmas party at the library. Thank God I printed mine at home. I just had to talk my way out of the screenshot pages that I lacked. Other than that, everything's cool. Hai salamat. I can finally kick back and stock up on all the zzz's that I missed!

It's Been 3 Years...

Yeah, someday.

God, I miss him sooo much. T_T

I Blog Therefore I Am

Attended a Focus Group Discussion for YEHEY! held at the Equitable PCI Bank tower in Ortigas. Too bad Yel and Ruiza weren't able to come. I also invited Roxie and Ogie but they had other matters to attend to. And I just realized that we won't fall under the same category anyway. "Young Professionals" na sila e. Naks! ;) Sayang. Nweiz, 'twas nice meeting new people and discussing the Internet with them. When asked what would make me visit YEHEY! more often, I said something about offering its users something new. "Like what?" I really had no idea. But now I do. Basta it's something blog-related.

Ha?! Blog na naman?! Mukha ka na talagang blog!

*Sigh* I told myself before that I would never go with what's uso. That I would always swim against the flow no matter how strong the current is. Well, that explains why I never signed up for a Friendster account. Call me abnormal, call me anti-social, call me whatever you want. Basta. But I stalk. I stalk a lot. ^_^

Then there's blogging. This part of the Web used to be so quiet when I entered. Now more and more people are taking a part of their privacy and are allowing the public to take a bite. And the evil spambots, who used to be confined inside my mailbox, have invaded Blogger too! It really must be the "in" thing now. But instead of swimming against the flow, like I normally do, this time I simply stayed afloat. I worked with the current and I allowed myself to become one with it. There were times that I thought of leaving the blogging community but when something "bloggable" happens, I always end up in front of my PC with thoughts darting from one experience to another in sheer delight. Nyaha. Looks like there's no letting go of my personal catharsis.

Nweiz, what I'm trying to say is that a lot of people are into blogging nowadays. A lot of people are making their private lives part of the public domain. And a lot of people, human nature as it is, enjoy delving into other people's private lives as well. So why not strike whilst the iron is hot?!

Speaking of which, YEHEY! gave out freebies for the FGD participants. I got myself a YEHEY! shirt, stickers, Php500 worth of Little Asia GC, Before Sunset postcards, and Orange and Lemons' "Strike Whilst The Iron Is Hot" CD! Coolness. ^_^

Empty [V] Debut

Cigarette Burns

It's times like these that I find myself wishing I never met you. That I never became friends with you. That I never became more.

We started out as friends, really good friends. We had each other to lighten our burdens. We carry half of each other's load. Your problem becomes my problem and vice versa.

Me: "Sayo ung numbers 1-10, akin ung 11-20."

Hehe! Well, that's not exactly what I meant, though it did happen once or twice. ;) Actually, 'twas more of uhm, sharing problems regarding our families, our friends, and our lives at large. There's no denying that what we had was something special. But you were with someone then so we both decided to just keep the friendship. I didn't know that you were arguing with her a lot because of it, because of us. Not until I received an email from her.

" ... TANGINA MO! MAAYOS NA KME E! BKT MO B KME GINUGULO? ... PLS. LANG TIGILAN MO NA KME! TANGINA MO TALAGA! ..."

After that incident, with just a snap of a finger, we stopped communicating. Just like that. Then we saw each other at Gateway three years after. 'Twas one of those awkward meetings that we felt like there's a lot to talk about but we both didn't know where to begin. You were with her pa.

Girl: "WAW!!! Kringle!!! Ang saya ko nakita ka namin!!!"

Her words were burning with sarcasm. She wanted me away. And it doesn't take a Promil kid to figure that one out.

Me: "Hocge, una na ko. Mei hinahabol pa kc ako e."

But the world seemed so small for the three of us. We saw each other again at LRT Santolan station. But this time, I ignored you on purpose. Not because I was mad but because I felt that 'twas the right thing to do. I really didn't want to but I had to. We walked past each other like we're not even friends. I felt happy for a moment thinking that I did the right thing. But you know what? Deep down inside, I ached.

Back To Square One

After almost 5 years of use, my PC just gave up on me. That's 800+ MP3 files, 12 music videos, 600+ fonts, 500+ Eminem photos, down the drain. ARGH!!! How I wish I could call a plumber on this one. :(

It's A Yehey! Birthday

Actually, not quite.

I started the day reading birthday greetings from my friends, cousins, and a couple of unexpected persons. Then my parents woke up and greeted me as well.

Papa: "O, bakit matamlay ang celebrant?!"
Me: "First day ko kaya sa OJT ngayon."
Papa: "E di wag ka muna pumasok!"
Me: "Ngak! Di pwede noh. Nakakahiya."

The thought of being surrounded with people who have no idea that I'm celebrating a special day today is just sad. But I don't wanna miss my first day of OJT with the company so I found myself dragging my feet out of the house a quarter before 8. Contrary to what I expected, Junction wasn't that congested and I was able to ride an FX right away.

And I thought I was lucky.

Wrong!

Coz an MMDA officer suddenly appeared out of nowhere!

FX driver: "Naku boss, paxenxa na. Hindi ko talaga alam e. 8 months na kc ako di buma-biyahe e. Paxenxa na talaga."
MMDA: "Hindi kc pdeng ganon e. Hindi alam, hindi nakita, laging mei rason. Paxenxa na lang din kau."

After 15 minutes, the MMDA officer finally allowed us to go.

And I thought it was over.

Wrong again!

We were about to enter Ortigas Center when the engine died. The driver would crank up the engine, have it running again but it would only last for 7 seconds! I swear! I counted! Grabe. It took me forever to reach Podium! And it rained pa! *Sigh* The Gods really ganged up on me this day. Happy birthday talaga sakin! >_< Peach: "Carlo Aquino, willing magpakita ng pwet?!"
John: "What?!?! Parang sinabi mo na ring magb-bold ang Going Bulilit!!!"

WAHAHAHAHA!!!!

When I got home, dinner was set and they were just waiting for me. My mom cooked spaghetti, chicken, waknatoy, rellenong bangus, and baked tahong. For dessert, I had a strawberry cheesecake topped with vanilla ice cream topped with chunks of Snickers topped with chocolate syrup! Now it feels like my stomach is starting to crawl its way up my gullet!

Grabe. I'm now 20 years old! That's two decades of living and of taking up space in this overpopulated world! I really am no longer a teen! Oh well. My eyes are closing on me now. Must go to sleep. -_-

Centennial Rock

Just got home from St. Scho-Manila's "Centennial Rock" - a rockin' celebration of St. Scholastica's 100 years! There were eight bands lined-up to play for the event. First on stage was a band composed of koolasas, followed by a band named Protein Shake. After their Dance club set the stage on fire, Hiraya took the stage to cool it off a little. Ala's a lot prettier and skinnier in person but she seemed kinda shy onstage, which is unlikely of her with all the fame that she has being an ex-VJ-slash-commercial-model. She could've at least started their set with "Happy 100 years St. Scho!!!" or something like that to connect with her audience. No wonder the crowd wasn't that into their performance. They have great songs though and Ala has a nice singing voice so I'm still gonna vote for them in NU's Rock Awards for "In the Raw".

As the night wore on, Nerveline played just before the crowd-favorite, pogi-rock-band (no pun intended), Sponge Cola rocked the stage. The moment Yael took hold of the mic, the crowd went wild! Think hundreds of crazy fan girls screaming their heads off, going nuts over the guys, singing "KLSP", "Gemini" and "Jeepney" word for word like it's a friggin' videoke session and consequently drowning Yael's voice. In one word: GRABE. But I must say, he is really one helluva hot guy!


Next on stage was Imago. I really REALLY enjoyed watching Aia perform. Especially when they did "Anino". Ang likot-likot-likot niya sa stage! And I just discovered that she's a koolasa! "Happy 100 years sa atin!!!" Astig. When she started singing "Taning", I couldn't help but notice these koolasa lovebirds in front of me who were hugging each other a little tighter. Why? "Tama bang aminin na nating may taning itong pag-ibig natin? Dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit sa bulag na pag-ibig..." That's why. ^_^

6cyclemind began their set with "You and Me" by Lifehouse. If not for Ney's voice, I would think that the band had a new vocalist on board coz he sure had lost a lot of weight. Well, that is compared to the last time I've seen him, which was uhm... two years ago? Nweiz, they also performed two of their original songs - "Biglaan" and "Sige". I'm not a big fan of the band but I must say that most of their songs, especially "Biglaan", hit close to home. Coz when you... ugh. Never mind. I'm gonna spare you the drama.

Last to hit the stage was Dicta License. Since I'm only familiar with the song "Ang Ating Araw", I didn't really enjoy their set. Actually, I felt like I was the only one who didn't enjoy their set coz everyone else seemed so hyped up. I dunno. Perhaps I was just too exhausted to appreciate their music, let alone Poch's high-pitched voice.

As I was preparing myself to go home, I saw my Reading teacher in 3rd grade, Ms. Aquino. I was a little hesitant at first but when I was reminded of my last visit at St. Scho, when I wanted to see my former teachers but didn't, I immediately dropped every bit of hesitance and decided to strike up a conversation.

Me: "Ma'am, dito na po pala kau nagtuturo. Naging student nio po ko dati sa Marikina..."
Ms. Aquino: "Kaya pala you look familiar! Buti naman naalala mo pa ko."
Me: "Ehe, xempre naman po."
Ms. Aquino: "What year kita naging student?"
Me: "Super tagal na.. grade 3 or 4 pa ata ako. Super tagal na talaga."
Ms. Aquino: "Honga, those were my first years in teaching pa! Tanda ko na!"
Me: "Ehe, di nga po kau nagbago e!"
Ms. Aquino: "Wow, thank you! Sige nga, anong subject ang tinuro ko non?"
Me: "Uhm..."
Ms. Aquino: "Naku, nakalimutan na!"
Me: "E bsta English subject xa.."
Ms. Aquino: "Ayun.. Reading and Language!"
Me: "Tama, yun nga yun!"
Ms. Aquino: "So san ka na ngayon?"

Except for some visible strands of white hair, she looked exactly the same as before. As if 10 years haven't made that big of a difference on her. I wonder what her secret is. Uhm, stay single? Oh well. 'Twas such a nice way to end a kick ass night! \m/

"Nauubos din ang luha
Natutuyo at nawawala
Naglalaho rin pala"
--- KLSP, Sponge Cola

OJT Hunt Over

We were scheduled for an interview this morning at YEHEY! Corporation for our OJT applications. Actually, 'twas more of an orientation than it is an interview. Ms. Elaine and Ms. Kankan were the ones who did most of the talking. According to them, we're gonna work on the new YEHEY! channel called Gadgets (which is yet to be launched), update the movie guide, and do flash banners. They have various events lined up for October and November so we're also gonna do some field work. No allowance for us, though. Except if we're on field. Bleh. >_<

Nweiz, with or without an allowance, what's important is that we now have a company for our OJT and we could start accomplishing the requirements needed for the course.

And I say "Yehey!" to that! ^_^

Ohana Means Family

I think it's funny how cartoons can stick a knife in my gut without me realizing that I'm bleeding all over the place.

Lilo: "Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind. But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves."

Today is the third time that I've watched Lilo and Stitch but this painfully beautiful line delivered by Lilo while Stitch is walking away from her has never failed to put an ugly lump in my throat. And I need not say why.

Old Photographs

I was helping my brother out on his autobiography presentation when we started looking through stacks and stacks of old photographs. Picked out some of my favorite shots and made a collage out of it. Lookie!