I'm A Buff

"Some people don't even need a gun to hurt you. They use words or laughter. They enjoy watching you bleed to death. They get off watching you fighting back the tears, getting a lump at your throat, blushing, wanting to cry. And they give you a name. Trash can. Pizza face. Loser. Faggot. Loser. Weirdo. Spaz. Retard. Y'know the name does something to you. It changes who you are. It alters some of your molecules. And one day, you wake up and you look in the mirror and you don't recognize you anymore because... you believe them. Then when you lose, you wanna cry, "please leave me alone", but nobody's listening. Because nobody cares, because you don't have a name anymore, because they took it away. And then one day, I say that name and you hear something go snap. You realize what you gotta do. You gotta take back your name. And you gotta do it infront of the whole school because that's where they took your name away from you. You gotta do it to every kid will remember. This is about justice. And after a while, you can only think of one way. Jonesboro. Springfield. Paducah. Columbine. A gun. A bomb. Instant justice. Ba-bang! What a rush when they roll out that yellow tape. Miles and miles of yellow tape. They won't have enough when I'm finished. So when these hallways are flooded with rivers of blood, when these hallways are choked with their corpses and body bags, you will all say, "Oh what a tragedy." What. A. Tragedy. "

~Trevor Adams

Morbid, eh? These words were taken from the movie Bang Bang You're Dead - one of my favorite movies. I think everyone should watch it. Makes you think twice about pushing people around. I remember when I was in 1st grade, one of my classmates started to bully me when I refused to lend give her my troll. But the roles have changed when she joined Little Miss Philippines and lost. *evil grin* Nweiz, back to the movie. Caught it first on Cinemax and now I have it on video so I can watch it whenever I feel like it. It's actually inspired by a stage play with the same title and the Columbine massacre. I even downloaded a copy of the play's script from this site. I want to produce it in the future. Yep. I'm a buff.

Also, I bought a copy of Dawson's Creek 2nd season (Episodes 201 and 213). Sweet. I'm still looking for other volumes. I want to own a complete copy of DC's first season up to its season finale. Yep. I'm a buff.

Demon Slayer

From my phone conversation with Roxie:
Roxie: "Ganon talaga, may mga bagay na left unsaid."
Me: "Yun nga, pero hindi dapat ganon!"
Roxie: "Kasi mahirap makalimot kapag may mga hindi malinaw?"
Me: "Mismo!"

I know that true healing requires being able to look at my demons straight in the eye. If I wanted to slay those demons, I had to face them. The question is: When will I have the courage?

The Fear Inside

This morning (6:10 am), my mom's voice woke me up. She was panicking. Her hands were shaking. My uncle called and told her that my Lola was having some difficulties in breathing. My parents went to their place and brought her to the hospital. I dunno if they did or an ambulance did. During that time, I was embraced with fear. There was nothing I could do but pray. I was begging God to save her, to keep her safe, to keep her alive. I fell asleep and woke up at around 10 o'clock. When I found out that my parents aren't home yet, my fear grew stronger. I wondered what's taking them so long. My imagination started to work. Morbid thoughts were slowly creeping in. After several minutes, my parents arrived. I quickly went inside the bathroom and started to take a bath. I was too scared to know what happened. I was just there trying to listen if my mom was crying. Coz if she was, I would know that the worst occurred. Thank God, she's not. When I finished taking a bath, I asked them what happened. They told me that Lola had a mild stroke and that she's fine now. But she needs to be confined in the hospital for about 3-4 days. Lord, thank you.

This reminds me. A couple of days ago, my dad almost got into an accident. He fell asleep while driving. I dunno much about the details but that's what happened. Now, we're all worried about my dad hitting the road alone. He told us that he was just too tired and sleepy and that was just the first time it happened to him. But if it happened once, it could happen again. Heaven forbid.

I don't fear death. I don't fear my own death. What I fear is the death of the persons close to my heart.

9Teen It Is

Happy birthday to me! So, how does it feel? *shrugs* Feels like 19. Ugh. But hell. It's not as if we cross a major barrier each time we grow a year older. Nweiz, this is so far the quietest birthday celebration I had. I mean, there were no parties thrown, no relatives/friends coming over, no nothing. We just had our dinner at Somethin' Fishy. The food was ok. The tuna belly and sinigang na hipon were to die for. I'd definitely kill just to have a platter of it! After dinner, we watched a band perform at OJ's. They were good. They did Alanis Morissette, Norah Jones, Bachelor Girl, etc. Then, we're off.

Thanks to everyone who bothered to greet me on my birthday. Whether it's an SMS, phone call, email, or in person. I really really appreciate it. Kuya Paul, thanks for the magazines and the Lee sticker campaign. Haha! I thought you're gonna raise hell. Ate Chelsea, thanks for the 8 Mile movie poster. Ra-el, thanks for the Snickers! To the person who called me and sang "Grow Old With You", that's really sweet. Uhm, do you come with a name? Please make yourself known. It's less creepy that way. Mico, thanks for buying me that Bamboo album. Uncle Arnel, thanks for the moolah. Mom and dad, thanks for the dinner, the chocolate mousse cake and the ice cream, and thanks for staying together despite everything. Lastly, thank you God for the gift of life and for giving me all these people in my life.

My favorite birthday greeting:
"Kringz, hapi bday! My bday wish 4u is dis: I hope dat dis wil b THE year wen u wil b complete. U knw wat I mean. LuvYouLuvYou! ü" --Ejay

ABET Not

Org officers had a meeting with the dean this morning. 'Twas about ABET (Accreditation Board for Engineering and Technology). If ever Mapúa will be accredited, we'll be the first in the Philippines and the second in South East Asia. Ha! With the criteria presented by the dean, I doubt. Oh well. We all better cross our fingers for that. Our toes, even.

I had a deal with Roxie that I have to settle things with Kyle tonight. I've already taken the first few baby steps last Monday but I don't think it worked. I dunno if he's that insensitive or if he just wasn't able to understand what I'm trying to imply. Nweiz, I broke it to him gently. Not the in-your-face kind of thing. I was really struggling for words. I think I saw some waterworks, though. And that made me feel bad. Please. I don't deserve your tears. And don't put me on a pedestal. I might hit you when I come crashing down. I'm sorry. I really am.

Eminem Turns 32

Happy Birthday, Marshall.

Dear Slim,
I saw the video of your new single "Just Lose It" yesterday. You're one helluva crazy man! The shit about Michael Jackson was hysterical! With the nose falling off, the kids dancing around the bed, swaggering a bottle of "Jesus Juice". I bet you're not making a fan out of MJ. But hell. I, for one, don't give a shit about what Jacko thinks. He's a sicko. The whole world knows it. At first, I thought you were also playing Paris Hilton. But she played herself. Oh well.

Rumor has it that you'll be out of the spotlight soon. That you'll just stay behind the scenes, producing and writing. Is it true? Is it why your album is called "Encore"? But you said you'll never stop rapping! You said it was in your blood! Well, if "Encore" would mean anything, I hope it's just the end of the "Eminem Show" and the start of something new. I really hope this ain't your last. Can't wait for it to hit the shelves, though!

Truly yours, your biggest fan.
This is Stan Kringle. ^_^

Down To Ten

Wow. I can't believe I'll be turning 19 ten days from now. Yikes! I remember thinking just a couple of years ago that 19 was, well, ancient. You know, being the last "teen" year of my life. I also remember telling myself that by 19, I should've found my soulmate. Holy crap. Oh well. I can be twenteen next year, then 21-teen the following year... yadda-yadda. And ancient or not, I'd still love some *ehem* presents. ^_^

Something from my inbox:

HAHAHA! I think I deserve something like that after being so nasty yesterday!

Mean-y Me

Ugh. This sucks. I'm once again crowned mucus queen. The skin between my upper lip and my nose has turned red and my chest hurts from coughing. Can't hardly breathe. I downed 2 glasses of calamansi juice and consumed several wads of tissue paper. And I guess I've been pretty mean to several people around me.

Because I really wanted to go home...

Victim # 1: Kyle
Kyle: "Pde pasabay umuwi?"
Me: "Hocge."
Kyle: "..."
Me: "Ang galing, hiwalay na yung babae sa lalaki."
Kyle: "Honga, parang LRT."
Me: "Ang luwang naman sa harapan kaso puro babae lang"
Kyle: "..."
Me: "Ikaw kasi e! Di tuloy ako makasakay sa harap!"
Kyle: "Pasensha..."
Me: "Uhm, pde mauna na ko? Gusto ko na talaga makauwi."
Kyle: "Ganon ba? Cge, next time na lang."

...and rest...

Victim # 2: Mico
Mico: "Ate Kringle, paturo sa Math."
Me: "Ano ba? Yan lang di mo pa maintindihan?!"
Mico: "You can't be a teacher coz you're a bad teacher."
Me: "Don't worry coz I'm not planning to be one."

I'm mean. And I know it.

Unrequited Love

Am sick. I don't wanna be sick today. Not tomorrow, or any day. I need to attend my CSWALP013 coz we'll be having our first quiz on Wednesday. I need to attend my COMPLR013 coz I don't wanna miss any discussion especially for the lab. I need to attend my SOCSCI513 coz I want to be exempted from our finals. See? I need to attend all my classes! And I hate the fact that I won't be able to! Woke up earlier this morning and felt my throat burning. It hurts when I swallow. It still hurts when I don't. Got the mercury column kissing the 38-degree mark. Argh! Sickness really loves me. And I hate it. Can it please go away? Now?

My Rules, My Style

I survived my 4.5 hours of vacant. Although barely. I was constantly whining about wanting to go home and stocking up on zzz's. For the first few hours, I was with Bryan, Vernon and Jack. I think that would be the case for the whole term. Then from 12-1:30, JC kept me company. When he left for his class, I thought I'll be doomed. To solitude, that is. Without enough moolah to catch a flick, no book to read, no nothing. All I did was to think of a good project proposal for SOCSCI513. Good thing Jane and Kenneth arrived quite early. ^_^

I didn't submit the proposal. Sir Yuzon discussed about conducting a research for our project. He suggested a lot of topics that we could work on. I guess the photo exhibit thing wouldn't be good enough for him. So I trashed the proposal. With the thought of doing the project on my own. Ha! I joined Mark's group. And we're off to an orphanage in QC next this Sunday!

After the class, Roxie and Jane told me that my Dad is at the lobby. I was glad. Super. Libre pamasahe e! I hope all his meetings will be held in Makati. Hehe! Nweiz, we dropped by Shopwise along Libis to buy Frenchie's French Fries. Saw this book by James Todd Smith, better known as LL Cool J, entitled "I Make My Own Rules" - parental advisory edition. They're selling it for 45 pesos. It's not in my books-to-buy list, though. But those books don't fit my budget for the week. So I settled for this. I have no idea of what it has to offer. Haven't read any reviews. I dunno if he's an effective writer. I hope Ladies Love Cool J wouldn't be Lousy Literature Crap Junk after I read the book. Ngak! Fanget. Heck. At least I have him to keep me company for the next 4.5 hours of vacants.

Hmm, I realized I always write "really" and "heck" on my blog. Oh well. HECK. ^_^

GK777 Concert

Just arrived from the GK777 concert held at The Fort. GK stands for Gawad Kalinga and GK777 expresses its vision of building 700,000 homes in 7,000 communities in 7 years. It's actually in its 2nd year and hundreds of communites have already been established. They say, "No more slums. No more violence. No more poverty." I say, "Amen." ^_^

Some of the artists who performed and chose to give their talent fees to GK were The Apo Hiking Society, Kuh Ledesma, Martin Nievera, Gary Valenciano and Bamboo. That's really generous of them. I love Bamboo more than ever now!

I definitely enjoyed Gary V's rendition of Freddie Aguilar's "Anak". He was singing, dancing, and acting all at the same time! Right. Mr. Pure Energy, living up to his name. When Bamboo conquered the stage, the crowd went wild! And so did I when I saw Ira Cruz and when they played their first song - "Mr. Clay". They also played some Rivermaya classics such as "Elesi", "Ulan", "Himala", "Kung Ayaw Mo, Huwag Mo", "Awit Ng Kabataan" and other songs that I dunno of. I thought they're gonna end the show with "Noypi" since it goes with the concert's theme: "Bawat Pilipino Bayani". But after "Noypi", they performed another song called "Masaya". Tapos, tapos na.

"All by myself, I know that I stand here alone
All your lies they feed me
I'm stronger now, stronger now than I was before
There's no way you can hurt me
Move me, stop me"
--- Mr. Clay, Bamboo

Rock Enroll

The enrolment went pretty well. First, I took my FGR. Average: 1.75. I took only 9 units so 1.75 my ass. Heck. I'm not really vying for scholarship. After getting good-but-not-good-enough averages for 3 years, being a half scholar last term was more than enough. If luck would be on my side this term, then thank God. If not, no big deal.

Proceeded to the encoding area. I was hoping for an earlier section in SOCSCI513. The 4:30 class to be exact. I checked the slots earlier this morning at home but 'twas no longer open. When I checked it again at school, there was one slot available. One. Slot. I immediately clicked on the "change section" button. Voila! I'm in. 6 hours vacant down to 4.5 hours. Finalize? Finalized. *Sigh*

Here's my hellish schedule:
MWF:
9-10:30am --> CSWALP013 (Scary.)
10:30am-3pm --> V A C A N T (Scarier.)
3-4:30pm --> COMPLR013
4:30-6pm --> SOCSCI513
Tues:
7:30am-12pm --> CSWALP011L
12-4:30pm --> COMPLR011L
Sat:
4:30-9pm --> MULT333

I don't have classes on Thursdays, though. But still. Waking up early for my 9am class doesn't appeal to me. Not at all. Even more, spending 4 ½ hours doing nothing. Argh. Should start investing on books. Better yet, saving money for the movies.

Heard from the news that the swords used for The Lord of the Rings, Kill Bill, The Last Samurai, and Braveheart were made by Filipinos. Cool. Another cool thing is this: CARNIVALE - a new HBO original series. That I'm really excited of. After the sex in Sex and the City, the lies in The Sopranos, and the living dead of Six Feet Under, say hello to the freaks of Carnivale. ^_^

Sink Or Swim

My parents are at it again. Screaming so loud like they're getting paid by the decibel. My mom is packing up. She's leaving. Hell, this ain't the first time. But I still feel my chest tightening. I wish I can reduce the sharp pain into a dull ache.

Someone once told me that it's not possible that they no longer love each other. I believed him. But now, I find it so hard to hold on to that belief.

I'm losing grip. My family is falling apart. And I'm not doing anything about it. I'm just watching it happen.

I went to Loreland hoping to drown my pieces of shit.
But they fuckin' learned how to swim.

Loreland Invasion

I'm home. Finally. I have a nasty headache and my nose won't stop dripping mucus. Argh!!! Better start blogging before I drop off.

We went to Loreland resort in Antipolo yesterday. I didn't really enjoy the swimming part since I dunno how to swim and the cold water did nothing but worsen my cough/cold. Just threw myself into the water once then that was it. Kainis. Nakalimutan ko pa yung salbabida ko. Ehe. Then came the countless ghost stories. Felt like I was a member of the Midnight Society. Kulang na lang bonfire. One story really gave me the chills. Uhm, no. I'm not even blogging about it. We then went to this overlooking spot. Really liked loved the scenery. I felt like a God seeing the city beneath my feet. The moon seemed closer. The sky, bigger. The stars were few, though. But the city lights were enough to brighten up the sky. Also had a little videoke session. I pulled off Matchbox 20's "If You're Gone". Ogie ended the session by singing "Malayo Pa Ang Umaga". And that was minutes before the crack of dawn. Ehe! Malayo pa nga. Before heading home, they decided to stop by the Antipolo Cathedral. I was feeling dizzy because of the heat and my lack of sleep. I dunno if I could put up with the thick crowd. I was afraid I would pass out any minute. So I just opted not to join them. Heck.

Well, that's it. That's how we invaded Antipolo City. My bed is already calling me. I better answer.

"I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone
I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak
But I think you're wrong"
--- If You're Gone, Matchbox 20

Wow Ngek Intramuros!

Left home early just to pass our Multimedia project to Sir Gonzales. He works at DOIT so we had to go to Mapúa Intramuros and hand it to him personally. It's been 2 years since the last time I've been there. But no. I don't miss Intramuros. In the same way that I don't miss my CWTS. And I guess Intramuros didn't miss us either. It even seemed enraged with our presence. Doing everything to make our visit miserable.

We climbed the steps of the Administration Building up to the 4th floor only to find a note telling us to use the north wing entrance. Waited for Sir Gonzales inside the DOIT for almost an hour until someone told us to go to MIS instead. Decided to grab a bite to eat at McDonalds. Then the rain started to pour. It wasn't that heavy but the streets were almost flooded. Screw the drainage system! We had no choice but to take a cab from Mapúa to LRT-Legarda. When we reached the station, surprise surprise. There were no trains headed to Santolan. Shit. We took a bus and just rode the LRT from V.Mapa. Took almost all public transpo in just a day. I am soo worn-out.

Argh! Got a call from Roxie. Sir Gonzales texted her saying that our CD is infected by a virus. He's asking us to give him a clean copy tomorrow. At Intramuros. Nooooooooo!!! This is so not happening. Everything seems to fall out of place. Is that a sign of some sort that we are bound to fail Mult323?! I hope not.

U Got Game?

Just arrived from the U Got Game event. 'Twas the first ever inter-school game development contest in the Philippines and I'm proud to say that we're one of the organizers. Hihi! ^_^ We were assigned at the ticket booth, collecting 50 bucks from people who wanna get in, stamping their wrists with "UGG?", checking wrists for the stamp, making sure that nobody would sneak in without paying. It was VERY tiring. Stamping people's wrists was fun, though. So fun that I did not notice that I was hugging a dirty pole. Argh! I could start begging for alms with my grimy shirt!

The number of people was thrice as expected. Most of them were after the Ragnarok Juno CD. We were able to collect a vast amount of Php 75,000+ from ticket sales. Whoopee! Another whoopee goes to the cosplayers! Astig. Though the only character I recognized was Edea from Final Fantasy VIII. ^_^ I wish somebody dressed like Squall. *Sigh* I miss playing RPGs. I miss my Squall. :(

I dunno who won for the UGG cosplay but for the Level-Up cosplay, that water-squirting monster took home the prize. For the game development competition, the first prize winner was S17 from DLSU. Yay for them! ^_^

My shirt is dirty, my legs hurt like hell, my tummy is killing me, and I'm dog-tired. BUT I DON'T GIVE A SHIT.

Maid In Hell

My parents just fired our maid. Haha! I'm really glad she's out of our house. She has a knack for taking things that doesn't belong to her. That fucking kleptomaniac. I lost my denim pants, a couple of blouses and hankies, my spiky earrings, and my toe ring. I told my parents about the losses and my suspicion of who the culprit was but they were a little skeptical about it. They know that my room is always a mess and thought that maybe I just misplaced it somewhere. I turned my room upside down twice but still no signs of it. That was many moons ago.

This morning, her uncle dropped by. His eyes were red. He looked drunk. Scared the shit out of me. He was wearing my father's green Nike jacket!

Papa: "Pare, ang ganda ng jacket natin ha?"
Her uncle: "Ahh.. ito? Regalo ni Liezel sa pamangkin ko."

Ha! Game over, Liezel. The game is over.

Reasons why we kicked her out of our house. Hard.
1. She's a kleptomaniac.
2. She eats like a pig.
3. She takes a nap in the afternoon.
4. She sleeps at 9pm.
5. She needs my mom to wake her up in the morning.
6. She made a lot of cellphone calls from our landline.

And we pay her 2000 bucks for that?! Damn her. She really deserves to rot in the depths of hell.

The Dementor

Came home from LJ's baptism. Godchild#2. Actually, I had second thoughts about attending the ceremony. But I went anyway. I wanted to see the baby's tiny feet and tiny hands and tiny yawns. I wanted to welcome him into the Christian world. But the entire day was like a challenge for me. I had to pretend I'm ok. I had to act normal while I tried to get a grip of myself. I felt like someone punched my chest. Like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on. I was crying invisible tears. The silence was killing me. It's agony. Complete, excruciating agony. On our way home, Roxie told me, "Cut the cord pala ha." Well I guess I never did. Or maybe I did. But there's still a single strand left uncut. Refusing to let go. Shit. I need a sharper blade.

There's still much to blog about. But I'm too tired and sleepy. I better snooze. I can hear my bed crying my name out loud. What's important is that everything is crystal clear to me right now. Everything dawned on me like a blanket of truth. I'm gonna hit the sheets now. Hope I never wake up. Hell no, scratch that.

Some people can be like Harry Potter's dementor.
He is my dementor.
He is sucking the life out of me.

Nun Of The Above

I left home with my parents at around 9:00 in the morning. After running a few errands (Popperoo, then Dino's school), we went to Galleria for an early lunch. They ordered a bowlful of Lomi. I ordered Lumpiang Shanghai. They ordered Buchi. And so did I. Ha! That sounded like a poem! ^_^ Nweiz, I emerged out of Chowking with a big tummy. I think I ate too much Buchi.

My mom and I went to National Bookstore while my dad deposited some cash. I came across books 3, 4 and 5 of the True Philippine Ghost Stories. I leafed through the pages of book 3 and was surprised with what I read: Nun of the Above by Katrina Salvador. Wait a sec. This is so not possible. I wrote this story! I can't believe they published it. My poorly-written, lousy story! The story I wrote ages ago! I read it and I dunno if I should be proud because 'twas published or ashamed because it's crappy. First, the words I chose were weak. Well, except for the title. Nun of the Above-- a story about a floating nun. I think it's pretty clever. Hehe! Second, it ain't scary. What's worse is that it was funnier than it is scary. It's a horror book, for crying out loud! Good thing Salvador ain't my real surname. Ha! I told my mom to read it and she was a little irritated coz I used a pen name instead of my real name. I argued by saying that Salvador is still associated with me. Somehow. It's my father's middle name! Then, she said that I should've used Banson. Oh okay. So, that was her point. Case closed.

I'm still thrilled about it. Just for the record, this is the third shit I've written that reached its way into the publishing house. The first was for a teen magazine. The second shit was for Pulp Magazine. And now this! ^_^

Good Will Book Hunting

My parents agreed to pick me up at National Bookstore-Cubao around 6pm. I got there an hour earlier. Just enough time for me to rummage the place for a little treasure hunting. Here are the treasures I found:

1) Please Kill Me by Legs McNeil and Gillian McCain
2) The Devil Wears Prada by Lauren Weisberger
3) Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding
4) No Boyfriend Since Birth by Claire Betita
5) The Breakup Diaries by Maya Calica

These books are on top of my Christmas-Wish-List more than ever now! Err... next to an iPod, of course. ^_^ *Sigh* Too many books, not enough moolah.