Remembering 2004

The last few months of 2004 have been depressing for my family. Due to uncontrollable events, we've been struggling financially. My lola was confined in the hospital twice. Right now, she's undergoing two different therapies. She's also taking a lot of medications amounting to a thousand pesos. Weekly? No siree. It's daily. That, plus the different household bills, daily expenses, my tuition fee (which is still unsettled), my brothers' tuition fees, and other payables? Talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel. Being the *ehem* responsible first born, my concerns suddenly started to be about the moolah. When will papa pay for the tuition? When can we go to the grocery coz I'm sick of corned beef? Are we gonna have our cable disconnected? What about our phone line?

It ain't that bad, though. I mean, we still have a house that we own and don't need to pay for, we have a car, we still enjoy our cable connection, and they all have their mobile phones. Well, all except for me. But I'm fine with that. What the devil has taken, God will replace in His own time. Oh well. It's not like we're destitute and I really hope we never be. However, I can't help but worry.

Nweiz, a few hours to go and it's a new year for all of us. I hope it will be better than the last one.

Maybe So, Maybe Not

A lot of psychics have begun offering their predictions for the year 2005. They say that "there will be three coup attempts," "our economy wouldn't be any better", "the year of the rooster would mean isang-kahig-isang-tuka" and other such ominous sayings. I find this whole business of prediction weird. I believe that the future is what we make of it, regardless of cosmic invisible hands, which may or may not change our fate. I think it's about time for people to become less fatalistic and to assume more responsibility for their actions.

Rest In Peace

My Aunt just died of breast cancer. After 5 years of fighting it, her body finally gave in. It's a painful death for all of us. How cruel of Him to take Tita away in this time of the year. But I know she's happy now. She's now in a place free from pain and sufferings - a better place... with Him.

Tita, thank you for taking good care of us. Thank you for calling just to check if we're ok. Thank you for the memories, which will be forever etched in my mind. We'll never forget you. May you find peace.

Goodbye.

You've Got Mail

I miss receiving mails. And I don't mean mail as in email coz I receive an awful lot of email everyday. Often those which have been forwarded so many times that the forwarded-to lists are longer than the messages themselves. Heck, I don't even read them. They should all just expect an instant trip to my garbage bin.

Nweiz, I'm talking about mail as in snail mail. Yep. I miss receiving those. The last time I received one was way back in 2nd year highschool. 'Twas from a friend who migrated to US. Now, it seems like the only snail mail I get is my magazine subscription. Oh well. I would love to receive mail. And send mail too. The kind where I have to lick a stamp and stick it on an envelope and write an address other than cuteako@yahoo.com. La lang. I guess this is just one of the simple things that make me happy.

Wanna make me happy? Snail mail me.

Happy Birthday Jesus

Went out to visit some of our relatives today. 'Twas fun. But I'm no longer a kid so I'm exempted from receiving aguinaldo. Or should I say, aquino.

Tito Beng's condo was, as usual, a major jawdropper. He even hired an interior designer to do the decorations. He spent like 50k just to have that Christmas feel in his condo. A spendthrift, indeed. Tito Bert and Tita Epi celebrated their silver wedding anniversary. Ate Shirley brought the video coverage of their wedding. Funny how their video looked like an episode from Misadventures of Maverick and Ariel. No shit!

Dino headed to Eastwood for his kada's christmas party. I think it's his 3rd christmas party already. Just a thought. I'm not that religious, but I find it kinda disturbing that most of us seem to forget that we are celebrating a birthday party today. And it's not just anyone's birthday, it's Jesus Christ's. We seem to be forgetting that in these materialistic times. I bet He ain't happy having His birthday being used as some excuse for partying excess. Here's a little question: Isn't He invited to His own party?!

Oh well. Merry christmas everyone! Happy birthday Jesus!

Whattametalmouth

Today is the day that I chose to live.

Yep! My third attempt to present the project went just fine. Thank you Lord. With my CPU and my good ol' keyboard with me, nothing could possibly go wrong. Hehe! :)

I arrived at around 9:45am. Went to the faculty room to look for Ma'am Moja but she wasn't around. Checked out the laboratories but she wasn't there either. I waited 'til 10. Then, I waited some more. 'Twas already 10:30. I told my dad that I doubt if my professor will arrive. Being late is not in her vocabulary. My dad told me that she'll ask Fel (dean's secretary) for the contact number of my professor. Good thing he knows her personally. Let the connections work! :) I thought to myself, "Ma'am, you are messing with the wrong student." *evil grin* My dad told me that Fel texted Ma'am Moja. According to her reply, she'll arrive at around 12pm. Balak ata talaga akong injanin non e.

Nweiz, she did arrive before 12. She was smiling and all. What's up with that? "Hell, whattametalmouth!", I thought. She told me to bring my CPU at the faculty room. After I've proven that the program is indeed working...

Me: "Ayan po, nagw-work naman talaga diba?"
Ma'am Moja: "Oo na. Pano ba yan?"
Me: "2-Player game sha. Tig-isa kayo ng shift key. Tapos pabilisin lang makapunta don sa finish line, yung color blue. Yung pindot sa shift, paulit-ulit dapat."
Ma'am Moja: "Palaro nga. Haha! Pampasira ata 'to ng keyboard e!"
Me: "Napaka-challenging nga e! Ayun, ok naman. Ano ma'am ok na po ba ako?"
Ma'am Moja: "Hocge, congratulations! Pasado ka na!"

Yipee!!! I passed! Excuse me, I neglected to use my all-powerful caps lock key. I meant to say, I PASSED! I've been praying really hard for this since Wednesday. Thank you Lord for answering my prayers. I remember just last night, when I was starting to lose hope, I prayed the most difficult prayer - "Thy will be done". I kept on repeating it until I fell asleep. I dunno. It's just that I no longer wanna do things my way. I wanna just let go and leave everything in His hands. If failing one of my subjects is part of His plan, if He wanted to teach me a lesson, if this will make me a better person, then so be it. Thy will be done. But I guess, it ain't part of His plan afterall. GOD, THANK YOU.

Now, I'm starting to feel the spirit of Christmas. I can now feel the nip of cold air bite through my skin. ^_^

One Last Chance

Today is the day that I chose to die.

Argh!!! Sure, I brought my CPU with me and I did arrive at the school on time. The problem was, the keyboards in school were not compatible with my CPU. And no, I did not bring my good ol' keyboard with me. HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT. Can you say stupid?! There was one keyboard found at the library though. But no matter what I say or do, rules are rules and they had no plans of breaking any. No CPU, monitor, keyboard or mouse can be brought out of the library. RUCK FULES.

Going home to get mine will also be pointless. According to Rupa, the MRT broke down. There's no way I'm going to be back at school by 12 if I travel by land. I asked my dad to go to the condo of Tito Beng to borrow his keyboard. Unfortunately, he wasn't there. Tough luck.

When the clock striked 12, Ma'am Moja headed out. Fast. I begged for a last chance but she simply ignored me. Biatch! My time is up, and I blew it. My dad approached Ma'am Moja and explained to her the problem I encountered, blahblahblah. He did kiss her ass too! Funny how he told her how young she looks and how he thought that she was just one of my classmates. I dunno if that was a good thing or not. But hell, it worked! Ma'am Moja allowed me to present it again tomorrow, same time. Abusado ako noh? Sobra!

Yes. I'm desperate. I am so not failing my laboratory class. And I want my Christmas to be happy. Now I'm hoping against hope that she didn't just do that to shut me up. I'm crossing my fingers for that.

Second Chance

*Sigh* The program I'm supposed to defend didn't run properly at the laboratory. At first, Ma'am Moja told me that I'll pass the course despite my failure to present the project. But earlier this evening, she told me the words that will haunt me for the rest of my college days: "Ay, mali pala yung computation ko sayo kanina. Bagsak ka pala sa lab." ...I was taken aback. I couldn't even muster a reply. To say "heaven came crashing down on me" is an understatement. It was worse than that.

When I finally regained my strength...

Me: "Ma'am, gumagana naman 'to sa bahay e. Dito lang talaga mei error kahit dalhin ko na lang yung PC ko tomorrow."
Ma'am Moja: "Hindi pwede. Ngayon ang deadline niyan. E ba't yung sa iba ok naman?"
Me: "Di ko din po alam. Ma'am, cge na po. Hindi ko talaga 'to pwede ibagsak. Ginagawa ko naman lahat e. Cge na po, payag na po kayo bukas. Promise, gumagana talaga 'to."

Our conversation went on and on like a broken record. I continuously pleaded for another chance, while she remained firm with her decision. After an hour of "pangungulit" and a lot of ass-kissing, she finally gave in. She gave me until 10:00am tomorrow to present the project. Thank God. Now I have to make sure that the program really does work on my CPU. The clock is ticking and I'm feeling the pressure.

Jawdropper

Today's the first day of my finals. I only need to get through my SOCSCI513 exam and my CSWALP011L defense tomorrow then I'll be footlose and stress-free for the rest of the month. Freedom, I can almost smell thee. :)

Nweiz, my uncle bought a new desktop PC. A 3 Ghz, with 512 MB DDRAM, 160 GB disk space, 128 MB Video Memory, complete with a DVD/CD writer, a 9-in-1 digital media drive, and a TV-port, HP Pavilion T698d.

Excuse me while I pick my jaw off the floor.

I'm really happy that my lola and my uncle are now living here with us. Not just because of the gadgets and the PC, of course. :)

OTI - Techweek 2004

Last Thursday, we started our organization's event called OTI-Techweek 2004. It's a 3-day event of seminars, workshops, exhibits, contests, etc. I was the OIC in one of the seminars, which made the past few days so fucked-up. I'm not in the mood to write so I won't be elaborating on it. Ma'am Christie, read this: Actions driven by guilt are rendered half-hearted. True, ain't it?

Generally speaking, the Techweek was a success. We managed to pull everything off despite the problems, pressures, stress, and everything in between. Kudos to everyone!

Habitat For Humanity

Our organization volunteered to help construct houses in one of the communities being established by Habitat for Humanity in Las Piñas City. I woke up at around 4:30 in the morning. I'm one scaredy cat so I opened the TV but the first thing that I saw on the screen was a white lady!!! Yikes!!! I immediately turned the TV off and ran back to bed! It awakened every sleepy bone in my body! Now THAT is a whole lot better than coffee.

Nweiz, Roxie and I reached our meeting place 5 minutes late. Not bad, eh? I think we left school 45 minutes later. Filipino time nga naman. Oh well. Almost half of the applicants attended. Our adviser, Ma'am Nenita, was also with us. She slept most of the time, though. Ehe. But that's just fine. At least, she was there! Unlike Sir Jayson who's just a bunch of brawns and... more brawns.

After Engineer-whose-name-I've-forgotten oriented us with what we had to do, 'twas up to us to divide the work among ourselves. Our players removed the wood from the first few houses and transfered it to the next, the guys shoveled gravel and sand, while the girls strained the sand used for the bricks. The toughest that we did was when we carried hollow blocks and buckets of cement. Now my arms and upper back hurt like hell. I feel like a ninety-year-old. Heck. I'm all exhausted but I definitely enjoyed it. ^_^

Another One Ties The Knot

I dunno why I find it so difficult to decide on how to begin with this entry. I'm a little short with words. Oh well. I guess I'll just start with this:

Kuya Neil: "I, Neil Mendoza, do take Shirley Santos as my lawful wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."
Ate Shirley: "I, Shirley Santos, do take Neil Mendoza as my lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part."

Aww. It has always been my favorite part of weddings - the exchange of vows. I admire people who can utter words of commitment. I admire people who are ready to face forever. I may be wrong, but I guess most of us are ready to face love but are not ready to face forever. Coz forever is such a scary thought. There is always this fear of marrying the wrong person. And I'm happy for my cousin coz she was able to conquer that fear. Just a thought: How am I to know if he's "the one"? What if he's just pretending to be "the one"?

Nweiz, saw this on the net. I'm posting it for future use. Hehe! ^_^

???: "Kringle, I give you this rose. Because it grew from a tiny seed, becoming stronger and larger until it burst into flower, it symbolizes the way my love for you has grown. Each year on our wedding anniversary, I will give you another rose. In so doing, I'll remember this day and renew the vows we've made."
Me: "???, I give to you this vase of water. Because water is the one element without which we would perish, it symbolizes the importance of your love in my life. Each year on our anniversary, I will refill this vase, offering it to you as a symbol of my ever renewing love."
???: "Without water, the rose would die."
Me: "Without the rose, the vase of water would not be beautiful."
???: "My gift is enhanced by yours, just as my life is enhanced by you."
Me: "My gift is lovely because of yours, just as my life is better because of you."

Hmm, sweet.

Collecionez

Just arrived home from G4. I'm supposed to buy a pair of silver sandals for tomorrow's wedding but I emerged out of the mall empty handed. I'm not really that choosy. I guess there's just too many to choose from. Oh well. I'm off to the mall again tomorrow morning. Let the quest continue...

FUCKFUCKFUCK. I almost flew off the handle when I saw my Matrix Reloaded OST on the floor with the CD scratched. The culprit: one of my brothers. How many times do I have to tell them to handle my CDs with care? Is that too much to ask?! I screamed at their faces until I saw beads of blood oozing out of their ears. I kicked them soo hard, it made their heads spin. Punched them even harder, they spitted blood and teeth. What an atrocity. But nah. None of that happened. Since no one would take the blame anyway, doing all that would be an awful waste of time and energy. So there. I just closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and asked God to take the anger away. And I thank Him for doing that. It ain't easy. But it sure is better than causing harm to my brothers. Hmm... I think it should be my new mantra.

I just wanna say that I value my audio and video CD collection so much that it has become a part of me. So when I lend you a CD, I'm entrusting you a part of me, expecting you to return it in good condition, in one piece. When you break it, you break a part of me. When you lose it, I lose a part of me as well.

Speaking of CDs, I'm currently listening to Sugarfree's latest album "Dramachine". Love their music! I think it's funny how their music is sweet but... sugar free! I urge people to support the local music industry! Please buy original pinoy albums that deserve recognition.

"Kung kelan pa nawalan ng ilaw
Saka pa lahat naging malinaw
Baka ako ang may kasalanan
Kung bakit tayo may tampuhang
Hindi na pwedeng pag-usapan"
--- Kandila, Sugarfree

My Gulay

Last Sunday (Oct 31), my Lola was discharged from the hospital. She stayed here with my uncle. We were all glad that she was able to recover pretty fast. But little did we know that the gladness that we felt was short-lived. She had her 2nd mild stroke last Saturday (Nov 6). I went to the hospital to visit my Lola this morning. It absolutely breaks my heart to see her in that condition. I felt like crying. But I didn't. I wanted to be strong... for her.

Sir Basco kept on bugging me about my mistake. I felt like digging my own grave. It turned out that the reservation I made for the CPU and LCD wasn't confirmed so all of his classes weren't able to use it. Hell, I asked the librarian if we already have the slot and she said yes! Why is there a need to confirm it the next day?! My gulay.

I'm A Buff

"Some people don't even need a gun to hurt you. They use words or laughter. They enjoy watching you bleed to death. They get off watching you fighting back the tears, getting a lump at your throat, blushing, wanting to cry. And they give you a name. Trash can. Pizza face. Loser. Faggot. Loser. Weirdo. Spaz. Retard. Y'know the name does something to you. It changes who you are. It alters some of your molecules. And one day, you wake up and you look in the mirror and you don't recognize you anymore because... you believe them. Then when you lose, you wanna cry, "please leave me alone", but nobody's listening. Because nobody cares, because you don't have a name anymore, because they took it away. And then one day, I say that name and you hear something go snap. You realize what you gotta do. You gotta take back your name. And you gotta do it infront of the whole school because that's where they took your name away from you. You gotta do it to every kid will remember. This is about justice. And after a while, you can only think of one way. Jonesboro. Springfield. Paducah. Columbine. A gun. A bomb. Instant justice. Ba-bang! What a rush when they roll out that yellow tape. Miles and miles of yellow tape. They won't have enough when I'm finished. So when these hallways are flooded with rivers of blood, when these hallways are choked with their corpses and body bags, you will all say, "Oh what a tragedy." What. A. Tragedy. "

~Trevor Adams

Morbid, eh? These words were taken from the movie Bang Bang You're Dead - one of my favorite movies. I think everyone should watch it. Makes you think twice about pushing people around. I remember when I was in 1st grade, one of my classmates started to bully me when I refused to lend give her my troll. But the roles have changed when she joined Little Miss Philippines and lost. *evil grin* Nweiz, back to the movie. Caught it first on Cinemax and now I have it on video so I can watch it whenever I feel like it. It's actually inspired by a stage play with the same title and the Columbine massacre. I even downloaded a copy of the play's script from this site. I want to produce it in the future. Yep. I'm a buff.

Also, I bought a copy of Dawson's Creek 2nd season (Episodes 201 and 213). Sweet. I'm still looking for other volumes. I want to own a complete copy of DC's first season up to its season finale. Yep. I'm a buff.

Demon Slayer

From my phone conversation with Roxie:
Roxie: "Ganon talaga, may mga bagay na left unsaid."
Me: "Yun nga, pero hindi dapat ganon!"
Roxie: "Kasi mahirap makalimot kapag may mga hindi malinaw?"
Me: "Mismo!"

I know that true healing requires being able to look at my demons straight in the eye. If I wanted to slay those demons, I had to face them. The question is: When will I have the courage?

The Fear Inside

This morning (6:10 am), my mom's voice woke me up. She was panicking. Her hands were shaking. My uncle called and told her that my Lola was having some difficulties in breathing. My parents went to their place and brought her to the hospital. I dunno if they did or an ambulance did. During that time, I was embraced with fear. There was nothing I could do but pray. I was begging God to save her, to keep her safe, to keep her alive. I fell asleep and woke up at around 10 o'clock. When I found out that my parents aren't home yet, my fear grew stronger. I wondered what's taking them so long. My imagination started to work. Morbid thoughts were slowly creeping in. After several minutes, my parents arrived. I quickly went inside the bathroom and started to take a bath. I was too scared to know what happened. I was just there trying to listen if my mom was crying. Coz if she was, I would know that the worst occurred. Thank God, she's not. When I finished taking a bath, I asked them what happened. They told me that Lola had a mild stroke and that she's fine now. But she needs to be confined in the hospital for about 3-4 days. Lord, thank you.

This reminds me. A couple of days ago, my dad almost got into an accident. He fell asleep while driving. I dunno much about the details but that's what happened. Now, we're all worried about my dad hitting the road alone. He told us that he was just too tired and sleepy and that was just the first time it happened to him. But if it happened once, it could happen again. Heaven forbid.

I don't fear death. I don't fear my own death. What I fear is the death of the persons close to my heart.

9Teen It Is

Happy birthday to me! So, how does it feel? *shrugs* Feels like 19. Ugh. But hell. It's not as if we cross a major barrier each time we grow a year older. Nweiz, this is so far the quietest birthday celebration I had. I mean, there were no parties thrown, no relatives/friends coming over, no nothing. We just had our dinner at Somethin' Fishy. The food was ok. The tuna belly and sinigang na hipon were to die for. I'd definitely kill just to have a platter of it! After dinner, we watched a band perform at OJ's. They were good. They did Alanis Morissette, Norah Jones, Bachelor Girl, etc. Then, we're off.

Thanks to everyone who bothered to greet me on my birthday. Whether it's an SMS, phone call, email, or in person. I really really appreciate it. Kuya Paul, thanks for the magazines and the Lee sticker campaign. Haha! I thought you're gonna raise hell. Ate Chelsea, thanks for the 8 Mile movie poster. Ra-el, thanks for the Snickers! To the person who called me and sang "Grow Old With You", that's really sweet. Uhm, do you come with a name? Please make yourself known. It's less creepy that way. Mico, thanks for buying me that Bamboo album. Uncle Arnel, thanks for the moolah. Mom and dad, thanks for the dinner, the chocolate mousse cake and the ice cream, and thanks for staying together despite everything. Lastly, thank you God for the gift of life and for giving me all these people in my life.

My favorite birthday greeting:
"Kringz, hapi bday! My bday wish 4u is dis: I hope dat dis wil b THE year wen u wil b complete. U knw wat I mean. LuvYouLuvYou! ü" --Ejay

ABET Not

Org officers had a meeting with the dean this morning. 'Twas about ABET (Accreditation Board for Engineering and Technology). If ever Mapúa will be accredited, we'll be the first in the Philippines and the second in South East Asia. Ha! With the criteria presented by the dean, I doubt. Oh well. We all better cross our fingers for that. Our toes, even.

I had a deal with Roxie that I have to settle things with Kyle tonight. I've already taken the first few baby steps last Monday but I don't think it worked. I dunno if he's that insensitive or if he just wasn't able to understand what I'm trying to imply. Nweiz, I broke it to him gently. Not the in-your-face kind of thing. I was really struggling for words. I think I saw some waterworks, though. And that made me feel bad. Please. I don't deserve your tears. And don't put me on a pedestal. I might hit you when I come crashing down. I'm sorry. I really am.

Eminem Turns 32

Happy Birthday, Marshall.

Dear Slim,
I saw the video of your new single "Just Lose It" yesterday. You're one helluva crazy man! The shit about Michael Jackson was hysterical! With the nose falling off, the kids dancing around the bed, swaggering a bottle of "Jesus Juice". I bet you're not making a fan out of MJ. But hell. I, for one, don't give a shit about what Jacko thinks. He's a sicko. The whole world knows it. At first, I thought you were also playing Paris Hilton. But she played herself. Oh well.

Rumor has it that you'll be out of the spotlight soon. That you'll just stay behind the scenes, producing and writing. Is it true? Is it why your album is called "Encore"? But you said you'll never stop rapping! You said it was in your blood! Well, if "Encore" would mean anything, I hope it's just the end of the "Eminem Show" and the start of something new. I really hope this ain't your last. Can't wait for it to hit the shelves, though!

Truly yours, your biggest fan.
This is Stan Kringle. ^_^