Saturday, April 02, 2005
BeGone Began
I downloaded and ran Spyware BeGone v.7 and found 203 spyware/adware infections and 11 spy cookies! A whole lot of dangerous junk, eh? Deleted them all and cleaned up my hard drive from unused applications hoping that my turtle of a computer would appreciate the effort and stop being so slow.
Friday, April 01, 2005
Early Mourning
I texted Opalyn earlier this morning to wish them a safe trip. But we ended up texting about him. I never thought my eyes could be that expressive. Coz no matter how much I try to erase every iota of pain from my system, it lingers still. Oh well. I was never an expert in picking up the right kind of mask and I guess I'll never be.
Our conversation scratched an open wound that still hasn't healed after all these years. And just when I thought I'm done crying...
Hey, get a hold of yourself. To dwell in the past is to die in the present.
How many times do I have to remind myself that?!
"I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works its way inside"
--- Duality, Slipknot
Our conversation scratched an open wound that still hasn't healed after all these years. And just when I thought I'm done crying...
Hey, get a hold of yourself. To dwell in the past is to die in the present.
How many times do I have to remind myself that?!
"I push my fingers into my eyes
It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache
But it's made of all the things I have to take
Jesus, it never ends, it works its way inside"
--- Duality, Slipknot
Wednesday, March 30, 2005
Back From The Grave
It's been quite a while since my last post. Contrary to popular belief, I haven't fallen off the face of the planet. I just ran out of whatever that is that fuels me to blog. Which makes me think. "What is it exactly that fuels me?" Joy? Anger? Pain? Fear? Love? Emotions. All kinds of it. These emotions remind me that I am capable of feeling. That I'm human. And I keep this blog in order to express those feelings and keep myself sane. It has been my consolation from the numerous times I smiled when I should frown. When I stayed quiet and hurt myself in the process. When I heal myself and the wounds I have.
So, is it possible that I ran out of emotions? That I stopped feeling? That I was numb? Thus, making me a cold-blooded monster. ......... That's a scary thought. ......... Nah. I'm certain the emotions were there. Maybe the intensity just died down a little. Or maybe my need to blog went along with our phone and internet connection. Oh well. Phone line's back and I'm back living my own publicly private corner in cyberspace. I'm fueled by my emotions and I'm on full tank. So while I'm at it, I'mma let my fingers work.
:: A few days back ::
03.18.05
Mico graduated from the elementary level. After the ceremony, we gorged ourselves with pizza, pasta, and chicken at Pizza Hut. We then tightened some loose screws as we watched the animated film entitled Robots and unleashed the shopaholics within us after.
03.19.05
I failed to wake up early for the Computer Science Congress held at DLSU. I had to wake up at around 5:30am and meet up with Roxie at 7. Good Lord, I wasn't even alive during that time! Barely even human even at 9! >_<
03.22.05
Went to Mapúa to file my reactivation form but Sir Betco wasn't around. Kuya told me to go back after Holy Week.
03.28.05
And so I did. But still, Sir Betco was nowhere to be found. Roxie and I then headed to KFC where the others await. We took a bus going to Batangas and burned butts for hours. When we reached the place, I was a little disappointed. Though it offers a perfect view of Taal Volcano, the lake is somewhat polluted with algae. So we just rented a pool and decided to head off to Puerto Galera in the morning.
03.29.05
Another bus ride going to Batangas Pier. We left the port at around 11:45am and rode a motor boat going to White Beach Resort. I thought I'll be able to spot dolphins and whales in the ocean but there's none. So I just closed my eyes as the waves cradled me to sleep. When we arrived at the resort, we immediately looked for a room to rent. Found one for Php4,000 for 3 nights. That afternoon, they swam, they climbed and they crawled while Roxie, Jane, Potpot, Yel, and I wandered the sands. Then, we spent the night under the sky talking about whatever came to mind until it's time to hit the sheets.
03.30.05
Since the five of us weren't able to do some mountain climbing and cave crawling, they decided to do it again. I've always loved climbing. Be it a wall, a rock, a mountain or a tree. The rocks had a different formation though like some sort of explosion frozen in solid stone. Even felt its jagged edges cut through my skin. Plus our attempt to build a sand castle was futile due to the aggressive waves. But it was fun nonetheless.
Roxie and I left the island at around 12:45 in the afternoon. Half of me really wanted to stay but the other half is dragging me back home. I really couldn't help but think about the text message I received from my parents the day before. It's just that they're not likely to do that especially when I've already left the house not unless something is up. Roxie was likewise worried about her dad's reaction... or the lack thereof. Since she paid for my motor boat ride to and from the resort, I owe her 290 pesos. I was planning to get some rest during our bus ride but Roxie managed to keep me awake. We ate, talked, and laughed our way home. When we reached Cubao, we decided to drop by Gateway and steal some shots. I love its interior! Very classy.
When I got home, I asked my mom about the text message. It appears that my dad was involved in an accident and the other party had some minor injuries that he had to take care of. And the whole precinct thing was not a pretty sight for my mom. What it had to do with me, I dunno. Heck. At least, everything's fine now. Well, except for my skin that is burning red and crying out in pain. Summer na summer talaga!
Me: "Dumeretso nga kami ng Puerto Galera e."
Mom: "Ha? Akala ko Puerto Azul lang!"
Me: "Ngek! Hindi noh! Ang saya nga e, beach tapos white sand..."
Mom: "Sus, nakapunta na ko don e."
Me: "Ah, ganon ba?"
Mom: "Tagal na. Dalaga pa ko. May dinaanan pa nga kami na nudist camp don e tapos..."
Needless to say, she had more kwento than me. ^_^
So, is it possible that I ran out of emotions? That I stopped feeling? That I was numb? Thus, making me a cold-blooded monster. ......... That's a scary thought. ......... Nah. I'm certain the emotions were there. Maybe the intensity just died down a little. Or maybe my need to blog went along with our phone and internet connection. Oh well. Phone line's back and I'm back living my own publicly private corner in cyberspace. I'm fueled by my emotions and I'm on full tank. So while I'm at it, I'mma let my fingers work.
:: A few days back ::
03.18.05
Mico graduated from the elementary level. After the ceremony, we gorged ourselves with pizza, pasta, and chicken at Pizza Hut. We then tightened some loose screws as we watched the animated film entitled Robots and unleashed the shopaholics within us after.
03.19.05
I failed to wake up early for the Computer Science Congress held at DLSU. I had to wake up at around 5:30am and meet up with Roxie at 7. Good Lord, I wasn't even alive during that time! Barely even human even at 9! >_<
03.22.05
Went to Mapúa to file my reactivation form but Sir Betco wasn't around. Kuya told me to go back after Holy Week.
03.28.05
And so I did. But still, Sir Betco was nowhere to be found. Roxie and I then headed to KFC where the others await. We took a bus going to Batangas and burned butts for hours. When we reached the place, I was a little disappointed. Though it offers a perfect view of Taal Volcano, the lake is somewhat polluted with algae. So we just rented a pool and decided to head off to Puerto Galera in the morning.
03.29.05
Another bus ride going to Batangas Pier. We left the port at around 11:45am and rode a motor boat going to White Beach Resort. I thought I'll be able to spot dolphins and whales in the ocean but there's none. So I just closed my eyes as the waves cradled me to sleep. When we arrived at the resort, we immediately looked for a room to rent. Found one for Php4,000 for 3 nights. That afternoon, they swam, they climbed and they crawled while Roxie, Jane, Potpot, Yel, and I wandered the sands. Then, we spent the night under the sky talking about whatever came to mind until it's time to hit the sheets.
03.30.05
Since the five of us weren't able to do some mountain climbing and cave crawling, they decided to do it again. I've always loved climbing. Be it a wall, a rock, a mountain or a tree. The rocks had a different formation though like some sort of explosion frozen in solid stone. Even felt its jagged edges cut through my skin. Plus our attempt to build a sand castle was futile due to the aggressive waves. But it was fun nonetheless.
Roxie and I left the island at around 12:45 in the afternoon. Half of me really wanted to stay but the other half is dragging me back home. I really couldn't help but think about the text message I received from my parents the day before. It's just that they're not likely to do that especially when I've already left the house not unless something is up. Roxie was likewise worried about her dad's reaction... or the lack thereof. Since she paid for my motor boat ride to and from the resort, I owe her 290 pesos. I was planning to get some rest during our bus ride but Roxie managed to keep me awake. We ate, talked, and laughed our way home. When we reached Cubao, we decided to drop by Gateway and steal some shots. I love its interior! Very classy.
When I got home, I asked my mom about the text message. It appears that my dad was involved in an accident and the other party had some minor injuries that he had to take care of. And the whole precinct thing was not a pretty sight for my mom. What it had to do with me, I dunno. Heck. At least, everything's fine now. Well, except for my skin that is burning red and crying out in pain. Summer na summer talaga!
Me: "Dumeretso nga kami ng Puerto Galera e."
Mom: "Ha? Akala ko Puerto Azul lang!"
Me: "Ngek! Hindi noh! Ang saya nga e, beach tapos white sand..."
Mom: "Sus, nakapunta na ko don e."
Me: "Ah, ganon ba?"
Mom: "Tagal na. Dalaga pa ko. May dinaanan pa nga kami na nudist camp don e tapos..."
Needless to say, she had more kwento than me. ^_^
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Surreal Yet So Real
I've been dreaming a lot lately. Not just a dream or two but a whole lot of confusing dreams. There are faces I don't recognize, places I've never been to and a bunch of unrelated scenes sewn together that rarely makes any sense. It seems to be a cross between reality and a pseudo world painted with colors of my imagination. I wake up feeling something that isn't sleazy or sexual in any way but undeniably good. There are times when I totally forget what the dream is all about but the feeling seems to last like an eternal hangover from chugging two bottles of vodka. Well, not that I've been wasted with vodka but I guess that's how it is.
Monday, February 21, 2005
Friday, February 18, 2005
Return Of The Burglar Kings
This happened about a week ago. And just last night, those assholes pulled off their second attack. Damnit. I knew the locks won't suffice. They took almost everything. The TV, the sculptures, the gadgets... Argh! The thought that they had all the time and the freedom to ransack the house angers me. My uncle even found an empty bottle of Coke and empty bags of Nova. Talk about having a break.
According to Tita Virgie, the woman living next door heard strange noises during the wee hours of the morning but didn't lift a finger. What's up with that?! We're not expecting her to face the burglars head on. I mean, she could've at least called the cops.
The devil inside me wants to cut their fingers off with a rusty blade, pull their eyes out of their sockets with my thumb and beat them to an unrecognizable pulp. But because the good in me still reigns, all I want is to see them behind bars. And let the inmates do the beating... and the cutting.
As of now, we have no plans to break the news to Lola Soly. At least not today coz tomorrow is Lolo's birthday. When exactly, we still don't know.
God, if there is indeed a reason for everything, please help me see it.
"Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away
Or maybe I'm just blind"
--- When I'm Gone, 3 Doors Down
According to Tita Virgie, the woman living next door heard strange noises during the wee hours of the morning but didn't lift a finger. What's up with that?! We're not expecting her to face the burglars head on. I mean, she could've at least called the cops.
The devil inside me wants to cut their fingers off with a rusty blade, pull their eyes out of their sockets with my thumb and beat them to an unrecognizable pulp. But because the good in me still reigns, all I want is to see them behind bars. And let the inmates do the beating... and the cutting.
As of now, we have no plans to break the news to Lola Soly. At least not today coz tomorrow is Lolo's birthday. When exactly, we still don't know.
God, if there is indeed a reason for everything, please help me see it.
"Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find
Maybe it's too far away
Or maybe I'm just blind"
--- When I'm Gone, 3 Doors Down
Monday, February 14, 2005
Recluse Vampire
RECLUSE VAMPIRE. I am here to survive, to live day to day. I create pain to release pain and live in a tormented world of my own making, though I never wished it upon myself. One day, it will all end, and I can at last relinquish the pain and the hiding and all of the sorrow. But I try to go on. And so far, that seems to be the meaning in my life. To continue until I can no longer...
I thirst for love,
just as a vampire would thirst for blood.
I hide under a mask,
just as a vampire would hide behind the curtains
to protect itself from impending pain.
Recluse is a vampire who abhors his fate,
but is left with not a single choice.
So you say I'm a recluse vampire?
I guess you're right.
Kill the vampire!
Pierce him straight through his heart!
Wanna kill me?
Do the same.
Kainis. Not a single rhyme. I did my best, though. Nweiz, to those who had a BLAST this Valentine's day, figuratively and literally speaking, may God bless your hearts.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
I Would If I Could
Last night, my dad accompanied my lola and my uncle to their house. Not that they're moving out from our humble abode. My lola just wanted to water the plants and get more clothes for my uncle. When they got there, the front door was open and the rest of the house was in complete chaos. Spelled out in bold letters, that is. Apparently, a thief broke in and took my uncle's DVD player and my lola's jewelries. They still dunno what other things were taken, though. But knowing their house, it must've been a pretty good catch to those burglars with my uncle's collection of expensive ornaments and gadgets. Well, good thing my lola took things lightly. They're going back later to install more locks. If I were as clever as Kevin, I could help them set up a trap like a bucket full of muriatic acid or something like that.
Monday, February 07, 2005
Magic Words
I was channel surfing a while ago when I came across Vic Sotto's movie "Si Malakas At Si Maganda" - the one that got me into trouble at a very young age. Vic Sotto plays the role of a man named Oyong who performs magical stunts by saying the magic words "ang na ang na su la ki sun su mas ki dot mo ko mo ko".
*A trip down memory lane*
I was in third grade then. I wrote these words in a paper and showed it to my seatmate. I didn't know what it meant, though. For me, it just sounded funny. I vaguely remember how it reached our adviser. All I remember is that she bent down, picked a crumpled paper off the floor, read it, then asked the class who wrote it. She looked mad so I had second thoughts about raising my hand. I really didn't understand where her anger was coming from coz for me 'twas just a joke. But thanks to my ever loyal seatmate for pinpointing me. The next thing I knew, I was missing my classes due to countless trips to the principal's office for the use of obscene language. My parents were also asked to go to the school several times. I could just imagine how embarrassed they were. My bad.
What's obscene about it? Go figure.
*A trip down memory lane*
I was in third grade then. I wrote these words in a paper and showed it to my seatmate. I didn't know what it meant, though. For me, it just sounded funny. I vaguely remember how it reached our adviser. All I remember is that she bent down, picked a crumpled paper off the floor, read it, then asked the class who wrote it. She looked mad so I had second thoughts about raising my hand. I really didn't understand where her anger was coming from coz for me 'twas just a joke. But thanks to my ever loyal seatmate for pinpointing me. The next thing I knew, I was missing my classes due to countless trips to the principal's office for the use of obscene language. My parents were also asked to go to the school several times. I could just imagine how embarrassed they were. My bad.
What's obscene about it? Go figure.
Saturday, February 05, 2005
\m/ Speak
My brother and I argue about almost everything. Say, who gets to watch what channel, who eats the best part of bangus, who let the dogs out (?!), and whatnot. I remember when we were kids, we always try to kill each other. And I mean that literally. He used to punch me until I cringe and I used to choke him to death. There was even a time when he chased me around the house with a knife! Well, we WERE violent in a way. But that was then. Now, we're both old enough to know that words are far more lethal and that physical pain is nothing compared to it.
Enough of the segue. What I really want to say is that despite our failed attempts to get rid of one another and the countless heated arguments, there's one thing that makes us grateful for having each other. We share the same sentiments when it comes to matters of the heart. Maybe because we've been through the same shit. Sayang. He wasn't able to watch today's episode of Y Speak. He's now in a camping trip somewhere in Mt. Makiling. We could've watched it and cheered for that guy who's a firm believer of "NO SHARING".
Enough of the segue. What I really want to say is that despite our failed attempts to get rid of one another and the countless heated arguments, there's one thing that makes us grateful for having each other. We share the same sentiments when it comes to matters of the heart. Maybe because we've been through the same shit. Sayang. He wasn't able to watch today's episode of Y Speak. He's now in a camping trip somewhere in Mt. Makiling. We could've watched it and cheered for that guy who's a firm believer of "NO SHARING".
Friday, February 04, 2005
The Room That Was
My mom always nags me to clean my room. I usually get away by telling her that I don't have the time coz I'm too busy with schoolwork. Which is well, partly true. Another reason is that I can't get my lazy ass to start cleaning. The mere sight of my figurines and stuffed toys collecting dust and the thought of washing them one by one are enough to make me weary. But now that I have all the time in the world, no excuse will be bought. So, armed with a walis-tambo, a couple of rags, and a pail of water, I carried out the task. A tedious one at that.
As I was taking down everything from the shelves, I can't help but start reading letters given by friends and classmates, and well, "special" persons. The oldest letter I read was like 8 years ago from my servicemate. There's this one letter that really, REALLY, caught my attention and stirred some emotions that have long been forgotten. I was in senior high then...
"... I have never been this foolish ever before. If you call writing senseless letters and making endless phonecalls foolish, then I guess I have become one, because of you. ... I'm afraid that you're going to tell me to leave you alone and I know in my heart that I don't have enough strength to do that. ... I have denied a thousand times that I don't love you but in reality, I really, really do. ... I cannot say what the future holds for us but I hope that you'll consider me in your plans and make me a part of your life."
I'm such a sucker for love letters. Mushy, I know. But words of love never fail to captivate me. Kumbaga kay Superman, this is my kryptonite. Ngak! >_<
Nweiz, my mom told me that I should get rid of things in my room like toys and old letters. I wanted to tell her that these are not toys but collectibles coz I don't play with them, like she would understand the difference, and that some were given by persons I'd rather not forget. I also wanted to tell her that there's no way that I'm going to throw away letters, be it a simple note or a noveletter coz each of them carry memories that I would love to cherish until I grow old. Yes, I'm sentimental that way. But instead of explaining these things to her, I just told her I don't want to.
Yay for me and my clean room! Well, almost-clean is actually more like it. The topmost shelf is still covered with dust. Blame my lazy ass.
As I was taking down everything from the shelves, I can't help but start reading letters given by friends and classmates, and well, "special" persons. The oldest letter I read was like 8 years ago from my servicemate. There's this one letter that really, REALLY, caught my attention and stirred some emotions that have long been forgotten. I was in senior high then...
"... I have never been this foolish ever before. If you call writing senseless letters and making endless phonecalls foolish, then I guess I have become one, because of you. ... I'm afraid that you're going to tell me to leave you alone and I know in my heart that I don't have enough strength to do that. ... I have denied a thousand times that I don't love you but in reality, I really, really do. ... I cannot say what the future holds for us but I hope that you'll consider me in your plans and make me a part of your life."
I'm such a sucker for love letters. Mushy, I know. But words of love never fail to captivate me. Kumbaga kay Superman, this is my kryptonite. Ngak! >_<
Nweiz, my mom told me that I should get rid of things in my room like toys and old letters. I wanted to tell her that these are not toys but collectibles coz I don't play with them, like she would understand the difference, and that some were given by persons I'd rather not forget. I also wanted to tell her that there's no way that I'm going to throw away letters, be it a simple note or a noveletter coz each of them carry memories that I would love to cherish until I grow old. Yes, I'm sentimental that way. But instead of explaining these things to her, I just told her I don't want to.
Yay for me and my clean room! Well, almost-clean is actually more like it. The topmost shelf is still covered with dust. Blame my lazy ass.
Tuesday, February 01, 2005
Mind Games
The quest for the Holy Grail is finally over. I can't believe I finished it in 5 days. Well, I didn't have anything else to do, that's why.
Here are some of the most intriguing points discussed in the book:
Mona Lisa. Mona Lisa is neither male nor female. It is androgynous, meaning both male AND female. The name "Mona Lisa" is an anagram for the words AMON - the god of masculine fertility, and Isis - the goddess of feminine fertility, whose ancient pictogram was once called L'ISA. This is Da Vinci's little secret and is the reason behind Mona Lisa's smile.
The Pentacle. Contrary to the belief that this is a demonic symbol, it's true origin is actually quite godly. It is a pre-Christian symbol for beauty and perfection associated with the goddess Venus, which is the ultimate expression of the Divine Proportion used by pagans in relation to Nature Worship. The word "pagan" came from the Latin word "paganus" meaning country-dweller. Therefore, pagans are country folks who worship nature because of its Divine Proportion, the number PHI, 1.618, which is believed to be God's building block for the world. The "evil" notion only came from the Roman Catholic Church as part of their campaign to get rid of pagan religions and convert everyone to Christianity. The pentacle is only one of the many symbols altered by the Church. Other examples are the Poseidon's trident turned Devil's pitchfork and Crone's pointed hat that became the witch's symbol.
The Last Supper and The Holy Grail. According to legend, the Holy Grail is a chalice where Jesus drank from during the Last Supper. But its description as a chalice or cup is a metaphor to protect the true nature of the Holy Grail. It is not the Cup of Christ. In fact, it is not a cup at all. The Holy Grail is a WOMAN. And she can be seen in Da Vinci's painting of the Last Supper. Yep. There goes the 12 apostles, Jesus, and a woman seated beside Him. Who is she? Mary Magdalene. The prostitute? No siree. That misconception is part of the Church's campaign to defame Mary Magdalene and conceal her MARRIAGE to Jesus Christ. Being the wife, Jesus gave Mary Magdalene directions on how to establish His church that made Peter jealous. His jealousy was known to Da Vinci and is evident in his Last Supper painting where Peter can be seen leaning toward Mary Magdalene and slicing his blade-like hand across her neck. Furthermore, Mary Magdalene and Jesus were both of royal descent - Mary Magdalene was of the House of Benjamin and Jesus was of the House of David. The legend of the Holy Grail is about royal blood. It speaks of the "chalice that held the blood of Christ", which actually means "Mary Magdalene who held Jesus' royal bloodline." Therefore unveiling the greatest conspiracy in human history. Jesus Christ was not only a husband. He was also a FATHER.
The Bible. Originally, Rome's official religion was sun-worship (Invincible Sun) and Constantine the Great was its head. But centuries after Christ's crucifixion, His followers multiplied exponentially. Pagans and Christians began warring so Constantine decided to unify Rome under a single religion, which is Christianity. He did this by fusing pagan symbols, dates, and rituals with Christian traditions. One of which is the tradition of attending mass during Sundays, which is actually the pagan's veneration day of the sun - Sunday. In order to strengthen the "new" religion, its aspects were debated and voted upon. EVERY aspect including the divinity of Jesus. Before the establishment of Jesus as the "Son of God", His followers viewed Him as a great and powerful mortal prophet until Constantine "upgraded" His status. But because he did this centuries after Jesus' death, thousands of documents have already been written chronicling His life as a mortal man. So Constantine commissioned and financed a new Bible, which omitted the gospels that spoke of His human traits and embellished those that made Him godlike. Earlier gospels were gathered up and burned. Making the Bible a product of man and not of God.
No wonder devout Catholics find the book blasphemous. But on second thought, it really depends on how the reader is going to take the ideas presented by the author. Yes, it may have exposed the Church in a rather unpleasant manner because of its flawed religious structures. Yes, it may have tackled sensitive issues that could rattle one's faith. That is if one's faith is weak, I suppose. But never did it undermine the existence of The One. I believe it's important to have an extremely open mind before devouring on the author's words.
See images here.
Here are some of the most intriguing points discussed in the book:
Mona Lisa. Mona Lisa is neither male nor female. It is androgynous, meaning both male AND female. The name "Mona Lisa" is an anagram for the words AMON - the god of masculine fertility, and Isis - the goddess of feminine fertility, whose ancient pictogram was once called L'ISA. This is Da Vinci's little secret and is the reason behind Mona Lisa's smile.
The Pentacle. Contrary to the belief that this is a demonic symbol, it's true origin is actually quite godly. It is a pre-Christian symbol for beauty and perfection associated with the goddess Venus, which is the ultimate expression of the Divine Proportion used by pagans in relation to Nature Worship. The word "pagan" came from the Latin word "paganus" meaning country-dweller. Therefore, pagans are country folks who worship nature because of its Divine Proportion, the number PHI, 1.618, which is believed to be God's building block for the world. The "evil" notion only came from the Roman Catholic Church as part of their campaign to get rid of pagan religions and convert everyone to Christianity. The pentacle is only one of the many symbols altered by the Church. Other examples are the Poseidon's trident turned Devil's pitchfork and Crone's pointed hat that became the witch's symbol.
The Last Supper and The Holy Grail. According to legend, the Holy Grail is a chalice where Jesus drank from during the Last Supper. But its description as a chalice or cup is a metaphor to protect the true nature of the Holy Grail. It is not the Cup of Christ. In fact, it is not a cup at all. The Holy Grail is a WOMAN. And she can be seen in Da Vinci's painting of the Last Supper. Yep. There goes the 12 apostles, Jesus, and a woman seated beside Him. Who is she? Mary Magdalene. The prostitute? No siree. That misconception is part of the Church's campaign to defame Mary Magdalene and conceal her MARRIAGE to Jesus Christ. Being the wife, Jesus gave Mary Magdalene directions on how to establish His church that made Peter jealous. His jealousy was known to Da Vinci and is evident in his Last Supper painting where Peter can be seen leaning toward Mary Magdalene and slicing his blade-like hand across her neck. Furthermore, Mary Magdalene and Jesus were both of royal descent - Mary Magdalene was of the House of Benjamin and Jesus was of the House of David. The legend of the Holy Grail is about royal blood. It speaks of the "chalice that held the blood of Christ", which actually means "Mary Magdalene who held Jesus' royal bloodline." Therefore unveiling the greatest conspiracy in human history. Jesus Christ was not only a husband. He was also a FATHER.
The Bible. Originally, Rome's official religion was sun-worship (Invincible Sun) and Constantine the Great was its head. But centuries after Christ's crucifixion, His followers multiplied exponentially. Pagans and Christians began warring so Constantine decided to unify Rome under a single religion, which is Christianity. He did this by fusing pagan symbols, dates, and rituals with Christian traditions. One of which is the tradition of attending mass during Sundays, which is actually the pagan's veneration day of the sun - Sunday. In order to strengthen the "new" religion, its aspects were debated and voted upon. EVERY aspect including the divinity of Jesus. Before the establishment of Jesus as the "Son of God", His followers viewed Him as a great and powerful mortal prophet until Constantine "upgraded" His status. But because he did this centuries after Jesus' death, thousands of documents have already been written chronicling His life as a mortal man. So Constantine commissioned and financed a new Bible, which omitted the gospels that spoke of His human traits and embellished those that made Him godlike. Earlier gospels were gathered up and burned. Making the Bible a product of man and not of God.
No wonder devout Catholics find the book blasphemous. But on second thought, it really depends on how the reader is going to take the ideas presented by the author. Yes, it may have exposed the Church in a rather unpleasant manner because of its flawed religious structures. Yes, it may have tackled sensitive issues that could rattle one's faith. That is if one's faith is weak, I suppose. But never did it undermine the existence of The One. I believe it's important to have an extremely open mind before devouring on the author's words.
See images here.
Thursday, January 27, 2005
Cracking Da Vinci's Code
I finally got myself a copy of Dan Brown's critically acclaimed and bestselling novel, The Da Vinci Code. Though the novel is wrapped in a purely fictional plot, it is also stuffed with loads of historical facts! I am about to discover the original meanings of ancient symbols, the unrevealed history of the Catholic Church, the reason behind Mona Lisa's smile, the hidden truths about the "Last Supper" painting, and above all... Leonardo Da Vinci's sexual preference. Yay! That, for me, is fun and learning rolled into one. ^_^After reading the first 3 chapters of the book, I pictured either Tom Hanks or Russell Crowe playing the lead role (Robert Langdon) if ever there will be a screen adaptation. As I was surfing for the proper pronunciations of the words Louvre (loov), clef de voûte, and Sénéchaux... lo and behold! There IS a screen adaptation, which is actually slated to premiere on May 2006. And guess who's playing the lead? Tom Hanks.
Friday, January 21, 2005
Inadobong Adobe
Here's my Boyd and my pathetic endeavor with ImageReady...
"Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..."
Here's a photo taken eons ago when we did an interview with NU107's graphics artist, Mark Torres. If my memory serves me right 'twas sometime in August 2003, which explains the old photo effect with jagged edges and all. ;) That ain't Mark on the photo, though. He is NU's disk jock and Pin-up Girls' frontman Mondo Castro! Isn't he gorgeous? ^_^
What better thing to do than cook Adobe?!
"Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there..."
Here's a photo taken eons ago when we did an interview with NU107's graphics artist, Mark Torres. If my memory serves me right 'twas sometime in August 2003, which explains the old photo effect with jagged edges and all. ;) That ain't Mark on the photo, though. He is NU's disk jock and Pin-up Girls' frontman Mondo Castro! Isn't he gorgeous? ^_^
What better thing to do than cook Adobe?!
Sunday, January 16, 2005
Battered Fly
I am one of those who believe that butterflies may harbor human spirits. Seldom do I buy these things but experts have given a logical explanation as to why butterflies are susceptible to these unseen forces. So, why not?
Three days ago, I was planning to blog about this butterfly fluttering around my room but I ended up procrastinating. Hell, that's one of the things I do best. :) Nweiz, strange how I wake up every morning to find the butterfly near my bed like it's been there the whole night watching me sleep. Oftentimes it would alight near the computer and keep me company as I do all my keyboard-tapping and mouse-clicking during the wee hours of the morning when nobody's awake but me. Weird as it is but I felt secured during those three days.
As I write this entry, the butterfly is still here in my room. Only this time, it is not flying around like it used to. It's laying on my desk now, motionless, devoid of the beauty it once possessed. Apparently, the electric fan sucked it in and sliced its delicate form into two. *Sigh* Now who's gonna watch over me as I drift to dreamland? Who's gonna keep me company when sleep doesn't come easy? Some unseen ghost, maybe. Uhm, please go find yourself a butterfly first. I prefer it that way.
Three days ago, I was planning to blog about this butterfly fluttering around my room but I ended up procrastinating. Hell, that's one of the things I do best. :) Nweiz, strange how I wake up every morning to find the butterfly near my bed like it's been there the whole night watching me sleep. Oftentimes it would alight near the computer and keep me company as I do all my keyboard-tapping and mouse-clicking during the wee hours of the morning when nobody's awake but me. Weird as it is but I felt secured during those three days.
As I write this entry, the butterfly is still here in my room. Only this time, it is not flying around like it used to. It's laying on my desk now, motionless, devoid of the beauty it once possessed. Apparently, the electric fan sucked it in and sliced its delicate form into two. *Sigh* Now who's gonna watch over me as I drift to dreamland? Who's gonna keep me company when sleep doesn't come easy? Some unseen ghost, maybe. Uhm, please go find yourself a butterfly first. I prefer it that way.
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
Same Shit, Different Day
From my phone conversation with Yel:
Yel: "Anong ginagawa mo?"
Me: "Madami. Manood ng TV, mag-internet..."
*Sigh* That made me think about the way I'm spending my leave. How I'm wasting my time doing nothing worthwhile. How I wake up at 11:30 in the morning and live the entire day as a couch or mouse potato. How I build ties with my friends from Capeside, Springfield, and Bikini Bottom. I do help my mom with some chores, though. But still. I am an official bum.
Yel: "E di aralin mo na yung ASP..."
It's easier said than done. But I'll probably take his advice. PROBABLY being the operative word used. ^_^
Meet my friends...
Nweiz, just finished watching Oprah with the cast of Sex and the City as her guest. I'm not really a fan of the series but I enjoyed watching a couple of episodes.
Oprah: "With whom do you want Carrie to end up with?"
Sarah: "I want Carrie to end up with contentment."
Very well said, my dear.
Argh!!! I can't take my greasy fingers off the remote control!!!
Yel: "Anong ginagawa mo?"
Me: "Madami. Manood ng TV, mag-internet..."
*Sigh* That made me think about the way I'm spending my leave. How I'm wasting my time doing nothing worthwhile. How I wake up at 11:30 in the morning and live the entire day as a couch or mouse potato. How I build ties with my friends from Capeside, Springfield, and Bikini Bottom. I do help my mom with some chores, though. But still. I am an official bum.
Yel: "E di aralin mo na yung ASP..."
It's easier said than done. But I'll probably take his advice. PROBABLY being the operative word used. ^_^
Meet my friends...
Nweiz, just finished watching Oprah with the cast of Sex and the City as her guest. I'm not really a fan of the series but I enjoyed watching a couple of episodes.
Oprah: "With whom do you want Carrie to end up with?"
Sarah: "I want Carrie to end up with contentment."
Very well said, my dear.
Argh!!! I can't take my greasy fingers off the remote control!!!
Friday, January 07, 2005
Questions For The Bored
Directions. Pick a band/artist then answer using only titles of their songs.
Are you male or female: Bitch Please II
Describe yourself: The Way I Am
How do some people feel about you: Who Knew
Describe your past love: Never Enough
Describe your lovelife: Nail in the Coffin
Describe what you want: Superman
Describe how you live: Just Don't Give A Fuck
Describe how you love: 'Till I Collapse / Infinite
A few words of wisdom: Just Lose It / Say What You Say
:: BUHAY KOOLASA ::
1. Anong paborito mong bilhin sa canteen?
>> Caramela para pde kainin sa loob ng classroom. Chaka yung lengua tapos bibili ako ng choki-choki tapos gagawin ko shang palaman! Sarap!
2. Na-guidance/principal's office ka na ba?
>> Grade 3 pa lang na-principal's office na ako. Dahil dito: "ang na ang na su la ki sun su mas ki dot mo ko mo ko". Sabi ni Vic Sotto yun sa isa niyang movie e hindi ko alam na mei bastos pala na meaning yun. Tapos madaming beses akong na-principal's office at guidance nung 4th year. Lagi kasing nadadamay sa mga kaguluhan sa classroom. Take note: damay lang ako! ^_^
3. Sinong favorite teachers mo?
>> Si Ms. Jet, Ms. Diola, at Ms. Chiaoco
4. Sino naman ang hatest mo?
>> Si Ms. Motas. Di ko talaga makalimutan nung pinabuhat nya samin ni Kitkat yung upuan namin papunta sa likod tapos pina-upo niya kme don na nakaharap sa bulletin board.
5. Favorite teacher's quotable quote?
>> Teacher Weng: "Eat my foot!"
>> Mrs. Cuanang: "Go home and plant kamote!"
6. San ka tumatambay?
>> Kung saan naka-pwesto ang kada sa canteen, yun na din yung tambayan namin.
7. Most unforgettable experience?
>> Uhm, madami pa talaga akong naaalalang experience e. Hmm, isa siguro ung naging habit namin ni Jong na pagpunta sa chapel tuwing umaga tapos minsan kahit tapos na kami magdasal, nandon lang kme tinitignan kung pano magdasal ung iba. Tapos ung mga trip sa CR. Bsta, madami.
8. Varsity?
>> Wala. Ang natirang varsity sa school e volleyball lang. Puro pasa lang sa braso ang inaabot ko don e.
9. Sinong una mong nakilala sa highschool mo?
>> New person na wala sa gradeschool? Si Abby!!
10. Sinong mga unang barkada mo?
>> Ang naaalala ko na lang nung grade6. Sina Monica, Cristal, Natnat at Kristine. Aba'y akalain mo... si Roxie din pala! Hehe! Shempre pa!
11. Sinong mga kabarkada mo nung grumaduate ka ng HS?
>> Sina Jong, Jonah, Noemi, Abby, Alpha. Aba'y akalain mo ulit... si Roxie!
12. Sinong mga kabarkada mo from HS hanggang ngayon?
>> Silang lahat pa rin kabarkada ko. Si Roxie counted ulit sa college kada. Aba'y...
13. Nami-miss mo na ba uniform mo?
>> Minsan kapag hirap mag-decide kung anong isusuot sa school. Ginawa na nga naming costume nina Roxie at Aika sa defense namin sa RDBMS e. Hehe!
14. Most unforgettable person? Bakit?
>> Hindi kasama yung kada ko.. si Bianca siguro. Andami ko kasing naranasan nung nagkakilala kami. Doon ko naranasan na may mga parinig at vandals laban sakin. Keso ang kapal daw ng mukha ko para saktan yung kaibigan nila... at kung anu-ano pang kadramahan sa buhay. Pero buti naman e ok na kami ngayon. Natatawa na lang ako kapag naaalala ko.
15. I-describe ang mukha sa grad pic.
>> Don sa grad pic na provided ng school, lahat kami mga mukhang galing sa Mt. Pinatubo. Dahil ata sa make-up, mga boplaks kasi yung kinuha nila. Shempre pinalitan ko yun ng maganda! Hehe! Kamukha ko naman. Hindi mukhang galing Mt. Pinatubo.
16. Anong binibili mo sa labas tuwing uwian?
>> Bawal naman ang vendors sa labas e. Minsan lang McFlurry sa McDo S'mall.
17. Sino huling nakita mo sa batch?
>> Di kasama ung mga Mapuans... si Agnes sa LRT.
18. Sinong maganda sa batch nio?
>> Naku! Madaming maganda sa batch namin! Hehe!
19. Anong contest ang napanalunan mo?
>> As in ako lang? Wala. Kung buong klase madami, mga best in bulletin board at mga choral fest, dance interpretation ek-ek.
20. Anong masasabi mo sa sportsfest?
>> Nung first year mas maganda kasi by batch. Mas masaya itaguyod ang bandila ng buong batch. Kaso simula 2nd year.. naging by color. Halo-halo na lahat ng batch. Ok din naman pero mas masaya talaga kapag by batch.
21. Anong masasabi mo sa lovelife ng mga koolasa?
>> Uhm, siguro sa mga tao na hindi naranasan kung paano maging koolasa, mahihirapan silang intindihin na normal lang sa mga koolasa na magkaron ng crush na babae kahit hindi ka tibo. Pero yun nga, accdg. to Ms. Em, stage lang yun. Pagka-graduate ng St.Scho, graduate na din sa mga g2g relationships. Yun ang dapat!
22. Sino mga crush mo?
>> Sina Cherub, Inseng, at Carol! Wahaha!! Shempre nung HS pa yon... ;)
23. Ilan ang nanligaw sayo?
>> 5
24. May sinagot ka ba?
>> Promise ko kasi sa sarili ko na g-graduate ako ng St.Scho na hindi ako papasok sa isang g2g relationship. Tinupad ko yon.
25. O baka ikaw ang nanligaw?
>> Hindi ah!
26. Sino sa batch nio ang dapat na sumali sa SCQ?
>> Haha! Si Jaja at si Yang! Mga talentado e!
27. Ano mga naging sections mo?
>> St. Agnes, St. Martha, St. Lioba, St. Veronica
28. Anong club ang sinalihan mo?
>> ODESCI! Organization for the Development of Environmental and Scientific Interest
29. May silbi ka ba sa club niyo?
>> Shempre! Nung 3rd year ako yung secretary tapos nung 4th year naman treasurer. Taga-gawa din ako ng letterings sa bulletin board at taga-gawa at print ng certificates sa Cleanliness Drive! Mahilig din akong utusan ni Ms. Chiaoco at asar-asarin sa lovelife.
30. Sinong nami-miss mo?
>> Yung HS kada ko at ang buong Veronica.
Are you male or female: Bitch Please II
Describe yourself: The Way I Am
How do some people feel about you: Who Knew
Describe your past love: Never Enough
Describe your lovelife: Nail in the Coffin
Describe what you want: Superman
Describe how you live: Just Don't Give A Fuck
Describe how you love: 'Till I Collapse / Infinite
A few words of wisdom: Just Lose It / Say What You Say
~oo0oo~
:: BUHAY KOOLASA ::
1. Anong paborito mong bilhin sa canteen?
>> Caramela para pde kainin sa loob ng classroom. Chaka yung lengua tapos bibili ako ng choki-choki tapos gagawin ko shang palaman! Sarap!
2. Na-guidance/principal's office ka na ba?
>> Grade 3 pa lang na-principal's office na ako. Dahil dito: "ang na ang na su la ki sun su mas ki dot mo ko mo ko". Sabi ni Vic Sotto yun sa isa niyang movie e hindi ko alam na mei bastos pala na meaning yun. Tapos madaming beses akong na-principal's office at guidance nung 4th year. Lagi kasing nadadamay sa mga kaguluhan sa classroom. Take note: damay lang ako! ^_^
3. Sinong favorite teachers mo?
>> Si Ms. Jet, Ms. Diola, at Ms. Chiaoco
4. Sino naman ang hatest mo?
>> Si Ms. Motas. Di ko talaga makalimutan nung pinabuhat nya samin ni Kitkat yung upuan namin papunta sa likod tapos pina-upo niya kme don na nakaharap sa bulletin board.
5. Favorite teacher's quotable quote?
>> Teacher Weng: "Eat my foot!"
>> Mrs. Cuanang: "Go home and plant kamote!"
6. San ka tumatambay?
>> Kung saan naka-pwesto ang kada sa canteen, yun na din yung tambayan namin.
7. Most unforgettable experience?
>> Uhm, madami pa talaga akong naaalalang experience e. Hmm, isa siguro ung naging habit namin ni Jong na pagpunta sa chapel tuwing umaga tapos minsan kahit tapos na kami magdasal, nandon lang kme tinitignan kung pano magdasal ung iba. Tapos ung mga trip sa CR. Bsta, madami.
8. Varsity?
>> Wala. Ang natirang varsity sa school e volleyball lang. Puro pasa lang sa braso ang inaabot ko don e.
9. Sinong una mong nakilala sa highschool mo?
>> New person na wala sa gradeschool? Si Abby!!
10. Sinong mga unang barkada mo?
>> Ang naaalala ko na lang nung grade6. Sina Monica, Cristal, Natnat at Kristine. Aba'y akalain mo... si Roxie din pala! Hehe! Shempre pa!
11. Sinong mga kabarkada mo nung grumaduate ka ng HS?
>> Sina Jong, Jonah, Noemi, Abby, Alpha. Aba'y akalain mo ulit... si Roxie!
12. Sinong mga kabarkada mo from HS hanggang ngayon?
>> Silang lahat pa rin kabarkada ko. Si Roxie counted ulit sa college kada. Aba'y...
13. Nami-miss mo na ba uniform mo?
>> Minsan kapag hirap mag-decide kung anong isusuot sa school. Ginawa na nga naming costume nina Roxie at Aika sa defense namin sa RDBMS e. Hehe!
14. Most unforgettable person? Bakit?
>> Hindi kasama yung kada ko.. si Bianca siguro. Andami ko kasing naranasan nung nagkakilala kami. Doon ko naranasan na may mga parinig at vandals laban sakin. Keso ang kapal daw ng mukha ko para saktan yung kaibigan nila... at kung anu-ano pang kadramahan sa buhay. Pero buti naman e ok na kami ngayon. Natatawa na lang ako kapag naaalala ko.
15. I-describe ang mukha sa grad pic.
>> Don sa grad pic na provided ng school, lahat kami mga mukhang galing sa Mt. Pinatubo. Dahil ata sa make-up, mga boplaks kasi yung kinuha nila. Shempre pinalitan ko yun ng maganda! Hehe! Kamukha ko naman. Hindi mukhang galing Mt. Pinatubo.
16. Anong binibili mo sa labas tuwing uwian?
>> Bawal naman ang vendors sa labas e. Minsan lang McFlurry sa McDo S'mall.
17. Sino huling nakita mo sa batch?
>> Di kasama ung mga Mapuans... si Agnes sa LRT.
18. Sinong maganda sa batch nio?
>> Naku! Madaming maganda sa batch namin! Hehe!
19. Anong contest ang napanalunan mo?
>> As in ako lang? Wala. Kung buong klase madami, mga best in bulletin board at mga choral fest, dance interpretation ek-ek.
20. Anong masasabi mo sa sportsfest?
>> Nung first year mas maganda kasi by batch. Mas masaya itaguyod ang bandila ng buong batch. Kaso simula 2nd year.. naging by color. Halo-halo na lahat ng batch. Ok din naman pero mas masaya talaga kapag by batch.
21. Anong masasabi mo sa lovelife ng mga koolasa?
>> Uhm, siguro sa mga tao na hindi naranasan kung paano maging koolasa, mahihirapan silang intindihin na normal lang sa mga koolasa na magkaron ng crush na babae kahit hindi ka tibo. Pero yun nga, accdg. to Ms. Em, stage lang yun. Pagka-graduate ng St.Scho, graduate na din sa mga g2g relationships. Yun ang dapat!
22. Sino mga crush mo?
>> Sina Cherub, Inseng, at Carol! Wahaha!! Shempre nung HS pa yon... ;)
23. Ilan ang nanligaw sayo?
>> 5
24. May sinagot ka ba?
>> Promise ko kasi sa sarili ko na g-graduate ako ng St.Scho na hindi ako papasok sa isang g2g relationship. Tinupad ko yon.
25. O baka ikaw ang nanligaw?
>> Hindi ah!
26. Sino sa batch nio ang dapat na sumali sa SCQ?
>> Haha! Si Jaja at si Yang! Mga talentado e!
27. Ano mga naging sections mo?
>> St. Agnes, St. Martha, St. Lioba, St. Veronica
28. Anong club ang sinalihan mo?
>> ODESCI! Organization for the Development of Environmental and Scientific Interest
29. May silbi ka ba sa club niyo?
>> Shempre! Nung 3rd year ako yung secretary tapos nung 4th year naman treasurer. Taga-gawa din ako ng letterings sa bulletin board at taga-gawa at print ng certificates sa Cleanliness Drive! Mahilig din akong utusan ni Ms. Chiaoco at asar-asarin sa lovelife.
30. Sinong nami-miss mo?
>> Yung HS kada ko at ang buong Veronica.
Thursday, January 06, 2005
Rain On Me
"Reality hits you when you least expect it." It hit me when I was at my most vulnerable.
Just finished talking to two of my friends over the phone. After so many months of suffering in silence, I was able to talk about all the anger and pain bottled up inside me. The tough girl facade is no longer up. The numbness began to wear off and I'm feeling it all now. I'm feeling it all.
I knew it right from the start. I knew that something's going on between them but I tried to brush it off. I blinded myself from the truth. I forced myself to believe that they won't do anything that will hurt me. They won't do anything that will crush me. Coz she's my friend. And friends don't do that to each other. But I was wrong. I was stabbed in the back and minced down to microscopic bits by the very person whom I trusted. And it fuckin' hurts.
To the girl:
I came across one of your letters way back in 2002. You said something about taking good care of true friendships coz they are rare and hard to find. Well, that's true. Sadly though, I wasn't able to find one in you. You also said your wishes for us and that you'll be happy to see us together. Bullshit. I can smell the burning sarcasm. Uhm, here's a glass of water to help you swallow your words.
To the guy:
You broke me in. In so many ways, you broke me in. How dare you feed me with all your bullshit about leaving due to family problems? How dare you talk about hating liars when you are a liar yourself? It was only last August that you gave me the true reason. If it wasn't for that email I've sent you, you could've deprived me of the explanation I deserved. How dare you do this to me? I swear to God, I loved you in the plainest meaning of these words that trying to define it is beyond me. When my parents and my lola judged you, I defended you. I forced you to drop by our house to prove them wrong. But I guess it turned out to be the other way around. They proved me wrong.
This realization extinguished the love that used to burn in my heart. I'm still hoping, for the longest time, that they will have the guts to talk to me about it, to tell everything straight to my face. Though I know that dissecting them and hearing the truth from their mouths will only torment me, I'm ready for that. I need that hammer to hit my head. What they did hurts. But trying to hide the truth from me hurts all the more.
This is final. I'm taking a leave from school. Not only due to financial reasons but I now have my personal reasons as well.
God, why does it always have to rain on me?
"Even though I know
I don’t wanna know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds"
--- One Thing, Finger Eleven
Just finished talking to two of my friends over the phone. After so many months of suffering in silence, I was able to talk about all the anger and pain bottled up inside me. The tough girl facade is no longer up. The numbness began to wear off and I'm feeling it all now. I'm feeling it all.
I knew it right from the start. I knew that something's going on between them but I tried to brush it off. I blinded myself from the truth. I forced myself to believe that they won't do anything that will hurt me. They won't do anything that will crush me. Coz she's my friend. And friends don't do that to each other. But I was wrong. I was stabbed in the back and minced down to microscopic bits by the very person whom I trusted. And it fuckin' hurts.
To the girl:
I came across one of your letters way back in 2002. You said something about taking good care of true friendships coz they are rare and hard to find. Well, that's true. Sadly though, I wasn't able to find one in you. You also said your wishes for us and that you'll be happy to see us together. Bullshit. I can smell the burning sarcasm. Uhm, here's a glass of water to help you swallow your words.
To the guy:
You broke me in. In so many ways, you broke me in. How dare you feed me with all your bullshit about leaving due to family problems? How dare you talk about hating liars when you are a liar yourself? It was only last August that you gave me the true reason. If it wasn't for that email I've sent you, you could've deprived me of the explanation I deserved. How dare you do this to me? I swear to God, I loved you in the plainest meaning of these words that trying to define it is beyond me. When my parents and my lola judged you, I defended you. I forced you to drop by our house to prove them wrong. But I guess it turned out to be the other way around. They proved me wrong.
This realization extinguished the love that used to burn in my heart. I'm still hoping, for the longest time, that they will have the guts to talk to me about it, to tell everything straight to my face. Though I know that dissecting them and hearing the truth from their mouths will only torment me, I'm ready for that. I need that hammer to hit my head. What they did hurts. But trying to hide the truth from me hurts all the more.
This is final. I'm taking a leave from school. Not only due to financial reasons but I now have my personal reasons as well.
God, why does it always have to rain on me?
"Even though I know
I don’t wanna know
Yeah I guess I know
I just hate how it sounds"
--- One Thing, Finger Eleven
Tuesday, January 04, 2005
The Dreamer
My lolo died 2 years ago. Months before his death, I had a dream. I was at the living room while my lolo was seated at the dining area. He stood, walked a little, and then he dropped dead. I woke up crying. I never bothered to share this dream to anyone. I don't want to freak them out. Months after, my lolo died of cardiac arrest while taking his breakfast at their dining table.
Three nights ago, I had another dream. I was seated on the floor with my uncle while my lola was seated on the sofa. Beside her was my lolo. I was the only one who can see his ghost but we were all aware of his presence. He was asking me a lot of questions. That's it. No deaths involved. I dunno what it meant. So when my lola's blood pressure went up that she almost lost her consciousness, I totally freaked out. Another death in the family would be too much for me to handle. When I think about it, the dream could be my lolo's way of telling me that he'll be taking my lola with him soon. Or it could also mean that there's no need for us to worry too much coz he's always watching over her. I hope it's the latter. I wanna believe it's the latter.
Three nights ago, I had another dream. I was seated on the floor with my uncle while my lola was seated on the sofa. Beside her was my lolo. I was the only one who can see his ghost but we were all aware of his presence. He was asking me a lot of questions. That's it. No deaths involved. I dunno what it meant. So when my lola's blood pressure went up that she almost lost her consciousness, I totally freaked out. Another death in the family would be too much for me to handle. When I think about it, the dream could be my lolo's way of telling me that he'll be taking my lola with him soon. Or it could also mean that there's no need for us to worry too much coz he's always watching over her. I hope it's the latter. I wanna believe it's the latter.
Saturday, January 01, 2005
Twenty Oh! Five
We normally celebrate the New Year at The Fort. But this year, no matter how much we want to, the situation dictates otherwise. We can't just leave Lola at home and celebrate someplace else. I just hate Smart for hosting the concert at The Fort this year. Sana last year na lang. Sayang.
Well, it's 2005 now. Everyone's a year older, and they're getting older still! This is my last year as a teenager. Now there's a scary thought. Nweiz, a happy brand-spanking new year to all!
Well, it's 2005 now. Everyone's a year older, and they're getting older still! This is my last year as a teenager. Now there's a scary thought. Nweiz, a happy brand-spanking new year to all!
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