Hope Dies Last

I am not alright. I really want to say that I am, but I'm not. It's so hard to force myself to smile. And it's driving me nuts!

First, I couldn't sleep last night. I just tossed and turned in bed for 5 hours. *_* Poor me. I was preoccupied with nagging thoughts. About someone. Whom I've liked. A lot. For quite some time now. But shit does happen. I mean, you step on some dung and you either scrape it off and really dig in to get the shit out, or you just walk it off and hope you wear it out in time. Honestly, I really dunno which is preferable. So, I asked God to give me a sign. Nothing in particular. Just someone or something to tell me what to do... to show me what's right. Coz I dunno what to do anymore. And I think God gave me the sign last night. After 3 months of waiting. So, I did what I have to do. I just hope I did the right thing. Damn. I was living in this warm and fuzzy world of daydreams for months and I got yanked right out of it. I want to get back there but what scares me is that maybe I never will. Ugh. I hate this. I feel like such a sap. T_T

Second, I wasn't able to attend my first class. I really, really, really wanted to attend that class coz I was already absent for two days. Again, shit does happen. My parents forgot to give me my allowance. Very lame. Actually, they didn't really fail to give me my allowance. What they did fail to remember was that my brother was asking for extra money for his tickets. Dino took all the money that my parents left and I wasn't able to prevent him from doing so! Because... uhm... I was... uh... sound asleep. But I can't be blamed! 10am is still very early for me to wake up considering that my class starts at 1:30! I woke up 15 minutes before 11 and did my morning rituals. When I was about to leave, "Shit! Where's my allowance?!" Argh!!! I called my mom and it took them an hour to reach home. That leaves me with 30 minutes to travel from our house to Makati. (Shit.) I decided that I will take the MRT but the traffic in Cubao was terrible! (Deep shit.) I arrived at exactly 2:43pm. I gave my professor my assignment but I dunno if she'll consider to record it. (Deeper shit.) I hope. Afterall, it was due last Wednesday but she was the one absent. Here I go again. Passing the buck to the professor. Tsk!

Lastly, I got the result for my exam in Automata. It was awful. I only got 21%. I'm scared of my grade. I really deserve a smack on the head. And to think of all the trees' lives wasted on those useless papers. It absolutely breaks my heart that I, a friend of mother earth, could do such a thing. Ehe. So next time she gives a quiz, I'll be ready for her. That will be the first and the last time I fail in her exams. Uhm... I hope.