Crash And Burn

I just read his reply to my email. I don't really want to talk about it. On second thought, I do.

Right now I don't quite know how to feel. Should I feel sad, angry, jealous, cheated, or what? I know I don't have any right to feel the latter two emotions. But I can't help it. I'm confused. There's this part of me that wants to hold on, and the other part of me... just die. I wish they can be done at the same time. I'm completely stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Have I said it enough times? Damn.

"Hindi ikaw ang problema, ako."
--Screw that. I've heard that sooo many times, it makes me puke.
"I really loved you, but the problem is ur not the only one I loved."
--One helluva slap in the face.
"I'm not asking for your forgiveness but I'm begging!"
--Time heals all wounds, I suppose.

I do admire his honesty, though. I just wish his so-called "honesty" got into work 8 fucking months ago. There are still a lot of things I wanted to tell him. A lot of questions I wanted to ask. But I don't want to bury myself deeper into the mudhole. So, as much as I don't want to, I'm keeping my silence. I will stay silent even though the words are screaming inside me.

I'm sick of people who think they can walk in and out of my life whenever they feel like it. I'm sick of people who don't give a shit about how I feel. He's one of the many who've hacked their way into my life... and the few who left me unguarded. I need to end this curse. Somebody please kill me. Now.

"It's too far away for me to hold
It's too far away
Guess I'll let it go"
--- Shimmer, Fuel