Scratching The Itch

Woke up at around 7am. Shook off the cobwebs of sleep for 15 minutes more before I finally got up. I was supposed to accomplish the forms needed for our thesis defense but since it's a holiday, I'm gonna shelve it for tomorrow. I just started working on our document but there are still three chapters that I wasn't able to finalize. Not without the PHP files and the database. I texted Ramnel three times to email me the files as soon as possible but not even once did he reply.

I started scratching the itch, that is reading Five People, right after I took my lunch. Stopping just to check my mailbox for hopes of receiving an email from him. Six hours later and I'm done with the book. But still no email. I wonder why.

Nweiz, after finishing the book, it got me thinking about this concept of heaven where you meet five people who have affected your life or whose life you've affected, in one way or another. They bring you back to the moment your paths crossed, reliving not just the environment but as well as the emotions that came with it. They answer your questions about life - why you lived and what you lived for. For a while, they become your teachers. The catch is, you can't choose who your five people would be. He may be an enemy, an old flame, a friend, a stranger. Anyone.

If this is what heaven is, I wonder who my five people would be.

Skewed Priorities

"This is a story about a man named Eddie and it begins at the end, with Eddie dying in the sun. It might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time."

Finally got my hands on Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I was planning to delay my purchase for next week coz I set my priorities a bit skewed. But Good Lord, Powerbooks was on sale! Now that's something I just can't resist.

Because I still have a thesis document to work on, I'm currently restraining myself from scratching the itch to leaf through its pages. Well, not until I'm done with everything.

Must. Tie. Hands. On keyboard.
Must. Set. Priorities. Straight.

Body Bumping

I got an overdose of body bumping tonight. No, not THAT kind of body bumping, you sick pervert! What I mean is that I bumped into a couple of people I know and hell, I even watched a movie involving a lot of bumping bodies! For a game of football, that is.

Well, The Longest Yard was a typical Adam Sandler movie. Enjoyable for what it is. But I could've gotten my money's worth if I watched Valiant instead. I dunno. Maybe I just failed to go where the movie wanted to take me. Or maybe a monotonous and semi-serious Adam Sandler no longer works for me. God, am I really getting old?

On my way home, I bumped into my highschool kabarkada, Jonah. She introduced me to her friend. Naturally, I forgot her name 5 seconds later. Yes, that's how much I suck at remembering names. I also bumped into Tito Bert and some koolasas who were former ODESCI members, I think.

Still unsatisfied with all the body bumpings that took place, I went to Eureka and rode a bump car! For real? Nah. I just made that one up, of course. ;)

Reality Check

As a kid, I wanted to become a doctor. When asked why, I answer with "Because I want to cure the sick." *snicker* I know. It's very Little Miss Philippines.

When I entered highschool, I got glued to the boob tube watching Ally McBeal. And just like any other Ally McBeal fan, I wanted to become just like her - a lawyer.

During my sophomore year, I started writing. From prose to poetry, eulogies to character sketches. Mostly creative than technical. I received a couple of flattering remarks from people. So, I wanted to become a writer.

Come 4th year highschool, I was rushed to come to a decision. College entrance exams were getting us all hyped up. So I started to think. Really think.

Taking up Medicine would mean 5 long years of studying. Though I knew those years would pay off since my earnings would be grand, having someone's life in my hands was too much of a responsibility for me to handle.

So much for becoming a doctor.

Taking up Law, on the other hand, sounded suicidal to me. Though I would love to be Ally McBeal, I know I couldn't be her. Not even close. I mean, how on earth can I defend my client when I can't even win my own arguments?!

So much for becoming a lawyer.

Taking up Journalism was way off my parents' expectations. I think it was too mediocre for them. 'Twas like, "Hey, I can write!" "Yeah, so can everybody else." Or maybe because writing does not pay. I dunno. As a result, my love for words was consumed by my lack of confidence in my writing.

So much for becoming a writer.

I dunno how but I ended up taking Computer Science. I tried to understand how computers work and learn different computer languages. Since I'm also into computers, it wasn't too difficult for me. I got good grades but somewhere along the way, I felt like it's not what I wanna do for a living. But I didn't have the courage to take the U-turn. Hell, in less than 4 months, I'm done with this course. Who knows where I'll be then?

Mico: "Computer Scientist ka! Hindi ka writer!"

To hell with that! I am a writer! I write... programs.

My Anti-Drug

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A Taste Of Heaven

Toni Rose Gayda gave her testimony at church today. She talked about her once shitty relationship with her husband, her son's multiple scoliosis, how she fucked up on booze and drugs, how she found God and how she recovered from all the shit she's been in. I always find it uplifting to hear such testimonies. They remind me of the things I take for granted. They remind me to count my blessings and be thankful. And most importantly, they remind me that there is a God.

Talking about dope addicts, I bought this red spiral notebook otherwise known as the Kurt Cobain Journals. That would be 286 pages filled with his sketches, poetry, rants, video concepts, song lyrics and letters on draft, and other pieces of writing. Funny how the journal opens with "Don't read my diary when I'm gone." Well, so much for that request.

Peek into his thoughts...

I thought I would let the world know how much I love them people. I thought I would make art try to create something that I would personally like to listen to. Because a very large portion of the this worlds art sucks beyond description. ... I guess in a way anyone with enough ambition to create and not take away is someone who deserves respect. ... On second thought I thought I would maybe I just tried to let the world know how much I love myself. Like a hypocritte in a hippie crypt. I hate myself and I want to die. Leave me alone.

His feelings...

Courtney, when I say I love you I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever ever come close to intimidating persuading, etc me into thinking otherwise. I wear you on my sleeve. I spread you out wide open with the wing span of a peacock. Yet all too often with the attention span of a bullet to the head. ... you've taught me it's ok to be a man and in the classic mans world I parade you around proudly like the ring on my finger which also holds no other mineral. Love, Kurt.

His addiction...

Ive been taking a lot of drugs lately. It might be time for the Betty Ford Clinic or the Richard Nixon Library to save me from abusing my enemic, rodent-like body any longer. I cant wait to be back at home (wherever that is) in bed, neurotic and malnourished and complaining how the "weather sucks". And its the whole reason for my misery. I miss you, Bikini Kill.

And his disease...

I decided to use heroine in a daily basis because of an ongoing stomach ailment that I had been suffering from the past five years had literally taken me to the point of wanting to kill myself. For five years every single day of my life. Everytime I swallowed a piece of food I would experience an excruciating burning nauseaus pain in the upper part of my stomach lining. ... We had to cancel a few shows because the pain left me immobile doubled up on the bathroom floor vomiting water and blood. ... I instantly regained that familiar burning nausea and decided to either kill myself or to stop the pain. I bought a gun but chose drugs instead.

Behind the lousy handwriting, the missing punctuations, and the misspelled words lies the heart of a true rock star.

Kurt Cobain
1967-1994

"I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good"
--- You Know You're Right, Nirvana

Go Bloggy, It's Your Birthday!

...we gonna party like it's your birthday!

Yippee! My blog is officially one year old! I now have a year where I could look back at my experiences, some of which caused me to shed a tear or two, and some caused me to have hysterics. A year of my adventures and misadventures with friends. A year of my sporadic ranting and rambling about things. All that and more, in black and white.

Today, I took time and dug deep into my archives to find the laughters, the tears, the valor, the fears, the strengths, the weaknesses, and everything else stuck in between. I saw how I've gone rough around the edges, how I've carried on, and how I've grown into who I am now.

In retrospect, with the help of my blog, I've learned more about myself. I realized that I remember a lotta things in detail. I realized that there is a "Slim Shady" in me and it finds its way out through my entries. I realized that I'm such a coward, that I tend to blur my vision on what's in front of me no matter how obvious it is. Lastly, I realized that I, well, uhm... realize a lot. ^_^

Oh well. Happy Birthday, Blog!

...we gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday!

Random Thought

I was just reminded of our guidance counselor back when I was a highschool sophomore. I remember her wearing an orange blouse, which was so bright you'll mistake her as a road caution. She also had this thick shoulder pads that made her look like a football player. I can't quite put a finger on why I was reminded of her, though. Hmm... Maybe because I was thinking of something to rant blog about and she happens to be the helpless victim. Tsk-tsk. My bad.

Popcorns, Please?

Supposedly, I was to accompany Yel at NBS-Cubao and buy the Kurt Cobain Journals but we called it off since he had to run some errands first and 'twas raining buckets already. So, I watched D' Anothers with my mom and my brother instead.

Well, the movie was entertaining. It wasn't side-splitting but Vhong Navarro's comical antics and the Feng Shui spoofs gave me quite a few laughs. I just think they overdid the fight scene between Vhong and Jhong. And what's with the lengthy dance showdown?! And the "may inuwi si nanay sa bahay" dance remix?!

Nweiz, there was this group of teenagers seated behind us and they were spewing snide remarks about the movie. I don't mind hearing a few but it's irritating when people do it incessantly. I really wanted to throw some popcorns at them! Too bad I don't have any popcorns. Sayang naman kung yung Wiggles ang ibabato ko.

Sadistic Intervention

Just when I thought I was in, You pushed me back out.

Why allow my right foot in only to pull the rug out and kick my sorry ass back to its murky hell? That is just sadistic. :(

Quatro Fantastico

My brother and I once again entered Marvel universe to catch Fantastic Four. 'Twas quite different from other superhero flicks. There were no secret identities, no hidden alter egos, no changing in phone booths, no underground caves and whatnot. The characters have shown more human reactions upon discovery of their powers. Take Johnny Storm, for instance. When he discovered his ability to control fire, instead of hiding his face behind a mask of anonymity, he goes out in public and savors every minute of his newfound fame. And I bet most of us would do the same thing. Oh well. All in all, it was a fun movie with lots of eye candy. Eye candy = visual effects + Chris Evans. ;) And thank God The Thing ain't CGI.

The Human Torch, Chris Evans, is HOT. Sizzling hot! ^_^

~oo0oo~

Just when I thought I was out, You pulled me back in. Thank You.

First Day Punk'd

First day of classes and I'm still stuck here, unsure of whether I'll be able to attend my classes or not. *Sigh* My dad told me to pray for his transactions to materialize and it kinda pissed me off. Coz I've said an awful lot of prayers already and honestly, I'm starting to lose it.

God, am I faithless? Why do I falter?

"Ask and it will be given to you;
Seek and you will find;
Knock and the door will be opened to you"
-Matthew 7:7

*Sigh* I guess I just have to knock some more.

Mojofly Now

Got a taste of Lougee Basabas, Ricci Gurango, and Ali Alejandro, collectively known as Mojofly, during their mall tour at Robinson's Metro East. I once thought that Mojofly without Kitchie Nadal would mean the death of the Mojo. They can try to revive it, breathe life into it, but their efforts would be futile. I was wrong. The trio was able to bring the Mojo back to life! Astig nila. Plus Angelo Alihaj D. Alejandro is really cute beyond words! ^_^

"Wag ng paikutin ang isa’t isa
Lahat ng bagay ay malinaw na
Di na rin kailangan pagpilitan pa
Di mo na kinakailangan pang magsalita"
--- Mata, Mojofly

I Wonder

One day, it will all end.
This will all end.
It has to.
For my sake, it has to.

When that day comes,
will you feel the loss?
When that day comes,
will you understand?
When that day comes,
will you forgive me?

The Power of God

During the last few weeks of classes, a series of unfortunate events occured that I felt like my chances of passing two of my major subjects are getting slimmer by the minute. First, I wasn't able to attend our Mult343 defense due to sickness. Then, we weren't able to submit our final thesis proposal paper to Sir Umoso on time due to our panelists. Our paper was delayed for like almost two weeks. I already told my parents that they should not expect me to pass all of my subjects and that my decision of waiving three subjects was a big mistake. Instead of giving me a rap on the knuckles, they simply told me that I should just lift it up to Him and allow Him to work things out for me. So I did. And guess what? I found out just tonight that I passed all of my subjects! And not only did I pass, I also earned myself a half-scholar status! Yay for me! ^_^

Such is life! Such is the power of God!

OTI Amazing Race 2

Last night, we had our own version of the Amazing Race that served as an induction for our applicants. Being one of the team leaders made me all excited weeks before the race itself. The thought of running from one place to another and causing bystanders to turn their heads toward us was thrilling enough. Hehe! KSP talaga. >_<

Ed: "Sabi sa clue isang tataktripper na naka-white cap."
Rafael: "E di maghanap tayo ng naka-white cap."
Ed: "Ayun! Si Jollibee!"

Hehehe! Nah, Jollibee wasn't hiding the clue in between his legs and neither are we at the right building. After a couple of wrong turns, we finally reached Paseo Center and got hold of the third clue.

Inside the MRT...
Ed: "Pantasya ng bayan ang inyong puntahan."
Rafael: "Sino ba yon? Si Joyce Jimenez o si Aubrey Miles?"
Ed: "Pantasya ng bayan e... so fantasy. Ano nga yung bagong show sa GMA?"
Rafael: "Ano? Yung Encantadia?"
Ed: "Oo tama. Yun nga sigurong Encantadia. Kasi fantasy e."

Waaaahhh! I wanted to tell them that IT IS Joyce Jimenez and not some fantasy show aired in GMA! We roamed around Farmers for what it seemed like eternity looking for God-knows-what. After a security guard knocked some sense in them, we immediately ran to Private Joyce where they acquired their fourth clue. We then headed to Riverbanks Center in Marikina City for the fifth clue. Took some pictures and ran some more before I gave them their sixth clue and grilled a Tilapia for the last clue. Then, off to the pitstop (Gazebo) where they had their oath-taking and where they received their certificates of membership.

Congratulations to our 14 newly inducted members! Y'all deserve to be!

Red-Haired Albino

I hate it when men twice my size knock me over in their rush to get on the MRT. I hate it when they look out of the window or pretend to be asleep just so they won't have to give up their seats. Well, not necessarily for me coz I don't mind standing from Cubao to Buendia but rather for someone in need of it more than they do.

I remember one time when a pregnant woman stood beside me, everyone seated in front of us suddenly became tired and fell asleep! As in everyone! Grabe. Was her tummy not big enough for them to notice?! *Sigh* Some people really need to buy their manners. If you're one of them, help yourself and try this link.

Gentlemen nowadays are indeed as rare as albinos. Lucky me I was able to bump into one on my way to school. A red-hair clad in washed shirt and torn jeans offered me his seat!

Astig nya talaga. ^_^

Judge Not, Lest You Be Judged

You have no right to judge me. You don't know me anymore. You don't know what's been happening. You don't see the whole picture. Stop acting like you know it all coz you fuckin' don't.

Sure, you can say whatever you want to say. But just because you can, doesn't mean that you should. Did it ever occur to you that maybe those were the last words that I would want to hear from you? How can you be so callous? ARRGGHH!!!

Can I ask you a favor? If you still have something to say, just raise your hand and place it over your mouth. FUCK OFF!

Brain Drain

Stayed at Jerome's house last Friday with Clint, Cris, and Master Edzel for our Mult343 project. I came home Saturday night. Then yesterday, I stayed at Yel's house with Ruiza for our theses and IT234P project. Ramnel dropped by to help me out and Ogie simply dropped by. Ehe! :) Yay! Nakapag-overnight din! At last, I feel kinda productive. I wasn't able to clock in some sleep though that I literally forced myself to fight off gravity during my Ethics class! >_<

Conversation between two sleppyheads:
Andrew: "Ano nga yung tinatanong ko sayo?"
Me: "Ha? Mei tinatanong ka ba sken?"
Andrew: "Alam ko meron e."
Me: "Nasagot ko na ba?"
Andrew: "Ewan ko din."
Me: "..."
Andrew: "Tulog na lang tayo."

Emotions In Motion

I've been carrying this excess baggage for quite some time now that my shoulders are starting to hurt. It has caused me to standstill at the very same spot where he left me. Without even trying to take a single step forward for fear of losing my balance and falling flat on my face. Then I realized, this is not fair. They seem to be enjoying their lives while I'm stuck here carrying this heavy load. I also want to move forward. I also want to enjoy life. And if I really want to, I have to drop whatever excess baggage there is that burdens me.

I told her that I'm fine now. That all is forgiven. It's the only real thing I can offer her anyway. I didn't want it to happen and I guess they didn't want it to happen either but it did. The harm has been done and it killed me in many ways I never thought possible. But that's just the way it is. I've learned to accept what I found out with little resistance. I've learned to embrace its thorns. Wow. Could that be a sign of maturity? Of sacrifice and great love? Hell, I dunno. I'm sure of one thing though. Acceptance and forgiveness can be very liberating.

Nweiz, I better start walking.