Don't Judge A Book...

Watched The Da Vinci Code with my officemates. After 16 months of anticipation and several weeks of media hype and controversy!

Well, I won't say I was disappointed; that's too strong a word. I did enjoy some parts of it anyway. It's always fun to watch scenes you've once created in your mind come to life. But the movie just left me... BLAH. Yep, that's the word. When the credits rolled, I was like "That was it?". Coz a lot of details were missed. I understand that the movie couldn't dwell into all the Da Vinci paintings, symbols, and stuff discussed in the book coz it would probably take more than 5 hours to include all that. (To think that 2.5 hours is ass-numbing enough especially when you're seated awkwardly on the floor.) And though I don't see the point of changing the scene wherein Robert Langdon saw the photo of the dead curator (In the book: Langdon was at the Hotel Ritz Paris, he was awakened by a phone call, Lt. Collet giving the photo to Langdon. In the movie: Langdon was at a book signing, Lt. Collet approached and handed him the photo). That I really don't mind. But why omit the detail about the guy in the Rosslyn Chapel who is actually Sophie's brother??

Hai. Do not judge a book by its movie talaga.

Shattered Glass

The straw that will break the camel's back has finally been drawn. A light plastic straw that will bring this house made of glass shattering at our feet.

Honestly, I felt nothing upon hearing the news. No shock, no sadness, no anger, no nothing. It became such a vicious cycle that I was left tired and numb. I had to think about my reaction coz it didn't come naturally. Should I react like an adult and just accept the fact that what's broken is broken? Or should I let myself feel the pain that a kid in my position would feel?

I am an adult, I thought. So I chose to act like one.

But as I crawled under the sheets, locked within the four corners of my room, the pieces of glass slowly cut through my heart. And I felt each jagged edge as it did. I felt the pain. Suffice it to say, I'm still a kid afterall.

Au Revoir

If there's one person who had taught me a lot ever since my first day at Tsukiden, it's Boss Rhom. Before we got deployed, he was the one who conducted the C Refresher Training. And man, did he train us well! Because of him, I no longer fear working with data structures. Doubly linked list, you say? Just bring it on! Well, as long as you don't mind memory leaks. Nyaha.

To Boss Rhom, I'm super grateful that I had the pleasure to work with you and learn from you. I wish you all the luck and may this new path fly you to France! Hehe! ;)

"... Tsukiden and all of you are my family.. kaya it was really hard for me to make this decision... pero priorities change and I have to make this career move."

Under Pressure

The past few days have been, for lack of a better word, fucking insane. We're having a burst of activity at work, doing a crash course on C++ and coding up our machine problems. Two weeks from now, we'll start yet another crash course tutorial on Advance Unix Programming. Everything in less than a month! Waaahh!!! Mind, please don't crash on me. Please?

~o0o~

I bought myself some drugs. Uhh..vitamins, I mean. One pack will prevent me from looking twice my age. And the other will make me... complete. Hehe. Now, in between jagged chunks of pressure and stress, I'll have twice the energy of an ordinary superhero! ^_^

El Despedida

Had a dinner at Congo Grille for Sir Jong's farewell gathering of sorts. Everything's on him so we ordered our hearts out - sinigang na hipon, chicken sisig, chicken and fries, tuna belly, and... crispy pata! Hehe! I know it's not exactly the healthiest thing in the world, but it sure does taste good, right? And who cares about cholesterol, anyway?!

At one point, Sir Jong told us that he may be leaving for greener pastures, but his heart will remain at Tsukiden. *Awww* You can't get any cheesier than that. ^_^

Shouldn't Couldn't Wouldn't

You know what they say about the eyes being the window to one's soul? How looking into them can reveal so much about a person? Well, have you ever tried looking into someone's eyes? Have you ever tried looking deep into them, as if they were the ocean and you were trying to see the bottom? Have you ever tried looking into YOUR eyes?

I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw someone whose eyes were brimming with emptiness. Like I was standing in front of a stranger whose stare I couldn't quite make out. If she was trying to tell me something, I wasn't really sure. And they say nobody knows you like yourself. So I thought I had to schedule an acquaintance party with me.

Which explains why I've been my anti-social self lately. It became difficult for me to look at other people in the eye coz I was afraid that they would see the emptiness that I saw. I wanted to detach myself from people, from the world. I wanted to get to know me again. But in the process of searching for myself, I created a gap between me and the people around me. And the lesser I interacted with them, the further the gap became.

I dunno what got into me that made me think or feel this way. I'm still trying to figure out what my brain is pushing me to think or what my heart is trying to make me feel. But one thing I know, and of this I am sure, is that I shouldn't allow this gap to get so far that it would be impossible for me to cross it.

I shouldn't.

I wouldn't.

Bad, Bad News

Lola Soly was supposed to be discharged from the hospital today. But while Tito Arnel was fixing their things, lola's speech became slurred. The nurses suspected a stroke so they immediately gave her a dose of citicoline. But the stroke ran its course. Her speech was impaired and her right arm and leg were paralyzed. According to the doctor, she had a thrombotic infarct in her left brain that was a bit bigger than her first. Right now, all her medications and food are given through a tube in her nose that goes straight into her stomach.

I got home from work expecting to see my lola home and well. But instead, I was welcomed with the bad news. I felt weak and depressed when I heard it from my mom. To think that lola had gained a lot of ground by way of recovery since her last stroke last 2004. And now we're back to square one. Back to the slow process of recovery and healing. :(

I pray for the returned health and healing of Lola Soly. And may God grant us the faith and strength to persevere in this struggle.

Nursing 101

Last March 25, Lola Soly was confined in the hospital for throwing up everytime she eats. After running a series of tests, she was diagnosed of having both ulcer and diabetes.

Whenever I can, I help my uncle and my mom in nursing lola. Like today, I stayed at the hospital from 8am to 8pm. My uncle had a meeting then so I was left to nurse alone. Good thing there was a TV set, which kept me from getting bored. One thing I've learned though is to never watch Wag Kukurap alone especially when you're in a hospital. Coz when I saw lola lift her hand, like she's reaching out for something unseen (at least for me), I immediately texted my mom to come over. Yes, what a wimp I am.

Though she still can't eat right because of the pain in her stomach, I think she's doing pretty well now. In fact, the doctor told us that she can already be discharged tomorrow. Thank Heavens. ^_^

Constant Is Change

We live in a world where nothing is constant but change.
It may be as natural as the change of weather.
Something necessary like the shedding of an outgrown snakeskin.
Something we expect like the rising and setting of the sun.
Or something that's quite the opposite,
Like the sudden change of font style in this line, for example.

Everything around us changes.

Seasons change.
Tides change.
Winds change.
We change.

We change the way we walk,
the way we talk,
the way we brush our teeth.
We change our looks,
our moods,
our attitudes,
our priorities.
We keep changing our minds.
Sometimes, even our hearts.
We grow up.
We grow old.
And whether we like it or not,
we grow apart.

Things change.
And so do people.

~o0o~

"But everybody's changing
And I don't feel the same"
--- Everybody's Changing, Keane

Google Thinks I Am...

kringle is more fragile
kringle is a gift of art
kringle is special
kringle is a charming little rascal
kringle is also known as steve morse
kringle is without a doubt their crowning achievement
kringle is sincere and completely touching in every respect
kringle is the true santa claus and gives happy dreams to everybody
kringle is the only element that gives the original a run for its money
kringle is ready to celebrate christmas or anything else you can think of
kringle is a drunk sketch in yellow marker from my french workbook
kringle is not yet old enough to grow a beard

What a silly silly way to kill time. Go on! Try it yourself! Ta-ra!

A Week In Words

:: Monday ::
Last Friday, PGMA declared a state of emergency in response to yet another supposed coup attempt. Because of this, we were allowed to go home early and the deadline for our assessment exercise was extended up to 5pm today. I finished it before lunch but decided not to submit it yet. At 1:30, we had our lecture with Boss Joseph about the IT Outsourcing Industry. I thought it would last for 2 hours at most but it took us about 4 hours to go through all 70+ slides. The lecture itself was very, very informative. It gave me a deeper understanding of the kind of industry that I am in and how this type of business really works. But because of the length of the discussion, I wasn't able to submit my assessment exercise on time. Grrr.

:: Tuesday ::
Had a code review of the assessment exercise with Sir Rhom. 'Twas like a defense without the document and the panelists. So no need to kiss ass by preparing food and drinks. Nweiz, the code review went just fine. There was one possible combination though that I had overlooked. Sir Rhom left me for 5 minutes and asked me to debug the program. 5 minutes? Nyaha. Robot ba ako??

Then at 3pm, we had our lecture with Sir Zaldy about C Programming. I was very sleepy so most of the things he said just went in one ear and out the other without making any contact with my brain. >_<

:: Wednesday ::
I almost got myself killed on my way to work. I was crossing a one-way street nonchalantly, when a speeding FX counter-flowed and passed right in front of my face! I stood an inch away from death! And I mean that quite literally! I was really this close--->[_________________] from getting hit!!! Grabe. Had I made that single step a few centimeters farther, I'm one dead meat. Thank God I didn't.

Nweiz, I didn't do much at the office. Just had a brief lecture with Sir Rhom about the Fundamentals of C Programming and a not so brief lecture with Boss Joseph about CMMI. After that, I tried to familiarize myself with some Hiragana characters until it's time to go home.

Before heading home, I checked my bank account and learned that I already received my first pay! Since we'll be having our company outing on Saturday, I planned to keep it a secret first so that my parents won't cut my allowance until Friday. When I got home, my mom asked me if I already received my salary and I told her that I haven't received my payslip yet so I still don't know. Which was, of course, a la-la-la-lie!!! I know, my bad.

:: Thursday ::
Sir Rhom gave us our first hands-on exercise. 'Twas just a mere application of the control structures so we finished it in less than an hour. We also had our pictures taken for the company ID and for our batch picture.

:: Friday ::
At around 9 in the morning, something got into my eye that caused it to hurt so much. I applied several drops of Eye-mo and tried to wash it out with water a coupla times but nothing worked. Sir Ranzie asked me if I wanted to go to the hospital coz it looked bad already but I told him that there's no need. I had to close my left eye the ENTIRE day to help lessen the pain and do things half-blindedly. And though it did lessen the pain, I suffered a teary, red eye, a blurred vision and a terrible headache in return. The moment I got home, I applied Eye-mo again but this time, it was suuuper painful. Think papercut on your tongue. Yeah, THAT kind of pain. And that's when I broke down. My dad brought me to the EENT and the doctor took that fuckin' speck of dust out of my eye. Finally! After 10 hours! He examined my eye and saw scratches and a swelling inside my eyelid. He advised me to rest it for the swelling to subside and to just stay at home for it'll be more sensitive to sunlight, or any lightsource for that matter. Karma was served, indeed. :(

:: Saturday ::
Probably, as I type this entry, they are now swimming or fishing or racing with their kayaks or go karts or just enjoying the beautiful scenery at Clearwater. It's just sad that I don't get to join them and to think that among my batchmates, I was the one who was really excited about the outing and it was I who asked them to come coz they were undecided at first! ARGH!!!

Lesson relearned: "No, no, no baby, no, no, no, no don't lie..." >_<

2 Much 2 Soon

Last Thursday was my first day at work. Contrary to what I was expecting, I'm the only Mapúan in our batch. Two of my co-trainees are from Ateneo and one is from Adamson. Not that it's a big deal but of course it's much better to be in the training with someone from the same school, someone with the same background as I do. Coz unlike them, I know zilch about Unix or Java and sofware engineering wasn't part of our curriculum. The Ateneans, Piwi and Jessa, can speak Nihongo. Kathy is 2 years older than me and has an experience in working. Given that, I can't help but feel inferior. Very. :(

Nweiz, we spent most of the day in the conference room where Ms. Melody discussed the company policies and then she toured us around the office - both in the 32nd and 23rd floors. When I got home, I immediately went online to check my mail and chat with Aucie. After an hour or so, I logged off, washed my face, and went straight to bed. Yep, I was too tired to even eat dinner. >_<

Yesterday, we had this post-Valentine ek-ek and we were required to wear something red and be at the office before 8 o'clock. Sir Rhom and Sir Ranzie presented us the coverage of the training and how we will be evaluated. Then, we went to BPI to open our bank accounts. We stayed there for almost 2 hours. No, we didn't do it intentionally. Or did we? Ehe. We returned at the office 30 minutes before lunch break. I had my first lunch out with some of the design engineers. After lunch, our team was awarded first place for coming to work in red before 8! Yay, pizzas! Ehe. Sir Zaldy discussed the Unix platform, and being the Unix-ignoramus that I am, I didn't have the faintest idea of what he was talking about. Huhu. From work, I went to Makati to meet my mom. The plan was to eat dinner and do some shopping afterwards. But after stuffing ourselves with food, we both felt sleepy and decided to just go home and do the shopping on Sunday.

I guess in the next few weeks or months, there would be less of the blogging. Though I'll still try to post something like this during the weekends. So till next week!

UltraElectroTragicPop

A tragic incident happened today at Ultra, where more than 70 people, most of them elderly women, died of stampede while lining up for a chance to escape poverty. As expected, the people involved are pinning the blame to everyone else but themselves.

The event organizers are the ones who ate the biggest slice of the blame. They have foreseen how the crowd will respond and have seen it multiply as the BIG day approached yet no action was taken to control the ever-growing crowd. As if there was no plan whatsoever at all. Or maybe THIS was their only plan. To gather the huge crowd, fly the sky-patrol, show an endless sea of fanatics, and prove how popular their show really is, without thinking of the inconveniences that these people had to suffer.

ABS-CBN said that they were just trying to help the poor by giving away some cash prizes. Well that's just bullshit. Coz if they really want to reach out to the needy, there are far more better ways to do so. They shouldn't have taken advantage of the people's vulnerability and lured them with money just to win the ratings war. Apparently, they weren't helping the poor. They were BUYING them.

Then there's the local government of Pasig City. Just one question: Why grant permission to hold a big event with 30,000+ expected attendees when there is an obvious lack of perimeter space?!

Heck, even the mob itself is not without blame. The person who made that first fatal push that triggered the stampede, the greedy men who bullied their way in, unwary of those trampled on. God, if they only knew what it meant to fall in line.

...Or am I being insensitive here?

Coz I wasn't there. I wasn't one of those who stayed under the heat of the sun and endured several days of hunger. That these people had become so restless and desperate, they were no longer thinking straight. That they were hopelessly dependent on Wowowee to uplift their lives because they had no other choice. And losing the opportunity to receive the raffle ticket meant losing the only hope they've got left.

Either way, someone should be held liable coz this is not a freakin' accident. The death of these people could've been avoided if not for the negligence and irresponsibility of the persons involved. I'm sure that the network will extend their financial assistance to the bereaved families. Well they should! But how much does a life cost?

~o0o~

Here's a sad picture of our poor country...

...painted with the blood of our poor countrymen.

"Ito ay para sa mga masa
Sa lahat ng nawalan ng pag-asa"
--- Para Sa Masa, Eraserheads

ConGRADulations!

Today, our school officially sent our proud asses flying out of Mapúa! Here's to a new beginning! ^_^

Turning Point

I just did something I thought I wouldn't do. A lot of people I know are getting into it so I thought I'll give it a try. Just a try. Nothing more.

It started out of curiosity. I stepped into this dark room not knowing what to expect. It would be my first experience and I wanted it to be special, extra special. We took it nice and slow but I had no plans of going all the way. Eventually, things started to get a little out of control. My heart started to thump and my hands got cold and sweaty. I thought I was strong enough to resist it. I thought my ideals would keep me grounded. I thought... But I fell for all his sweet words and golden promises!

I just accepted the job offer at Tsukiden as Design Engineer Trainee.

Why?! What were you thinking?! *snicker*

Well, my friends made me realize that I'll be stupid to let this opportunity pass and that it wouldn't hurt if I give it a shot. However, it doesn't follow that I am placing my dreams at the backseat. I just wanna be crystal on that. Everything I said in my previous posts still holds true. I believe that this opportunity will play an important role in preparing me to become what I really want to be. And for now, I'll keep it at that.

So there. My training will start on February 16. That's two weeks from now. Meaning, I only have two weeks left to enjoy my life as a bum! Yikes.

~o0o~

Bought my first ever Neil Gaiman book - Neverwhere. ^_^

Thirst Day

I'm as tired as a horse that ran around the world in 80 days!

Had my panel interview at Tsukiden this morning. I was scheduled at 10:15 and I arrived just a minute earlier. There were some VIP guests so I wasn't interviewed immediately. Which is actually a good thing coz they gave me about an hour to cool down. Ehe.

The interview went fairly well, I guess. Save for the technical questions that caught me off guard. Very simple questions that I should've known the answers to. Grr. My memory has failed me once again. Bleh.

After the interview, I met this guy named Zaldy. He told me how nice it is to work at Tsukiden, the structure of the company, his trips to Japan, etc. I think he's been with the company for 5(?!) years now. After we ate our lunch, I stayed at Powerbooks to kill some time. They were on sale again! Saw a copy of The Sandman Vol. 2 : The Doll's House by Neil Gaiman for 99 pesos! I was about to pay for it when I noticed that some of the pages were torn. Nyeh.

I then headed to Makati for my exam at Accenture. I'm not that familiar with Legazpi Village so I asked my dad for directions. When I got off at Paseo de Roxas, I met this girl named Nenita (or Teresita). She's from Leyte (or Cavite). Hehe! Basta some place far from Manila! She, too, was headed to Libran House and had no idea where it was. "At least if we get lost, we get lost together!" Ehe.

After asking around and walking a couple of blocks, we finally reached the building. We arrived 30 minutes before the scheduled exam. I filled-out an application form and had some small talk with Nenita/Teresita about her current employer.

Nweiz, the exam ran for 2.5 hours. There was a glitch with the system so we took a pen-and-paper exam instead of a computer-based exam. I really dunno how I faired though and I'd rather not get my hopes up.

When I got out of the building, 'twas already dark and a light drizzle was falling. I wasn't able to bring my umbrella with me so I guess... ACHOO! *sniff* There. I have sniffles again. Ugh.

Oh well. My name's written all over my bed now. Goodnight!

Feed Me Right

I thought I had it all figured out. But these people made me think otherwise.

Just arrived from Adam's baptism. Quite a typical name, eh? Wait till I give you his full name. Aceyork Amsterdam "Adam" S. Mendoza! Ehe. Nweiz, Adam is Ate Shirley's first born. He's really really cute and oh soo adorable! so I'll post his picture here soon! ^_^

During the reception, my aunts and uncles talked to me about looking for a company with high-starting salaries, that I should take advantage of the "bling-bling", that opportunities will knock and that I shouldn't settle for less.

Their expectations are so high, it's frightening.

Am I wrong in saying this?
Am I missing out on something far more important?

Well, maybe they were right. Maybe I had it all wrong. That it's not just about doing what I like to do. That work entails sacrifice and it doesn't have to be fun. That I should be practical. That I failed to consider other factors like job security and financial stability.

Then again, maybe they were the ones who failed to consider the most important of all - ME.

Wishful Thinking

"Oh no there you go
Looked away and missed the show
How much wasted time
Will you survive?"
--- Wishful Thinking, Duncan Sheik

Gone For Gold

Mico: "Ate Kringle, mei nag-text sayo! Parang di totoo! Bagong scam ata!"

"Elo po. Congrats! Gold medalist k po. Twag k daw po s regstrar nxt wik (tue-wed) para s invitation ng parents mo sa bacc mass. Ok? Reply pg nrcv mo. -fac, gc pres."

Yippee!!! Hahaha!!! I'm so soo sooo super happy!!! My face hurts coz I couldn't stop smiling!!! My parents will be proud as hell!!! Hehe!!!

Now I realize that taking a leave wasn't a bad move! Not at all! Coz everything has a purpose! God has a purpose! And now I see the goodness in this and this!

Thank God!!!

Designed to Design

I called off my interview at Antico Manila this morning. Had a change of heart because of the YM conversation I had with Mike last night. But I still pushed through with my interview at Tsukiden. Ms. Melody told me to prepare for the panel interview any time next week coz they might ask me some technical questions.

Ugh. The more I take these technical exams and interviews in programming, the more I realize that I'm really not cut out for it.

No, I don't see myself as a hardcore programmer 5 years from now. No, I don't want to lead a group of design engineer trainees in the future. And there's nothing, NOTHING, to love about programming.

Sure, I can program. But it's not what I wanna do. It's not what I wanna be. I don't wanna get a job just for the sake of having a job, of earning some moolah. I don't wanna dread waking up on a Monday morning. I don't wanna drag myself to work everyday. I may sound too idealistic, and unrealistic, and impractical, and naive. Maybe it's because I am.

I want a job that I love!!!

Whatever happened to this??? And this???

I already know which way to go. I already know what my dream is. I already know where my passion is. But why the hell am I not pursuing it?!

Fucking shoot me!