Red-Haired Albino

I hate it when men twice my size knock me over in their rush to get on the MRT. I hate it when they look out of the window or pretend to be asleep just so they won't have to give up their seats. Well, not necessarily for me coz I don't mind standing from Cubao to Buendia but rather for someone in need of it more than they do.

I remember one time when a pregnant woman stood beside me, everyone seated in front of us suddenly became tired and fell asleep! As in everyone! Grabe. Was her tummy not big enough for them to notice?! *Sigh* Some people really need to buy their manners. If you're one of them, help yourself and try this link.

Gentlemen nowadays are indeed as rare as albinos. Lucky me I was able to bump into one on my way to school. A red-hair clad in washed shirt and torn jeans offered me his seat!

Astig nya talaga. ^_^

Judge Not, Lest You Be Judged

You have no right to judge me. You don't know me anymore. You don't know what's been happening. You don't see the whole picture. Stop acting like you know it all coz you fuckin' don't.

Sure, you can say whatever you want to say. But just because you can, doesn't mean that you should. Did it ever occur to you that maybe those were the last words that I would want to hear from you? How can you be so callous? ARRGGHH!!!

Can I ask you a favor? If you still have something to say, just raise your hand and place it over your mouth. FUCK OFF!

Brain Drain

Stayed at Jerome's house last Friday with Clint, Cris, and Master Edzel for our Mult343 project. I came home Saturday night. Then yesterday, I stayed at Yel's house with Ruiza for our theses and IT234P project. Ramnel dropped by to help me out and Ogie simply dropped by. Ehe! :) Yay! Nakapag-overnight din! At last, I feel kinda productive. I wasn't able to clock in some sleep though that I literally forced myself to fight off gravity during my Ethics class! >_<

Conversation between two sleppyheads:
Andrew: "Ano nga yung tinatanong ko sayo?"
Me: "Ha? Mei tinatanong ka ba sken?"
Andrew: "Alam ko meron e."
Me: "Nasagot ko na ba?"
Andrew: "Ewan ko din."
Me: "..."
Andrew: "Tulog na lang tayo."

Emotions In Motion

I've been carrying this excess baggage for quite some time now that my shoulders are starting to hurt. It has caused me to standstill at the very same spot where he left me. Without even trying to take a single step forward for fear of losing my balance and falling flat on my face. Then I realized, this is not fair. They seem to be enjoying their lives while I'm stuck here carrying this heavy load. I also want to move forward. I also want to enjoy life. And if I really want to, I have to drop whatever excess baggage there is that burdens me.

I told her that I'm fine now. That all is forgiven. It's the only real thing I can offer her anyway. I didn't want it to happen and I guess they didn't want it to happen either but it did. The harm has been done and it killed me in many ways I never thought possible. But that's just the way it is. I've learned to accept what I found out with little resistance. I've learned to embrace its thorns. Wow. Could that be a sign of maturity? Of sacrifice and great love? Hell, I dunno. I'm sure of one thing though. Acceptance and forgiveness can be very liberating.

Nweiz, I better start walking.

Thesis It

Defended our thesis proposal this afternoon in front of Ma'am Ramones and Sir Banlag Bumanlag. As expected, there were a lot revisions. We need to redo the survey, the conceptual framework, include the ERD, normalized tables, search algorithm, and some additional features. I stared at Sir Neo while he recapped the changes hoping that my evil stare would burn a hole in him. But it didn't. *Sigh* God, please give me enough brainpower to last the week. I'll need it.

Jacko Wacko

The verdict is out. Michael Jackson is not guilty. Meaning it's ok to sleep with little boys, give them a little booze, and have some gay porn lying around the bed. Ha! Well according to one of the jurors, they came up with such a decision because the prosecutors weren't able to present a strong evidence against Jacko though most of them think that he's not an innocent man. Fine, so he got away with it. I still believe though that he has some serious issues to deal with and that he needs some serious help. I really hope he finds it. But for now, stay away from the kids!

Katakot. If I were a kid, I wouldn't go within a hundred yards near this person. His surgeon should have his license revoked! Seriously.

Conversation between me and my youngest brother:
Me: "Ay, ang corny. Na-abswelto si Michael Jackson.."
Mico: "Oo nga."
Me: "Aysus, alam mo ba kung anong kaso niya?!"
Mico: "Yung child... yung child... di ko alam yung buo e."
Me: "Child molestation!"
Mico: "Ayun tama! Nakalimutan ko yung tawag e."
Me: "Alam mo ba ibig sabihin non?!"
Mico: "Yung parang ihuhulog niya yung baby..."
Me: "Hehe! Hindi yun yon!"
Mico: "Hindi ba? E ano?"
Me: "Basta. Mahirap i-explain."
Mico: "E ano nga? Gawin mo nga sakin."
Me: "WAHAHAHA!!!"

Make Poverty History

The ONE Campaign ad on MTV has caught my attention a couple of months ago and it's just now that I'm able to take action. For the benefit of those who are not aware of this campaign, it aims to convince the American government to set aside an additional 1% of their budget, that is $25 billion, to fight AIDS, starvation, and extreme poverty around the world.

---

One by one
They step forward
A nurse
A teacher
A homemaker
And lives are saved

But the problem is enormous
Every three seconds
One person dies
Another three seconds
One more

The situation is so desperate
In parts of Africa
Asia
Even America
That aid groups
Just as they did for the Tsunami
Are uniting
As one
Acting
As one

We can beat extreme poverty
Starvation
AIDS
But we need your help

One more person
Letter
Voice
Will mean the difference
Between life and death
For millions of people

Please join us by working together
Americans have an unprecedented opportunity
We can make history
We can start to make poverty history
One
By one
By one

We're not asking for your money
We're asking for your voice

---

What are you waiting for? Take ONE minute today and sign the declaration.

So Help Me God

I'm beginning to look at the things that happened last night in a different perspective. I think I'm gonna take all that as a sign from the Big Guy up there. Maybe He showed me the crying girl and the dead guy because He wanted me to realize that life is too short and I shouldn't waste it crying over things that I have no control over. Hmm, looks like He wants me to be happy. And I do want to. I wanna be happy. Genuinely happy. And at peace. I know I'm harboring a certain amount of bitterness inside and I want to let go of that. I also want to forgive the persons who have caused me to feel this way. If only I could find it in my heart to forgive. So help me God.

Between Life And Death

Tonight has been an emotional override for me. My heart feels so heavy that I feel like I'm gonna explode. I witnessed two incidents that affected me in such a distressing manner and drove my tear ducts at work.

Incident#1:
I saw this girl inside the MRT. She looked like she's gonna burst out into tears any minute. There's an awful lot of pain in her eyes, I can almost feel it. I wanted to console her and hug her and even cry with her. I dunno why I feel so much for this girl when I don't even know her. Is it because I've been there and I've done that? Perhaps. I've held back my tears a million times and I know how hard and painful it is. When all you can do is cry but you can't even cry properly. When the tears remain trapped within and they're beginning to choke you to death but still you choose to hold it back and keep your eyes dry. Yes, I've been there and I've done that. But you should see me now. My eyes are no longer dry.

Incident#2:
I saw a dead guy lying in the street. I've no idea why I felt a tinge of pain upon seeing his dead body. I mean, I've seen a lot of corpses before and for me, it's just that, a corpse. But tonight, I had this sudden feeling of helplessness. What if he was someone I know? What if he was someone I love? What if it was me? When and HOW will death take its toll on me and my loved ones? When? Ten years from now? Twenty? How? Through an accident? Illness? Old age? My finite knowledge is not enough to come up with answers to these questions. My finite power is not enough to cheat death. I've long accepted the fact that it is something inevitable. But what really bothers me is the uncertainty that comes with it. And with that, I feel so helpless.

*Sigh* I'd give my right arm for even a small dosage of good vibes.

~oo0oo~

Well not that I'm being morbid but it got me thinking about the day that I will take Death's boney hand in mine. To whoever's reading this, if I die, make sure that the things written here are carefully followed. Or else... hehe! Hmm, I'll start off with the casket. I want a black casket with gold accents and petals of red roses scattered on top. When it comes to my make-up, no red lipstick, no dark eyeshadow and no blob of red blush that will make me look like a whore. Make it as natural as possible. Ala Sleeping Beauty. ;) Lastly, I want a good lineup of songs. I don't want someone with an awful taste in music choose some random songs for me. So here goes the anthem of my dying day:

-Play Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" every night of my wake.
-Come my burial day, play Gary Valenciano's "Warrior Is A Child" after the Holy Mass. If you get someone to perform it live, then better. (Ngak! Reminds me of Rico Yan. >_<)
-On our way to the memorial park, play Color It Red's "Paglisan" over and over until we reach my "spot".
-While my casket is being buried six feet beneath the rich brown earth, play Shawn Colvin's "Never Saw Blue Like That".

Well, that's about it for my last shebang on planet earth.

People say that I'm amazing
I'm strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears"
--- Warrior Is A Child, Gary Valenciano

Guilt Trip

I wasn't able to attend all my classes today. Woke up feeling incredibly sore. So there goes TWO exams and my aim for a perfect attendance. Well I won't blame it on the weather neither am I gonna blame it on schoolwork. Actually, I won't blame it on anything or anyone else but YEL. He's been spreading his virus since Monday and my immune system had gone kaput. And because he's in a guilt trip, he'll be printing our thesis document from the title page down to the appendix. Hmm, fair enough.

Killing Time

Since I had some time to kill, I decided to stop by Fully Booked at Gateway and get myself high. With books, of course. :) Yep. Being surrounded with books gives me a natural high. Rest assured I'll never be caught dead in bookstores. Nweiz, saw this book entitled "Beautified" authored by Queer Eye for the Straight Guy's grooming guru himself, Kyan Douglas. Leafed through its pages and drooled over his "macho" pictures. ^_^

*Sigh* How can someone this gorgeous be so GAY?!

In other news, LRT Line 2 is now facing some safety issues about the stability of their foundations. It appears that the LRT-A management reduced costs by reducing the metal buried beneath the earth that supports the railway bridge. Instead of digging deep down into the bedrock, they only reached the clay area. Thus, compromising the safety of its passengers! Yikes. I'm one dead meat. I could imagine the bridge collapsing and the train crashing into Marikina River. Very reminiscent of Spiderman 2! Hmm, at least I'll be part of history. Yun nga lang, I'll be history as well.

U Got Game ?ro

I'm finally home from the UGG Pro event. Just like before, we were assigned at the ticket booth, selling entrance tickets for 50 pesos. Actually, almost everything's "just like before" - the organizers, the sponsors, even some of the cosplayers were familiar. It seems like the only thing that changed really was the venue. Compared to last year's PTTC, Greenbelt's Expo Exchange is much smaller and less accessible. We were able to collect Php 26,000+ from ticket sales. Not even half of last year's sales. Oh well. What do I care about the sales? We still received our allowances plus some goodies from Level-Up. That's all that matters. ^_^

More On Being A Moron

MOCK defense. That's what it is.

First of all, the word "mock" is pronounced as mok and not mak. There's no such thing as a Pinoy pronunciation of English words. You don't say ijot for idiot or kulchur for culture. Apparently, I'm a bit persnickety when it comes to the proper pronunciation of words. Thanks to Teacher Weng. :)

Another thing, lack of sleep gravely affects a person's physical and mental ability. When you have a nasty headache and this huge desire to just drop, you won't be able to do well and nonetheless, think well.

Now that I've presented my arguments, I think it's safe to say that my mistake for typing "McDefense" instead of "Mock Defense" can be blamed on:

(1) Sir Umoso's mispronunciation of "mock defense" as "mak defense"
(2) Sleep deprivation

Reasonable enough? Hehe! ^_^

Yel: "Anong McDefense?! Ano yun bagong meal sa McDo?! Uhm, pabili po ng value meal number 3... yung McDefense. HAHAHAHA!!!!"

Haaay, I should've just written it as "pre-defense". Hmp! >_<

More-On Me

Did some research with Yel at UP and Ateneo. At first I was unsure of what I had to look for. I was still torn between two thesis topics. But after considering the pros and cons of each, I finally came down with a decision.

"Stick with your first topic, you moron! You gotta submit chapters 1 to 3 tomorrow!"

Ethnic Jab

Got an email from her. It's no surprise, really. But I have no plans of hitting the reply button. Not today, at least. It's just that I don't wanna cloud my mind with unpleasant thoughts especially now that I'm working my ass off for our thesis.

Though I believe that it's better to settle everything face to face, our tight schedules won't allow us to. Neither of us is willing to MAKE time, I guess. Oh well. I'll just hit her back the moment I finish chapter 3.

Nothing's What It Seems

Checked my mailbox awhile ago and read this email from a friend. There are just a few things swimming in my head right now so I might as well catch it.

First off, mabait ako kung sa mabait. I know I have a great deal of tolerance but I am no saint. So stop dipping your toes to see how much more I can take. Coz God knows I can only take so much.

Second, "Don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you". It's as simple as that. And when you think of it, it pretty much applies to everything. So try to live by the golden rule. Be reminded that there is a thing called karma. And it'll come around and bite you on the ass just when you thought you've managed to avoid it.

Lastly, I don't give a toss on whoever reads my blog. Never will I edit my thoughts just because I'm now aware that certain souls frequent this site. Coz I maintain this not for anyone else but myself. So grab yourself a drink and read on for all I care.

Kick Ass, Dude!

As a new member of the South Park community, I solemnly pledge to:
-Stop Kenny's habit of dying by killing him for good.
-Teach Stan how to swallow his puke.
-Soap Cartman's filthy mouth.
-Leave Kyle, the petulant Jewish kid, alone.

But that would take away all the fun, wouldn't it?! ^_^

Nweiz, here's my version of Anakin Skywalker and Capt. Jack Sparrow...

South Park yourself here.

Of Hearts And Minds

Argh! I still can't come up with a decent abstract for my thesis proposals. Been sitting here in front of my PC for 5 hours now and I'm so tired and irritated! I'm not sure why I'm irritated, though. Well, maybe it's the weather. Maybe it's this homework. Or maybe I'm just annoyed at myself. I've been trying to shut out thoughts and emotions from what happened last night but I am miserably failing. Shit. I need to focus!!! The world won't stop for me even for a fraction of a second.

In my mind, I'm struggling.
In my heart, I'm struggling more.

Point Blank

Received a very unexpected phone call from the Disappearing Man himself. FINALLY. After more than a year of waiting, he finally had enough guts to talk to me about what REALLY happened, to tell me everything. As in EVERYfuckinTHING.

Throughout the conversation, jungle men beating their drums were inside my chest. I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear the entire truth from him. I wasn't sure if I WANTED to hear the truth from him at all. Well, not that I dunno what the truth is but hearing it directly from him, knowing his side of the story, diving into the details and all, is a different muscle all together. It's much…painful, to say the least. Every word that came out of his mouth had a fang that pierced my heart. And because I was bitter, I wanted him to feel the same pain. Maybe even twice or thrice as much. But I was afraid that though I might wound him, in the end, I'd be the one hurting more.

I realized that though I've long waited for this day, no amount of preparation would really prepare me for it coz when it finally happens, when words are finally spoken, it just hits me…where it hurts most. Point blank.

I dunno how these words managed to roll out of my tongue but I did wish him luck in pursuing his newfound love. Not sure if I meant it, though. Coz I can't deny the fact that I am envious. Right. Envious is the word. And I'm not afraid or even ashamed to admit it. Ugh. Then I shouldn't have said those words! Open mouth, insert foot.

~oo0oo~

I'm reminded of my favorite lines from the movie Closer...

Dan: "I fell in love with her, Alice."
Alice: "Oh, as if you had no choice? There's a moment, there's always a moment, 'I can do this, I can give into this, or I can resist it', and I don't know when your moment was, but I bet there was one."

Dan: "I love you."
Alice: "When? Show me! Where's the love? I can't see it. I can't touch it. I can't feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words but I can't do anything with your easy words. Whatever you say, it's too late. It's done. Now please, go."

Dan: "You think love is simple. You think the heart is like a diagram."
Larry: "You've ever seen a human heart? It looks like a fist, wrapped in blood!"

Mr. Marber, you're a genius. Hands down.

"Di makapaniwalang matatapos na
Parang kay tagal nating nagdusa
Pusong di mapalagay
Parang habambuhay kitang hinintay"
--- Patlang, Cambio

The Disappearing Man

Here's an excerpt from the book entitled "He's Just Not That Into You" by Liz Tuccillo and Greg Behrendt:

"He disappeared. He just stopped. Out of the blue. You felt that whatever you had together warranted even the tiniest explanation. But instead, there's silence. No explanation, no goodbye. Just a vanishing. There's nothing worse. Nothing worse than that sick feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when it looks like the guy you were getting to know has decided to bail on you instead of talking to you about it. NOTHING WORSE."

And there's nothing I can do about it but to get closure all by myself. *Sigh* I always get so mushy whenever I talk to Jonna. But surprisingly, this time, I felt no pain. Not even a bit. Astig talaga si God.

This piece of advice goes out to YOU:
Never assume that things are ok.
Never ASSUME.
Never make an ASS of U and ME.