Books 4 Less

Thanks to Ebay I now have the following titles on my shelf:

• Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt
• The Catcher in the Rye by JD Salinger
• The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
• The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks
• The Rule of Four by Ian Caldwell and Dustin Thomason
• Bridget Jones's Diary by Helen Fielding

'P' Is For...

Went to myMapúa to view my grade in our thesis. Instead of seeing a number, I saw this instead: 'P'. Since 'twas my first encounter with the "P grade", I had no idea of its real meaning. One possible meaning is that we 'PASSED' our thesis subject. Or it could also mean that our grade is still 'PENDING' since 'twas only this morning that we submitted all the requirements. I checked on my curriculum and found out that the status of my CSTHES213 subject is "Not Taken". HOLY COW. I immediately asked Ramnel to call or text me his username and password to see if it's the same for him. Not hearing from Ramnel, I called Roxie and asked her if she knows his log-in info. Failing both attempts to access his account, I went online and asked Eli his grade. He said that his is 'C', which means 'COMPLETION'. Then, he told me that the others who already passed also received a grade of 'P'. Hai salamat. I thought we 'PAILED'.

Pity Me? Pity You.

So. I heard you feel sorry for me. And why is that?
Coz I'm living a miserable life?
Am I?
Coz the only person I loved left me for another?
Is that it?
Coz you think that I am such a loser?
Do you really think so?

For your information, I'M DOING JUST FINE. Never better, actually. No thanks to your "honest-to-goodness" act of sympathy. Yes, I WAS sad and I WAS in pain. But I was NEVER miserable. Afterall, my world doesn't revolve on his ass or any other man's ass. I myself am complete. I don't need another person to fill me in. I don't throw myself to other people just to gain "admirers". And if you think that I AM the loser, think again.

Tsktsk. Go on. Feed your hungry ego until it consumes you.

And don't pity me. Pity yourself.

So Long And Goodnight

Just because I've been seeing and hearing a lot of Helena lately...

"And what's the worst you take
From every heart you break
And like the blade you stain
Well I've been holding on tonight"
--- Helena, My Chemical Romance

Life After Death

Last Wednesday, Tita Roan and her husband went to the bank to withdraw some cash. Their daughter Erika was with them. Not far from the bank, four armed men in motorcycles got in their way and announced a stickup. They gave them the money for hopes that they would spare them the bullets. But these men were indeed heartless. After they got hold of the money, a barrage of bullets soared through the air. Tita's Roan's husband was shot in the legs. Their 2-year-old daughter, in the head.

I dunno what exactly is my relationship with Erika. All I know is that she is a distant relative. But still. The pain and the loss was felt. *Sigh* She was just too young to die.

But as they say, when people die, new people are born to take their place.

Yesterday, a new life was born. My cousin, Ate Shirley, gave birth to a bouncing baby boy! Heard that the doctors and nurses are still scrambling around trying to catch him. Congratulations! ^_^

---

This candle, I light for Erika. May God bless and grant eternal repose to her soul.

Thesis The Moment

Before heading to school, I dropped by Robinson's and bought solo pizzas for our panelists and adviser. 'Twas raining really hard so commuting with 5 boxes of pizza, 5 bottles of C2, 4 framed certificates, and a poster, while in business attire, was a real pickle. Too bad my dad wasn't around to drive me to school. Bleh.

We had our defense scheduled at 1:30 and I arrived at exactly 1:13pm. There were still a couple of groups before us so we had to wait for our turn until 3 o'clock. My dream team of panelists got disbanded. Ma'am Barral was nowhere to be found and Sir Jayson had a defense scheduled for his class. Sir Joel told us that he'll take the place of Ma'am Barral and we just have to look for one more panelist. We went to the faculty room but the only faculty member there was Ma'am Abisado. After what she did last term?! HELL NO. Sir Isip told Ramnel to talk to Ma'am Angel instead. And being the angel that she is, sans the halo and the wings, she willingly gave us an hour of her time.

So here's the new line-up:
1. Sir Niño Virtusio (forward)
2. Sir Joel de Goma (guard)
3. Ma'am Angel Montales (center)

Still a dream team, eh? Well, to cut the long story short, our defense went just fine. After a little questioning, they just gave us some minor additions, and that's it. No need for oil and onions! ^_^

One Bad Trip

After I spent too much moolah in printing our thesis document and leaflets in an internet cafe, our printer is now working just fine.

Not funny at all.

Losing Ink

I had my cartridge refilled this afternoon yesterday. And it's just now that I realized that there's something wrong with it. NOW that I'm gonna print the document needed for tomorrow. Err, later.

ARGH!!! I feel so fuckin' stupid! Why didn't I check it earlier?! Why didn't I check it the moment I arrived home?! WHY JUST NOW?! Now that it's past 1 in the morning?! ARGH!!!

*Sigh* It appears that 10 chip contacts are missing in the cartridge that's why the printer couldn't recognize it. Now I have no choice but to have it printed in an internet cafe and have it photocopied first thing in the morning. I bet it'll cost me an arm and a leg. *Sigh*

Problem is, I won't be able to see Ma'am Balilo at 9. I better tell Ramnel about it.

Big Fat Liar

I thought classes are gonna be suspended today so I just slept the entire morning and got up just in time for lunch. While I was stuffing myself with food, I received a text message from Ma'am Balilo.

"Please gve mr. De goma and all ur panelists a copy of ur final paper TODAY. See me tom 9am at d faculty room."

I almost choked on a mouthful of Sisig.

"Ma'am d po kme mkkpsok ngyn dhl s transport stryk. Dpt po tlga pu2nta kme skul kso po wla po tlga mskyan. Bka po pde 2m mrning n lng po..."

To some extent, true. There was really a transport strike, we were really planning to go to school and Ramnel was really stranded. But I wasn't. Truth is, I haven't printed everything yet coz I haven't refilled my colored cartridge and we still have to consult our technical adviser. No, I wasn't lazy. ^_^

Her reply: "OK"

So shoot me.

Same Script, Different Cast

I understand that I'm not in the right position to question your actions coz I know a little about what's happening. But based on what I know, I can say that you're at it again. Please. Whatever it is that you're doing, drop it. Be content with what you have. Don't deprive others of their happiness. Don't kill the love in their hearts. For once, learn how to be happy for others.

~o0o~

God, I pray for my friend. Please be nice to her. Don't let anyone stand between them. I pray that hearts won't be broken and tears won't be shed. I don't want love to fail on her. Like it did with me.

To Err Is Human

My lola is in my room now, bitching about the mistakes and the crooked beliefs of my parents, particularly my dad. Mostly regarding things that happened in the past. Though I've heard it countless times, I still force myself to listen. Simply because I respect her and I don't want her to feel ignored. But it gets irritating at times. And hurtful. Coz these are my parents we are talking about here. I hope she realizes that every cut that her words inflict in them, she unconsciously inflicts in me. And I just don't see the point in raking over the ashes. For me, whatever occurred in the past must stay in the past. We can't change it anyway. So what's the use? My dad may have screwed up, but isn't it normal? What's important is that he learned from his mistakes and he strived to become a better man. I just hate how she magnifies my dad's shortcomings and ignores the good things that he did for them. Hai. But don't get me wrong. Coz I still love my lola. As much as I love my parents.

Lola: "Puro yabang lang kasi ang daddy mo. Hindi porket matalino sha..."
Me: *shrug*

Lola: "Positive thinking? Di naman ako naniniwala..."
Me: *shrug*

Lola: "Ewan ko ba sa mommy nio! Andaming nanligaw sa kanyang iba..."
Me: *shrug*

That's all I can do. Shrug things off.

Time Wars

Me: "What time is it?"
Computer: "The time is 11:17pm."
Wall clock#1: "Wrong! It's already 11:46pm!"
Wall clock#2: "Nuh-uh! You're both wrong! It's 11:30!"
Hype: "Eleven. No more, no less."
Wall clock#3: "Duh. No wonder you're always late. It's 11:57!"
Watch: "Would you guys just shut up? It's 11:55 for Pete's sake!"
Cellphone: "No, you shut up! It's 11:34! And who's Pete anyway?"
RPN 9: "I really hate to argue but believe me when I tell you this. It's 11:26pm."

I wonder who's telling the truth.

Crank It Up!

Today, I decided to crank up my Photoshop so I spent the entire day working on the poster and leaflet needed for our defense.

Hmm, guess I'm not very rusty afterall! ^_^

Scratching The Itch

Woke up at around 7am. Shook off the cobwebs of sleep for 15 minutes more before I finally got up. I was supposed to accomplish the forms needed for our thesis defense but since it's a holiday, I'm gonna shelve it for tomorrow. I just started working on our document but there are still three chapters that I wasn't able to finalize. Not without the PHP files and the database. I texted Ramnel three times to email me the files as soon as possible but not even once did he reply.

I started scratching the itch, that is reading Five People, right after I took my lunch. Stopping just to check my mailbox for hopes of receiving an email from him. Six hours later and I'm done with the book. But still no email. I wonder why.

Nweiz, after finishing the book, it got me thinking about this concept of heaven where you meet five people who have affected your life or whose life you've affected, in one way or another. They bring you back to the moment your paths crossed, reliving not just the environment but as well as the emotions that came with it. They answer your questions about life - why you lived and what you lived for. For a while, they become your teachers. The catch is, you can't choose who your five people would be. He may be an enemy, an old flame, a friend, a stranger. Anyone.

If this is what heaven is, I wonder who my five people would be.

Skewed Priorities

"This is a story about a man named Eddie and it begins at the end, with Eddie dying in the sun. It might seem strange to start a story with an ending. But all endings are also beginnings. We just don't know it at the time."

Finally got my hands on Mitch Albom's The Five People You Meet in Heaven. I was planning to delay my purchase for next week coz I set my priorities a bit skewed. But Good Lord, Powerbooks was on sale! Now that's something I just can't resist.

Because I still have a thesis document to work on, I'm currently restraining myself from scratching the itch to leaf through its pages. Well, not until I'm done with everything.

Must. Tie. Hands. On keyboard.
Must. Set. Priorities. Straight.

Body Bumping

I got an overdose of body bumping tonight. No, not THAT kind of body bumping, you sick pervert! What I mean is that I bumped into a couple of people I know and hell, I even watched a movie involving a lot of bumping bodies! For a game of football, that is.

Well, The Longest Yard was a typical Adam Sandler movie. Enjoyable for what it is. But I could've gotten my money's worth if I watched Valiant instead. I dunno. Maybe I just failed to go where the movie wanted to take me. Or maybe a monotonous and semi-serious Adam Sandler no longer works for me. God, am I really getting old?

On my way home, I bumped into my highschool kabarkada, Jonah. She introduced me to her friend. Naturally, I forgot her name 5 seconds later. Yes, that's how much I suck at remembering names. I also bumped into Tito Bert and some koolasas who were former ODESCI members, I think.

Still unsatisfied with all the body bumpings that took place, I went to Eureka and rode a bump car! For real? Nah. I just made that one up, of course. ;)

Reality Check

As a kid, I wanted to become a doctor. When asked why, I answer with "Because I want to cure the sick." *snicker* I know. It's very Little Miss Philippines.

When I entered highschool, I got glued to the boob tube watching Ally McBeal. And just like any other Ally McBeal fan, I wanted to become just like her - a lawyer.

During my sophomore year, I started writing. From prose to poetry, eulogies to character sketches. Mostly creative than technical. I received a couple of flattering remarks from people. So, I wanted to become a writer.

Come 4th year highschool, I was rushed to come to a decision. College entrance exams were getting us all hyped up. So I started to think. Really think.

Taking up Medicine would mean 5 long years of studying. Though I knew those years would pay off since my earnings would be grand, having someone's life in my hands was too much of a responsibility for me to handle.

So much for becoming a doctor.

Taking up Law, on the other hand, sounded suicidal to me. Though I would love to be Ally McBeal, I know I couldn't be her. Not even close. I mean, how on earth can I defend my client when I can't even win my own arguments?!

So much for becoming a lawyer.

Taking up Journalism was way off my parents' expectations. I think it was too mediocre for them. 'Twas like, "Hey, I can write!" "Yeah, so can everybody else." Or maybe because writing does not pay. I dunno. As a result, my love for words was consumed by my lack of confidence in my writing.

So much for becoming a writer.

I dunno how but I ended up taking Computer Science. I tried to understand how computers work and learn different computer languages. Since I'm also into computers, it wasn't too difficult for me. I got good grades but somewhere along the way, I felt like it's not what I wanna do for a living. But I didn't have the courage to take the U-turn. Hell, in less than 4 months, I'm done with this course. Who knows where I'll be then?

Mico: "Computer Scientist ka! Hindi ka writer!"

To hell with that! I am a writer! I write... programs.

My Anti-Drug

¨¨°º©o¿,,¿o©º°¨¨°º© I Dare You ©º°¨¨°º©o¿,,¿o©º°¨¨


¨¨°º©o¿,,¿o©º°¨¨°º© Silent Scream ©º°¨¨°º©o¿,,¿o©º°¨¨

Share your poetic juices. Feel the vibe at freevibe.com.

A Taste Of Heaven

Toni Rose Gayda gave her testimony at church today. She talked about her once shitty relationship with her husband, her son's multiple scoliosis, how she fucked up on booze and drugs, how she found God and how she recovered from all the shit she's been in. I always find it uplifting to hear such testimonies. They remind me of the things I take for granted. They remind me to count my blessings and be thankful. And most importantly, they remind me that there is a God.

Talking about dope addicts, I bought this red spiral notebook otherwise known as the Kurt Cobain Journals. That would be 286 pages filled with his sketches, poetry, rants, video concepts, song lyrics and letters on draft, and other pieces of writing. Funny how the journal opens with "Don't read my diary when I'm gone." Well, so much for that request.

Peek into his thoughts...

I thought I would let the world know how much I love them people. I thought I would make art try to create something that I would personally like to listen to. Because a very large portion of the this worlds art sucks beyond description. ... I guess in a way anyone with enough ambition to create and not take away is someone who deserves respect. ... On second thought I thought I would maybe I just tried to let the world know how much I love myself. Like a hypocritte in a hippie crypt. I hate myself and I want to die. Leave me alone.

His feelings...

Courtney, when I say I love you I am not ashamed, nor will anyone ever ever come close to intimidating persuading, etc me into thinking otherwise. I wear you on my sleeve. I spread you out wide open with the wing span of a peacock. Yet all too often with the attention span of a bullet to the head. ... you've taught me it's ok to be a man and in the classic mans world I parade you around proudly like the ring on my finger which also holds no other mineral. Love, Kurt.

His addiction...

Ive been taking a lot of drugs lately. It might be time for the Betty Ford Clinic or the Richard Nixon Library to save me from abusing my enemic, rodent-like body any longer. I cant wait to be back at home (wherever that is) in bed, neurotic and malnourished and complaining how the "weather sucks". And its the whole reason for my misery. I miss you, Bikini Kill.

And his disease...

I decided to use heroine in a daily basis because of an ongoing stomach ailment that I had been suffering from the past five years had literally taken me to the point of wanting to kill myself. For five years every single day of my life. Everytime I swallowed a piece of food I would experience an excruciating burning nauseaus pain in the upper part of my stomach lining. ... We had to cancel a few shows because the pain left me immobile doubled up on the bathroom floor vomiting water and blood. ... I instantly regained that familiar burning nausea and decided to either kill myself or to stop the pain. I bought a gun but chose drugs instead.

Behind the lousy handwriting, the missing punctuations, and the misspelled words lies the heart of a true rock star.

Kurt Cobain
1967-1994

"I will never follow you
I will never bother you
Never speak a word again
I will crawl away for good"
--- You Know You're Right, Nirvana

Go Bloggy, It's Your Birthday!

...we gonna party like it's your birthday!

Yippee! My blog is officially one year old! I now have a year where I could look back at my experiences, some of which caused me to shed a tear or two, and some caused me to have hysterics. A year of my adventures and misadventures with friends. A year of my sporadic ranting and rambling about things. All that and more, in black and white.

Today, I took time and dug deep into my archives to find the laughters, the tears, the valor, the fears, the strengths, the weaknesses, and everything else stuck in between. I saw how I've gone rough around the edges, how I've carried on, and how I've grown into who I am now.

In retrospect, with the help of my blog, I've learned more about myself. I realized that I remember a lotta things in detail. I realized that there is a "Slim Shady" in me and it finds its way out through my entries. I realized that I'm such a coward, that I tend to blur my vision on what's in front of me no matter how obvious it is. Lastly, I realized that I, well, uhm... realize a lot. ^_^

Oh well. Happy Birthday, Blog!

...we gonna sip Bacardi like it's your birthday!