Everything Wrestling

I've been feeling incredibly off lately but I couldn't quite put a finger on why. So when my brother asked me to do a couple of ads, without thinking twice, I sat in front of my PC hoping that it would somehow clear my mind from all the stress and drama that took place days ago. After an hour or so...

...done. And now I'm back in the ring, wrestling with myself again.

A Hero's Fall

Little girls look up to their fathers like heroes. They treat them with utmost love and respect. Some even vow to marry men resembling their fathers.

I used to be that little girl.

Now I look at my dad and I come to realize that my childhood hero has fallen, defeated by his own self. I look at him and I find myself praying that I wouldn't end up with someone like him. I still love and respect him, though. But I'm afraid that it's starting to wither. Slowly. Like a dying rose, one petal at a time.

My mom is hurting so bad because of what my dad had done and is still doing. Many, many little things that may seem insignificant when taken individually but when summed up, can suggest that something's not quite right.

"I don't just think it. I know it coz I feel it.", she said.

And I believe her.

I wanted to hug her and tell her that I love her. That no matter what my dad says and does, she'll always have us, her kids. That if she wants to take some time away from him, I will understand. That I might even go with her. There were so many things that I wanted to tell her but the only words that came out of my mouth were: "Hayaan mo sha."

I'm sorry, mom. I wanna take away your pain but I dunno how.

Take Trust

----_-----: hello
spit_shine20: halo! :D
----_-----: ummh.. wat gawa mo?
spit_shine20: check lng ng mail..
----_-----: honestly... d ako si ******* gf niya ako gamit ko lng ym nya
----_-----: ummh...
spit_shine20: ahh.. hello!
----_-----: hi..............
----_-----: wala kc me magawa gamit ko ym niya.................
spit_shine20: hehe..
----_-----: wat name mo?
spit_shine20: kringle
----_-----: ah ok....
----_-----: gurl k b?
spit_shine20: yep
----_-----: skul mo??
spit_shine20: sa mapua.. pero grad na ko..
----_-----: ohhh.. pano m sya nakilala??..
spit_shine20: ka-org ko xa e..
----_-----: oic.. gtg n po ako
----_-----: tnx sa tym po..:)
spit_shine20: ok cge.. :D
----_-----: take care..
spit_shine20: take trust. ;)

I don't think she was able to read the last line, though. She logged off before I could hit the enter key. Grabe ha. For a second, I felt like a criminal under interrogation. What the hell was she doing with her boyfriend's YM account?! Tsktsk. Trust your boo, girl.

When God Speaks

These past few days, I was in a bit of a quandary. I had an awful lot of questions that needed answers. I felt lost and confused that I needed someone or something to guide me in the right direction. But it wasn't fate that showed me the way, like I thought it would. My faith did.

God spoke to me at church today through our Pastor's preaching.

"What is your dream?"

"What is it that you're passionate about?"

"What is it that God placed in your heart?"

"What is that one thing that you're willing to do even if you're not gonna be paid? That might give you a clue."

It sure did, God. It sure did.

Praise You.

2006 Kicks In

Good thing that most of our neighbors have grown wiser in ushering 2006. Instead of firing firecrackers that could cost them their fingers or eyes, noisy paper trumpets and loud music filled the air. And there's a lot less of that nauseating gunpowder smell. Thank God.

2006 is a year of change for me. This year, I'm about to enter the jungle that is the corporate world. I'm about to embark into a journey where everything is possible yet nothing is certain. I'm now standing on the brink of my future, preparing to take a leap from my comfort zone into a world of the unknown...

Welcome, 2006!

Honestly, I'm not ready for you. Are you ready for me?

Riverbanks Concert

Watched Kitchie Nadal and Cue*eherm*shé at Riverbanks. Kitchie's performance was super boring. Hated the way she sang Eraserhead's "Ligaya". But I still love her for the song "Same Ground" nonetheless.

I admit liking Cueshé when I first heard their song "Stay" on the radio. Now I think Cueshé is nothing but a bunch of clichés. Getting more and more jologs by the minute. Bleh.

"If all else fail
Would you be there to love me?
When all else fails
Would you be brave to see right through me?"
--- Same Ground, Kitchie Nadal

Maktub: It Is Written

I've been in school for sixteen years. Sixteen years of acquiring knowledge and studying my ass off to get good grades. Sixteen long years of teachers, classmates, books, projects, and homeworks. When you stop going to school, where do you go?

It got me thinking about what I really want to do, what I want to accomplish, and what I want to be.

What does the world hold for me? Where is the right path? How will I decide?

Questions, questions, and more questions. For now, I don't have any answers. Or maybe, I'm not asking the right questions.

~o0o~

I've just finished reading The Alchemist and how I wish I could understand the language of the world and recognize the omens, if there's really such a thing. How I wish I know how to listen to my heart's voice and realize its dreams. I have this belief that I am in control of my life, that I am the only person sitting behind the wheel, steering it in the direction I want to go in. But I also want to believe that the world is working to move me in the direction of my personal legend. I need all the guidance that I could get coz I'm sure as hell that this is not going to be a smooth drive. I want to believe that the universe conspires with the dreamer, that fate will show me the way and that one day, I will become... my dream.

~o0o~

Already got my graduation pictures on CD. Wow. Graduate na pala talaga ako...

Viva La Bum

Been sleeping a lot lately. And I mean, A LOT. I hit the sack at around 11pm, wake up at 7am to surf for free, get back to sleep at 8:30, wake up at 12 just to eat my lunch, take a bath, read a book till I fall asleep, get up for dinner, watch some TV, surf a little, read a little, then I'm dead again. Nyaha.

~o0o~

"Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody."

I'm done reading The Catcher in the Rye. It's a classic book and all but boy was it crazy as hell. Funny coz after reading it, I can't help but adopt Holden Caulfield's voice in my writing. Now ain't that grand? Grand. God, I hate that word. Grand. It's the phoniest word ever. I could puke everytime I hear it. Hehe. ;)

Next stop: The Alchemist

YEHEY! Xmas Party

Just came home from YEHEY!'s Christmas party. I'm still feeling a little tipsy from all the booze I drank and words seem scarce so I'll just let these photos talk.

For the kris kringle, I would like to thank Yel for being my sponsor for tonight. Hehe. I wasn't able to receive my first choice on my wishlist, which is an electric-guitar-shaped sling bag, but I understand my "mommy" coz I dunno where I could buy one either. What I got is this book called "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" by Mark Haddon, which is second on my wishlist. Yay! ^_^

On our way home, I realized that I'm gonna miss a lotta things din pala.

I'm gonna miss saying, "Sa Podium lng po..." to the FX driver.
I'm gonna miss the pretty Christmas trees at Discovery's lobby.
I'm gonna miss the waterfalls on the wall.
I'm gonna miss riding the elevator up to the 38th floor.
I'm gonna miss arriving at 10am when I should've arrived an hour earlier.
I'm gonna miss signing the log sheet and writing 9:30 anyway.
I'm gonna miss Ate Nerie's pangungulit.
I'm gonna miss the uber fast internet access.
I'm gonna miss updating the movie guide on Wednesdays and Fridays.
I'm gonna miss populating the Gadgets channel.
I'm gonna miss designing frontdoor images for YEHEY!eCards.
I'm gonna miss encoding the internet cafe information sheets.
I'm gonna miss wrapping gifts and tying ribbons.
I'm gonna miss Manang, or Buchoy, or Buchok, or "Justin" or whatever his name is.
I'm gonna miss the YEHEY! people.

Yeah, the people. Those who've been super nice right from the start and even those who HAD to be nice just because. *Sigh* Am sure gonna miss this whole OJT thing as hell. Ugh. What a sap I am. Oh well. Time to hit the sack!

Oh, I almost forgot. I saw something that I shouldn't have seen. My parents were... well, uhm... you know what I mean. I'm out. -_- ZZzzzzz...

Over And Done With

My blogging took a back seat for a month because I was super busy with my OJT, schoolwork, and all. I always arrive tired and sleepy. And I didn't feel like I had much to blog about anyway. But now that I'm done with my OJT and school's over, I'm back. At long last, I'm back.

Today's our last day at YEHEY! and as a sign of our gratitude, we bought 'em a bilao of pancit palabok from Red Ribbon and puto from Goldilock's. Ms. Elaine gave us a YEHEY! tumbler, which reminds me of the gift wrapping sessions we had as factory workers, este... interns (think boxes and boxes and boxes of pens, thumbdrives and tumblers.. >_<), and a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory VCD and notebook! Jinky Vidal's there having this chat event but we weren't able to meet her, let alone see her, coz we were in a rush to submit our final drafts to Ma'am Roda. Besides, I've already seen her perform during her Freestyle days and I'm not into her music as a solo artist anyway.

We reached school at around 5pm. They weren't able to submit their paper coz there was this Christmas party at the library. Thank God I printed mine at home. I just had to talk my way out of the screenshot pages that I lacked. Other than that, everything's cool. Hai salamat. I can finally kick back and stock up on all the zzz's that I missed!

It's Been 3 Years...

Yeah, someday.

God, I miss him sooo much. T_T

I Blog Therefore I Am

Attended a Focus Group Discussion for YEHEY! held at the Equitable PCI Bank tower in Ortigas. Too bad Yel and Ruiza weren't able to come. I also invited Roxie and Ogie but they had other matters to attend to. And I just realized that we won't fall under the same category anyway. "Young Professionals" na sila e. Naks! ;) Sayang. Nweiz, 'twas nice meeting new people and discussing the Internet with them. When asked what would make me visit YEHEY! more often, I said something about offering its users something new. "Like what?" I really had no idea. But now I do. Basta it's something blog-related.

Ha?! Blog na naman?! Mukha ka na talagang blog!

*Sigh* I told myself before that I would never go with what's uso. That I would always swim against the flow no matter how strong the current is. Well, that explains why I never signed up for a Friendster account. Call me abnormal, call me anti-social, call me whatever you want. Basta. But I stalk. I stalk a lot. ^_^

Then there's blogging. This part of the Web used to be so quiet when I entered. Now more and more people are taking a part of their privacy and are allowing the public to take a bite. And the evil spambots, who used to be confined inside my mailbox, have invaded Blogger too! It really must be the "in" thing now. But instead of swimming against the flow, like I normally do, this time I simply stayed afloat. I worked with the current and I allowed myself to become one with it. There were times that I thought of leaving the blogging community but when something "bloggable" happens, I always end up in front of my PC with thoughts darting from one experience to another in sheer delight. Nyaha. Looks like there's no letting go of my personal catharsis.

Nweiz, what I'm trying to say is that a lot of people are into blogging nowadays. A lot of people are making their private lives part of the public domain. And a lot of people, human nature as it is, enjoy delving into other people's private lives as well. So why not strike whilst the iron is hot?!

Speaking of which, YEHEY! gave out freebies for the FGD participants. I got myself a YEHEY! shirt, stickers, Php500 worth of Little Asia GC, Before Sunset postcards, and Orange and Lemons' "Strike Whilst The Iron Is Hot" CD! Coolness. ^_^

Empty [V] Debut

Cigarette Burns

It's times like these that I find myself wishing I never met you. That I never became friends with you. That I never became more.

We started out as friends, really good friends. We had each other to lighten our burdens. We carry half of each other's load. Your problem becomes my problem and vice versa.

Me: "Sayo ung numbers 1-10, akin ung 11-20."

Hehe! Well, that's not exactly what I meant, though it did happen once or twice. ;) Actually, 'twas more of uhm, sharing problems regarding our families, our friends, and our lives at large. There's no denying that what we had was something special. But you were with someone then so we both decided to just keep the friendship. I didn't know that you were arguing with her a lot because of it, because of us. Not until I received an email from her.

" ... TANGINA MO! MAAYOS NA KME E! BKT MO B KME GINUGULO? ... PLS. LANG TIGILAN MO NA KME! TANGINA MO TALAGA! ..."

After that incident, with just a snap of a finger, we stopped communicating. Just like that. Then we saw each other at Gateway three years after. 'Twas one of those awkward meetings that we felt like there's a lot to talk about but we both didn't know where to begin. You were with her pa.

Girl: "WAW!!! Kringle!!! Ang saya ko nakita ka namin!!!"

Her words were burning with sarcasm. She wanted me away. And it doesn't take a Promil kid to figure that one out.

Me: "Hocge, una na ko. Mei hinahabol pa kc ako e."

But the world seemed so small for the three of us. We saw each other again at LRT Santolan station. But this time, I ignored you on purpose. Not because I was mad but because I felt that 'twas the right thing to do. I really didn't want to but I had to. We walked past each other like we're not even friends. I felt happy for a moment thinking that I did the right thing. But you know what? Deep down inside, I ached.

Back To Square One

After almost 5 years of use, my PC just gave up on me. That's 800+ MP3 files, 12 music videos, 600+ fonts, 500+ Eminem photos, down the drain. ARGH!!! How I wish I could call a plumber on this one. :(

It's A Yehey! Birthday

Actually, not quite.

I started the day reading birthday greetings from my friends, cousins, and a couple of unexpected persons. Then my parents woke up and greeted me as well.

Papa: "O, bakit matamlay ang celebrant?!"
Me: "First day ko kaya sa OJT ngayon."
Papa: "E di wag ka muna pumasok!"
Me: "Ngak! Di pwede noh. Nakakahiya."

The thought of being surrounded with people who have no idea that I'm celebrating a special day today is just sad. But I don't wanna miss my first day of OJT with the company so I found myself dragging my feet out of the house a quarter before 8. Contrary to what I expected, Junction wasn't that congested and I was able to ride an FX right away.

And I thought I was lucky.

Wrong!

Coz an MMDA officer suddenly appeared out of nowhere!

FX driver: "Naku boss, paxenxa na. Hindi ko talaga alam e. 8 months na kc ako di buma-biyahe e. Paxenxa na talaga."
MMDA: "Hindi kc pdeng ganon e. Hindi alam, hindi nakita, laging mei rason. Paxenxa na lang din kau."

After 15 minutes, the MMDA officer finally allowed us to go.

And I thought it was over.

Wrong again!

We were about to enter Ortigas Center when the engine died. The driver would crank up the engine, have it running again but it would only last for 7 seconds! I swear! I counted! Grabe. It took me forever to reach Podium! And it rained pa! *Sigh* The Gods really ganged up on me this day. Happy birthday talaga sakin! >_< Peach: "Carlo Aquino, willing magpakita ng pwet?!"
John: "What?!?! Parang sinabi mo na ring magb-bold ang Going Bulilit!!!"

WAHAHAHAHA!!!!

When I got home, dinner was set and they were just waiting for me. My mom cooked spaghetti, chicken, waknatoy, rellenong bangus, and baked tahong. For dessert, I had a strawberry cheesecake topped with vanilla ice cream topped with chunks of Snickers topped with chocolate syrup! Now it feels like my stomach is starting to crawl its way up my gullet!

Grabe. I'm now 20 years old! That's two decades of living and of taking up space in this overpopulated world! I really am no longer a teen! Oh well. My eyes are closing on me now. Must go to sleep. -_-

Centennial Rock

Just got home from St. Scho-Manila's "Centennial Rock" - a rockin' celebration of St. Scholastica's 100 years! There were eight bands lined-up to play for the event. First on stage was a band composed of koolasas, followed by a band named Protein Shake. After their Dance club set the stage on fire, Hiraya took the stage to cool it off a little. Ala's a lot prettier and skinnier in person but she seemed kinda shy onstage, which is unlikely of her with all the fame that she has being an ex-VJ-slash-commercial-model. She could've at least started their set with "Happy 100 years St. Scho!!!" or something like that to connect with her audience. No wonder the crowd wasn't that into their performance. They have great songs though and Ala has a nice singing voice so I'm still gonna vote for them in NU's Rock Awards for "In the Raw".

As the night wore on, Nerveline played just before the crowd-favorite, pogi-rock-band (no pun intended), Sponge Cola rocked the stage. The moment Yael took hold of the mic, the crowd went wild! Think hundreds of crazy fan girls screaming their heads off, going nuts over the guys, singing "KLSP", "Gemini" and "Jeepney" word for word like it's a friggin' videoke session and consequently drowning Yael's voice. In one word: GRABE. But I must say, he is really one helluva hot guy!


Next on stage was Imago. I really REALLY enjoyed watching Aia perform. Especially when they did "Anino". Ang likot-likot-likot niya sa stage! And I just discovered that she's a koolasa! "Happy 100 years sa atin!!!" Astig. When she started singing "Taning", I couldn't help but notice these koolasa lovebirds in front of me who were hugging each other a little tighter. Why? "Tama bang aminin na nating may taning itong pag-ibig natin? Dakila man walang kasaysayang kakapit sa bulag na pag-ibig..." That's why. ^_^

6cyclemind began their set with "You and Me" by Lifehouse. If not for Ney's voice, I would think that the band had a new vocalist on board coz he sure had lost a lot of weight. Well, that is compared to the last time I've seen him, which was uhm... two years ago? Nweiz, they also performed two of their original songs - "Biglaan" and "Sige". I'm not a big fan of the band but I must say that most of their songs, especially "Biglaan", hit close to home. Coz when you... ugh. Never mind. I'm gonna spare you the drama.

Last to hit the stage was Dicta License. Since I'm only familiar with the song "Ang Ating Araw", I didn't really enjoy their set. Actually, I felt like I was the only one who didn't enjoy their set coz everyone else seemed so hyped up. I dunno. Perhaps I was just too exhausted to appreciate their music, let alone Poch's high-pitched voice.

As I was preparing myself to go home, I saw my Reading teacher in 3rd grade, Ms. Aquino. I was a little hesitant at first but when I was reminded of my last visit at St. Scho, when I wanted to see my former teachers but didn't, I immediately dropped every bit of hesitance and decided to strike up a conversation.

Me: "Ma'am, dito na po pala kau nagtuturo. Naging student nio po ko dati sa Marikina..."
Ms. Aquino: "Kaya pala you look familiar! Buti naman naalala mo pa ko."
Me: "Ehe, xempre naman po."
Ms. Aquino: "What year kita naging student?"
Me: "Super tagal na.. grade 3 or 4 pa ata ako. Super tagal na talaga."
Ms. Aquino: "Honga, those were my first years in teaching pa! Tanda ko na!"
Me: "Ehe, di nga po kau nagbago e!"
Ms. Aquino: "Wow, thank you! Sige nga, anong subject ang tinuro ko non?"
Me: "Uhm..."
Ms. Aquino: "Naku, nakalimutan na!"
Me: "E bsta English subject xa.."
Ms. Aquino: "Ayun.. Reading and Language!"
Me: "Tama, yun nga yun!"
Ms. Aquino: "So san ka na ngayon?"

Except for some visible strands of white hair, she looked exactly the same as before. As if 10 years haven't made that big of a difference on her. I wonder what her secret is. Uhm, stay single? Oh well. 'Twas such a nice way to end a kick ass night! \m/

"Nauubos din ang luha
Natutuyo at nawawala
Naglalaho rin pala"
--- KLSP, Sponge Cola

OJT Hunt Over

We were scheduled for an interview this morning at YEHEY! Corporation for our OJT applications. Actually, 'twas more of an orientation than it is an interview. Ms. Elaine and Ms. Kankan were the ones who did most of the talking. According to them, we're gonna work on the new YEHEY! channel called Gadgets (which is yet to be launched), update the movie guide, and do flash banners. They have various events lined up for October and November so we're also gonna do some field work. No allowance for us, though. Except if we're on field. Bleh. >_<

Nweiz, with or without an allowance, what's important is that we now have a company for our OJT and we could start accomplishing the requirements needed for the course.

And I say "Yehey!" to that! ^_^

Ohana Means Family

I think it's funny how cartoons can stick a knife in my gut without me realizing that I'm bleeding all over the place.

Lilo: "Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind. But if you want to leave, you can. I'll remember you, though. I remember everyone that leaves."

Today is the third time that I've watched Lilo and Stitch but this painfully beautiful line delivered by Lilo while Stitch is walking away from her has never failed to put an ugly lump in my throat. And I need not say why.

Old Photographs

I was helping my brother out on his autobiography presentation when we started looking through stacks and stacks of old photographs. Picked out some of my favorite shots and made a collage out of it. Lookie!