Love Is A Battlefield

As a little girl, I imagined myself as a damsel in distress trapped in an ivory tower, waiting for my very own knight to arrive. A knight who may be clad in a not-so-shining armour, but could still blind me as he passes by in a sunny day. I had my own dragons to slay and my own battles to fight. I believed in things like soulmates, and fate, and magic, and happily ever afters. Well apparently, I've read too much fairy tales as a kid. Hehe. I was young and naïve in so many ways. Until love started to hurt.

I rappeled my way down the tower and found myself standing in the middle of a battlefield. I built a surrounding wall and came up with every possible reason to prevent another person from breaking in and breaking me. I was constantly asked when will I give myself another chance in love and it's a question that I struggled to answer. Coz honestly, I was asking the same thing myself.

Me: "I'll cross the bridge when I get there..."
Boss Tuts: "nde ka naman nag ko-cross eh, lumalakad ka pabalik tapos naghahanap ka ng ibang daan patawid"
Boss Tuts: "natatakot ka yata tumawid"
Boss Tuts: "siguro minsan maalog yung bridge"
Boss Tuts: "o kaya parang madilim yung kabila ng bridge"
Boss Tuts: "o kaya matinik yung daanan ng bridge"

Very well said. Hehe.

True, I've always kept my emotions in check coz I was afraid of making the same mistakes again. I no longer wanted to subject myself to unnecessary pain and get my heart broken in the end. I no longer wanted to cry myself to sleep when things get bad. I've kept my feelings on a leash without realizing that my feelings were keeping me on a leash too.

As Jessica Zafra would put it, the term is "fall in love". Not glide, not gallop, not slide, not leap. Fall. And when you fall, you get hurt. So I guess that's pretty natural. And just when I thought I'd never be able to love anyone in a big way ever again...

Love is a battlefield. And I'm ready to get myself some scars.